Archive for May, 2012

Your American Idol

by AndyCowan under Relationships,Single Life

Tomorrow they crown the new American Idol. Who can forget last year’s American Idol? Besides nearly everybody. The finale couldn’t be happening at a more opportune moment. Steven Tyler was running out of “You nailed it” comments.

The question is, on the relationship front, who’s your idol, American or otherwise? Is it healthy to idolize another person? To worship the water they walk on? To mentally wipe out their all too human flaws? This tends to happen more if you’re of a certain age and yet to become cynical and bitter. Say… 12.

At what point do the chinks in their armor start do infiltrate the image you’ve been idolizing? It’s how you come to accept their all too human foibles that impacts whether, to quote Randy Jackson, “you’re in it to win it, dawg.” Human. Dawg. I’m getting confused.

In mature relationships, as in karaoke with a live band, you can learn from your mistakes, work at more compellingly tapping into honest emotions, and maybe even make some beautiful music.

As for me, I’m in between relationships. Crown me the American Idle.


Hollywood Yenta Roundup: Mark Zuckerberg, Mila Kunis and Howard Stern…

by JDateAdministrator under Entertainment,Judaism,News

1. Zuckerberg Updates His Status

Mark Zuckerberg tied the knot in a surprise wedding ceremony last weekend to his college sweetheart, Priscilla Chan. The 28-year-old, who was raised Jewish, pulled off the surprise nuptials by inviting 100 guests to what they were told was a surprise party for Chan, who recently graduated from medical school.

The wedding announcement was in classic Facebook style as Zuckerberg simply updated his profile to: “Married to Priscilla Chan.” The news had almost 850,000 “likes” by Sunday evening.

 

2. Mila Kunis Makes Maxim’s Hot 100

Mila Kunis is hot – really hot! The actress came in at number three in Maxim’s Hot 100 list this year, and it’s not hard to see why. The 29-year-old Jewish star was the only Jew to make the top 10. Here’s Maxim’s reason for putting Kunis in the top three:

“Ever since she locked lips with Natalie Portman in Black Swan, our appreciation for this brunette stunner has transformed into a near obsession. Not the kind where we lurk outside her house with binoculars, but the kind where we wake up every morning thrilled that it’s one day closer to the premiere of her new comedy, Ted (it’s almost here!).”

 

 3. Stern Acts Stern

Howard Stern got tough on a seven-year-old rapper who appeared on America’s Got Talent this week. The tiny MC named Mir Money was moved to tears when Stern (who is now a judge on the show) hit his X button, signaling the kid’s shot at fame was over.

“No one likes hitting the X on a seven-year-old. You’re very brave to get up there at seven years old,” the Jewish radio host said, as Money started to cry.

The crowd disapproved of Stern’s decision and erupted with booing. While host Nick Cannon carried Money off the stage, Stern spoke directly to the cameras saying, “I’m not cut out for this man. I’m not cut out for it. I’m shaking man. I’m shaking.”


Having the Confidence To Be Alone

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

I received an interesting response to my recent article “Having the Confidence to Get Out of a Bad Relationship“: I know it’s really hard to get out of a troubling relationship, I waited for months before manning up and finishing it once and for all. I think it all comes down to lack of self respect and doubting you’ll get back on your feet after the breakup. It’s true. Many people are scared of being alone, scared they will never find anyone better – or anyone else for that matter – and are willing to settle. But you will recover and chances are very high you will meet someone else. Realistically, a few of you will end up alone, but most of you will meet someone and get married. So suck it up and get out of a failing relationship and go find someone who makes you happy… even if that means you being happy by yourself for a little while.


For Richer Or Poorer

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

When thinking about what you want in a mate, most people will say they want someone successful because let’s face it, no one wants to be poor. Many people in this economy aren’t making a ton of money or have found themselves earning unemployment, whilst staring at their multiple degrees hanging on the wall. A lot of these people have decided to use this opportunity to follow their dreams and do something they love, which may not mean making a lot of money right away. In fact, they are probably struggling, BUT they are waking up in the morning looking forward to the day because they love what they’re doing and don’t see it as “work.” Wouldn’t you rather be married to someone who loves what they do for a living – even if that living is paltry – rather than someone who kvetches about their boss all day and isn’t passionate about the place where they spend 9 hours of their day? Being “successful” can mean many things – don’t let it mean actual cold, hard cash but rather enjoying life with a healthy family and good friends.


