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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Barbara D.”

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Dear Tamar,

I’m disappointed with the responses I’m getting — most of them are from across the country or from guys I find spooky. I would love a profile makeover.

-Barbara D

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Dear Barbara D,

I love your profile name! It’s cute, unique, and I expect it reflects your sparkling personality. I’m sure lots of people see your profile name and think “darn, why didn’t I think of that first!”

Alas, your photos — or rather, lack thereof — leave much to be desired. One photo simply doesn’t cut it. And by now I’m sure you know I hate photos posed against blank walls. You’re tall, blonde and relatively young for a widow, plus as one reads in your profile, you have a great personality, so show all that off in your photos! Find photos with your kids or with friends where your natural smile and happiness are shining through. You can crop out the other people in the photos or simply describe who they are in your photo blurb.

In general, I’m a fan of your “In My Own Words” paragraphs. There a few typos here and there that could be fixed, but nothing major stands out to me that should be edited. Your personality comes through nicely. It’s obvious that you are an active person and that your life is pretty full already, but would be more meaningful if you had someone to share it with you.

I suggest going through your “My Details” section and answering more questions so that there aren’t as many empty sections that say “not answered yet.” Overall though, I think you will be a hot commodity once you add more photos and hopefully that will help attract more men in South Florida. Good luck!

Now that you’ve received a perfectly crafted email from someone who read “Tips for Writing that 1st Email” it’s time to craft your response. If you’re not interested, then you can choose whether to ignore the email or, better, to respond respectfully. This can be a copy/paste since you’re only replying for good manners sake… and karma. Simply say “Thank you so much for your interest, I’m very flattered. Though I don’t think we’re a match, I wish you the best in finding your Beshert.”

(If you’re on the receiving end of a rejection letter, just delete and move on. At least you have closure. Don’t dwell on why they don’t think you’re a match. It doesn’t matter.)

If you are interested then… yay! You’re that much closer to finding your Beshert! View the prospect’s profile and respond within 48 hours. Don’t reply too quickly or it will seem overeager and desperate. Somewhere between 24-36 hours is perfect. Thank the person for their email, respond specifically to their compliments and commonalities by pointing out something you noticed both about their physical appearance and their profile and then answer the question they asked. Finally, ask a question of your own in order to keep the conversation going.

Here’s an example of what “PrettyJew4U” could respond to Jacob:

Hi Jacob!

Thanks for your sweet email and for noticing my smile =) I was taken by your eyes because they’re an unusual color but I also liked how they expressed joy in the pictures with your nieces.

I’ve only been to JiRaffe a few times but it’s one of my favorites places! I live in Brentwood, so probably not too far from you. Have you been to Sugarfish? It’s only a few blocks from my place. There’s also a hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant nearby that’s the best in LA, it’s called Divino, have you been there? I can’t go to the Foodie event this weekend unfortunately, but I’ve always wanted to go! Do you know of any other events coming up?

Hope to hear from you soon,

Marissa

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Justin D.”

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Hi Miss Tamar,

My profile seems to be anti-attractive to women. I don’t know what’s wrong with it.  I’ve updated the essays numerous times and the current pictures are fresh and new.

A majority of the women I email check out my profile, but then don’t respond.  That makes me think my profile is the weak link.  I’m entering my third month on JDate and still no dates.  I receive a minimal amount of responses.  My response rate is close to zero.

I’d be grateful for any advice you could provide.  Please pile it on.  Don’t go easy.  =)  Tell me the truth, do I need to see my plastic surgeon?  Maybe you’ve heard of him?  His name is…Dr.Frankenstein. LOL!

-Justin D

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Hi Justin D,

Thanks for writing in! Between your email and your profile I want to thank you for making me laugh! I think your profile is very well written with a nice balance of jokes and seriousness. So let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of what can be made better.

