Archive for November, 2012

Looking for Prince Charming

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Relationships,Success Stories

Hi Tamar,

I have been on JDate since 2004 and have yet to find my Prince Charming. I have gone on my share of dates with all different types of guys — some guys are interested in me and I don’t feel the same way about them — and vice versa. I read so may JDate Success Stories and it is just so frusturating for me. I have renewed over and over again when my subscription expires and have had NO luck. When I do go out with a guy, it only lasts for two dates and I don’t hear from them again.

Maybe it’s me and I am doing something wrong? I want to find the man of my dreams and I want him to be Jewish. If you have any advice for me, I would really appreciate it.

-Looking for Prince Charming

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Dear Looking for Prince Charming,

I was helping my girlfriend revamp her JDate profile and when I took a look at her preferences and the results she was getting, and I saw the same men there from 6 years ago — WITH THE SAME PICTURES! This is a huge mistake people make when they have been on JDate a long time, or are returning after a relationship. I would strongly suggest you get all new photos, change your profile name and rewrite all your paragraphs. Nothing is worse than a stale profile.

Once you’ve completed that step, go to your preferences and see where you can make changes. It’s been eight years since you signed up and that means you are eight years older — which means your age range should be drastically different if you haven’t been changing it along the way. Other desirables must have changed as well — and if they haven’t, then you need to reassess your priorities because the kind of partner you wanted eight years ago should absolutely not be the same exact kind of partner you want today.

A profile makeover can often be a real-life makeover because you are forced to look at who — and how — you are dating. Start with the revamp and then see what happens. Give it a good month and then let me know how it’s going. I expect you will see results in your response rate immediately. After that, it’s up to you, and how you interact, communicate and connect with your new prospects.


Put the Brake on the Fake

by Adam under Relationships

“Oh, my friends actually maintain my profile.”

I got this response from a girl I was supposedly “messaging” at an event I went to during the High Holidays. She had apparently “Secretly Admired” me and we were talking about our High Holiday services and break-fast plans. She seemed nice, with a witty personality to boot, and was a sports fan, so I was definitely interested and took the initiative to message her first.

Saying, “Hey my name is Adam and we’ve been talking on JDate,” probably wasn’t the best opening line, especially in front of mutual friends of ours. Still, what kind of person lets their friends control their dating profile?

Now, understand I don’t include fake Craigslist or OkCupid profiles in this rant, because they are free sites, and it’s much easier to make a profile on a free site than a site like JDate where you really need to pay to get a real benefit from the site (which is a good thing). I bring this issue up now because it seems to be a recurring problem. “Oh, my mom signed me up for JDate” or “Yeah, my friends do it so they can see who else is on this site” are the usual excuses. You wouldn’t give your friends control of your bank account — so why let them handle your dating life?

I know some of you may read this and say, “I don’t care, my mom/friends can handle it, whatever,” but it boils down to more than that. And “fake it till you make it” is probably not the best way to attract a potential partner. Rather, it opens up more questions about your personal character. Listen, if you don’t want to date, than get off the site. Don’t hurt your online persona, and your dating reputation, by letting other people control your “actions.”

I abide by the principle of “say what you mean, mean what you say.” My friends can look, but not touch my profile. Why? Because they are A) not as creative as me and B) may say something totally opposite of what I want to say. If I message a girl with a dumb question or cheesy pick-up line, I’ll own up to it because I may end up seeing that girl at a later date (especially with how small Austin is).

Don’t be Donald Rumsfeld. Your dating profile should always be a known known. It might be an unknown known how people respond to you, but you should never be unknown as to what is known about the interactions that go on within it.

Do you.


Monkeys

by JeremySpoke under Entertainment

I know nothing about them.

Some think that James Franco will raise one to rise up against us. Others claim that that is just a film. Either way, ever since I first saw the original Planet of the Apes, I do not trust them.

Recently, while at the zoo, a woman among the crowd watching the chimpanzees was actually eating a banana. I am not making this up. At the exact same moment, two chimpanzees had to dig this dirty stick into this weird hole thing filled with dirty orange juice, and then pull it out and lick whatever juice remained on the stick. I now completely understand why the apes will rise up against us. Our greed has surpassed anything we ever could have imagined. We can eat a banana during any moment of any day for the rest of our lives, and this one lady decided to choose the moment she was staring at chimpanzees in an enclosed space.

