under Date Night
Matchmakers have had to take on new techniques in this modern day of technology. Recently I got an email from a friend with a link to a JDate profile, asking me if I knew the girl and if I would approve of him making contact and… get this… if I would lay the groundwork by telling her what a good guy he is as well.
I did know the gal and did approve of his choice, so I agreed to do what he asked and sent her a message letting her know that a guy friend of mine saw her on JDate and would be contacting her on JDate, but wanted to make sure she knew who he was since she was more than likely being inundated with messages. She wrote me back and told me she was interested as well and would look forward to his email.
This is just another example of how to proactively JDate and use all your contacts (and means) to meet your Beshert.
A friend of mine just announced her engagement on Facebook and after receiving more than 100 “Mazals” she posted a comment thanking everyone for their good wishes and stating that she had met her fiance online. This new thread then gained steam of its own with dozens of comments where many of her family and friends typed that they too had met their spouse online. It was a testament to what JDate and other sites strive to accomplish. My only issue was that people wrote it as if they normally don’t admit that they met their beshert online and seemed to only be doing so now because it was trendy. Listen people, the vast majority of singles are searching online and there is absolutely no shame in doing so. Own it and be proud of it, especially since you have pretty good odds of meeting your mate online.
A girlfriend of mine was telling me a story last night about how and why her most recent relationship ended. Apparently the guy, who’s a few years younger than she is, freaked out after continuously meeting all her engaged, married, and parenting friends. Since there’s still a “2″ before his age and a “3″ before his, he felt pressure that she would want to rush into getting married even though she had never said anything of the sort. She explained to me that she tried telling him that she wasn’t in any hurry but he had already made up his mind and broke off the relationship. After a few weeks he came back into the picture ready to listen to what she had to say and admitted that she hadn’t put any pressure on him and now they are cautiously talking again. She sat next to me and told me all this and my response to her was that neither she nor he could rationalize his feelings away and making excuses for the past month wasn’t going to magically change the fact that he freaked out nor was he going to magically not feel any subconscious pressure from dating a woman in her 30′s. I warned her to proceed slowly with her eyes wide open and that in the meantime I would ramp up my efforts to set her up with someone.
People don’t change in a month but they can change over time when they truly want to. Actions speak louder than words so if you are dating someone who hasn’t asked you for Prime Time Date Night within the first few weeks or hasn’t introduced you to his or her family and friends after a few months or refuses to have The Talk after half a year and always has excuses as to why, then stop making excuses for that person and move on to someone who is going to treat you as special as you deserve to be treated.
under Date Night
There are some phrases people say that they probably would wish they could take back if they knew how the other person heard it, felt about it and reacted to it. Some are stupid, some are offensive, some are insensitive and some are just annoying. Think of these scenarios: you see a mom with two kids the same age who look exactly the same and you ask, “Are they twins?”… um, duh. Or when you meet a ginger and you exclaim, “You have red hair!” as if they didn’t already know that. Or when you run into a basketball player and say, “You’re so tall, how’s the weather up there?” as if he had never heard that joke before.
So when you’re meeting a JDate in person for the first time, try to stay away from making the obvious comments. Most people will just smile at these inane comments, but inside they’re cringing because they’ve heard them all before and are waiting to meet that special someone who has something original to say.
Every year, families go through the debacle of whether or not they should create a family photo holiday card: Is there time? Is it worth the effort? Who should be in it? It’s that last question that can make waves in a singleton’s life. If you’re in a serious relationship, the topic of whether you will still be in a serious relationship next year will cross the minds of everyone involved. Should your significant other’s parents include you in an effort to support the relationship? Or, do they remain realistic and choose to wait until you are engaged before adding you to their annual family photo?
If you’re the “other” being discussed, then keep calm and stay out of the conversation. If your partner wants you in the photo, then he or she will try to make that happen. Don’t take it personally if your partner doesn’t make such an effort — they may feel the relationship is too new or they may have seen enough “others” on cards who didn’t make it to the next holiday season to want to make an issue out of it. If your partner’s parents want you on the card, that’s a good sign. If your partner then vetoes his or her own parents, that’s clearly not a good sign.
Eventually, when you are engaged (and then married and then have kids), there will plenty of holiday cards to be included in.
