Marriage is Not For You

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

A great blog post about marriage has gone viral… it’s called: Marriage Is Not For You written by Seth Adam Smith. The post was written by a man who met his wife in high school and was friends with her for 10 years before they took it to a romantic level. He says that you should marry your best friend but yet he was very nervous and anxious as their wedding day approached. He explained his fears to his father who told him:

“Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

Seth really took to his father’s advice and went on to say:

“No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”’

The point is, make sure when dating that you’re looking for someone whom you want to make happy without strings and who wants to make you happy without any strings. The minute you start having selfish thoughts, such as: “I’ve spent this much money on him/her and I’m not receiving the same in return” — then you need to gut-check yourself and figure out if this is a make-or-break thought or a fleeting thought. If you’re keeping tally on anything in the relationship and can’t stop doing so then you may need to keep searching for someone with whom you won’t care how much you do for them and how much you receive in return because all you want to do is make him or her happy.


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