I don’t know how much time we have left on this earth, but judging by human behavior such as this, it’s not long. Let’s just think about things before we do them. For example, if we’re going to stare at creatures in captivity whose favorite all-time food is bananas, let’s wait until we leave to eat a banana. Also, now that I think about it, there’s no way that the zoo even sells bananas. This woman must have brought her banana from home for the sole purpose of eating it in front of these chimps.

Also, the second troubling thing about this scenario is the fact that there were maybe 50 people staring at the chimps, yet nobody mentioned to this woman that she should stop eating her banana, including myself. However, at the time, I was too hungry to really care anyway. If I had a banana in my hand, I probably also would have eaten it.

Let’s just be nicer to each other. If you’re angry, let it out when you’re alone. I do that all the time. Also, I’m an a** in front of people sometimes. I’m not better than anyone else. I just write about it like I am.


Single Parents Singled Out

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

As you get older you will begin to find more and more single parents popping up in your JDate searches. Just after college and through your 20’s, you probably will prefer not to date someone with a child. For some people it’s because they are just not ready to deal with the commitment that comes with a “package deal” and for others they may simply want to date someone who doesn’t have any “restrictions.” The reasons don’t matter, you have to make the decision for yourself and mark on your profile whether you are willing to date someone with a kid or not, or don’t have a preference.

In your 30’s and 40’s, the number of single parents on JDate rises (and in your 50’s it is even more prevalent). And when those single parents log on to JDate, it is a major bummer to see prospect after prospect choosing the “I don’t want to date someone with children” option. It is what it is and any parent will tell you their child is a blessing — and those failed prospects are the ones missing out. Hopefully, as JDaters get older, they will revise their preferences and realize they are cutting out a huge chunk of great prospects all because they are weary of someone with a child.


Leave a Reply

by JeremySpoke under JDate,Success Stories

Either my blog posts are getting worse, or people are getting angrier for some ulterior reason. I’m starting to get a handful of angry replies about my updates. Here is what I wrote in the latest post that irked one reader:

“If you live in the suburbs, which many of you reading this probably do, there is really nothing to be afraid of, short of death or serious illness of yourself or a loved one.”

And here is how the reader responded in a comment:

“What?!? Do you even know what you’re talking about?”

In context, they were referring to a post I wrote where I discussed how fear can drive you to do great things, but can also consume you. I think this reader took my writing a bit literally. For example, the preceding sentence of my post read, “You can’t live with constant fear (unless you’re that woman who was trapped in that dungeon in the Netherlands… or somebody is chasing you with a buzz saw).” By his logic, it is perfectly normal and commonplace in today’s society for someone to be chased around with a buzz saw, but completely unacceptable that a person’s two biggest concerns should be death or serious illness of a loved one.

Of course there are countless other valid concerns that suburbanites should have, and of course, not all of our readers live in the suburbs. I use hyperbole to make broader points. If it offends you that I made a generalization that you live in the suburbs, maybe you should leave your moderately-sized house just outside the city and go volunteer somewhere.

Again, I don’t know you at all, and I’m sure you’re a great person, and you probably volunteer more than I do anyway. But let’s face it, you do live in the suburbs, and if it angers you that I think you should concern yourself with the health and well-being of yourself and your loved ones, I’m sorry to suggest something so terrible.

Let me be your scapegoat. If you’ve had a long day, and come on here for some dating advice, and read one of my posts that doesn’t always have to do with dating, go ahead and yell at me. You’re right. I don’t always talk about dating. Dating is important. JDate is important. If it wasn’t for either, I never would have found the greatest woman I have ever met. However, there is more to life, and I write about that as well.

If you spend all day worrying about dating and finding the perfect person for you, you’re probably not going to find someone for a while. Take a step back. Put up some nice profile pictures, be honest in your profile, occasionally browse the site to find someone good for you, and something will eventually happen. It took me five years to realize this. JDate is a tool. A great tool. However, it is not life. Life is too complex, and if you spend all of your time on here, it will show. JDate can’t make you somebody you’re not. It can only show the world the great person that you are.

If you are still angry at me, leave a comment on this post. In order to do so, click on the title of this post and then leave a reply at the bottom. Also, if you like my writing, you can leave a reply too. I don’t really get a lot of feedback on this outside of my friends and family, and after over 200 posts, I want to make sure that I’m helping (or at least entertaining) people.