Arranged Marriage

by JeremySpoke under JDate,JFacts,Online Dating

Online dating is a lot like being set-up for an arranged marriage. JDate® is especially like an arranged marriage. This isn’t bad. This is actually really great. Choice has gotten to you where you are so far. Alone, sad, desperate, and tired. Freedom is a great thing, unless one is left to his own devices. It has to be a collective process, where people work together. Alone, it can be very destructive. For example, if people spend their lives by themselves solely on the internet, they’re probably not going to get very far. They have to use the internet as a tool that acts as an extension to their already busy lives. JDate®  is a great tool, but it can’t be your only tool. If you sit around thinking online dating alone will find true love for you, it won’t. Believe me. I’m three years into doing exactly that.

And now, here is how this is a lot like an arranged marriage. First, there aren’t going to be a lot of matches in your area because, well, there aren’t a whole lot of Jewish people. So already, your options are limited. Granted, in a real arranged marriage, your options are really limited. They are so limited, in fact, that it’s more of an ‘option’, which by definition isn’t an option at all. I think JDate® acts as a good medium between having only one option, and having so many to sift through that you don’t know where to start. There are always exactly seven women in your area, and that is a perfect number. If you exhaust all seven options, all you have to do is move across the country.

Next, much like an arranged marriage, a lot of people are on here because of their parents. Either their parents themselves set up their profiles, or they convinced their children, out of guilt, to sign up. Parents are just expediting your life for you. You already have a job, probably have decent hygiene, and are a good Samaritan. All you need is a wife. Now, along with your mother, you are working on it.

I think cultures that practice arranged marriages have it right. This is based on absolutely no facts at all, but these cultures have a much lower divorce rate than we do. If you are forced to love somebody, you eventually will. That’s just science.


Ex Factor

by AndyCowan under Relationships,Single Life

Some divorced women will only seek out a fellow divorcé, as opposed to a yet to be married untested guy like me. If marriages were akin to presidential terms, I’d wonder about this logic, seeing as how subsequent terms are usually less successful (but I’ll still take a second term of Obama over a first term of Romney, thank you).

Then again, I’m missing a woman’s ultimate seal of approval, her willingness to take my name, along with the ultimate seal of disapproval, her willingness to return my name, after quite possibly calling me a name.

Shouldn’t the lack of these two seals cancel each other out?


Having The Confidence To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

How do I figure out who is the right type of person for me?   I have dated many over the years.  I’m in a relationship with a wonderful man who does nothing for me when it comes to conversation or sex anymore.  I settled.  Shame on me.  Ready to get out and move on……soon.

Dear Having the Confidence to Get Out of a Bad Relationship,

I applaud you for recognizing you aren’t in the type of relationship you want, but I will ask of you to try and find the spark that brought you together to begin with. If after trying to make it work you still don’t feel anything except that you settled, then cut your losses and move on to give both of you the chance to find someone new. It’s only fair to let your partner know how you feel and it’s only fair to let your partner go if you’re no longer emotionally invested in the relationship.

Back to your first question: in order to figure out what your type is I have always recommended to make lists. Write down everything you want in a mate and don’t want. Write down what you bring to a relationship and while you’re at it, write down the things you want to change about yourself as a partner that you’ve learned from past relationships – these two lists will help in filling out your JDate profile. All four lists are ever-changing and should be edited often as you learn more about what you want and who you are.

Once you have a list you need to prioritize. Figure out which traits are the most important and most valuable. There should be less than ten non-negotiables. Way less. Between three and seven”must-haves”  is more than enough and will actually make finding your Beshert easier. Once you figure out what those must-haves are, then you have your type. Everything else is just an added bonus. Already you have found out through experience that conversation and sex are a necessity, so what else makes the cut? Good luck!


