Author Archive

If there was a challenge over who was the sappiest romantic, I might be up there with the best of them. I’m definitely a girlie girl. I cried without restraint as I watched The Notebook for the third time and I truly believe in happily ever after.  Yet, regardless of whether I’m single or attached, having Hallmark dictate when I should be extra “romantic” does not sit well with me. I find it cliché and forced.  Shouldn’t everyday be Valentine’s Day?  Shouldn’t you aspire every day to make your significant other feel special? There is no real reason why flowers, chocolate and specials surprises should mean so much more on February 14th. I hate to be the Grinch who stole Valentine’s…but I think Hallmark and Godiva will survive regardless.

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Years ago I was at a gorgeous resort in Costa Rica appropriately named “Mariposa” as it was truly engulfed by gorgeous butterflies.  Fast forward, I recently found myself in a deep conversation with a Latin guy friend who conveyed he didn’t understand NYC dating rituals. Frustrated, he stated people jump and jump, no one stands still for a second to even see if a connection can develop.  If it is not an instant connection, then they’re on to the next. I proclaimed “Mariposa”– like the jumping butterflies.  In a city of attractive and uber-successful people, here’s hoping in 2010 that you take a break from the Mariposa ways, and that you delve a little deeper. You may be surprised by getting some of your own internal butterflies.

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I don’t usually write about the specifics of my dating life…as you may imagine, that could hinder it on some level….but this is too fun not to share.  Recently, my date and I ran into Magnolia Bakery to sample their famous banana pudding.  As we had just eaten lunch, a sample taste was sufficient for the moment.

A couple days later, I was surprised by the delivery of a tub (for 20 people) of guess what?  Banana pudding.  Sweet? Absolutely.  Original?  I have received many varied treats through the years, but I never have received banana pudding. All week long as I opened the fridge and stared at this barrel of banana pudding I burst out laughing. How the heck was I even going to make a dent? And that spontaneous by-yourself smile/laughter is what life is all.

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A former boyfriend (a Jewish FBI agent – who knew they existed – and yes, he always packed heat) in his intelligence officer role once stated to me “Fear motivates people one way or the other”.  A simplistic and obvious comment but one that has stayed with me for many years. I know folks who have committed to their significant other out of fear of losing that person in their life.  On the contrary, I know some who have chosen not to get engaged and give something a chance for fear of getting hurt.

Fear can be crippling and no question having a broken heart is not much fun, but when friends have come to me saddened because a relationship did not take the route they had hoped, as much as it sucks, the mere fact that they were able to “feel” enough to be upset – I think, is a wonderful gift.  All too often, there is so much indifference that exists around us, including in the dating world.  A beat isn’t missed if Mr. Wall Street does not call for a second date, because there always seems to be another possibility around the corner. Especially, in the city that never sleeps.
I guess what I’m saying is the minor scrape or profound bruise that may take several months to heel is worth the possibilities. Because the bottom line is – the chance to be more that indifferent does not happen that often, no matter where you are. Face the worst-case scenario (being hurt) and though it may take weeks or months to feel in a good place, the band-aid will eventually come off and the potential upside is way too great to not risk being engaged.

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New resolutions abound and generally for singletons this involves a renewed focus on fitness routines and their love lives.  Personally, I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions.  It is never a bad idea to reflect and make changes but shouldn’t these changes occur at the moment of recognition as opposed to Jan 1st?  Though, Harry (Billy Crystal) in When Harry Met Sally made his proclamation on New Year’s Eve, his words of honest vulnerability is heart melting. “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” I digress, I guess the point being is that rather than waiting for serendipity to happen the real power is to make the “choice” to make it happen whether on January 1st or any other time. “Choose” to play relationships out and see what develops rather than going on the continuous merry-go-round of dating. In any case, come January 1st, gyms are a lot fuller now with a lot of folks on the scene hoping to meet their lobster.  Here’s hoping that you build those buns of steel and, as for the merry-go-round of dating, you get off that ride as soon as possible.

Happy Resolutions and New Year to all MOTs.

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..blared from the Hurricane Disco as we danced around like inebriated teens having a great night.  After five nights of JDate’s Bahamas trip, I am officially now detoxing.  A week of fun, sun, tennis and new and old friends was exactly what the doctor ordered.  A shout out to the Brits and Philly boyz who kept us amused and in stitches, and a special shout out to Charlie’s Angels who made the week so much fun…it wouldn’t have been the same without you guys.

So what’s next when you are no longer in the “resort no-worries” mentality with the new-found connections? First, a lot of friending on Facebook and then comes Monday when we all go back to the daily grind and get caught up in life’s routines. On this trip I met some incredible friends and I also have witnessed the beginning of several romances (T and M keep me posted, my fingers are crossed). It’s all about next steps as we dive into 2010.  Happy New Year!

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This morning I had “blunch” (breakfast that ran into lunch) with an ex who has become one of my most favorite friends. Yes, it does happen on occasion.  As I relayed my dating stories and expectations that I have for those I date (which by the way, I think are basic common courtesy expectations), his response was, “Get over it or date someone from the South, then.”  Be prepared to teach some. His point was that my courtship expectations (calling versus texting and the other blunders) aren’t deal breakers and can be taught through communicating with your partner.  Perhaps.  But more importantly and insightfully – he said, “Why don’t you focus on what your date needs to make him feel safe and want to invest in you emotionally?”  Hmmm…I guess all too often maybe we forget to see things from the other person’s perspective and give off the wrong signals as we are only focused on our date meeting our own expectations. Admittedly, all too often I’m quick to say “done, he didn’t do yada yada…”  I guess my next date gets to benefit from my ex’s advice and my new experiment…Let me think about him and his perspective…(rather than just I). “I” think if we all did this perhaps there would be less frustrated singles and more happy couples.  Things that make you want to go hmmm.

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A guy friend, who is a dating coach out in L.A., recently made a presentation at a dating conference.  As I curiously watched his clip posted on Facebook, I thought he hit his most salient advice to date:  Girls, don’t do a thing!  Hmmm…The beauty in its simplicity. You don’t have to do a thing besides look great, be friendly and some subtle flirting never hurt anyone.  A little frustrating, but true.  Think about it, how many times have you cared less about a potential prospect and despite your lack of attention that guy came on stronger and with more resolve.  And then, the times you sat there and analyzed, planned, gave hints, maneuvered, nudged…and got nowhere besides being frustrated.

Bottom line: If the man is interested, I agree with my male friend’s opinion…they will surely let you know.

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Another year passes with the start of the holiday season.  Nothing is better than the holiday spirit in NYC! Sure, did I think I’d be celebrating with my apparently LOST spouse and kids, hell yeah, but such is life and fate with its mysterious twists and turns. Fortunately, I’ll be spending it with my wonderful family, which always involves much laughter, thankfully some catering, and a great celebration with friends and family. During what has been an extraordinarily difficult time for many people this year, I am grateful for all my blessings and hope much joy, peace and easier times ahead for those affected by 2009.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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After book club, a misnomer really, just us girls getting together to nosh and catch up, we headed over to “Nails and More” in an express lane of other women banging out our quick maintenance…mani/pedi-check; waxing-check; massage – double check…

But let’s hear it for the boys out there that manscape as well.  A recent poll taken at the authentic book club reports that: 4 out of 5 of us agree that it is not only appreciated, but in all honesty needed!

All manscapers unite!

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