Hollywood Yenta Roundup: Mayim Bialik, Mila Kunis and Mamika…

by JDateAdministrator under Entertainment,Judaism,News

1. Mayim Bialik Announces Divorce Plans

Actress Mayim Bialik and her husband Michael Stone have decided to separate after nine years of marriage. The Jewish actress shared the news on her parenting blog last Wednesday, telling fans that she and Stone agreed to separate due to irreconcilable differences “after much consideration and soul-searching.”

“Divorce is terribly sad, painful and incomprehensible for children,” Bialik posted on her blog. “The main priority for us now is to make the transition to two loving homes as smooth and painless as possible. Our sons deserve parents committed to their growth and health and that’s what we are focusing on.” The 36-year-old Big Bang Theory actress and Stone have two sons together, ages 7 and 4.

 

2. Mila Insists She is Not Converting to Kabbalah

Insiders close to Mila Kunis have reportedly denied that the Jewish actress has taken up Kabbalah after she was spotted accompanying her boyfriend Ashton Kutcher to a Kabbalah service in New York. The 29-year-old stunner was reportedly seen entering the Kabbalah Centre in New York City with her Two And A Half Men boyfriend in September to attend a Rosh Hashanah holiday service.

A source close to the couple, who are yet to acknowledge their relationship publicly, says while Mila supported her boyfriend to the ceremony, she hasn’t adopted Kabbalah practices. The two were recently spotted in Rome, enjoying a romantic night out for two.

 

3. The World’s Coolest and Most Daring Nonagenarian Eats Challah

When 94-year-old Frederika Goldberger retired in the early 80s, little did she know she was bound for a second career as the subject of a new book two decades later. Once retired, her photographer grandson, Sacha Goldberger, began creating incredible photographs of her to keep her active and lift her spirits. That’s when Mamika – Frederika’s superhero alter ego – was created.

Mamika is now the subject of a new book of outrageous photographs that can be seen here. However, long before she posed for the camera, Frederika was a hero. Born a baroness into a wealthy Jewish family in Budapest, Hungary, she was forced into hiding during World War II. Later, Frederika and her husband risked their lives to help hide others from the Nazis – by the end of the war, her efforts had saved 10 people.

Now, with the success of their book behind them, Frederika and her grandson are working on a movie together. That’s what we call one cool Bubbie!


Black Friday Love

by Adam under Date Night,JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Have any of you ever read those “Best Places to Find Love” lists? If you’re like me, and you constantly peruse Yahoo!, Google, and BET.com for those lists, you’ll find many of the same places listed: Yoga class, some random cooking expo at Whole Foods, a dog park, a Jewish singles event after 5-6 drinks, and during the Yizkor service at Yom Kippur.

However, these lists pale in comparison to the one place/holiday where everyone is out: Black Friday.

Think about it: Everyone starts shopping (provided their football team isn’t playing) from midnight on Thanksgiving to 11 pm the next day. You can find fiscally responsible men and women, shopping for the best “deals,” or those who just want the exhilaration of competing with 500 other people jammed into Macy’s, JCPenny, Bloomingdales (for my East Coast readers) or Hollister (for my wannabe West Coast readers) for the least expensive pair of socks they can finagle.

Isn’t money one of the biggest issues in a relationship? Doesn’t, “Hey baby, I don’t want to buy that vacuum now, I want to wait till Black Friday when it happens to be 45% off with the purchase of a large sofa” solve that problem?

The conversation starter is easy: “Hey, so what sales are you going to today?” Nothing creepy, just an easy question that can turn in to, “Hey, I’m shopping for superhero graphic tees too, want to come to Wal-Mart with me and grab a cup of coffee?” You can even start off with, “Oh, Good Burger is $3.99? I used to watch Kenan and Kei in my younger days.”

Not sure of the type of man/woman you are looking for on Black Friday? Go to a big box retail store and look in the electronics or general clothing section. Looking for a nice, city-dwelling yogi of a woman? Go to Lululemon. Want to find a man who has great finger dexterity and a competitive nature when it comes to shooting zombies? Go to Game Stop.

If face-to-face conversation scares you when finding love, don’t worry, there’s always Cyber Monday.


