Archive for August, 2012

Loveless

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Can you still fall in love at age of 55?

Dear Loveless,

In short: absolutely! The Baby Boom (and generation just past the Baby Boomers) Generation has joined JDate in record numbers lately, either because they are divorced, widowed, or simply never married. At 55, you will have many options from 10 years younger than you to 10 years older, so basically you have a wide age range to choose from as is realistic. At 55 you also have a lot more life experience to draw from in making better judgments regarding love than you did in your 20’s and 30’s. Additionally, your priorities are different in that you aren’t looking for a partner to parent with but rather are looking for a companion – someone to share your life with who has similar interests.


Mask

by JeremySpoke under Single Life

Everybody wears masks all of the time. By ‘everybody’, of course, I mean ‘children’, and by ‘all the time’, I mean ‘Halloween’. When you grow up, you can’t wear your Jason mask anymore because your boss says, “Jeremy, your customers are skeptical about the validity of our product because you constantly wear a hockey mask that is most closely associated with a fictitious serial murderer.”

However, when constantly battling depression/anxiety while simultaneously trying to live a productive life, things can be difficult. As a result, no matter how horrible I feel, I have to pretend to be happy a lot of the time. I don’t have to pretend to be friendly, though. I am naturally friendly. People don’t just want friendly. They also want happy. How much time do you want to spend with a dude who compliments you and pays for everything, but never stops talking about abused kittens?

I think there has to come a point when the mask becomes a part of your face. There has to eventually come a moment when you’re not sure if you’re pretending to be happy or actually happy. Happiness is the uncertainty of not being sure if you’re happy or not. If you know that you’re happy, then you’re not truly happy, you’re just an asshole. There always has to be some semblance of uncertainty, or else I think that it’s somewhat forced. If you absolutely know everything that’s lying ahead of you, and you’re okay with that, then you can’t truly be happy, because the biggest source of happiness is that of surprise.

I kind of got lost in the bullshit I was writing about in this post, and my next post will be about girls.

Tags: ,

Hollywood Yenta Roundup: Rashida Jones, Mayim Bialik and Scarlett Johansson…

by JDateAdministrator under Entertainment,Judaism,News

1. Rashida Jones Apologizes for Rash Comment

Rashida Jones apologized for making a flippant remark about John Travolta’s sexuality last week after encouraging the A-List actor to “come out.”

Jones, whose mother is Jewish, was talking about the singer Frank Ocean’s choice to be open about his sexuality. When her conversation turned to discussing other public figures who she thinks should do the same, she joked that John Travolta should finally come out.

Jones later apologized for her remark via Twitter, saying she “Made a thoughtless comment about John Travolta. I sincerely apologize. Nobody’s personal life is my business.”

 

2. Car Crash Hinders Mayim Bialik from Attending the Jewlicious Festival

Mayim Bialik is recovering after a car crash put her in a hospital last week. Officers say the wreck was caused by three tourists from Chile who turned into Bialik’s vehicle.

The Big Bang Theory star, who is Jewish, was seen wearing gauze wrapped around her left arm and had a full cast on her right arm after leaving the hospital. The former Blossom actress blogged that she has “a very impaired right hand” and later Tweeted that her accident is preventing her from going to the Jewlicious Festival.

However, she will not be taking any time off from work. “I will be continuing on The Big Bang Theory with no weeks off,” she blogged. “They are so good to me, and I love my job and the support I get from my buddies on the cast and our loving staff and crew.”

 

3. The Summer Heats Up for Scarlett Johansson

August is heating up for Scarlett Johansson as she and her beau Nate Naylor are bringing their steamy romance to the City of Love! The actress, who is Jewish, stepped out in Paris for an evening stroll last night, flashing a gorgeous pearly white smile while wandering around the city with Naylor and another friend.

Just last month, Johansson was also photographed in a sultry bikini while soaking up the sun on a yacht in Italy with her security guard. Things seem to be steamy wherever Johansson goes this summer… and it never has anything to do with the temperature! Are you ready to get your summer romance started before fall hits?


Am I Too Old To Date?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Hi, I’m a very young 59-year-old woman who is separated with 1 child. My soon-to-be ex-husband is 7 years younger than me but now I want to date someone my own age. The problem is all the men my age want younger women and even though everyone tells me I look great, they don’t even respond. The older men are too old-fashioned, some don’t even use a cell phone, don’t text, and their tastes are not a match among other things.  What can I do to overcome my age and date men from my own generation?

Dear Am I Too Old To Date?

Well, you’re definitely not too old to date at 59! Dating a man your own age may take some getting used to though because anyone nearing 60 is going to seem old compared to your ex. I would set your age range from 49-64 (ten years younger and 5 years older) and make sure your youthfulness is obvious in your photos and in your About Me paragraph (but you don’t need to be as obvious as to actually write “I look and act young” – anyone can write that, so prove it instead). And don’t be so quick to judge a guy by his age, just as you don’t want to be judged by your age. Since your divorce isn’t yet finalized, don’t get too stressed out that you haven’t met anyone right.this.moment – give yourself a little time, it will happen.


