Archive for December, 2012

Fool Me Once…

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

My girlfriend met a guy three months ago and they got serious really quickly. I had my doubts, but they were spending a lot of time together and he seemed loyal and dedicated, so I dropped my doubts. When he invited her to attend his sister’s wedding as his date I was really happy for her. They had only been together six weeks, but it is a huge step to ask someone to accompany them to a major family event. And then he broke up with her 2 days before the wedding.

A week later he came back and she took him back. He said he had just freaked out by the seriousness of it all and wanted to be with her. She forgave him and gave him a second chance. All was right in their world and even her friends, me included, were impressed with his insight, apology and acts of love. As her birthday approached he was busy making plans and she was totally enamored once again as their relationship was getting more and more serious.

And then he broke up with her right before her birthday. Yup, it happened again. The first time she could say “fool me once, shame on you” but if she forgave him a second time then it would be shame on her. Luckily, she knew that you don’t forgive the same bad act twice and didn’t even think about reconciling. And luckily she has a lot of really good friends who swooped in and made sure she had the best time celebrating her birthday!


Relationship Resolutions

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

2013 is knocking down the door. This year flew by quickly, but now it’s time to forget how we didn’t uphold last year’s resolutions and try to think of new ones. Everyone has “make more money” and “lose weight” on their list, but what about something more personal. What about adding something about your dating life? Not that you want to meet your Beshert, of course you want to find your soulmate everyone does!, but put something about what you want to work on in order to be a better partner. Whether it’s starting therapy or self examination, try to find ways in which to better yourself. By concentrating on “New Year, New You” in an honest way then you will eventually (hopefully in 2013) meet your Beshert.


Thinking

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,Relationships

Thinking always gets me in trouble. Well in my case, I tend to hark on the little things that often do not matter. I think about the fact that I forgot to bring my wallet out of the house, so I forget that I’m driving, and then get pulled over for speeding, and ironically cannot produce my driver license that lives in my wallet. Then I go to jail, not because I didn’t have my ID, but because I was going 140 mph in a school zone. In jail, I still can’t stop thinking about my wallet, which would have been confiscated at this point anyway. I can’t eat any of my crappy jail meals, and can’t focus enough to lift weights and exercise like a proper inmate. I become malnourished and skinny and rot away in my cell, too afraid to go to sleep because of what my cellmate may do to me, but too weak to move or stay awake.

It is for this exact reason that I never leave my home without my wallet. A few years ago, after seeing a therapist regularly, she decided that it was a good idea for me to leave notes for myself to remind myself to do things, so I don’t overthink things later when I forget. My sister made me a note on the inside of my bedroom door that read, ‘Don’t forget your: wallet, keys, cell phone. Happy face.’ I have lived by that note. I check my pockets for all three of those items about every five minutes. Sometimes I catch myself doing it in the shower, or when waking up in the morning.

The absolute worst part of obsessing is being burdened by these obsessions while out on a date or with a girlfriend. It eats away at you, or at least, me. I can’t focus and just want to go back to my car to make sure I locked it, or go to the bathroom to make sure that I completely shaved the right side of my face, while simultaneously trying to convey how much I like her. How can I show her I like her if half of my face is unshaven? That would just come off as insincere.

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Humble

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,Success Stories

There is a thin line between modesty and self-effacement. I live on that line. I honestly don’t know if it’s because I just have a generally low self-esteem, or because that’s just become a part of my personality because I have tried to create the illusion of friendliness or am actually friendly. In any case, I am a generally modest person. Whenever I say something modest, I think to myself how humble I may sound saying it, when in actuality, I may just sound pathetic.

There are only so many things you can say you suck at until a woman believes that you were not meant to be on this earth. Through my gradual lifestyle overhaul over the past couple of years, I have learned to refine my modesty into borderline self-contentment. Women don’t like men they can feel sorry for. They like friends they can feel sorry for. They like men they can respect. Though modesty often wins over arrogance, nobody likes being in a relationship with a community service project, unless that is their community service project.

There’s an art to drawing attention to yourself without drawing attention to yourself. Of course, I do not know this art at all. I can either make a complete ass of myself, or I can make myself out to be the quietest, weakest person in the room. However, I have learned through self-imposed personality reassignment that I can infuse my instinctual modesty with some dignity. I still display my signature horrible self-conscious shrugs and face scratching, but often don’t accompany that with detailed stories about the genesis of my back hair or tales of my immeasurable sadness.

Having a wonderful girlfriend certainly helps with my modesty issues, but I wasn’t able to get her to like me if I wasn’t already on this path to pride. I now know that the only reason that I lost all of that weight and changed my life around was so that I could find her. That is cheesy. I don’t care.


