There is no “end” in Courtship

by Adam under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Did anyone see the New York Times article on the end of courtship? It was thought-provoking, with way too many shares between females showing up on my Facebook page.

With the high amount of “Girls” references, and the myriad of examples on guys missing dates, or bouncers hooking up with girls over whiskey and boxed macaroni and cheese, the article seemed slanted against males. Girls were quoted as saying “guys don’t want to date, courtship is dead,” etc.

While “courtship” in its true 1950’s-esque definition means it is 100% on the guy to call the girl up, take her out, buy her flowers, and almost control the relationship, courtship in the millennial sense is entirely different. As I alluded to in my previous article about casual sex, we live in a time of convenience, and a time where 20 and 30-something females are on basically the same footing as males in terms of getting careers on track. It is not the era of “at 22 women will be bound to the house, studying up on Betty Crocker Recipes, and preparing themselves to be baby makers”. For the record, I don’t think my mother ever made a Betty Crocker recipe.

It’s not the end of courtship, it’s a change in courtship. I’m one who would rather call a girl to ask her out than text her. However, the problem lies when she doesn’t CALL back, but rather texts… saying that texting is easier for her. So, she really has no right to complain after setting that precedent early on in the dating cycle.

In terms of the Jewish world, Jewish young adults have a tendency to get married at a much older age than their other U.S. young adult counterparts. The marriage age has also increased from 21 and 23 during the 1970’s for Jewish brides and grooms, to 27 and 29 in 2010. Jewish young adults also have a tendency to be more career-focused than their other American young adult brethren, and millennial young adults in general have a tendency to be more transient than in generations past.

Given those facts and conclusions stated above, it is only natural that dating has undergone a change too. Courtship is still alive, but if you think you’re going to get a serious relationship out of a hook-up complete with whiskey and boxed macaroni and cheese, well, you’ve got a wide other set of problems.


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