Archive for the ‘Date Night’ Category

Confirming Your Date

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating

You got matched up on JDate, exchanged a few emails, had a 10-minute phone call to make plans, and then, as the day approaches, what do you do? You need to confirm your date!

I am no fan of texting, but you should send a text at the very least to simply say, “Looking forward to seeing you tonight!” You should also send that text at least six hours prior to the date. If you need to exchange any more information than that — as in the time or place — then, call. Pick up the phone at least six hours in advance, if not the night before, to solidify the plans. Some people will have to make arrangements for childcare, or getting primped, and it is a show of common courtesy to assure them the date is on and to let them in on the plans.

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Love at First JDate: Don’t Leave Me Hanging

by JenG under Date Night,Online Dating,Single Life

I recently experienced something very annoying in the realm of dating. After enjoying a fun, lively, and conversation-filled first date, the guy turned into my loyal pen pal. Instead of asking me out for a second date or hinting at making arrangements for plans in the future, he just talked and talked and talked about the mundane banalities of his day. I was left feeling a bit confused. Was this boy interested in dating me? Or was he just interested in having someone to chat with – over text – and never again to see in person?

  • Do: Be sure to follow up post-date with conversation — and an indication that you had fun and you’d like to see them again. However, don’t jump from first date to pen pals. Meaning don’t talk and talk and talk over text or the phone without making plans to see each other again.
  • Don’t: Let weeks pass without making plans for a new date. Conversations will start to drag on and then eventually fizzle out.

Wait, We’re On a Date?

by Aaron under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

One of my favorite episodes of the American version of The Office is called “Happy Hour,” and it introduces a fun character from Steve Carell: Date Mike. Date Mike only comes to exist after Steve Carell’s character (Michael) finds out that one of his employees has brought a date for him to the company happy hour. Michael dons sunglasses, pops his collar, and puts on an attitude, explaining he didn’t realize he was on a date.

Lately I’ve seen my social media feeds clutter with people’s confusion about dates. One article went viral about people not being clear enough when it comes to their romantic intentions. Another recent article in USA Today reported on a study commissioned by JDate and ChristianMingle that found there is a lot of confusion when it comes to figuring out whether or not a date was actually a date… or something else.

There’s a few angles I see with this. On the one hand, online dating should make this issue much easier: when a website has the word “date” in the title, it should be pretty clear what’s happening. But that isn’t always the case. Over Shabbat, I discussed this with friends. Some had used JDate simply as a way to further test the waters, inviting people to happy hours — not a date, simply an introduction opportunity that other parties misunderstood.

Here’s a distinction that makes defining a date less ambiguous: a good date simply involves people having fun, a little bit of sexual tension, and most importantly, spontaneity. My friends and I discussed our best and worst dates earlier this week (three men, two women) and came up with some conclusive answers as to how we enjoyed or disliked dates. When both parties interacted heavily (not seeing Troy, for example, when one party isn’t into action movies), or had a fun time just doing something random (not as random as buying plants at Home Depot, but maybe as random as eating a cookie cake together and sharing wine), it didn’t matter how the night was labeled.

People like to have a good time and try new things. If you can do that together, a date becomes a date whether you call it so or not. More often than not, the hangouts I’ve had with members of the opposite sex — such as watching a Scream movie marathon or going to a women’s basketball game on campus — have often led to much deeper connections than me making small talk about the first time I ordered the veggie burger at a restaurant. So date, hangout, invitation to meet at Whole Foods — it doesn’t matter what you call it. A date has a lot of extra pressure added to it, and that tends to take away from the fun. There’s no need to bring Date Mike to the party, but add some fun and spontaneity, and it’s going to be a good time — regardless of what it’s called.


Love at First JDate: Skip the Chatter

by JenG under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating

I received a message this week from a guy that got straight to the point. Instead of engaging in the get-to-know-you chatter, he directly asked me to meet him out for a drink. While it’s always great to move things along quick with online dating, it was a bit too forward. I wanted to get to know him more, see if we did indeed have anything in common — anything worth spending a few hours in person fleshing out the details.

  • Do: Make it a point to chat before you set up a date. It’s important to know something about the person you’re going to meet in person. It’s risky to go out with anyone without even knowing their basic details if they ask you out in the very first message they send. Thank them for their offer, but ask politely to get to know them first.
  • Don’t: Go meet them in person until you feel comfortable. If they ask you out in the very first message and you don’t feel like it’s right, or you’re questioning if you two would actually get along in person, say no. Ask for more information. Trust your gut and your instincts if they seem overly persistent or something seems wrong. When it comes to dating, the cardinal rule is to do what feels correct.

Follow Jen on Twitter: @tthingsilearned


How High is Your Wall?

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Single Life

Everyone has a wall up when dating (and if not, you should!), but there’s a difference between being careful to not reveal too much too soon and having your heart guarded by the U.S. Army Reserves.

On a first date, whether you met on JDate or not, keep it to the basics: where you grew up, where you studied, and where you work. You can also cover a VERY brief recap of your relationship history (divorced, widowed, children), where you’ve traveled, what your hobbies include, and more general topics like such. Your wall should keep you from revealing more than that in order to safeguard your heart. If you get into your sob story or discuss other intimate topics — and then never hear from your date again — you’ll be crushed that you opened yourself up to someone who is basically a stranger. Wait until something develops first. In the meantime, find commonalities and build on them, revealing a bit at a time so that your date knows that you’re interested and interesting.


Cussing & Courting

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

When you’re on a date, watch your language. Don’t use cuss words as it makes you look classless and tacky.

