Author Archive

Big Bag Baggage

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

I admit it, I love a big bag. I like knowing I have everything I could ever need right at my fingertips, even if it means rifling through dozens of random contents until I find my needed item. But a date is not where a big bag belongs. A big bag translates into baggage when you’re on a date. No one needs all that “stuff,” whether literally or figuratively, on a date.

Ladies — you should carry no more than a clutch or small handbag on a date. What else do you need besides an ID, some cash, one credit card, lipstick, your cellphone and keys? Leave the rest of your junk at home along with your last relationship drama, your emotional scarring from your childhood, and the stress you have from work.

Dates are not impressed by your Louis Vuitton Neverful. In fact, you will probably be prematurely judged as being high maintenance and a JAP if you walk into a first date lugging a purse half your size. Leave it at home and don’t even think of introducing it on a date until you’re in a committed relationship!


Dating Deadlines

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Since coining the phrase “poly-dating,” I have been asked the following question: isn’t that cheating? No. No, it is not. Until you are in a committed, monogamous relationship (whether you had ‘The Talk’ or you just know you both want to be pursue a future together), you do not need to explain yourself to anyone. You can date anyone you want. But, as soon as things start getting serious with one person, then you must break it off with the others. If you’re planning on having sex with one of your prospects then you need to break things off with the others beforehand, out of respect for all parties involved.

Once your new relationship is secure you can mention that there were others you were dating until they made you realize that no one else could measure up (may as well spread it on thick if you’re going to go there), but don’t volunteer the information if no one asks because it really doesn’t matter what you did before things got serious.

And, in general, there is no reason to continue having a friendship with any of the rejected prospects. You were dating to see if there was a future together; there wasn’t, and that relationship is now over. Your new significant other will not appreciate you having a friendship with someone you were dating at the same time.


Out With the Old, In With the New

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Relationships

As we welcome 2015 let’s leave the crummy parts of 2014 behind and look forward with great excitement for everything that is to come in the New Year!

  • Instead of continuing to hold on to grudges of those who rejected or dumped you, realize they were not meant for you and that you deserve better, and will soon find it.
  • Instead of being depressed about being single another year, realize that you are waiting for the person who will make you see the world differently, in a great way!
  • Instead of mourning the loss of people who you loved, take the best traits of those people and try to be more like them in their memory.

While you’re at it, clean out your closet and your Facebook friends list, and then revamp your JDate profile with some of the advice I’ve given you. Happy New Year (and hopefully New Love!)


From Texting to Reality

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

An interesting new show called The Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce aired an episode recently about the main character and a man she was crushing on who were flirting via text for a long time. When they finally went out on a date there was conversation, but the chemistry was not there. He spoke when she wanted him to stop (during sex) and she spoke when he needed quiet (immediately after waking up), plus their kissing didn’t align and the sex was bad.

Therein lies the reason I say NOT to text before dating. You don’t know enough about each other and you put pressure on the first date to be as great in person as it is via SMS. You are setting unrealistic expectations. People can be very witty when they have time to compose a response. People can be very flirty from behind a keyboard when no one can see them blushing.

My advice has always been and continues to be: once you meet (on JDate, in person, or some other way), make plans and go on your first date as soon as possible. Keep the momentum going without the use of text messaging — except to possibly say that you are looking forward to that evening, or that you are running two minutes behind.


Musically Inclined

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Entertainment,Relationships

Music plays a huge part in most of our lives. Most people can name songs from different times of their lives and reminisce about a personal moment when specific songs play on the radio.

So what does it mean when you have completely different tastes in music than your date? For starters, you have to take age into context. If you were born in different decades then there’s a chance that the soundtrack of your life will vary and you will prefer a different radio station. Overall, having different taste in music — or almost anything for that matter — is not a make or break. However, you do need other commonalities to keep you connected.

As long as you respect the other person’s taste in music and even try to learn more about it (and maybe even like it), then that should be enough. Try to divide the ride by allowing whomever is driving to choose the station. Same goes for at-home date nights — whomever arranges the romance can choose the tunes.

