Archive for the ‘Date Night’ Category

Dear Gems from Jen,

I was talking with this girl on JDate about a week ago and we were both excited for meeting up this coming Saturday night.  I have not heard from her since we first talked last week.  What would you recommend doing?  And if there was something that I could have done differently what would you suggest?

Thanks.

Dear Communication,

I know it may seem old fashioned, but a lot of us women like the man to do the calling. It may not be the way things “should” be, but nonetheless, it is the way things are a lot of the time. Go ahead and give her a call.  Finalize the plans, e.g.; where you are going, how you both are getting there, time, and anything else pertinent to the date.  From what you have told me thus far, there does not seem to be anything you could have done differently. Have a good time on the date and I hope things go well for the both of you!

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Dear Gems from Jen,

I have been seeing my older brother’s friend for about two weeks now. We hit it off at my birthday party and he got my number. He asked me out on a date a few days later and we went out that week. We had a great first date and both agreed we wanted to see each other again. We made plans for a second date, but the day arrived and he ended up canceling, saying his friend broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to hang out. This was the first mixed signal.

He ended up contacting me two days later and we went out the following day. We went to the movies and he held my hand throughout and after we went back to his house. Everything went great again. We didn’t make plans for the next date, but I figured we would at some point. My brother’s girlfriend knows him really well so she said to throw him a bone, because he has never been in a serious relationship and needs some encouragement. Usually, I wouldn’t initiate contact with a guy, but I thought it would be okay in this case. So I asked him what he was doing on Saturday night. He said he was going out with a friend from work. I told him I was going to a party and we exchanged texts for a little while. Then I asked him “Will I see you this week?” and he replied after 20 minutes saying “We will see what my schedule is like.”

What does this all mean? I am leaving in about two weeks to do an internship in Vancouver and I will be gone for about four weeks. I am in my last semester in college and will be graduating in May, so I will only be home every few weeks until I finish school. He graduated a few years ago and is living and working in the neighboring town.
Is he afraid of getting too involved since I am leaving? Or is he just not that interested?

Thanks,

Lauren

Dear Mixed Signals.

After reading your question, I can really only come to one conclusion; actions always speak louder than words. With that said, remember this is brand new, nothing serious, you are leaving town for a bit, and my guess is you want something a bit more serious than he really sounds willing to commit to. My suggestion is to stop over-thinking this and do not put all of your eggs in one basket.  I understand the two of you hit it off and that is wonderful!  However, there are plenty of other guys to hit it off with as well. If you are not receiving the direct signals you appear to want, then find someone who is willing to be straightforward and commit to getting to know you. If you sense that he is not that interested don’t waste your time trying to get him interested. That tactic tends to backfire for most of us. College is usually a great time to explore all of your possibilities, so use this time to your advantage and get to know all types of people. If this guy calls and wants to go out again by all means go out with him, but keep in mind he is not the last guy on Earth, just someone you hit it off with for a few hours.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Last night, over a glass of Pinot, I was catching up with a friend who couldn’t believe the questions that she was asked on her latest date. Hint guys: How old are you? What are you measurements? Why are you not married? If you didn’t know, these are inappropriate questions.

If information is what you are seeking (which is completely understandable), there is a smooth creative way to get all the information you could possibly ever want. Instead of asking her age, you can easily ask whether your date knows your friend from their college and determine the class year and do the math in your head.

As for weight and measurements, I’m not sure why that is important, there is either an attraction or there is not. If being a size two is a mandatory requirement, I would revisit your non-negotiables list.
And finally, my favorite, “Why are you not married?” First off, people who live in glass houses should not throw stones. The same question taunts any singleton. And really, isn’t the answer obvious? The person wasn’t ready or just hasn’t met “The One.” I told my friend that I was positive this was meant as a compliment, but nonetheless the question is nonsensical to most women.

Making conversation in the beginning of a date can be tough. Sometimes nervousness brings out statements or questions you wish you’d never said or asked, and in a Seinfeldesque manner, you chase to get them back. (That is why I always advise to go on a second date.) Try to pry the answers you’re looking for out via dialogue instead of pointed questions; you’ll get the same information and avoid walking the tight rope of, “to ask or not to ask?”

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If there was a challenge over who was the sappiest romantic, I might be up there with the best of them. I’m definitely a girlie girl. I cried without restraint as I watched The Notebook for the third time and I truly believe in happily ever after.  Yet, regardless of whether I’m single or attached, having Hallmark dictate when I should be extra “romantic” does not sit well with me. I find it cliché and forced.  Shouldn’t everyday be Valentine’s Day?  Shouldn’t you aspire every day to make your significant other feel special? There is no real reason why flowers, chocolate and specials surprises should mean so much more on February 14th. I hate to be the Grinch who stole Valentine’s…but I think Hallmark and Godiva will survive regardless.

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Dear Gems from Jen,

I am very confused. I went out on three dates with this guy and it seemed like he really liked me and we hit it off. After the third date, suddenly, he stopped contacting me. What’s going on? I’m so confused!