I don’t like your pictures, not because you look like you visited Dr. Frankenstein, but because your photos don’t reflect your personality at all. I appreciate you following my advice and having a close-up and a full length photo but your pictures are boring. Have friends snap candid photos of you when you’re out and about or have family take photos of you when you’re celebrating a holiday or birthday. Your natural smile with a random background is always better than a staged photo in front of a white wall. Another option is to find a friend who is an aspiring photographer who would be willing to do a photo shoot with you outdoors. Finally, photos showing you participating in some of your hobbies (any pics of you from last season’s Super Bowl winning Ravens season with you at a game or watching a game wearing a jersey with some friends?) is always a great supplemental photo. You need to have a minimum of 4 photos with 6 being the optimal number to show personality and consistency.

That brings me to your details. I don’t think you need to be SOOO specific with your weight. You’re tall and skinny and women much prefer that than the opposite, but they don’t want to know that you weigh less than them. In Your Ideal Match, I would add “Marriage and Children” because you say so in your Life and Ambitions paragraph. Dating in your mid-20s is difficult because you don’t want to put too young of an age and end up with someone in college and not ready for marriage but you also don’t want to select too high of an age range and end with someone who’s jaded from their biological clock ticking. I think your selection of 22 is good and it should stay there until you turn 30 (if in fact you’re still single at 30 which I’m sure you don’t plan on being). But as you age your maximum age range should continue to stay 3 years your junior. That currently gives you a very narrow age range right now, but that’s okay. Your next birthday is fast approaching so you will soon enough expand your age range.

I really think it’s your photos that are hindering your success. Find or take photos that match your fun and funny personality and you’ll be on your way! That said, if you want me to review the emails you’re sending to the women then send me a sample because maybe you’re doing something wrong there. Good luck!

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “David.”

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Hi David,

I appreciate the amount of photos you uploaded which really show consistency in your appearance. But (and there’s always a but), you need to reorder them. Consider deleting a few and add a lengthier description to the others. I would make photo #6 (the mud pic) your profile photo as it shows your face close-up — plus it’s unique, interesting and fun. In your current profile photo, you’re wearing sunglasses and not showing your natural smile, so it’s not the best representation of your face. I would delete photos #7 (too far away) and #11 (chef) as they don’t add much value. Even photos #1 and #5 are expendable as you’re wearing sunglasses. Additionally, 11 photos is a bit of an overkill. I would also describe who the cute little girl is in photo #9 since you say you don’t have any kids, but don’t identify her as a niece or god-daughter.

Your profile is overwhelming, I’m not sure how else to put it. Sometimes there’s too much information, sometimes your sarcasm is questionable, and sometimes there’s a bit of a cheesiness factor. The first paragraph in your “About Me” section is great. I would delete the second paragraph completely and leave the third paragraph as is. The music and books you mention are again mentioned in “My Favorite…” and in the “Likes and Interests” tab so there is no need to repeat yourself — especially when the information fits better in another area.

Your “My Life and Ambitions” answer is confusing as it doesn’t align with Areas of Study/Occupation/What I do questions you answered. This is a huge red flag with anyone’s profile. If what you put under Occupation is no longer what you currently do, then address it in this section. Similarly, “A Brief History of My Life” is incredibly confusing. I appreciate good sarcasm, but this was completely over my head. The first line is cute — if vague. The rest of the quotations should be deleted. I mean, I get it, I just don’t think it belongs there. “My Perfect First Date” is perfect. The last line is questionable, but it’s up to you about whether you want to keep it or not. “Things I Could Never Live Without” is very well written, as is “My Favorites.” Under “The Coolest Places I’ve Visited,” you should delete the last line as it is kinda corny. The question is written in past tense, so to say: “somewhere with YOU!” is cheesy. The rest of your answers are good… there’s some humor mixed with seriousness, which is great.

Your “Details” and “My Ideal Match” are fine, broad enough to attract the most potential matches. Again, the list of “Area of Study” is a bit lengthy and confusing. Try to pare that down as a I doubt you majored in six areas. Finally, I like your new profile name, but since you mention a comic book character. I would describe somewhere how you are the female version of that character — rather than just assume a reader will make the connection on their own (adventurous, sarcastic, etc).

Good Luck!

The 1st email you send once you see someone you like on JDate is quite daunting. How do you start the email? How do you end it? How much do you say about yourself? How much do you say about the other person? How do you stand apart from the rest?

