My Phone Isn’t Ringing!

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I’m getting tired of women not returning calls. What do I do?

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Dear Dead Ringer,

Keep calling. But first, analyze what you are saying and how you are saying it to see if perhaps you are being too aggressive or too much of a pushover. Are you saying too much? Too little? Have some sort of script ready, one for if the prospect answers and one for the voicemail. It shouldn’t sound too rehearsed but you need something to keep you on track. A phone call should last about 10 minutes and consist of you asking the girl out on a date. A message should simply state who you are, a quick reminder of who you are (example: …this is Mike from JDate…) and your phone number as well as a short but sweet farewell (I’m looking forward to hearing back from you soon). People get nervous when they are making their first phone call which is why people often go off on tangents. having a framework to follow will help you have confidence calling and that confidence will come through in your voice. And don’t abuse the phone. Call once and if you get the voicemail or she answers but can’t talk at the moment, then go ahead and try again if you don’t hear back after 2 days, but don’t call again after that. Twice is nice. In this circumstance the third time is not the charm, it’s overkill. So when I said keep calling at the beginning of my response I meant keep calling different women. The fact that you’re getting the phone number is a testament unto itself as that’s often the hardest part!


2 Responses to “My Phone Isn’t Ringing!”

  1. Aaron Says:

    I would also say it’s important to mention you’ll call when getting a number, and you may even consider texting more as well. I obviously don’t know the whole situation, but you’d be surprised how much more comfortable people feel texting these days, especially women. It’s a strange thing, but it’s an easier transition from talking on JDate than calling might be for some. Hope that helps!

    Aaron

  2. Tamar Caspi Says:

    I strongly caution against texting until you are further along into a relationship. Texting does not take the place of a phone call. Ever. You may use it to ask if someone is available to chat at that moment “Hi this is ____ from JDate, is now a good time to call?” but otherwise pick up the phone and show that you’re making the effort.

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