A hysterical email from a Jewish frat boy to both his Jewish and gentile fraternity brothers about how to flirt with Jewish sorority girls at mixers during Greek Week turned viral a few months ago. Full of stereotypes, the email is nonetheless humorous. From where it’s acceptable to say you are from (not Connecticut), to how to lie about where you went to sleepaway camp (go with a vague “upstate” locale at a place with the word “lake” tacked on at the end), to answering the question of if you are Jewish (my Dad is), to what area of study you should say you are majoring in (business or finance), the guide is supposed to help guys pick-up a Jewess.
The guide is clearly offensive and hones in on characteristics typical of a Jewish American Princess (JAP). Granted, this is for Greek undergrads who are just trying to have fun and do the stupid things that coeds do, but it is a disservice to both the men and women. Luckily, one of the sorority girls struck back by writing an email telling her sisters how to pick up a gentile by trying to appear as non-Jewish as possible (do not say you’re from Long Island, do not say you’re from Long Island, do not say you’re from Long Island) and basically harping on the ridiculousness of the frat boy’s email and expanding upon his blatant stereotyping.
Regardless of your age or maturity level, do yourself a favor and avoid the degradation that comes with using the JAP and goy terms, and the stereotypes that go along with it. Two of the most attractive traits are self-respect and respect for others, so don’t fall into negative stereotypes, or use it to describe yourself or others.
Coming up on Thanksgiving week it’s easy, as a singleton, to focus on what you don’t have rather than what you do have. Okay so you don’t have a home with a spouse and kids to host Turkey Day at, but you can be thankful for the invitations you received from loved ones (and it’s always nice when you can go home to your parents to celebrate). You may not have a date to take with to that dinner, but you should be thankful you have family and friends who are very happy to see you and to spend time with you (and may have new prospects to introduce you to after they hear about all your new endeavors). And when you end up with a fridge full of leftovers, don’t think about how you’re going to eat it all alone before it spoils but be thankful that you you don’t have to cook for a few days (and maybe make some awesome turkey sandwiches to take with to the office to share).
Everyone knows I love me some Patti Stanger and the newest season of The Millionaire Matchmaker is back for another go’round on Bravo! and this time there are some NJBs (nice, Jewish boys) who are also JDaters being featured! Patti herself talks about her new relationship — a beau she met on an online dating website (although not on JDate, so we can’t vouch for him). Yes, it’s a reality television show and it’s heavily staged and edited, but there are lessons to be learned.
Singles should watch the show not just for the laughs but to see what changes Patti wants her millionaires to make to grow as a person, why the millionaire does or doesn’t choose the suitors, what behaviors are acceptable or appalling, and take mental notes. Some of the examples may be extreme for entertainment’s sake, but find the teaching point of the exercise and learn from it.
So far, my profile has been visited by more than 50 girls, and I wrote emails to many of them but only two answered. Is there something I’m not doing correctly? Maybe I’m not writing the correct text? I don’t like the standard, prewritten emails. Could I get some advice?
Dear No Answers,
JDate can be a numbers game… how many women’s profiles are you viewing, sending a Flirt to, clicking on Secret Admirer or adding to your Favorites list? Do you log on daily to view women and make sure the women know you’re interested by viewing them multiple times a week? Do you write emails when you find someone you’re interested in or do you wait for them to view you in return? In order to increase your odds in getting responses to your messages you need to be active and proactive. But make sure your emails aren’t too aggressive, you don’t want to come off as desperate or needy. Tell the women why you are interested in them and what you have in common and that you hope to hear from them soon. Good luck!
My girlfriend Lauren has dated the same type of man over and over and over and finally realized after having her heart broken and being disappointed for the upteenth time that she was going after the wrong type. So she referred to her List and decided to only go for guys that actually fit her preferences rather than the guys she was instantly attracted to. And she found him. The guy who was perfect. He fit her List to a tee and she was hopeful that she had finally found her beshert. Except that’s all he was… good on paper. Something was missing, something she couldn’t put her finger on. He fulfilled all her requirements yet she wasn’t falling in love. What was missing? Being able to satisfy all your requirements and preferences on a checklist does not love make.
Your List is supposed to be helpful in keeping you away from people who aren’t right for you but that doesn’t mean that someone who hits all the marks will be right for you either. Don’t stay with someone just because they’re good on paper, but do give them a fair chance before you cast them by the wayside. Lauren continued to date this guy who was supposed to be her Mr. Right for nearly six months hoping that it would evolve into something more before finally pulling the plug. Lauren felt a bit lovelost as she thought that a man who checked off her non-negotiables would be “The One” but she recovered and set back out to find someone who both checked off MOST of her preferences while also giving her butterflies.