under Date Night
I recently experienced something very annoying in the realm of dating. After enjoying a fun, lively, and conversation-filled first date, the guy turned into my loyal pen pal. Instead of asking me out for a second date or hinting at making arrangements for plans in the future, he just talked and talked and talked about the mundane banalities of his day. I was left feeling a bit confused. Was this boy interested in dating me? Or was he just interested in having someone to chat with – over text – and never again to see in person?
- Do: Be sure to follow up post-date with conversation — and an indication that you had fun and you’d like to see them again. However, don’t jump from first date to pen pals. Meaning don’t talk and talk and talk over text or the phone without making plans to see each other again.
- Don’t: Let weeks pass without making plans for a new date. Conversations will start to drag on and then eventually fizzle out.
under Date Night
I received a message this week from a guy that got straight to the point. Instead of engaging in the get-to-know-you chatter, he directly asked me to meet him out for a drink. While it’s always great to move things along quick with online dating, it was a bit too forward. I wanted to get to know him more, see if we did indeed have anything in common — anything worth spending a few hours in person fleshing out the details.
- Do: Make it a point to chat before you set up a date. It’s important to know something about the person you’re going to meet in person. It’s risky to go out with anyone without even knowing their basic details if they ask you out in the very first message they send. Thank them for their offer, but ask politely to get to know them first.
- Don’t: Go meet them in person until you feel comfortable. If they ask you out in the very first message and you don’t feel like it’s right, or you’re questioning if you two would actually get along in person, say no. Ask for more information. Trust your gut and your instincts if they seem overly persistent or something seems wrong. When it comes to dating, the cardinal rule is to do what feels correct.
Follow Jen on Twitter: @tthingsilearned
I’ve had a profile up on JDate for over a year. In that time, I have not changed my photos or refreshed my profile. That’s not good at all. Who we are and how we look changes quicker than we think — and it’s best to have our profiles match who we are right now.
- Do: Post photos that were taken in the last 6-9 months. Ones that are clear and, if possible, of just you. It can be hard for a person to understand who you are — and it can get unnecessarily confusing — if you post pictures with a bunch of people in them.
- Don’t: Post just one photo. Try to post between 3-5. If you don’t have any recent photos – take some on your computer or ask a friend to take a photo of you. This will enhance your profile and give it a fresh look.
Read more Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com.
2014 has side-stepped into your life and pressed the reset button. Everyone always says, “New year, new you.” The same should absolutely apply to your dating profile. I made my first-ever JDate profile last January and haven’t updated it since. While most of the information still remains true (my love for pizza and paperbacks), it’s time that I give writing my ‘about me’ another try and posting more updated photos.
- Do: Change at least three things on your profile. The easiest and more beneficial things to change are your photos, your bio, and maybe one or two things you’re looking for in a match. Every year brings new experiences. Draw from some you had last year to help you articulate what you’re looking for this year.
- Don’t: Delete the whole thing. There’s no need to! Plus, if you do that, you may be a bit overwhelmed. Use it as an outline or a skeleton and work on improving it from there.
Read more Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com
A few months ago, after getting sick of hearing the constant nagging from my mom over why I’m not meeting anyone on JDate, I finally gave in. I gave her the username and password to my JDate account and let her explore for a few hours. I had imagined this moment to be awful and embarrassing, but what I found was that her perspective and judgments on who the good candidates were was very englightning. If you’re going to have a parent or a dear friend take over your accounts, here are some do’s and don’ts.
- Do: Set a time limit. Tell them this won’t be a recurring event, but if they’d like to go on for an afternoon (under your supervision) that’s okay. Set rules beforehand and make sure you’re comfortable with them either messaging people for you or answering messages.
- Don’t: Let them take over your account without your consent. Be sure that you have a say in who they are messaging and be even more sure they are not setting up dates or messaging back and forth with people for you. After they see someone they think is a good match, they should let you take over from there.
