under Online Dating
I was with a friend the other day and I told her one of my goals for 2014 was to take dating more seriously. My game plan for next year is to make dating a more prime focus in my life and to stop flirting with the excuse of, “I don’t have time” or “There’s no one out there for me.”
- Do: Set a goal to meet new people in 2014. That alone will spice up your dating life. Whether it’s to join an online dating site or just say yes to more social invitations, mentally prepare yourself and your heart to accept the prospect of love when it knocks at your door.
- Don’t: Bring your negative attitude toward dating into 2014. Leave the awkward stories, the bad dates, and the people who broke your heart in 2013. There’s no need to weave them in to the brand new year starting January 1st, 2014.
Read more Jen Glantz here or follow her on Twitter.
under Online Dating
SSS or single sadness syndrome (this is not endorsed, yet, by Dr. Oz) surfaces during the holidays like a persistent pimple. And while all the couples are off doing couples things — like holding hands while ice skating through Central Park, or feeding each other pieces of pie, or taking selfies as they smooch underneath the mistletoe — us single folks are left feeling uncomfortably alone.
- Do: Make an effort to be social. Make plans with friends that are coming into town, or check out some of the traditional holiday events in your area. If you find yourself with no plus one to your company holiday party or family dinner, try to be okay with that. Use that as an opportunity to work the room, shake hands, and bring in brand new people into your life.
- Don’t: Wallow in your single status. Instead of getting upset when you see the photos that your friends post with their boyfriends or girlfriends, get motivated to go out and do something fun.
Read more from Jen Glantz here or on Twitter: @tthingsilearned.
“All my friends are engaged,” she said to me as if I haven’t heard that one before. “What am I supposed to do?”
I thought she meant gift-wise, so I instructed her on the types of gifts you should purchase for a couple, depending on where they are in their wedding timeline. But then, unexpectedly, she started shaking her head at me.
“No, no,” she said. “I mean how am I supposed to feel.”
When you see that all your friends are in long-lasting relationships, and the rings start magically growing on their fingers, it’s common to feel a bit jealous or internally sad. But it’s important to remember a few things.
- Do: Try to be happy for them. If they are a good friend of yours, this won’t be something you will have to try hard to do. It’s important to push away any negative personal feelings you have for the moment and instead congratulate them. Remember, this is not about you — this is about them.
- Don’t: There’s no need to compare yourself to them — or anyone. Everyone’s life moves at a different speed and you should never compare and contrast. Don’t ask yourself why you’re still single, or if there’s something wrong with you.
Learn about Jen Glantz’s new book, ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ENGAGED.
I read somewhere recently that the beginning of a relationship should feel like a honeymoon period. Meaning there should be very little things that need to be worked out and absolutely no fighting. If someone comes at you with a negative attitude or starts an argument with you while you’re still in the “courting” phase, consider something to be very wrong.
- Do: Approach situations calmly and with your head on straight. When someone says something to you that makes you upset, wait before responding and never respond back attacking them. Remember, this is someone who is supposed to make you happy and feel safe and secure. If they are starting fights with you, especially early on, things won’t get better later on.
- Don’t: Feel obligated to give someone a second or a third or a fourth chance if they keep on starting fights with you or disagreeing with you. Stand up for what you believe in and don’t sacrifice your comfort level.
under Date Night
I lost a bet. I was on a second date with a guy at Dave and Busters and he said whoever wins this game we’re playing has to plan our next date. Sure enough, I did everything I could to win. I put my game face on, rolled up my sleeves, and was determined to come out a winner. But I lost.
I must admit. It’s always very nice when a guy (on the first few dates) has where we are going and what we are doing all planned out. It makes me feel less stressed and more comfortable with him. But there’s nothing wrong with the girl taking the lead on a date and planning out the evening.
- Do: Remember things about him and incorporate something he likes into the date. Whether it is his favorite activity, food, or place in the area that he has been wanting to visit. This is a great opportunity to remind him that you listen. That you care.