Avoiding an Ex

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships,Single Life

Running an errand post-workout you spot an ex from afar while looking a hot mess. You are in a good place in your life and are in a great relationship (albeit sans ring), but you still don’t want the guy or gal who dumped you seeing you in your current state of disarray. What to do? A few options:

  • If he/she has yet to see you and you aren’t in any rush, then turn around and duck into the nearest store/hallway and wait until he/she has passed before continuing on your day.
  • If there is nowhere to go without it being too obvious then plaster a huge smile on your face and say, “Hi” cheerfully. A great smile distracts  from your askew hair and sweaty clothes. If you can get off with just a “Hi! How are you?” then do so and keep walking confidently.
  • Keep that smile on if you are forced to stop and chat. Hold your head up high, don’t offer too much information about your life and definitely try to avoid rambling (“my boyfriend this…. my fiance that…”). Less is more in this situation and trying to prove that you are doing well without him/her (whether it is the truth or not) is only going to make it look like you are doing just that.

You may have moved on happily, or you may still be feeling the burn from this break-up. Doesn’t matter. You’ve heard the phrase “image is everything”? Well, how you present yourself is what will be remembered in this scenario, so always hold your head high.


Bieber vs Gomez

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez’s on again/off again/on again/off again relationship has the celebrity gossip mills buzzing. Post break-up Bieber was seen with a Victoria’s Secret model, then he picked up Gomez from the airport, the two reportedly spent the weekend together and paparazzi caught them leaving a restaurant after 10 minutes where his car was seen leaving her house, returning to her house, and leaving her house again. Due to Twitter and TMZ, we have a play-by-play of their every move as these two young people are trying to figure out their relationship troubles. Sucks for them. Luckily, you are not Bieber or Gomez. And you do not need your love life played out for the world to see.

That means not posting or Tweeting your every fleeting thought, post-date synopses, feelings on being single/dating/desperate/breaking up/making up and so on. There is no need to broadcast your every meal, movement, sleeping pattern, or outfit. Don’t air your dirty laundry in public and save the drama for your mama. Literally, ask your mom for relationship advice before posting your equivalent of the Bieber and Gomez drama on your Facebook page.

And here’s why (if you actually need rationalization): say you’re in a relationship, you break up and post all about it on Facebook. Then you decide to get back together, but now everyone knows your business and you’re going to have to answer lots of questions, including people doubting if you should reconcile. It’s none of their business, right? So don’t make it theirs.


Donkey Suit

by JeremySpoke under Entertainment

Emotional wounds do not heal, they are simply treated. There is nothing that will happen in your life that will have no effect on you whatsoever. Everything has repercussions, even if you are not aware of it at the time. Your past will always catch up with you.

The best analogy I can think of is a horror movie where the protagonist thinks he’s done with the nightmare scenario until the walls come down and he finds out that he’s deeper into the nightmare than he could have imagined. If you try to ignore your past, it will come back to haunt you in a big way. However, if you learn to live with your past, it will still bother you at times, but it will be manageable.

Accept who you are. If you are in a bad place and make a conscious decision to change yourself, don’t forget that bad place you came from. I have suffered from severe anxiety. Though I am now a much more well-adjusted person, I can’t hide the fact that this anxiety is a part of who I am. I can’t push all of my needless worry aside or pretend that it does not exist or else it will flare up and be worse than it has been in years. I just have to let the anxiety exist in the back of my brain but not let it bubble up to the surface.

This past week, I consciously forced myself to stop worrying. I was physically and emotionally tired of all of the extra time, effort, and stress that it causes, so I literally pressured myself to change the subject when I found myself obsessing over something. But for some reason, my mind could not handle, or was not used to this, and eventually it pushed my anxiety into overdrive until I almost could not function. I guess this is my mind’s way of telling me to not forget where I came from or who I am. I have been defined by this anxiety, and to deny it, even to myself, would be to deny who I am.

You can’t cure anything mentally related. The mind is too powerful to forget or pretend that experiences did not happen. The best you can do is live with and contain them.

People that deny who they are don’t seem to be happy, at least from what I’ve seen on television. Right now, I am watching Spanish-language infomercials because I have to hit ‘3’ in order to turn my television on and this is the Spanish channel. The remote control is at least two feet away so I’m not changing it anytime soon. Though I have no idea what they are saying, I think I can draw the incredibly ignorant, culturally insensitive conclusion that Spanish language personalities do not hide anything about themselves. This one guy has been non-ironically wearing a donkey costume for the past twenty minutes and could not at all give a s**t.

My donkey suit is less tangible, but just as real. I can’t run around all the time in my donkey suit, but I still have to keep it in my closet, because I love my donkey suit, and if I lose all of my other clothes, I will have to wear something.

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