Tip #1 Draft your email in a word document first

Not everyone is a natural-born writer. It’s not always easy to string together a few coherent sentences, especially when you’re both talking about yourself and flattering the other person. By drafting your email in a word doc first you will catch typos and be able to read back over and over until you feel comfortable. Additionally, if you like your opening and closing sentences then you can save each email with the name of the person you sent it to and revise the middle sentences accordingly.

Tip #2 Mention a couple unique items about the prospect

Prove to the person that you read their profile by commenting on one thing specific about their physical features which caught your eye (their “sparkling green eyes”) for example and one specific item from their “About Me” which made you interested enough to send an email. You do not need to make a laundry list of things you have in common. Not only will the prospect look at your profile and see those commonalities, but there’s a reason JDate matched you — there’s an algorithm involved.

Tip #3 Ask a question to illicit a response

Saying you find the person attractive and smart doesn’t give the prospect a reason to respond. Asking if he or she has ever been to ______________ (somewhere you would probably have in common) or if he or she has seen _______________ (a common favorite band you both like) live gives the person a reason to click “reply.”

Tip #4 Keep it short and sweet

More is not always better. You don’t want to come off as overeager because you wrote a dissertation-length email but you don’t want to come off as a lazy copy-and-paster who clearly writes each person the same email. About 5 lines is good.

Tip #5

Once you have a reply, then you yourself need to send a 2nd email within 48 hours. This time, ask your prospect if he or she wants to meet for a meal/drink/activity and then either include your phone number or ask for theirs. If you get their number then call to make the plans within 48 hours.

Tip #6 Move on.

If you don’t receive a response to your 1st email then let it go. The person may not have a paid JDate account and therefore can’t access their inbox or they aren’t interested. Move on. If you don’t receive a response to your 2nd email within 4 days, then follow up with 1 more email mentioning something fun that is going on within the next week and asking if he or she would like to join you. Then don’t contact them again. Take the hint and move on.

Sample letter:

Hi PrettyJew4U,

My name is Jacob and I also live in Santa Monica. Your profile caught my eye because your bright smile brought a smile to my face when I saw your photo. Then once I started reading your profile I realized how much we have common! JiRaffe is one of my favorite restaurants too — surprised we’ve never bumped into each other there. Are you going to the LA Foodie event this weekend?

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Jacob

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Justin T.”

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Hi Justin,

Kudos to you on some really great photos! Probably the best array of photos I’ve seen in quite some time! You show consistency, close-up and full-body, family and friends, hobbies and your career. In some photos you look heavier than you are (#2 on ski lift and #5 fancy suit). Those could be eliminated as you have plenty of great photos!

I also think your “In My Own Words” paragraphs are all pretty well written and your “Ideal Match” is general enough… except for the age range. Your age range is pretty narrow and I would strongly suggest widening both the younger side and the older side. Perhaps 25-35? I understand that at age 30 you want someone right there with you beginning a new decade. I can empathize with that, but some young women are old souls and some “older” women are young at heart. Not all 25-year-olds want to party til 5am and not all 35-year-olds are hearing the deafening roar of their biological clocks ticking.

I think you have a pretty solid profile. Since you are new to Southern California, I suggest going to local JDate events in order to meet people in person. You mentioned being concerned about your emails, so if you want to send me a few samples I’ll be happy to take a look and see how you can begin receiving more response.

Good luck!

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Simone.”

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Hi Simone,

I’ll be honest — I don’t love your profile name as it doesn’t say anything about you or your personality. I’m assuming it’s your initials and your birth date, but that frankly could be just like the JDate-assigned member number. Try to figure out another way to brand yourself. Use your first name, your location, your occupation, your passions, your hobbies, any combination of the above to make your profile name both stand out and represent your personality better than a couple letters and numbers.

I like your photos and I appreciate how you used a clear, close-up image of your face for your main profile photo. I also like that you showed 2 full-body pics next, and then ended with another close-up, showing your consistency in how you look. Your 4th photo is not high-resolution though, so I would either replace it or add another photo. Low-resolution photos don’t get enlarged when a prospect clicks on it and therefore they can’t really see who or what is in the picture. If you don’t know whether your photos are hi or low-res, then click on the photo’s properties and see what size it is. Anything less than 300dpi (dots per inch, as in pixels) means your photo will appear pixelated if enlarged.

