Archive for the ‘Date Night’ Category

But now he’s gone off to the island of lost men…right?

How many times has this happened to you? You go on a good first date, possibly even a great first date and there’s excitement to see each other again. You end the date with a sweet (or maybe even dare we say it, a hot kiss) and after that, its a few texts that are exchanged but not a mention of seeing each other again.

But the date went so well!

So what happened?

Is it that he’s just not that into you? (Well, it could be, but the kiss does say a lot…)

I’m going to go against the age old adage of “love conquers all” to tell you something that many matchmakers won’t admit out loud:

Relationships = the right person + the right timing.

And timing could have to do with anything. Meaning, a bad time could be right out of a breakup, a busy time at work, a family crisis.

So what do you have to do?

Absolutely nothing. Because you already went on the date, you showed him your best side, you kissed him back (or maybe you kissed him!) and now you just have to go on living your life. You cannot force timing. And, when you feel like it – you can call him up and ask him out again. If he says no…oh well…

By the way, the inverse applies to the Island of Lost Women too! Men, just call her!

xoxo,
Mel

What is wrong with going to a bar alone because it makes you happy? Aside from the many things that probably are actually wrong with that, I like doing it.

Whenever I convince a date to go to that horrible bar that I love, I always get there a few hours early. This is not just because I’m obsessively early for everything due to a decade-long superstition about acquiring a fatal hardening-of-the-skin disorder that I once saw in a made-for-TV movie starring Dana Delaney. It’s also because I love going to bars alone.

It’s so great. There’s no pressure to talk to anybody, yet I am welcome to if I want. The bartender knows exactly what I want because she asks me every time, even if my last order was just five minutes ago. Despite the short-term memory of the nice woman whose only job is to have a long-term memory, this is the only place I am truly happy. It’s usually Friday, and I now know why so many people in education are alcoholics. Alcohol can make you feel things that temporarily erase the other bad things you felt earlier in the week.

The one, and very big, drawback to arriving to a date at a bar hours early is that by the time your date arrives, you are already blisteringly drunk. I already talked about this in “Dating Drunk”, but I don’t think I can emphasize enough how big of a deal this is. This could potentially kill a date, or yourself, if you go overboard with the drinking. You will remember the date, but it won’t matter because you will have to go back to your soul-crushing job on Monday.

As a frequent writer for the syndicated comic panel, Bizarro, I once depicted a character telling another character, “Hi, I’m…” before the other character replied, “Skip intro.”

During that first encounter with a prospective Ms. or Mr. Right, it’s as if we take a page from our own personal websites and relay our “About Us”. Imagine how much more we’d learn about each other if each of us revealed not only our personalized FAQ list. But personality-revealing IAA list.. Infrequently Answered Answers.

FAQ: What do you like to do for fun? IAA: Avoid spending time with overly successful people. FAQ: What was your longest relationship? IAA: Since the time you sat down till… (checking watch) … right now! FAQ: What kind of music do you like? IAA: Elevator. FAQ: Seen any good movies lately? IAA: No, because the actors in it are too successful.

Well, it’s getting late. I better – “Skip outro.”

In this era of ADD and multi-tasking, the art of focusing on something other than our own everyday mishegas is becoming a lost art. Aside from the hand-held devices that compete with actual hand holding, what if we tried letting go of those, as well as other barriers to bonding on that next JDate? This could be crazy, but hear me out. It’s called… hearing me out.

What if we paid absolutely no attention to our own needs, desires, egos, inner voices telling us what else we should be doing, and zeroed in exclusively on the conversation and well-being of the other person? Empathizing, relating, appreciating, learning. Not a one-way street dead end, but a synchronistic two-way street. They become fully invested in you, and you them. From the get-go!

The more invested you are in each other, even if it’s just a mental exercise, the more likely you’ll really start to become invested in each other.  Nice to meet you! Nice to meet you! You have nice eyes. (Or pick something about them that’s nice. Their nails. Their shoelaces. Something!) Thanks! You have nice eyebrows… Thanks! (My eyebrows? What’s wrong with my eyes? Inner voice, get lost. Back to them!)

Okay, we’re still in the beta stage here. Probably a few bugs to work out. But imagine, just imagine, if first dates made you feel good. With apologies to John Lennon, it’s easy if you try.