- Don’t: Wait till the last minute. You’ll be overwhelmed with the question of what-to-do and end up upset with yourself.
under Date Night
It happens to all of us. We go out with high expectations and come home with low spirits. We swear off dating and report back to our loved ones that maybe we are destined to be alone for the rest of our lives. I’ve never met someone who has not had a bad — or awkward — date at least once in their life. If they exist, I’d love to give them a hug and tell them about some of mine.
If you find yourself feeling down after a date:
- Do: laugh it off. Even if it was uncomfortable or unimaginable, know that it is over. You never have to see this person again (hopefully). So, just turn this into a memory that you eventually forget. Do something that restores your faith in humanity—or just watch a rom-com on Netflix and dream a little.
- Don’t: Become a dating recluse. That means you shouldn’t just shut down your online dating profile and delete all potential suitors from your phone. You’ll get nowhere doing this, except a life of loneliness and a heart of sadness. Pick yourself up and try again.
Please, just try again.
The question that always comes right after “Why are you still single?” is “Jen, can I please set you up with me [fill in the blank here]. Here’s some tips and reminder to think about before and if you say yes.
Do: Think about it. Ask to know some more information about the person. If they sound like your type and meet your base requirements, it’s a good idea to meet them in person. Trust your friend’s judgment that this person could be a really good match for you.
Don’t: Blow that person off. If you agree to meet them and go out with them, follow through. Even if you don’t like them after the first date, be sure to thank your friend for setting you up and just let them know that the person is great (since they think so), but just not the right match for you. Cross your fingers it’s not awkward. It shouldn’t be.
Check out Jen’s new e-book, ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ENGAGED, here: www.allmyfriendsareengaged.com
I’ve had guys cancel dates on me because of the following, last minute, sudden, and urgent reasons:
-I’m just too tired to go out tonight
-I really need to get to the gym
-I have to work late—which really, usually, means there’s a good football or basketball game on
-Something came up—see above for the real reason.
I get it. Things come up. Schedules get overbooked and people get over tired. But if you’re going to cancel a date, be sure to do it like this:
Do: Be honest, but remind them that they are still a priority. Let them know what has come up and if you could reschedule. Please, please, please let them know this far in advance. Most people take their schedules and to-do lists very seriously. Any interruptions just cause an enormous amount of stress—I know, it’s embarrassing to admit that.
Don’t: Use an excuse to cancel the date because you’re no longer into them. If that’s the case, don’t hide behind an excuse. Call the whole thing off—in a nice way.
Read Jen’s new book: All My Friends are Engaged http://www.goo.gl/W8Sxz3
My Friday morning started off with a friend asking me if she could set me up with someone that she knows. Before I had the chance to roll my eyes and fight off that remark with a thousand different excuses, I said “Why Not”. There’s times people will try to set me up and I’ll just say no. I’d rather use that night of my week to relax on the couch or even just the thought of going on a date with someone new can be overwhelming and frightening.
Do: Take everyone into consideration. If you’re not ready to jump on the “yes” train, at least adopt the mindset that you’ll say “maybe”. Check the person out a bit and ask the friend trying to set you up to tell you a little more about them. If they sound more interesting than your Tuesday night TV show line up, give them a try.
Don’t: Write every potential “set up” or blind date off as an automatic disaster. It’s another (and quite possibly one of the only) ways to meet new people. Whether they become love interests, friends, or connections, there’s something valuable you can take away from every single person you meet.
This week someone asked me, after going out on 3 dates with a new guy, how I felt about him. I couldn’t give her a straight answer. There was lack of interest or even passion on my part and I wasn’t even very excited to find out if he was going to text me. If that’s how I’m feeling after a 3rd date, it’s pretty clear what my answer to my friend should be.
Do: Treat love like you do books. When it gets boring, or too complicated, put it down. Skip to the end. Value your time, your emotion and your heart. Only let people in who are worth all three of those things.
Don’t: If by date #4, you’re questioning your interest in a person, call it quits. Don’t waste time letting something drag on that’s not meant to be—likewise, don’t force something that’s not meant to be.
Check out Jen’s new eBook “ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ENGAGED”. Available now on Amazon or iTunes.