The Inverse Theory

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Nothing about online dating matters once you meet a person in real life. You could have the best-looking pictures, and the funniest profile. You could be the best online-conversationalist, but if you don’t know how to interact with people in real life, it doesn’t matter. You know who else is good at chatting online? Child predators.

My new theory based on absolutely no research, facts or observation, states that the worse the person’s online persona, the better they are in real life. Good people don’t spend too much time cultivating their profile. They spend time out in the world while their mother who is desperate for her son to marry because he’s 35 and still single, sets up his profile for him. He doesn’t care. He’s too cool to worry about his most flattering photos, and his profile that is just self-deprecating enough to seem cute, but just confident enough to seem secure.

Back in the 50′s, when JDate® consisted of a man at a typewriter staring out of his window with a telescope, life was so much easier. You would just walk up to a stranger’s home in the middle of the night to look for a quality guy. Now, you have to sift through hundreds of profiles to find that right balance between creepy and desperate. Chivalry is dead.

Go out there. Purposefully find the ugliest, stupidest profiles. Go for that shirtless guy taking a picture in his bathroom with an iPhone. Go for the dude who, under, ‘I’m looking for…’, wrote simply, ‘no fatties’. Once you do meet this man in the real world, you will marry him, or file a restraining order within the first 5 minutes. Either way, crazy story.


Exclamations!

by AndyCowan under Relationships

Exclamation points pop up a lot in our emails to one another.

Thanks! … Have a great weekend!

I admit they add a built-in warmth and friendliness. Even when we apologize… My bad!

As much as we may overly exclaim our sentiments when typing or texting, we under-exclaim them in real life. Otherwise, if you passed me a napkin on our date, and I exclaimed, “Thanks!” you’d either think I was insane or resent me for sarcastically over-praising your napkin pass.

So how do we sensibly add the warmth and friendliness of email chatting to the real world, so maybe we could develop a healthy addiction to face to face chatting vs. screen to screen?

How ‘bout implanting miniature iPads on our eyeballs, so you can check your email when you’re looking into my eyes, and I can check my email when looking into yours? EyePads!!!!!!

Give or take an exclamation point.


Hollywood Yenta Roundup: SJP, Kate Hudson, Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Maurice Sendak…

by JDateAdministrator under Entertainment,Judaism,News

1.  SJP & Kate Hudson Take Great Glee in Glee

A-list stars Sarah Jessica Parker and Kate Hudson have just been announced as the latest big-name stars to appear on Glee. The two women, who both have Jewish ancestry, will appear in the fourth season of the hit show on FOX. Details about each leading lady’s role has yet to be announced.

According to FOX, Parker will appear in at least one episode, while Hudson has been confirmed for a six-episode arc. The fourth season of the show, set to premiere this fall, will follow the graduating class of McKinley High as they pursue their dreams outside of New Directions. Many fans are wondering how this new spin on their favorite show will work, but with SJP and Hudson joining the cast, we think it’s still worth gleeking out over!

 

2.  Mother’s Day Messages

What’s a better Mother’s Day present than a shout-out on Twitter from your famous kid? Our favorite Jewish celebrities were showing their moms some love (publicly) via Twitter yesterday!

Jewish actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler Tweeted, “Happy mother’s day to my amazing, beautiful and courageous mom and Mima. Te quiero mucho!!!”

Ashley Tisdale, who is half Jewish, Tweeted, “Happy Mother’s day!!! My mom is pretty amazing, I’m very lucky”

And Zach Braff kept his Mother’s Day message humorous by Tweeting, “This mother’s day, remember JD’s infamous words, ‘My mom had a uterus… I lived in it.’”

 

3.  Remembering Maurice Sendak

Maurice Sendak died last Tuesday at a hospital in Danbury, Connecticut, four days after suffering a stroke. He was eighty-three years old.

Sendak, who was Jewish, inspired millions and touched childhoods worldwide as an author and illustrator. His most famous works included Where the Wild Things Are and In The Night Kitchen. The New York Times called Sendak’s books “essential ingredients of childhood for the generation born after 1960 or thereabouts, and in turn for their children.”