Lifitng the Holiday Darkness

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

A friend of mine was dumped two days before flying home with her boyfriend to meet her parents during the holidays. He cancelled his ticket of course, but she went home and tried to enjoy the holidays even though she was heartbroken and in shock. So not only did he crush her, but he was now going to ruin her vacation because she was going to spend all the time crying and moping and grieving. She needs to process the break-up, but she also should try to find a way to enjoy herself because it’s not often she flies home to be with her family. Use the holidays as an opportunity to start anew: Hanukkah is the holiday celebrating the miracle of light — find the items that bring you light and concentrate on them — and New Year’s is the perfect time for her to symbolically leave the drama of 2012 behind and move forward. Does it suck to be dumped right before the holidays? Absolutely. Does it suck to be alone during the holidays? Sure. But at the end of the day I bet you would rather be single then be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. Be thankful that your ex didn’t  spend the holidays with you and create new memories and possibly have you falling deeper in love just to dump you right after.


Poly-Dating During the Holidays

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Schmooz-A-Palooza and other Jewish-on-Christmas-Eve (or New Years Eve) parties are great opportunities to meet someone, but they are also ample opportunity to run into more than one someone, which could create awkwardness. Everyone on JDate spends time studying the faces of their JDate matches so when you attend one of the huge holiday singles events you are bound to run into more than one person you recognize and possibly more than one person that you are actually communicating with — or even dating. You may even attend the event with a date and run into someone else you have been JDating. What do you do when this happens? First off, play it cool. As long as you’re not pretending to be in a committed relationship then you’ve done nothing wrong. Make introductions, otherwise it will be even more awkward if it’s obvious that you don’t want two people to meet, and then tell one of your JDates that you will catch up to them later. You may inadvertently burn a bridge with one of your prospects, but that’s par for the course. You could have run into one date while with another at any bar or restaurant, so it shouldn’t come as that much of a shock to anyone if you run into more than one prospect during a major holiday singles event. If you’re the one seeing a JDate with another prospect, don’t take it personally and don’t let it ruin your night. Everyone is there to meet someone, including you. Keep a smile on your face and try to meet new people!


Kiss and Make-Out

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Kissing is fun. Kissing without it being a means to an end (ie. sex) is even more fun. All too often the good old fashioned make-out session gets forgotten. But kissing until your lips tingle and your cheeks hurt and the skin around your mouth is raw is the best. Remember how that felt when you were in high school? Or when you first met your partner? It was amazing, right? So why allow it to stop? You two are the only ones responsible for ensuring you never lose that drive to just want to kiss until your lips are chapped as often as possible. Make a promise to your partner and to yourself that you won’t let it end. You may not always have the time or energy to have sex, but you can lock lips for five minutes, a half hour or even more without it turning into something more. And it’s amazing foreplay for when you do the deed. Really, it’s a win-win situation.


Manners: The Best Stalking Mechanism

by Adam under Date Night,JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

So you’ve met this girl or guy. You like him or her, but you don’t know if they like you. You know where they work, live, play, and hope for a Hollywoodesque chance meeting at the local coffee shop where you can compare your latte orders and hopefully pick up a number. You want them to like you, but you also don’t want a restraining order against you a month after you meet them.

Given this situation, how do you properly “stalk” someone in a way that enables you to form some kind of relationship?

First, be nice. It’s a simple quality that goes a long way. It’s a “hi, how are you doing?” when you see them again. If you’re a guy, it’s even opening the door to a building if you walk in at the same time. However, being nice just doesn’t include the person you are after, it’s respecting the people around them when in a group setting. Show respect to their friends, and even random strangers who happen to be in the conversation. That way, the next time you run into your crush in a group setting, her friends will remember that initial niceness you showed them, and you’ll rank a little higher in their book.

After the initial niceness, it’s having the ability to make conversation. As outgoing and gregarious as I am, I have a slight tendency to act extraordinarily awkward around girls I like, rendering my conversational skills to zero. Once again a simple ,”Oh, I’m excited for this event “, or “hey, how was work today?” or “I really thought Shaniqua was going to get the rose on the season finale of the Bachelor” conveys a lot without making the person feel uncomfortable.

People go on dates with those they feel comfortable around and find intriguing. Yes, persistence is a nice trait to have, and telling your crush’s friends you like him/her may make them smile for a bit, but actions speak louder than words. I could be the greatest romantic in the world, but if I’m not a nice person, who’s going to actually want to date me, or even better, hope for a chance meeting in the local coffee shop?


Tightening the Temper Reigns

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

You have a hot new date sitting in the passenger seat next to you and a car nearly hits you as it cuts you off exiting the freeway. Or you’re sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic with your date while the clock ticks down on the curtain call for the expensive tickets you bought to the hottest show in town. The waiter at the fancy-shmancy expensive restaurant repeatedly brings you the wrong order, ignores you and forgets about you. There are many, many more examples of common ways that dates can go wrong, but it’s how you handle it that matters. You can lose your temper and scream at the other driver or get frustrated and start driving erratically or snap at an overworked waiter but none of these reactions will change the situation or make you feel better. Worse, they will ruin your date. Patience truly is a virtue in these circumstances because it is a character trait which is appreciated throughout all facets of life. And possibly even more important is kindness. Showing consideration by remarking that the other driver must be in a hurry and Thank Goodness you weren’t hit or that you hope the traffic isn’t caused by some terrible accident or that the waiter must be stressed and that you’re grateful the date is going so well that you’re not in any hurry to get your food are all great ways to handle these situations and shows you have grace under fire.