In general, the F word (as well as “c… u… next… Tuesday” and other crass words) should rarely be uttered on a date. However, when one of those words is needed for effect during storytelling, just make sure you excuse yourself afterwards. People who pepper their vocabulary with the more acceptable, like “d*mn” or “s***,” should also try to temper their language as it only reflects poorly on themselves.

Don’t pretend to be someone else; simply be your best self by not cursing constantly.


Don’t Drink the Haterade

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

What do you do when you’ve been on a great date and all your friends are hating? Look for an underlying reason:

  • Is your friend single, and could your friend perhaps be jealous?
  • Maybe your friend went out with the same date once and it didn’t go well?
  • Perhaps your friend is just trying to look out for you?

Recently my friend went on a first date with a bachelor who is, shall we say, popular on the dating scene. She was warned by no less than three people that he was a player. Aware of her date’s history, I went about doling out advice in a different way. I do know the guy, but I would have given her this same advice regardless of whether I knew him: every one is a player until they meet “The One.” Therefore she should be cautious, but not judge him just because he’s dated around.

You need to make the call for yourself after getting to know your date. Don’t allow others to factor into your opinion, but do make sure to keep the information tucked away so that you can’t say you weren’t warned. And if you’re on the other side of the equation, as the friend, then give your words of caution, but don’t hate. It will only make you look bad, regardless of the outcome.


Old-Fashioned is the New Fad

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating,Single Life

Dating the old-fashioned way is the way to date these days.

Chivalry is being resurrected. What does that mean? It means that men (or the more aggressive half of a same-sex relationship) are preferring to make the phone calls, plan the dates, pick the woman up at her home, pull out her chair, order on her behalf, pay the bill, and take the initiative for another date before leaning in for the first kiss. It’s not that they prefer women who don’t do these things, but most of the single men I’ve spoken with just want to be “The Man,” regardless of who they are dating.

The great thing about “dating the old-fashioned way” is that women can allow men to take these leads without giving up a sense of their independence. A woman can allow a man to “take care of her” simply because it feels good… not because she needs it. These are not gender stereotypes to be looked down upon negatively; each person will have ample opportunity to play whichever role in the relationship they feel natural settling into when that time comes, but until then, if a man wants to wine you and dine you — as many men seem to want to step into the role of doing — then let him.

Pre-order “How To Woo A Jew — The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating” on Amazon now!


99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall…

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating,Single Life

Just because alcohol is flowing freely at a singles event doesn’t mean you should drink it. There were many events over the holidays between Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve, which meant there was ample opportunity to drink too much and either make a fool of yourself or lower your inhibitions… or both.

If you fell prey to the bottle in the past, then it would be smart to have a friend with you who is on the same page at social events moving forward — both you and the friend should discuss how you will keep the drinking to a minimum and be responsible for each other. The reason this is important (aside from the obvious drunken debauchery) is that once you have a drink or two, it gets easier and easier to accept the offer of another drink… and another… and another. And then, once again, you’ll find yourself on the wrong side of a hangover.

Instead, decide before going to the event if you will drink and how much, and then stick to it. I know these singles events are tough (I remember them vividly), and I know that having a drink or two to relax is helpful for some people, but you don’t want to go overboard. You are attending these events for a reason, and that reason is to meet someone. Save the liquor for another night.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “David S.” (Part 2)

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off JDate for a while; I’ve never had much success in attracting positive responses, either from women contacting me or responding to my emails. I’ve always had my theories as to why, but if it’s really what I’m saying in my profile, or my pictures, I need a little advice.

Thanks!

____________________________________________________________________

Hi David S.,

In Part 1 of this series, we analyzed your JDate profile, which I thought was pretty good!  Now we will delve into your email correspondence to figure out where things may be going astray in your efforts to find your Beshert.

You previously sent me a version of the following back-and-forth email with a JDate prospect which led nowhere (some specifics were deleted by me either for privacy or brevity):

 

Email #1

Hi there,

Can I just tell you that you have seriously beautiful eyes? Wow.

How are you? …. A snow day is a good opportunity to catch up on those cheesy TV shows. What sort of cheese are you into?So as I mentioned in my profile, I think sense of humor can be a great indicator of compatibility, and it sounds like we both have a similar, sarcastic, witty thing happening. It’s a start, right? :)

 
Email #2

Hi Dave,

Thanks for writing… Are you sticking around [town] or heading somewhere warm?I’ll be around… catching up on those cheesy shows. I watch… How about you?Talk to you soon.

 
Email #3

…I wish I were going some place warm!…   But I’m sticking around too. What is your reality TV of choice? What are you excited to do most over the holidays?

Talk soon.

 

 

Tamar’s Synopsis

Your first email to the prospect was great. You started off with a compliment, and then moved on to a commonality, which said a bit about yourself as well and asked a question. She responded by continuing the commonality conversation and answering your question and then asking you a few questions in return, which shows that she read your email and is interested in learning more about you. Here’s the problem: your final email didn’t answer both her questions. You answered the first about not leaving town due to the cold, but you didn’t tell her what cheesy shows you were watching. You did ask a follow-up question (which was good), but rather than continue the conversation via email you should have asked her out. Email #3 should have gone more like this:

“…I wish I were going some place warm! … But I’m sticking around too. Since we are both going to be in town, I’d love to take you out. Since we are talking about cheesy TV shows, how about the cool new fondue place uptown? Let me know, we can either firm up the plans via email or send me your number if you feel comfortable doing so and I’ll call you to figure out when we’re both free next week.”

Do you see the difference? Your email was more of a pen-pal discussion. You were having first date conversation via JDate email rather than being confident and aggressive and getting that date on the calendar. She showed interest in her response to you — so take that momentum and act on it!