Dear Three Dates,

I can certainly understand your confusion. I really do wish I had a direct answer for you, I’m afraid I don’t however. It sounds to me as if it is his loss not yours. I really do not believe there is any type of valid excuse for this type of behavior. I do understand things come up, emergencies may have arisen, however a quick phone call is not too much to ask in my opinion. My suggestion would be to let this guy go and focus on what it is you really want from the people you meet on JDate. There are plenty of guys out there who are ready and willing to not send confusing messages. Waiting around for someone to call is no fun. Make the decision to enjoy yourself during this process and don’t wait around for anyone.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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Years ago I was at a gorgeous resort in Costa Rica appropriately named “Mariposa” as it was truly engulfed by gorgeous butterflies.  Fast forward, I recently found myself in a deep conversation with a Latin guy friend who conveyed he didn’t understand NYC dating rituals. Frustrated, he stated people jump and jump, no one stands still for a second to even see if a connection can develop.  If it is not an instant connection, then they’re on to the next. I proclaimed “Mariposa”– like the jumping butterflies.  In a city of attractive and uber-successful people, here’s hoping in 2010 that you take a break from the Mariposa ways, and that you delve a little deeper. You may be surprised by getting some of your own internal butterflies.

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So I have very different views than my best friend when it comes to phone versus text-versations. I absolutely abhor drawn out convos via dialing, and she hates reading the convos set forth through tiny screens. I guess dating etiquette dictates that when it comes to the first meet and greet, one should call to confirm before the date. But what if neither one of you want to chat? I guess your preference comes into play when figuring out the logistics of the date.  Also, ne should never assume that a call is needed to confirm. In this age of technological advancements you have to clear a path for communication before you get thrown a busy signal. When lines get crossed, try another form of talking and put in the effort before your somewhat significant other dials out of area.

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I don’t usually write about the specifics of my dating life…as you may imagine, that could hinder it on some level….but this is too fun not to share.  Recently, my date and I ran into Magnolia Bakery to sample their famous banana pudding.  As we had just eaten lunch, a sample taste was sufficient for the moment.

A couple days later, I was surprised by the delivery of a tub (for 20 people) of guess what?  Banana pudding.  Sweet? Absolutely.  Original?  I have received many varied treats through the years, but I never have received banana pudding. All week long as I opened the fridge and stared at this barrel of banana pudding I burst out laughing. How the heck was I even going to make a dent? And that spontaneous by-yourself smile/laughter is what life is all.

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Dear Gems from Jen,

I am rejoining the single scene after quite some time. I am looking for one special woman. If I go out with a woman and she is nice and pleasant, but not quite what I am looking for, how do you end the date or do you follow up later and explain to her that she is not the one? This part really worries me because I try to be nice to everyone and I can handle a woman telling me, but I do not know how to tell this to a woman.

Thank you,
Not a Clue

Dear Not a Clue,

I understand how difficult and uncomfortable this part of dating can be. Being nice is one thing, but being too nice can have negative consequences for not just the woman, but you as well. For example, she might be highly interested and you, without even knowing it may be keeping her hopes high. It could also put you in an uncomfortable situation. For instance, there is always the possibility she might become angry with you for stringing her along. If you are on a date and realize you have no interest in the woman by all means let her know. It is much “nicer” to be honest. You can do this tactfully. Let her know what a good time you are having, but also let her know there is not a romantic connection. Dating does not have to be the end all. Keep in mind there are a lot of great women out there and there is nothing wrong with making some new friends. Remember, you are looking for that one special person, so being nice to yourself is just as important as being nice to the people around you.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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New year new start right? Wrong. Same old dating disaster stories that honestly give the famed four females from Manhattan a run for their money. So in an effort to meet new people, I agree to go out with this guy who would totally be my type (if I really had one) preppy, motivated, loves classic rock, should have just gone ahead and wrote future Mr. SweetLo. This of course was my train of thought before “the incident,” as I like to refer to it. Now most girls’ dating horror stories consist of skirt in underwear, spilling cocktail on white couture, tripping and falling in front of the mass population of Los Scandalous. But me? No, I like to be different! So we go to this place where fried food and arcade games circa 1980 came a dime a dozen. In a post food, post-drink haze of flirtation, we decided to compete in a little rousing round of air hockey. Well my train of thought was still on track until I successfully blocked the little dangerous disc, sent it back his way, with a trail of blood across the table. Now, my train of thought had officially gone off track and crashed. There were no survivors. Now leave it to me to turn West Hollywood into a South Central-style murder scene. All I needed was to be wearing either red or blue and my gang affiliation wouldn’t be questioned due to my bloody street cred. So while I was in questioning (from former Mr. Perfect) as to how I managed to sever my hand on a plastic disc, I told him I was just talented. Well, twenty-ten is officially off to one hell of a start. Can’t wait for my next misadventure on the search for mister right….now.

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