I go to the same bar every Friday after work regardless of whether I can find someone to meet me there or not. My adventure continued last Friday. I got there at about six, and it was more crowded than usual. That was probably because it was freezing outside as the outdoor seats were empty. Of course, my body only reacts to below zero temperatures, which have never actually existed, because I live in Houston, so how do I know? It’s because sometimes I’m not in Houston. Usually I am though, because bad things tend to happen to me when I leave.

I finally found a seat at the bar. It wasn’t easy, as there were no seats. All I had to do was wait until one person in a large party at the bar went to the bathroom, and then all I had to do was swoop in and pretend that I was that guy. This method immediately presented challenges as the group was already extremely trashed and they violently asserted that I was not their friend. I ran away and hid in the back until enough time had passed for this party to leave.

When I came back, there were plenty of seats. I sat down and started drinking. My date would be coming in two hours and I didn’t want to be sober. I’ve been sober on dates. I was all second guessing everything I was saying, and listening to the things she was saying. This was just way too much talking and listening. This time, I wanted to listen to nothing she was talking about yet act equally excited every time she spoke.

I can’t write about the actual date, though, because I don’t remember most of it. Needless to say, she won’t be contacting me again.

A native Chicago woman I met recently happened to bemoan that in Los Angeles, not the easiest town for meeting people (unless they’re encased in tons of steel), guys rarely utter the “d” word. No, not “divorced.” “Date.”

Wanna meet for coffee? Fine. Catch a movie? Sure. Go out on a date? Let’s think first. Are we really ready for that kind of commitment?

Before we rename JDate JHang, maybe it’s time to reexamine our phobias about dating. For most of us, the date that will live in infamy isn’t just Pearl Harbor Day. Most of them eventually end on a less than mutually blissful note. Otherwise, we wouldn’t still be looking. Maybe we’re reluctant to assign the lost opportunities of past dates to future ones. But, before we neuter the term into oblivion, let’s make a date to start treating “date” with the respect it deserves. Interested in her? Ask her out on a date. Not interested in him? Tell him, “No. But, let’s catch a movie.”

Okay. I’ll hit the theater near me. You hit the one near you.

You’re all dressed up and about to walk out the door when your date calls and cancels. You’re super bummed, not just because you got bailed on, but because you don’t want to miss the new restaurant/hot band/comedy show you were scheduled to go to. Why not go by yourself? Don’t let someone else ruin your night! Plaster a smile on that face and go! Why should you stay in and mope because someone else is sick/a jerk/rude? In fact, since you’re looking all hot and sexy, plus you’ve got that smile plastered on your face and you’re confident in your alone-ness, you will probably attract new people. And don’t look at your cell phone the entire time! Enjoy your surroundings (food, music, laughter) and while you’re people watching, maybe strike up a conversation. You never know who you’ll meet!

Two days in the rest room.  Are you okay? … That’s good… So where were we? … Oh yeah, I was asking what you do…

If you sell real estate … Challenging times these days, huh? …

If you elaborate, I’ll show you my listening skills. If you sounded annoyed with my follow-up, I’ll try to make a joke … If this doesn’t work out and you set me up with a friend, can I call you a “charming fixer-upper?”

If you give me a rim shot … Listen, it was nice meeting you. Not really, but I figure we might as well cut our losses.

If you start apologizing for being in a crummy mood, and that it has nothing to do with me … That’s okay. Is everything all right?

If you relay something traumatic, I’ll feel embarrassed and try to make amends for prematurely ending our “date.” But if you go on to describe the small annoyances in your day, I’ll pretend I’m listening as I mentally rehearse how to convincingly slip in the “It was nice meeting you” kiss-off.

So what do you like to do for fun? …

If you say, “I love the sun,” I’ll try to hide my preference for cloudy skies. If you say, “The usual: Movies, restaurants, traveling,” I’ll say, “Me too,” meaning I like “the usual” too, which could be different from your usual, but you don’t have to know that yet. That is, till my keyboard just opened its big mouth.

