Author Archive

Last night, JDate co-hosted a wine tasting event for 30s to 40s age ranges at the 92nd Street Y.  I thought the concept, though not new, was sophisticated and fun.  I was particularly drawn to the red wines, Montepulciano in particular. What does that say? I guess wine in some aspects are like men, many varieties.  I like mine well rounded in personality though fit and toned, understated, mature yet with hints of spice, and undertones of genius and great character. Though I chatted it up with a few people and took some sips, I continue my search for that perfect blend.

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We’ve all had our cases/moments where we thought “this is the One” and heartbreak was soon to follow…and in times of heartbreak, my mom would always say, (you can’t hurry love – actually that was Phil) “It may not seem like it now, but the next bus is around the corner.” And for singletons in NYC, the theory can’t be more true. In the city that never sleeps, there are always new friends to be made. So if you happen to think Mr. Perfect isn’t so perfect anymore, trust me and mom, when I say the next bus is just around the corner.

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An old friend reached out to me this week expressing he had always had a crush on me but felt the timing wasn’t right for one reason or another. But now, though normally he would be shy and not express himself, he is trying the “George” (Costanza fictional character from the sitcom Seinfeld) and doing the opposite. For me, I truly applaud this thinking/behavior. Why wouldn’t you say how you feel and what is on your mind?  I get the whole “risk and rejection is not fun” theory.  But, on one hand, you have the status quo which is apparently not where you want to be. Shaking that up by articulating your desires, can only change the scenario for the better (potentially a happily ever after) or, at a minimum, give you the information you need to not waste your time and move forward. That being said, and admittedly this is sexist comment, I’m not sure I would encourage the same forthrightness by my women friends.  Despite the huge strides in the women’s movement, I believe there is a romantic ideal – call me traditional and old fashioned – that men do the pursuing and courting when it comes to romantic relationships. Women should flirt no doubt, but it is my experience that men (and their egos) generally give them enough of a “George” to go after so they aren’t at risk of letting him slip by.

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I’m at a Springsteen concert (gotta love the classics) with a dear friend of mine. And the House in Madison Square Garden is getting down. I turn and smile at my friend whosedanceresemblesthe Seinfield Elaine dance. However, he calls it the “Tarantula Dance.”  Now if he reads this, my ass is in trouble. Though he shouldn’t be because he is not single. That aside, the dance was so endearing/adorable, yet funny (when your stomach hurts from laughing, funny). But the best of it, knowing you can be your absolute self in front of someone and not worrying.  A friendship or romantic relationship is at its best when you can be that person and they still think you’re amazing. Not that doing the Elaine or Tarantula Dance can be seen as a fault, but I guess you know when you can be absolutely yourself in a relationship and when someone knows your faults/quirkiness/idiosyncrasies and even finds them endearing, then you’ve got something good.

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I looove Halloween, what a great holiday! It’s a fun opportunity for us to act like kids without apologizing for it. Being a brunette who’s petite, yet curvy, a sexy Wonder Woman costume seemed to fit the bill. As I searched for Superman/Clark Kent (no doubt a great how-we-met story don’t ya think?) some other treats passed me in the early evening. What a fun time Halloween is.

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Would you (and be honest) set up a friend of the opposite sex that you were attracted to — but weren’t dating? This was a conversation and predicament that I had with a guy friend recently. This resulted in the theory of the “lay away plan.”  Why would you set up someone if you might want to date them in the future or you knew that doing so would make you jealous? The answer: because the person is a friend, a true friend, and you would like them to be happy and you are willing to be selfless to see that happen. And if you can’t, maybe your friendship isn’t as true as you thought…Or, maybe you should ask them out. Things that make you go hmmm.

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Yoga.  There I was for the first time sweating (understatement) in 115 degrees.  Thinking, why the heck do people do this Bikram Yoga?  My mind was running and my body was about too as well.  After 60 minutes my clothes were drenched and I had run out of water.  With 30 minutes left, I was about to sneak out the door. I figured I made a good showing at my first class.  But the teacher coaxed me into staying – even running to get me more water – so “I would keep with it.”  As it comes to dating, maybe we should all have the same teacher.  Someone who coaxes us to stay longer, try harder, not run so easily.  Yes, after a while it does no good for anyone to stay any longer than necessary in the wrong scenario,  BUT just maybe, we should all stay a little longer and sweat it out.

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I distinctly remember one of the first conversations I had with an ex as we walked along the beach in Mexico. He asked, “Do you think the person you marry will be your greatest love?” It was very insightful, so, I pondered this question. My gut instinctual response was: Probably not, but I will marry the best “life partner” for me.  First know, there are few people as corny, cheesy, romantic as I. That said, I am also a realist. These two personality traits often conflict with each another.

I think the adrenaline rushes we got as kids are irreplaceable memories. For example, think of the first time you thought your heart was broken and life would never be the same. Somehow, you managed and moved on. There will be some relationship memories that stick just because they do. The intensity, the passion, the excitement, the differences, the drama, the attraction, and so on… Yet, those people, no matter how deep your love is, may not make the best life partners. So I guess although my answer was instinctual–I think for me, the most important qualities in a life partner are 1) attraction (most agree that is one thing you are not supposed to go out of the marriage for), and  2) someone who you work well with as a team,has a similar outlook on life as you. There will be so many other bumps in the road, so creating drama yourself is not a bonus in the ride of life that said, settling is not an option, no matter how old you are. I guess the answer to everything in life, is the “compromise” between attraction/passion and finding someone you are “in sync” with.

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So when does that initial, likely random, first date turn into something less random and more familiar?  When does the relationship start feeling as if you’re with someone who should have always been there…?

ON the first date you had a good time, a great time, a pleasant time. You go on a second and third date, but yet you’re not yet convinced as you begin to dip your feet into the potentially rough riptides.  You are in the ocean taking a step further in as each date passes, but the question is, are you being brought back to the sandy shore because of other options in the dating pool, or maybe because it just doesn’t feel quite right and the waves are pushing you back?

Or

Is it something that sticks with you even if you are not quite sure if you can explain it?  Even if it’s based on nothing more than a feeling, it’s still something you feel you should “tread” out.  So you hang out where you toes barely touch and you tread water content with seeing where this swim can take you. Will you encounter a tsunami with waves that will crash and burn or will it be a calm excursion that brings you deeply intertwined in a calm that you never experienced.

Many of us have our one-hit wonders that bring us back to shore, BUT in the event there is that connection that is worth treading for,  hold on to it for dear life because waves like that don’t come around too often. Some might even say it is an illusion, so enjoy the ride.

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Over the weekend as I was doing mundane bills and paperwork, I turned on the TV to the movie Hitch with Will Smith. The scene is where Kevin James is showing off his proud dance moves or as Kevin’s character calls them “making the pizza,” “the q-tip,” etc.  Will Smith denounces Kevin to never perform such moves in public especially in front of his love, the elegantly photographed Allegra Cole.  During the scene I was laughing out loud, because those are the quirky, endearing idiosyncrasies that I would fall for in a heartbeat.  What can I say, I am charmed by quirky, geeky, good guys.

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