under Date Night
It happens to all of us. We go out with high expectations and come home with low spirits. We swear off dating and report back to our loved ones that maybe we are destined to be alone for the rest of our lives. I’ve never met someone who has not had a bad — or awkward — date at least once in their life. If they exist, I’d love to give them a hug and tell them about some of mine.
If you find yourself feeling down after a date:
- Do: laugh it off. Even if it was uncomfortable or unimaginable, know that it is over. You never have to see this person again (hopefully). So, just turn this into a memory that you eventually forget. Do something that restores your faith in humanity—or just watch a rom-com on Netflix and dream a little.
- Don’t: Become a dating recluse. That means you shouldn’t just shut down your online dating profile and delete all potential suitors from your phone. You’ll get nowhere doing this, except a life of loneliness and a heart of sadness. Pick yourself up and try again.
Please, just try again.
The question that always comes right after “Why are you still single?” is “Jen, can I please set you up with me [fill in the blank here]. Here’s some tips and reminder to think about before and if you say yes.
Do: Think about it. Ask to know some more information about the person. If they sound like your type and meet your base requirements, it’s a good idea to meet them in person. Trust your friend’s judgment that this person could be a really good match for you.
Don’t: Blow that person off. If you agree to meet them and go out with them, follow through. Even if you don’t like them after the first date, be sure to thank your friend for setting you up and just let them know that the person is great (since they think so), but just not the right match for you. Cross your fingers it’s not awkward. It shouldn’t be.
Check out Jen’s new e-book, ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ENGAGED, here: www.allmyfriendsareengaged.com
I’ve had guys cancel dates on me because of the following, last minute, sudden, and urgent reasons:
-I’m just too tired to go out tonight
-I really need to get to the gym
-I have to work late—which really, usually, means there’s a good football or basketball game on
-Something came up—see above for the real reason.
I get it. Things come up. Schedules get overbooked and people get over tired. But if you’re going to cancel a date, be sure to do it like this:
Do: Be honest, but remind them that they are still a priority. Let them know what has come up and if you could reschedule. Please, please, please let them know this far in advance. Most people take their schedules and to-do lists very seriously. Any interruptions just cause an enormous amount of stress—I know, it’s embarrassing to admit that.
Don’t: Use an excuse to cancel the date because you’re no longer into them. If that’s the case, don’t hide behind an excuse. Call the whole thing off—in a nice way.
Read Jen’s new book: All My Friends are Engaged http://www.goo.gl/W8Sxz3
My Friday morning started off with a friend asking me if she could set me up with someone that she knows. Before I had the chance to roll my eyes and fight off that remark with a thousand different excuses, I said “Why Not”. There’s times people will try to set me up and I’ll just say no. I’d rather use that night of my week to relax on the couch or even just the thought of going on a date with someone new can be overwhelming and frightening.
Do: Take everyone into consideration. If you’re not ready to jump on the “yes” train, at least adopt the mindset that you’ll say “maybe”. Check the person out a bit and ask the friend trying to set you up to tell you a little more about them. If they sound more interesting than your Tuesday night TV show line up, give them a try.
Don’t: Write every potential “set up” or blind date off as an automatic disaster. It’s another (and quite possibly one of the only) ways to meet new people. Whether they become love interests, friends, or connections, there’s something valuable you can take away from every single person you meet.
This week someone asked me, after going out on 3 dates with a new guy, how I felt about him. I couldn’t give her a straight answer. There was lack of interest or even passion on my part and I wasn’t even very excited to find out if he was going to text me. If that’s how I’m feeling after a 3rd date, it’s pretty clear what my answer to my friend should be.
Do: Treat love like you do books. When it gets boring, or too complicated, put it down. Skip to the end. Value your time, your emotion and your heart. Only let people in who are worth all three of those things.
Don’t: If by date #4, you’re questioning your interest in a person, call it quits. Don’t waste time letting something drag on that’s not meant to be—likewise, don’t force something that’s not meant to be.
Check out Jen’s new eBook “ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ENGAGED”. Available now on Amazon or iTunes.
It may feel as though every time you log onto Facebook, there’s some teary eyed announcement over someone you know getting engaged. The ring is shiny and the champagne is flowing, but there you are. Alone. Single. And upset.
Do: Find it in yourself to be happy for others around you. It will open up a place in your heart where you’ll feel inspired and motivated to go out and date. To meet new people and hopefully find love.
Don’t: Get hung up on seeing others around you get engaged. Love doesn’t have an age limit and you are certainly not behind—no matter your marital status. Focus on living and pushing yourself to try new opportunities and through that meet new people.
Also, check out my newly released eBook: All My Friends Are Engaged on Amazon + iTunes now:
Often times when on a first date, the nerves start to build up and I start to forget who I am and what I’m supposed to be doing. Basically, I forget how to date. I forget how to speak. And I forget that I’ve been here before and can do this again.
- Do: Go with the flow. Enter a first date with not super high expectations and the mindset that you’ll give this person a chance (just like they are giving you). Let the nerves settle in by remembering that they are obviously interested in you because the first move of accepting to meet has been made and mutually agreed on.
- Don’t: Say no to a date because you’re nervous. I’ve been on a lot of first dates in my life and still no matter what, right before I leave to meet the guy, I am drenched in nerves. It wears off and you will, ultimately, be fine. Every date is a learning experience.
I have one online dating account (on JDate) and one dating “app” on my phone. Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed and overcome with anxiety from just using those two that I shut down. I read messages and then I never respond. So, is it safe to be on more than one dating site at a time?
Do: Browse around multiple sites and if you have the time and energy, set up multiple profiles. Checking out other sites might also help you get a better idea and feeling toward JDate and it may help you get some tips on how to set up your profile and the best ways to message someone.
Don’t: Overwhelm yourself with too many websites, profiles, messages or dates. Online dating can be a lot to handle and if you find yourself feeling anxiety over managing your profile and messages, than you are doing it wrong. Only exert yourself the number of online dating sites that you can handle.
Read more: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com
Recently, I’ve had a couple of readers and friends reach out with one question that they are desperate to get off their chest: What should I say to spark a conversation? And I find that the easiest way to write out a message and the best way to get a response from someone is to keep it simple. Starting off a first message to someone should be similar to how you’d start off a “hello” to someone in person.
Do: Mention something that sparked your attention from their profile. Use that as your way to make them feel special and connected to your first message. You’ll have a much better response rate if you make them feel special over making them feel weirded out.
Don’t: Write them something generic, or use the wrong person’s name, or try to make your message seem too way out of the box. A first message is just a preview of the conversation to come.
Messaging back and forth with someone is like playing a game of tennis. To keep the game going, you need to hit the ball back and forth. In a world where online conversations take precedence over in-person conversations, it’s important to spruce up your messages with information about you, as well as a question or two that will draw the person you’re emailing into responding. Here’s a few tips!
- Do: Always end your message with a question. That way, the person will be captivated enough to respond. To feel as though you’re not only interested in answering their promoted questions, but also to get to know them in return. End with a question that actually intrigues you, one where you truly want to find out the answer. Most importantly, keep it as genuine as possible.
- Don’t: Answer in lengthy detail! Try to limit how much you reveal about yourself in your messages. Save the long stories, the dazzling details, and the autobiography for in-person chatter. When you’re messaging back and forth, don’t weigh your messages down with long paragraphs or side comments. Keep it short and simple. Most importantly, keep it about both of you.
Read more Jen Glantz here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com