Archive for the ‘Date Night’ Category

The Ick Factor

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating,Single Life

When you don’t like your date, you don’t just not like your date… but you see every little flaw and every little tick and every little everything that bothers you.

It’s called the Ick Factor. Once someone bugs you, then you see all the things about them that wouldn’t have normally bothered you. When you don’t like someone, then you will either look for things wrong with them or things will just pop out and annoy you to no end. When you know someone is wrong for you, then you will notice and get icked out by the way they talk, laugh, chew, walk, sit, stand, and basically, exist. Those things wouldn’t bother you if you liked the person.

Realize that this is normal, this is not a match, maintain your dignity, and — after the date — thank the other person for a nice time and move on. Don’t try to see if the ick factor will go away — it won’t.


Flirting or Fun?

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

There is a fine line between being fun and being flirtatious when you have just met someone and you’re in the beginning stages of getting to know one another. Texting will only make this distinction more difficult, so try to stay away from SMS for as long as possible.

After a good first date, you want to let your match know you had a good time without moving too far too fast. So, pick up the phone to tell them how much fun you had, engage in a little small talk, and then make plans for a second date. Make sure your voice is warm and you’re engaging by smiling when you’re talking. Also, be sure to make the call in a location where you are not stressed (i.e. at work or in front of people). Don’t venture into the gray area of talking about wanting to “continue a good night kiss” or “looking forward to seeing your sexy self” because that sounds like your intentions are not serious.

Build on the momentum of a great first date by calling the next day to make plans as soon as possible.


Over-Sharing

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating,Single Life

There are certain things that are not to be shared on a first date. If it has to do with sex, drugs, or any other illicit activity, then hold off… maybe forever. Lots of things fall under the sex category, including nudity, number of partners, pornography, strippers and so on. Anything along those lines should be considered over-sharing. Drugs include both the prescription kind as well as the illegal kind. No one needs to know about that on a first date! Money, why past relationships ended, and anything having to do with drama can wait for another date.

First date topics should start with continuing the email conversations you began, which usually address your commonalities. Just let it flow naturally from there. If you find the rapport waning, then revert to asking questions from the JDate profile. “Remind me again where you went to school/where you grew up/what you do for a living/how many siblings you have?” Those are always easy ways to get the conversation going again.


Have You Met…

by Aaron under Date Night,JDate,Judaism,Online Dating,Single Life

As we near an important time in our heritage, the holiday of Passover, the time comes around for us to think about new beginnings. Nisan is the first month on the Jewish calendar, and it represents spring and reinvention. If Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are our judgment, Passover is the time to really create a new you.

The one thing we underestimate however is just how difficult it is for any one person to do that alone. I know I constantly try to improve my social abilities and other areas of my life, but almost none of those are possible in a world where I am 100% responsible. Sometimes I don’t feel like making plans, sometimes I need expert advice from outside my knowledge base, and sometimes I simply wouldn’t do things like skydiving or volunteering in Israel completely alone.

As we begin our new year, I’ll draw from something that just ended to explain a bit better. One of my favorite parts of the show How I Met Your Mother was the awesome game of “have you met Ted?”. As Barney Stinson introduced Ted Mosby to women neither party knew, the ice was broken just a little bit by the two people having some vague reason to talk.

For the sake of being a decent person, that probably isn’t the best method of helping your friends meet people. But what I would suggest for your coming year, whether you are single or otherwise, is to help others a bit more in the realm of dating. As anyone reading this blog can probably attest to, it’s not easy out there alone. The good news is, we all know different people, and in an age where you have dating apps that let you click “yes” or “no” through masses of people, a personal touch is always nice. Try to think of two people who might work together in your life, or even easier, bring someone around who may be new to the rest of your social circle. It’s not easy out there, but if we all suit up to help each other, everyone stands to have a legendary year.

Have a very happy Pesach everyone, and feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments!


Respect the Text

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

Enough recent stories made me realize that everyone needs a reminder not to text before you are seriously dating someone… and especially not before your first date!

Unless you are texting to confirm the date or to say you’re running a few minutes late, do not text conversational or abstract things until at least after the third date! Your date does not want — or need — to know that you are on your way to the gym, or getting your haircut, or watching TV, or anything else before you’ve even met for the first time. Lay off the texting people!

Less is more before a first date; it creates a sense of mystery and allows you to build up excitement and anticipation, which are the emotions you want to experience before a first date!