I’m Not Photogenic!

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I’m not photogenic! My photos are very different than what I look in reality.  In person I look much much better, but no matter how much I try, my photos come out bad.  I am not getting a single reply from anyone I email! What shall I do?

Dear Not Photogenic,

Keep snapping away. Hire a professional and see if he or she can capture the angle and lighting that makes you look like you. Then ask your trusted family and friends for their opinions. Other people see you more attractive than you see yourself so even though you may not like your photos or think they look like you, your trustees may disagree. You need at least 4 photos to ensure the consistency of your look, so don’t worry about finding a dozen pics, but the 4 you find should show all of you – from your neck up, from your waist up, from your toes up, and then a complementary and complimentary fourth. Not everyone is Claudia Schiffer, but you can surely find a handful of recent pics especially if you shell out the worthwhile funds for a professional photographer.


Average

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,Single Life

My entire life so far, I have strived to be as average as humanly possible. It is extremely difficult to stay balanced between awesome and horrible. Between popular and schizophrenically yelling at myself. Between excited and suicidal.

I really love equanimity. I don’t like my food too spicy. I don’t like extremely attractive, model-prone women. I would just be too nervous the whole time that I’m doing things wrong. “I’m sorry I’m ruining your perfect skin with my scaly, fat hands!” I would say on our last date ever. I don’t know what I would do if I was wealthy. I don’t think that would be good for me, either. I would just sleep in all day and get fat again because I wouldn’t have to work or anything. I don’t like dive bars, but I also don’t like upscale bars. I like the regular ones. Nice enough to make me feel like I won’t get murdered, but middle-class enough to not make me feel weird if I order beer instead of wine.

Back to the topic of women, because women are important. I am more attracted to average-looking women than I am to beautiful women who shouldn’t be at the places I go to anyway. What are you doing here?  I think realism sets in whenever I see a really good-looking woman. I can’t even fantasize about her because it’s too far out of the realm of reality that even fantasy isn’t able for me to fathom. Please just go away. I hate you.

I also love middle-of-the-road things that the masses prefer. I use Tide detergent. I like Martin Scorsese movies. I like Starbucks. I like air conditioning. I dislike traffic. I like Traffic, the Michael Douglas movie. I dislike Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, the other Michael Douglas movie. I can’t do a pull-up. I don’t think.

I want to be with a woman that I am not only comfortable in the fact that she won’t break up with me, but wonderful enough for me to not want to break up with her. I want that happy medium. Call me. We’ll go to Chili’s.

Tags: ,

5 Lessons I Learned From JDate

by Kelly under Relationships

1. Not all Jews are created equal. As a Reform girl, I learned quickly that dating someone much more religious than myself was not right. I also learned that Orthodox Jews’ iPhones are not immune to Shabbat. And I promise you I was bat mitzvahed.
2. Sometimes your date can go so badly that halfway through your first drink he will say, “Yeah, this isn’t going well.” At this point, feel free to ask them if they have friends to set you up with. Obviously, this isn’t always protocol but if it’s that apparent you’re both having a bad time, why the hell not?
3. Not everyone wants a serious relationship. Some JDaters want activity partners, not someone to bring home to the fam. Try and get to the bottom of this before you hit date #5 and wonder why that ohmygod-this-is-amazing spark is going out faster than you can say afikomen.
4. Sometimes you might flee a date (see: Stage Five Clinging Salsa Dancer) and then see that person while you’re on another first JDate. And it only takes 15 minutes of them giving you the stink eye for you to realize it. I like to call this JDate Karma.
5. Not everyone tells the truth about their height, their weight, their looks. But everyone wants a chance in real life. And if you’re not willing to be open-minded, don’t say yes to the date. It’s not like when you say yes to a first date that you are automatically signing on for a second or third one. So if you’re even a tiny bit curious, give up an hour of your life to see for yourself.

Okay, I lied there is a 6th lesson…

6. Sometimes a date can go well. It can go so well, in fact, that you leave the date and feel so unexpectedly excited that you grab your phone to call your friends and tell them everything. And you stare at your phone waiting for them to call or text you. And your mind wanders down that road where you see future dates play out. And then everything that happened in lessons 1-5 slips away and you’re in the moment and it’s a good one. And it was all worth it.