Read more Jen Glantz here or on Twitter: @tthingsilearned.
under Online Dating
I was with a friend the other day and I told her one of my goals for 2014 was to take dating more seriously. My game plan for next year is to make dating a more prime focus in my life and to stop flirting with the excuse of, “I don’t have time” or “There’s no one out there for me.”
- Do: Set a goal to meet new people in 2014. That alone will spice up your dating life. Whether it’s to join an online dating site or just say yes to more social invitations, mentally prepare yourself and your heart to accept the prospect of love when it knocks at your door.
- Don’t: Bring your negative attitude toward dating into 2014. Leave the awkward stories, the bad dates, and the people who broke your heart in 2013. There’s no need to weave them in to the brand new year starting January 1st, 2014.
Read more Jen Glantz here or follow her on Twitter.
under Online Dating
SSS or single sadness syndrome (this is not endorsed, yet, by Dr. Oz) surfaces during the holidays like a persistent pimple. And while all the couples are off doing couples things — like holding hands while ice skating through Central Park, or feeding each other pieces of pie, or taking selfies as they smooch underneath the mistletoe — us single folks are left feeling uncomfortably alone.
- Do: Make an effort to be social. Make plans with friends that are coming into town, or check out some of the traditional holiday events in your area. If you find yourself with no plus one to your company holiday party or family dinner, try to be okay with that. Use that as an opportunity to work the room, shake hands, and bring in brand new people into your life.
- Don’t: Wallow in your single status. Instead of getting upset when you see the photos that your friends post with their boyfriends or girlfriends, get motivated to go out and do something fun.
Read more from Jen Glantz here or on Twitter: @tthingsilearned.
“All my friends are engaged,” she said to me as if I haven’t heard that one before. “What am I supposed to do?”
I thought she meant gift-wise, so I instructed her on the types of gifts you should purchase for a couple, depending on where they are in their wedding timeline. But then, unexpectedly, she started shaking her head at me.
“No, no,” she said. “I mean how am I supposed to feel.”
When you see that all your friends are in long-lasting relationships, and the rings start magically growing on their fingers, it’s common to feel a bit jealous or internally sad. But it’s important to remember a few things.
- Do: Try to be happy for them. If they are a good friend of yours, this won’t be something you will have to try hard to do. It’s important to push away any negative personal feelings you have for the moment and instead congratulate them. Remember, this is not about you — this is about them.
- Don’t: There’s no need to compare yourself to them — or anyone. Everyone’s life moves at a different speed and you should never compare and contrast. Don’t ask yourself why you’re still single, or if there’s something wrong with you.
Learn about Jen Glantz’s new book, ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ENGAGED.
I read somewhere recently that the beginning of a relationship should feel like a honeymoon period. Meaning there should be very little things that need to be worked out and absolutely no fighting. If someone comes at you with a negative attitude or starts an argument with you while you’re still in the “courting” phase, consider something to be very wrong.
- Do: Approach situations calmly and with your head on straight. When someone says something to you that makes you upset, wait before responding and never respond back attacking them. Remember, this is someone who is supposed to make you happy and feel safe and secure. If they are starting fights with you, especially early on, things won’t get better later on.
- Don’t: Feel obligated to give someone a second or a third or a fourth chance if they keep on starting fights with you or disagreeing with you. Stand up for what you believe in and don’t sacrifice your comfort level.
under Date Night
I lost a bet. I was on a second date with a guy at Dave and Busters and he said whoever wins this game we’re playing has to plan our next date. Sure enough, I did everything I could to win. I put my game face on, rolled up my sleeves, and was determined to come out a winner. But I lost.
I must admit. It’s always very nice when a guy (on the first few dates) has where we are going and what we are doing all planned out. It makes me feel less stressed and more comfortable with him. But there’s nothing wrong with the girl taking the lead on a date and planning out the evening.
- Do: Remember things about him and incorporate something he likes into the date. Whether it is his favorite activity, food, or place in the area that he has been wanting to visit. This is a great opportunity to remind him that you listen. That you care.
- Don’t: Wait till the last minute. You’ll be overwhelmed with the question of what-to-do and end up upset with yourself.