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15. Forgiveness: Learn the art of forgiveness. If you don’t learn how to do this, then it is time to move on and find someone else. Without forgiveness a relationship will remain stagnant.
16. Shift: Relationships will shift over time. Communicate regularly to ensure the two of you are still on the same page regarding the relationship.
17. Leaving: Knowing when to end the relationship is an important part of being part of a relationship, and an opportunity for growth. If the two of you have outgrown one another or there is more pain than pleasure it is time to go your separate ways.
18. Moments: Enjoy the small moments. Like the old saying goes, stop and smell the roses. Don’t spend time thinking about the “what-ifs,” it is the present moment that counts.
19. Thankfulness:  Take some time daily to be thankful for the other person. Focus on the positive and realize how wonderful being in a relationship can truly be.
20: Spontaneity: Do something spontaneous with your partner every once in awhile. It helps get both of you out of a routine.
21. Counseling: Seeking outside help does not necessarily mean the relationship is over. It can make a world of difference, save the relationship or at least help each of you to move on without anger.

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8. Punishment: Punishing your significant other does not work! It tends to make us feel better for the moment, but it usually makes the other person feel as if he/she is being treated like a child.
9. Money: Money is the biggest complaint I hear about when working with couples. Have an honest conversation; who pays for what and do not make assumptions based on gender.
10. Sex:  Sex tends to go through stages. If you notice your sex life becoming boring, less frequent or a chore, talk about it immediately and be as candid as possible.
11. Cheating: Don’t do it! If you feel the need to stray, there is a problem and it generally has nothing to do with sex. Most people cheat because an emotional connection is missing with their partner. Talk truthfully with your other half and start communicating.
12. Boredom: Boredom usually has more to do with anger than anything else. Figure out what’s really bothering you and let your partner know in a calm, non-threatening manner.
13. Arguing: Never say anything you would not want to hear directed at you. I’m all for a good argument, but remain on point and do not re-hash problems that have already been dealt with.
14. Change: Acceptance of what you cannot change is an extremely important part of a relationship. Trying to change someone rarely works.

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So you think you found the person with whom you want to become exclusive. Here is a list of some of the most important things the two of you need to consider in order to keep the relationship functional and healthy. Be sure to stay tuned for more tips!
1. Quality time: Quality time is of the utmost importance. Spend at least some time every day with one another. If you live in different areas have a conversation every day.
2. Compromise: Relationships take work and part of that work is learning to give and take. It is a balancing act.
3. Dependence without co-dependence: Relationships are about depending on one another, but it is not about clingy behavior. Each person must be able to have their own interests and be given some space. If not, most people tend to feel trapped.
4. Listening: Take the time to hear the other person out and really, truly listen.
5. Appreciation: Make every effort to appreciate your partner. It is the little things that go a long way.
6. Quirks: Those things that we fall for early in the relationship can become annoying habits.  Take the time to appreciate and love these quirks rather than looking at them as annoyances.
7. Resentments: If something is bothering you by all means tell the other person. Don’t bury those feelings; they will only turn into resentment down the line. Be sure to listen and do not become defensive if your partner communicates his/her feelings.

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There are times in life when being single has its advantages. For example, spending as much time as you want with friends, watching what you want to watch on television without any complaints, or eating a Lean Cuisine for dinner and not having to worry about what your other half may want for dinner.
There are also disadvantages. I’m sure many of us tend to think of those more than we do about the advantages. However, there are some self-soothing techniques that can help us all whether we are single or not.

• Go for a walk and enjoy the scenery
• Pet a cute furry animal
• Lie on the couch and do nothing
• Get a massage
• Call a friend
• Listen to music
• Meditate
• Do something for someone less fortunate than yourself
• Peruse JDate and look at all of the wonderful people that await

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With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, the question becomes, “How do we as singles get through the day without letting it get the best of us?” I know for myself, I am going to spend the day with some of my single friends.  We are going to have the ultimate girl day.  Junk food, shopping and chick flicks.
I think this particular day tends to bring out the all-or-nothing thinking in most people.  It is either you have someone special or you don’t. The way one approaches the day can make all of the difference.  You can chose to become pessimistic and think about the fact there isn’t a special someone around, or you can think about the good aspects of being single and look towards the future with optimism. Having faith, in my opinion, is a very important way of looking at things. When the time is right that special someone will be there.

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Dear Gems from Jen,

I met a great guy two months ago. We communicate a few times every day and have seen each other nearly every week. We were intimate in the beginning, but now he says he wants to slow it down. We make plans and still continue to communicate just like before. We always have a great time together. He says he is being cautious because he has been burned a few times. He is still online, but says he isn’t dating. I don’t know what to believe. I feel like we are in a relationship, but he is just scared.
 
I can’t figure out what he is telling me because his signals are so mixed.

Dear Slowing Down,

It sounds to me as if his signals are not confused. He told you he wanted to slow down, at least the intimate part and from what I can tell from your writing, it did slow down. Do you mean he still has a profile posted on JDate when you say he is still online? If the two of you have agreed to be exclusive and he still has a profile there is obviously a problem. If exclusivity has not been discussed then there is nothing wrong with him continuing to stay active on JDate.