Your “In My Own Words” answers were all written well, but there are some typos which are easily overlooked. This can be fixed if read again with fresh eyes. You sound very content and independent, so I would talk more about why you are looking for someone to share your hobbies with and how much more life you have to live — which you want to do with someone else.

You’ve picked a great age range and are general enough with your “Ideal Match” without being too vague. If you wanted to broaden your search, you could add “single” to the marital status for starters and “conservative” to the religion since you state that you don’t care how religious someone is as long as they respect your level of Judaism.

I think you’re on the right track and I wish you the best of luck!

Everyone has their mood swings… man, woman, hormonal, consequential… it’s how you handle it in front of your significant other and how your significant other handles it that matters. People tend to take out their stress on the ones they love, the ones closest to them, even though they may have nothing at all to do with why they’re stressed. Remind yourself that it’s not your loved one’s fault and that they may actually hold the key to changing your mood around or solving a problem you’re facing. And as that loved one,  being there to be supportive, not taking it personally and trying to cheer up your moody significant other is imperative. Getting through such mood swings and not letting them escalate into full blown fights or creating a rift between the two of you is a relationship foundation builder.

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Mara M.”

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Hi Mara,

The first glaring issue with your profile is your main photo. Because it’s small and low-resolution, it’s very difficult to see your face. I can tell that you have a great smile though! Also, every other photo shows you with someone else — even though you haven’t yet established what you look like in order to allow your prospects to concentrate on you or even distinguish which person you are in the photo.

First, get a higher resolution photo for your profile photo of you alone. In fact, have 3-4 of you alone, and then choose 2-3 pics of you with others (if you must). I like the dog photo, especially since you talk about your beloved rescue pup a lot. I would keep the second photo as a supplemental photo as it again shows off your great smile. I would eliminate the photo of you in costume at a race as I can’t even tell which one is you. A lot of your photos are also dark, so try and take more with better lighting or outside somewhere. I see that you wear your hair straight and curly, that’s fine, just have a few pictures of each hairstyle so people can see the consistency in your face.

All of your “In My Own Words” answers are great, just reread them again with fresh eyes to catch the few grammar errors that affect the flow. Your “Ideal Match” options are probably not helping your search for your Beshert. You are open to a man much younger than you, which is awesome, but I strongly recommend you be open to a man 10 years your senior too. I know a 51-year-old man I think you’d hit it off with, and I know he’s open to having more children – but since you selected such a low maximum age, you would never even consider him! Also, you may want to consider putting “not sure” or “it doesn’t matter” under “wants kids,” but it’s simply the reality of your situation!

Fixing your photos and changing your mindset regarding the age question will make all the difference.

Good Luck!

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers each Monday. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Hillary.”

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Hi Hillary,

Good call having your profile name be a combination of your name and an abbreviation of the city you live in. The only suggestion I would make is to maybe spell out the entire city because I didn’t know what the acronym was until I clicked on your name and saw where you lived.

More importantly, you need more pictures… way more pictures! The two you have look very different from each other. The first one is cute, but since you’re obviously dressed up for a simcha you need extra supporting photos to show that you always look that good! You’re second and only other photo makes you look much older than you are and much different than your profile photo. I would delete that one to be honest. You also do not show anything more than your face. Add some full body photos whether you like your body or not — because every man has a type, but more than that, every man wants to know what you look like from head to toe!

You should have about six photos with different angles, different lighting and different poses. Have a trusted friend or relative help you because we oftentimes see ourselves as much different than others — for good and bad. For instance, others often see us as more attractive than we view ourselves and we may think a certain hairdo is sexy, while others think a different ‘do is better on us.

All of your answers under the “In My Own Words” heading are great. Nothing stood out to me that was written poorly, or too much information, or not descriptive enough. Well done.

I appreciate that the minimum age range is 5 years younger than you, but I would increase the maximum. Don’t be afraid of entering the decade above yours because a man in his early 50′s may be younger at heart than a man in his mid-40′s.

Good luck!