Fear Of Flying

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

A lot of people have fears: flying, heights, spiders & snakes, and deep waters. A relationship can force you to face your fears and when you’re in a healthy relationship you will face them with a trusted partner to hold your hand. Be it taking your first flight or skydiving, petting a snake or holding a spider, snorkeling, or, the biggie… commitment. So many people have a fear of commitment. For some it’s a “fake” fear because they’re more afraid of the unknown while others are completely frightened of spending the rest of their life with just one someone, trusting someone else completely and being vulnerable. How sweet is it to be able to squeeze the hand of your loved one as you face your fear, whether that hand is real or symbolic?  It is an experience to have together which will bond you and allow you to be dependent upon someone to help you get through a phobia. There’s no better way to overcome a fear of commitment than to overcome another fear together – it gives you the opportunity to be vulnerable, it forces you to trust and it hopefully makes you want to continue to face other obstacles in the future.


The Difference Between Depression And Despair

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,Single Life

Depression and despair are not the same, and they are not mutually exclusive. Depression is that sinking feeling in your chest that makes you not want to get out of bed/out of the house/into your car/to the doctor to tell him or her that you’re depressed and to make you not depressed/drive back home/take your pills/go back to bed/wake up with horrible side effects. Despair is actually the result of after years of depression of finally working out a routine that enables you to get out of bed, etc. Years of emotional recovery have enabled you to be active and functional. However, all of this positive normalcy cannot hide everything. Years of depression have hammered the idea into your head that no matter how things may get, you always will expect the worst.

I think that despair makes the difference between arrogance and modesty. Successful, arrogant people are extremely optimistic. They always assume that everything will go exceptionally well, and usually for them, they do. Successful, modest people are pessimistic. They have probably experienced an extended period of depression before. They know what it’s like to not want to get out of bed in the morning, and whenever, for example, their wife begins to speak, they assume divorce. Whenever she instead says, ‘I love you’, they assume she’s cheating on them. Then, whenever their best friend asks them out for drinks, they assume he’s the one his wife is cheating on. Then whenever they assault their best friend of twenty years and go to jail for six months, they assume it was a set-up. Then, upon release, they instinctively assume that their best friend and wife are now married, so they end up going out on dates with other women. Then, their wife, who was completely loyal, loving, and was never actually sleeping around finds out, and she divorces him and takes all of his money because he never signed a pre-nuptial agreement, since he was too busy obsessing that she was going to leave him due to his perpetual pessimism. Then they have to get up the next day for work.

If you’re experiencing this, I think dating can help. It forces you out in the real world outside of your bed/work routine. On dates, however, it is not a good idea to extrapolate on your emotional problems if you’re a guy. If you’re a girl, it might actually help to an extent. Guys love to try to be the hero.

Another thing to do is to enjoy the little things. Drink on a Tuesday. Order a pizza and eat it by yourself on the floor. Do both of those things. At the same time.


Hollywood Yenta Roundup: Bar Refaeli, Jonah Hill and Aly Raisman…

by JDateAdministrator under Entertainment,News,Online Dating

1. Bar Refaeli May Someday Join JDate

Single Jewish men everywhere: have hope because Israeli supermodel Bar Refaeli says she may someday consider joining JDate!

Refaeli was recently ranked at the very top of Maxim’s Hot 100 list and was quoted in the magazine’s September issue saying that becoming a Jdater® may be a good option for her in the future! The famous ex-girlfriend of Leonardo DiCaprio says if she is still single in 13 years, it could happen! “Maybe if I’m still single when I’m 40,” Refaeli says, “but not for now.”

13 years may seem like a long time, but good things come to those who wait!

 

2. Jonah Hill is a Creepy Paparazzo

Jonah Hill now knows what it feels like to be a member of the paparazzi! The Jewish actor says he is “embarrassed” after being caught taking pictures after a woman who gave birth suddenly in a park.

The actor stumbled upon a scene in New York City last week where a woman was in the middle of child birth. Hill, who had to have been shocked by what was happening, stopped to take pictures of the birth and the aftermath on his cell phone. He awkwardly even photographed the placenta!

What Hill didn’t know was that he was also caught on film by a nearby paparazzo! Hill says he was embarrassed by the events and later Tweeted, “Craziest thing I’ve ever seen. A woman gave birth next to me in a park. I took a picture of the placenta and TMZ caught me. Embarrassing.” Yep, you should definitely be embarrassed by that one!

 

3. Aly Raisman is Headed to Israel

Jewish gymnast Aly Raisman has accepted an invitation from Israeli government officials to visit Israel. Raisman, who performed a floor routine to the melody of the Hebrew folk song “Hava Nagilah” during the London Olympics, won an individual gold medal in her floor exercise last week and a bronze on the balance beam.

The Jerusalem Post reported that Yuli Edelstein, Israel’s Diaspora Affairs Minister, wrote an impassioned letter congratulating Raisman on her Olympics achievements and then invited the 18-year-old gymnasts to visit.

“For me personally, as the minister in charge of relations with Diaspora Jewry, hearing why you chose the song made me realize that the concept of Kol Israel Arevim Zeh Lazeh [All Jews are responsible for one another] still holds true and that the Jewish people remain united no matter how far apart we may live.” Edelstein said in a letter to Raisman. “I was impressed that someone so young made such a monumental, ethical decision.”