Hollywood Yenta Year in Review: Top Ten Jewish Celeb Stories

by JDateAdministrator under Entertainment,Judaism,News

As the world looks back on the year 2012, the Hollywood Yenta is recalling the year’s biggest Jewish celeb moments. Check out our list below of the top ten Jewish celebrity stories from 2012. Then, let us know in the comments section what you think is the year’s top “Jewlebrity” happening!

 

10.  Jewish candidates win respective elections

Four new Jewish Representatives entered the House after November’s election, while four Jewish Senators up for re-election retained their seats for a new term. Combined with the Congressmen and women who are currently serving, there are now 11 Jewish U.S. Senators and 22 U.S. Representatives. Democrats Bill Schneider, Alan Lowenthal, Lois Frankel, and Alan Grayson were each elected to the House, in Illinois, California, and the last two in Florida, respectively. In the Senate, Diane Feinstein (D-CA), Ben Cardin (D-MD) and Bernie Sanders (I-VT) were each re-elected. Senator Michael Bennet (D-CO), the son of a Holocaust survivor, also re-won his seat.

 

9.  MCA passes

Adam Yauch, one-third of the pioneering hip-hop group the Beastie Boys, died at the age of 47 in May. Yauch, whose mother was Jewish, was diagnosed with cancer in 2009 after discovering a tumor in his salivary gland. Following his death, tributes across the web showed the impact Yauch’s music had. Actor Jonah Hill Tweeted, “I’m filled with so much sorrow to hear about the world losing Adam Yauch. He was such a beautiful person and artist.”

 

8.  Lena Dunham’s “Girls” takes off

Lena Dunham’s television series “Girls” garnered great reviews when it premiered in April, and earned Dunham four Emmy nominations. In October, the young writer, whose mother is Jewish, inked a $3.5 million deal with Random House for an essay collection called Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She’s Learned. The next month, Dunham starred in a political ad for Barack Obama that, metaphorically speaking, compared voting for Obama to losing one’s virginity.

 

7.  Rep. Gabby Giffords resigns from congress

Arizona’s first Jewish congresswoman, Democrat Gabrielle Giffords, resigned from congress in January, one year after she was shot at a public gathering in Tucson, Ariz. In her resignation letter, Giffords wrote, “I will recover and will return.”

 

6.  Jon Stewart wins tenth Emmy

When Jon Stewart’s name was called as winner in the variety category during September’s Emmys awards, the host of The Daily Show was mock-tackled by pals Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon. The two comedians who were up against Stewart in the category were jokingly keeping him from getting to the stage. In August, Stewart was also voted JDaters’ favorite “political news funnyman,” beating out Bill Maher, Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers.

 

5.  Natalie Portman weds

In August, Jewish actress Natalie Portman said “I do” to French dancer and choreographer Benjamin Millepied. The two exchanged vows in a traditional Jewish ceremony at a private home in Big Sur. Portman and Millepied met while filming Black Swan in 2009 and have a son named Aleph (which means “chief” or “number one” in Hebrew).

 

4.  Mila Kunis keeps cool

Jewish movie star Mila Kunis had a big year – she starred in the hit film Ted, was named “Sexiest Woman Alive” by Esquire magazine, was listed as no. 3 on Maxim’s “Hot 100” list and started dating longtime pal Ashton Kutcher. Before going public with her romance with Kutcher, Kunis told Glamour magazine she’d be interested in online dating: “If I didn’t do what I do, I would do Internet dating instead of going out to bars. In two seconds I would. It makes so much more sense.” In November, the actress shot down rumors that she was converting to Kaballah, after she was seen accompanying Kutcher to service in New York.

 

3.  Amanda Bynes’ driving drama

Jewish actress Amanda Bynes drove into trouble in 2012, getting arrested or cited for infractions that included allegedly driving under the influence, sideswiping a cop car, leaving the scene of an accident and driving on a suspended license. In October, Bynes pled not guilty to the charges stemming from the April and August incidents.

 

2.  Zuckerberg goes public, ties the knot

It was a big year for the creator of the world’s largest social networking site, who also happens to be Jewish. In February, Mark Zuckerberg filed papers to take Facebook, Inc. public. The company held its initial public offering on May 18, with a peak market capitalization of more than $104 billion. One day after the IPO, Zuckerberg wed longtime girlfriend Priscilla Chan in a small surprise wedding ceremony with 100 guests.

 

1.  Aly Raisman wins gold

At the 2012 Summer Olympics, Jewish gymnast Aly Raisman wowed spectators by earning one of two spots in the all-around individual finals. She then won a gold medal on the floor routine, dancing to “Hava Nagila,” a traditional Jewish song that means “Let us rejoice.” Following the summer games, Raisman accepted an invitation from Israeli government officials to visit Israel. In October, the 18-year-old athlete made her first visit to South Florida for the Women’s International Zionist Organization (WIZO) which helps out thousands of Israeli children.