To Thine Own Self Be True

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

What do you do when you meet someone on JDate who has selected “Never” under the “Drinking Category” when you like your glass of wine or bottle of beer at night?

How do you handle flirting with a non-smoker when you love your cigarettes?

What’s your initial reaction when you receive a message from a cute vegetarian, but you pride yourself on being a carnivore?

You have to be true to yourself, and you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not when you’re looking for “forever.” Don’t hesitate to order a drink on your date just because he or she doesn’t imbibe, unless of course they are in AA and then you need to discuss how they feel about it first. If you never plan on quitting smoking, but your date is disgusted by the scent of cigarettes, then you might not want to light up, but you also need to make it clear that you don’t plan on stopping until you feel like it (quitting for someone else never works). Eating out with someone with differing eating habits shouldn’t be a problem, but be respectful of their choices when ordering on their behalf or cooking at home.

Some differences are good, others are a dealbreaker. Again, as long as you’re keeping it real and respectful, then there’s no reason it couldn’t work.


Love at First JDate: Say Yes to a Second Date

by JenG under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

I was out the other night with a friend who was telling me she almost said “no” to a second date with her now long-term boyfriend. In fact, she did say no… and then said no again… but eventually his persistence wore off on her and she went out with him again. She told me how scary it is how we think we know someone after just one date, when we really know very little about them.

So here’s my advice:

  • Do: If you are on a first date and there’s nothing going terribly wrong, be open to the idea of a second date. People often get so nervous on a first date that they don’t display their full personality, or even have the chance to really open up and share the details that make them who they are.
  • Don’t: If the first date is really terrible and there are some fundamental differences between the two of you that you don’t think you can get past, it’s okay to not give that person a second chance. There’s no reason to go out with them again if you are going to feel uncomfortable.

Connect with Jen on Twitter: @tthingsilearned


Syncing Up Social Media

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate

Your JDate profile is likely the website with the most thorough biography of you, so it would behoove you to sync up your other social media sites with it.

Many people tend to Google you once they learn your name… which means that your Facebook, Instagram, and even your LinkedIn profiles need to be consistent. If you talk about being a homebody in your JDate profile, then all of your Facebook posts shouldn’t be of you partying. If you say you love your dog, then your Instagram should show some of that love. If you claim to be a successful entrepreneur, then your LinkedIn page should show lots of connections, endorsements and a resume to back it up.

Obviously, the most important thing is to prove that you’re a good and trustworthy person to other singles, so being honest from the get-go and having proof of your integrity is a great start.


Making Plans vs. Being Spontaneous

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate

It’s considered quite chivalrous to make plans for a first date ahead of time, but it’s also risky since you don’t necessarily know the other person’s likes and dislikes (or allergies and aversions). On the other hand, it is fun to be spontaneous on a date, but can seem like you didn’t make any effort, or put any thought into it, and therefore aren’t very interested.

So what’s the best route to take? A combination of the two. Ask your date what their favorite food is (or check their JDate profile!) and make reservations for dinner, but then leave the time afterwards open to decide where to go together for a drink. Or, conversely, have a plan in mind to start the night at a trendy bar for drinks, but then ask your date what to do next if you hit it off and want to continue spending time together.

You can also make reservations at two or three different locations and ask your date to pick one (just be sure to quickly call and cancel the other reservations as a courtesy), that way you show you made an effort, but are also thoughtful and willing to be flexible.


Love at First JDate: The #1 Thing to Look for on Date #1

by JenG under Date Night,Relationships

Often times when I go on first dates, I’m asking myself (prematurely) if I can see myself having a future with this person. But not just a future in the sense of multiple dates… but in the sense of marrying them and spending the next 60 years with them. And did I mention this is all happening after chatting for just one or two hours? All that pressure sometimes ruins my initial perception of a person and instead of having a good time on a date, I find myself having these internal battles with myself.

Here’s what you should do instead:

  • Do: Dates 1-3 should be measured based on how well you get along with a person and, of course, how much fun you have with them. Do they interest you? Do you want to see them again next week? Make your judgments based off those questions.
  • Don’t: Start picturing your wedding or your old-age days with this person. They will see this internal battle on your face, in your gestures, and in your responses. It’ll make you seem and feel disinterested in someone who could potentially be a great match.

Follow Jen here: @tthingsilearned