A fan of Top 40 and a fan of Classical and a fan of Rap and a fan of Motown and a fan of Hard Rock can not only coexist… but be madly and deeply in love.


Game Day

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Entertainment,Relationships

Are you a major sports fan? Do you watch every football game on Saturdays AND Sunday? Are you obsessed with a basketball team and watch EVERY single game? Does your life revolve around going to games and watching them on TV and catching an episode of SportsCenter before going to sleep? Or are you dating someone who fits this description?

Unless it is your career, your life should not hinge upon any sports team’s wins and losses. Rooting for a team is good fun, but allowing it take over your life is not — at least for the other people in your life, particularly a lover. If you both love a team then it’s fun to throw a party to watch the game or tailgate together, but there’s a healthy limit.

Don’t let games dictate your dates. Don’t ruin quality time by turning on the TV. Don’t spend all of your time discussing sports. Hopefully you will fill the time left with lots of love and never even realize what you’re missing!


Seal It With A Kiss

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

For some reason there’s this new trend of not kissing at the end of a great first date. Why? I have no clue! Perhaps it’s to leave them wanting more, or to be perceived as demure — either way it make no sense.

If you’ve enjoyed the date then seal it with a kiss. Let them know that you are interested in them, and in seeing them again. And, of course, to see if there’s any chemistry. I’m not saying you need to engage in a full-blown make-out session; a sweet lingering kiss goodnight will suffice!


Those Little Gestures

by Tamar Caspi under Judaism,Relationships

You can buy a bouquet of roses from the market, or you can purchase the seeds of your girlfriend’s favorite flower along with soil and a pot so that she has an ongoing reminder of your thoughtfulness.

You can suggest a local brewery for date night, or you can get your boyfriend that online deal to learn how to make craft beer at home.

Oftentimes we overlook those subtle hints which could really help make your significant other feel special, loved, and appreciated. Listen for the things that your partner won’t ask for, but you know they like — whether that be a specific food or drink, an outfit (A man in a suit? Always hot!), a location (The peak of a mountain at sunset? So romantic!), and of course there’s also gift-giving.

This holiday season, make the effort to give the special someone in your life a gift that’s just as special. It doesn’t have to be expensive, or even store-bought, just something to let the person know that you are listening.


Wine and Whiskey

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships,Single Life

What do wine and whiskey have in common? They both get better with age… and so should you.

There is no time in life when you should stop trying to evolve and improve. Some people call it “change,” which has a negative connotation (“you changed!” or “why won’t you change for me?” or “I’m never going to change.”), but finding something — or things — you don’t like about yourself and working to fix them is not a bad thing in the slightest.

Therapy is a great tool to work with a professional to talk things out. They will make you think about things in ways you never would. Allowing near-and-dear family members or friends to be brutally honest is also a great way to learn how you’re perceived. And if you find yourself going after the same type of prospects and never getting past a certain point in a relationship, then it might be time for you to take a look at yourself and see why you are pursuing those who aren’t the right fit.


Flirtation Confusion

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Single Life

My friend Brian is a friendly and outgoing guy, and as such, he often gets accused of flirting when he’s just being nice. The problem here is that he’s in a committed relationship, so things can get confusing when the women believe he is flirting with them and leading them on.

On JDate it’s clear when someone is interested because they will contact you, but in person, it can be less obvious. Someone who is chatting with you, asking questions about you, making you laugh, making eye contact, and smiling at you does not necessarily mean they are flirting with you.

So how can you tell when it’s more?

There will likely be some physical aspect when there’s romantic interest, such as touching your arm. There will also be questions about your relationship status, which you should reciprocate. Finally, the conversation will lead in the direction of a future — going on a date or at least exchanging numbers.

Not every conversation between two singles has to have romantic intent. Sometimes you’re just going to meet a nice person. Continue to be friendly and approachable and open regardless of who is standing across from you.