My suggestion is to really hear what it is he is saying to you, not what it is you want to hear. It sounds like he does like you, but he wants to be cautious. Heed his warning; do not push him into anything he is not ready for. When someone wants to take things slowly there are usually reasons and moving too quickly tends to do more damage than good. It appears as if the two of you have something good here, take your time and don’t over think this. Enjoy his company and don’t rush things.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Dear Gems from Jen,

Should I make an effort to try and find my other half while I am constantly busy with med school? There really isn’t going to be a time in my life when I am not busy because I’ve entered a challenging field but I do not want to end up alone. Are there guys who are willing to be patient or are they looking for someone to be there 24/7? I guess that’s why many of us are online dating; because we cannot go out and meet people. Sorry, I am in a quandry.

Dear Medical School,

I can certainly understand your quandary; however, your life ambition is quite commendable! My suggestion is to add to your profile where you are in life at this point in time and where you hope to be in a few years. Being honest about your commitments is important, but don’t become so committed that you let the chance for finding your other half pass you by. Just let the people you are interested in getting to know better know that school comes first, but it won’t last forever.

I have a really good friend who ended up marrying a girl who was also in the process of becoming a doctor.  The two of them lived in different states and were still able to fulfill their individual goals while setting aside time for one another. They got married the very weekend she graduated from medical school. The two of them were introduced at the ceremony as Mr. and Dr. I thought it was endearing and I was quite amazed at how they made it all work! They are still married and in love and were able to find one another during a time in their lives when they each had time-consuming goals each wanted to meet. They were able to do it all and they made it work, so you can, too!

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Dear Gems from Jen,

I’m 23, and for the past two years I have been living with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I am only just beginning to date, and I’m not sure how to tell guys about my condition. It’s bound to come up in conversation because I am unable to work full time as a result of the CFS. I want to be able to tell a date about my CFS in a way that won’t scare him off or make him feel sorry for me, and I have no idea how to do this! What should I say?

Dear Illness,

I always say honesty is the best policy! I think you might be surprised by the number of people who are facing similar dilemmas. Just because you have an illness does not make you any less of a person. My suggestion would be to tell the people you are interested in getting to know better sooner rather than later. I know if I were on the other end and meeting someone who had a chronic condition I would want to know about it. Don’t allow this condition to detour you though. There are plenty of guys out there looking for a quality person. I wouldn’t spend my time worrying about what other people may or may not think or feel. Spend your time meeting people you are compatible with and enjoy this time.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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Dear Gems from Jen,

I have been seeing my older brother’s friend for about two weeks now. We hit it off at my birthday party and he got my number. He asked me out on a date a few days later and we went out that week. We had a great first date and both agreed we wanted to see each other again. We made plans for a second date, but the day arrived and he ended up canceling, saying his friend broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to hang out. This was the first mixed signal.

He ended up contacting me two days later and we went out the following day. We went to the movies and he held my hand throughout and after we went back to his house. Everything went great again. We didn’t make plans for the next date, but I figured we would at some point. My brother’s girlfriend knows him really well so she said to throw him a bone, because he has never been in a serious relationship and needs some encouragement. Usually, I wouldn’t initiate contact with a guy, but I thought it would be okay in this case. So I asked him what he was doing on Saturday night. He said he was going out with a friend from work. I told him I was going to a party and we exchanged texts for a little while. Then I asked him “Will I see you this week?” and he replied after 20 minutes saying “We will see what my schedule is like.”

What does this all mean? I am leaving in about two weeks to do an internship in Vancouver and I will be gone for about four weeks. I am in my last semester in college and will be graduating in May, so I will only be home every few weeks until I finish school. He graduated a few years ago and is living and working in the neighboring town.
Is he afraid of getting too involved since I am leaving? Or is he just not that interested?

Thanks,

Lauren

Dear Mixed Signals.

After reading your question, I can really only come to one conclusion; actions always speak louder than words. With that said, remember this is brand new, nothing serious, you are leaving town for a bit, and my guess is you want something a bit more serious than he really sounds willing to commit to. My suggestion is to stop over-thinking this and do not put all of your eggs in one basket.  I understand the two of you hit it off and that is wonderful!  However, there are plenty of other guys to hit it off with as well. If you are not receiving the direct signals you appear to want, then find someone who is willing to be straightforward and commit to getting to know you. If you sense that he is not that interested don’t waste your time trying to get him interested. That tactic tends to backfire for most of us. College is usually a great time to explore all of your possibilities, so use this time to your advantage and get to know all types of people. If this guy calls and wants to go out again by all means go out with him, but keep in mind he is not the last guy on Earth, just someone you hit it off with for a few hours.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Dear Gems from Jen,

I’m new to JDate and feeling overwhelmed by the world of online dating. I’ve found that men are much more likely to contact me through IM than through email, but I don’t really feel comfortable giving out my phone number (or agreeing to meet someone) after one conversation, even if I think I may like them.  How do I respond to those requests without making it sound like I’m just not interested in getting to know them?

Thanks

Dear Too Fast,

I can understand why you are feeling overwhelmed. I agree with you, dating should be a natural progression, even in the online world. If someone IMs you and wants to meet after one conversation, you need to decide if this is someone you really do want to get to know. I know for me when things move too quickly I become uncomfortable and begin to question the motives behind the person who is rushing the process. I tend to wonder if the person is just merely excited, or if they are  going to lose patience and/or attention too quickly. If you do decide to continue corresponding with these people be straightforward and speak the truth. Let each one know you are not yet comfortable giving out your number and would prefer to continue getting to know them through email. Do not do anything until you feel ready and comfortable. If the people on the other end do not understand or are no longer interested because you are not willing to rush things, move forward without looking backward.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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