Been watching the debates? …

If you ask, “What’s with Ron Paul’s right eyebrow?” I’ll laugh, and go … “Yeah, it looks like it became unglued.” If you say, “Romney never looks unglued,” I’ll go … “If it were his eyebrow, he’d flip-flop between his right and his left.”

If you laugh, I’ll laugh and think, this is fun. This is what dating should be!

If you ask who I’m voting for … Chelsea Clinton in 2024. After I don’t vote for Jeb Bush in 2016 and 2020.

If you laugh again, I’m asking you out. If you give me a rim shot … Listen, it was nice meeting you.

Where would we be without JDate? Forced to meet people in normal everyday situations. Yeah, like that’s gonna happen. Speaking of abnormal situations, available women by the thousands, listen up! What are you doing right now? I know it’s kind of sudden, but this being a brand spanking New Year, I was wondering if you’d like to have coffee sometime. Like this second. Go ahead, pour yourself a cup of coffee. Okay, to appreciably up my odds of connecting with at least one of you out there, I’m about to turn this into an interactive virtual mass date.

Hi… I’m Andy… What’s your name? … Say your name … Nice name …

If your name is Andi, I’ll wait for you to chuckle. If you’re Andi, and you’re not chuckling, note to self: Might not share sense of humor wavelength.

Re: your name … Be sure to thank your parents for me.

If you say, “Will do,” we’re moving on. If you say, “I don’t speak to my parents”… We have a lot in common. I don’t speak to your parents either.

If you chuckle, note to self: She may have parent issues, but she seems nice.

If you gave me a rim shot, note to self: Anything sounds moronic with a rim shot. E=MC2 sounds moronic with a rim shot.

Where are you from? … Say town … I always wanted to visit there …

If you said Buffalo or Pacoima, I’ll wait for you to stop chuckling at my ironic retort. If you’re not chuckling, see sense of humor caveat.

So, what do you do? …

If you’re a doctor, lawyer, or teacher … That must be very rewarding.

If you work at a supermarket checkout aisle … Does counting to ten at the ten items or less counter make you less angry? Not that you sound angry. It was just a joke.

The restroom? Well, you know where your own restroom is. I’ll see you when you get back.

Part 2 on Thursday.

Nu? As in the Yiddish expression, “So, what’s new?” Certainly not 5772, the year we Jews ushered in well over three months ago. My celebration kind of paled in comparison to the merriment non-Jews and Jews alike are planning, to welcome in 2012. Where were our wacky 5772 eyeglasses? Where were our noisemakers? (Our stomachs growling from the approaching fast is about all I can come up with.) Where was my hot Rosh Hashanah Eve date? Where is my hot generic New Year’s Eve date?

I didn’t even experience the exhilarating embarrassment of accidentally writing 5771 on my October rent check. Why can’t our holidays be as festive as everybody else’s? It’s not too late to glean a lesson or two from the galas about to unfold, and incorporate them into next year’s high holidays. Our high holidays, not the “high” holidays in which those planning to get high need a designated driver. Picture, if you will, September 16, 2012. It’s shortly before sunset. Time to kick back, pour yourself a glass of Manischewitz and tune into… Rockin’ Jewish New Year’s Eve!

To the chosen people around the world, thank you for choosing Andy Cowan’s Rockin’ Jewish New Year’s Eve. The feeling of anticipation is truly palpable – the anticipation I have that some of you are now looking up the word “palpable” to see if it also means “negligible”.

We’re just moments away from greeting the year 5773! Sounds strange, doesn’t it? Then again, 5772 didn’t exactly roll off the tongue either. We may be knee deep into the ‘70s, but at least we can all be thankful we aren’t wearing polyester leisure suits again. Speaking of the ‘70s, fellow sons of Israel, Barry Manilow and Neil Diamond, will be tearing it up here later. The “it” I’m referring to, is the business card of the agent who landed them this gig.

Can you believe another whole year has flown by since last Rockin’ Jewish New Year’s Eve? Me neither. Then again, last Jewish New Year’s Eve began September 28th, so that may have something to do with it. It’s a wild scene here at Times Square. Okay, maybe not wild, but I do see a reasonable amount of people ambling about, staring into their Blackberrys. Sarah Silverman is out there amidst the dozens of revelers, and we’ll hear from her when we come back!

(To be continued)