Archive for the ‘Date Night’ Category

The Sounds of Silence

by Aaron under Date Night,JBloggers,Relationships

As I attempted to come up with a topic this week, I was drawing blanks. I wanted to write about my trip to Europe, my life in New York so far, how my dating life is going, any number of things that have been on my mind. But every time I started writing something, it was worthless. I drew a blank.

When you’re not being asked to write a blog for an awesome organization every week, silence can actually be a great thing.  It’s not always that I can’t write about things, but sometimes I feel like I’m writing just to write.

Interestingly, in the last year, some of my best dating moments have involved silence. From long car rides to Memphis where I’m just taking in scenery to the beauty of Central Park, sometimes there’s more happening in life than just trying to get to know someone. Sharing an experience is such a beautiful thing, and I think sometimes we feel an overwhelming need to talk through things as we’re getting to know someone. But in my opinion, nothing compares to just sharing a moment in silence.

So that’s my very simple blog this week. I’ve been around the world in the last month, and I’ve seen some great sights. I know the best is only to come, but the finest moments since my last real writing time (early May) have been the moments of taking in life in silence with another person. Overlooking the beach in Barcelona, looking out over New York from the 102nd floor of the Empire State Building, or even just listening to strangers talk about Grindr while I was sitting on a park bench while cuddling up with someone special. These have been the best moments of my last month, and they didn’t involve me feeling the need to say a single word.


Beauty is Only Skin Deep

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Relationships,Single Life

“When you start to really know someone, all his physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in his energy, recognizing the scent of his skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to “own” it. You can love it with your eyes and body, but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, becoming irrelevant.”

-Bestselling author Lisa Unger

We’ve all heard the line “beauty is only skin deep,” but as author Lisa Unger so eloquently writes in the quote above, once we get to know someone beyond the surface, only then can we fall in love with them. Until then it is only lust. Dig a little deeper before you find yourself falling too hard, too fast. You may not like what you find underneath. Or you may discover what true love is once you get past appearances.


What is Attraction?

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

According to Psychology Today:

“A man, looking at a woman for the first time (or a woman looking at a man) will respond to the way that person stands or sits, the way he or she smiles, or is quiet or animated, the way he/she responds to others, and to the way that person is groomed and dressed. That initial impression determines whether that person seems attractive or not. But the odd thing is that what strikes one person as attractive will seem unattractive to someone else. No one way of appearing will seem attractive to everyone. Not only that, what is attractive, or unattractive, to a particular person at a particular time may seem quite the opposite at another time and place. ”

What this means is that looks don’t matter. How pretty or handsome you are is not all that people take into consideration when they are deciding whether or not to approach you. And just because someone doesn’t approach you at any given time, it isn’t an insult to you. Basically, every instance is different. As long as you exude confidence and happiness, then you have done everything possible to put the odds in your favor of making every opportunity count.


Be Vulnerable

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

I have some random TV show on in the background while I sit at my computer working, it’s called “UnDateable” and (so far) it’s unwatchable… but good enough for background TV. However, I glanced up a bit ago just in time to hear the words “be vulnerable,” and thought “YES!”

So many singles are NOT showing their vulnerable side, and then they wonder why they never go out on second dates. It’s okay to have a wall up, but only to a point. You have to show that you are open to love, which means being open to getting hurt. You can do this in one simple step: let the person sitting across from you (or next to you, depending upon how you’re sitting LOL) know why you want to be on this very date with him or her at this very moment.

Start there and see where it goes.


Buyer Beware: Made-Up & Over-Done

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

If you look like a completely different person when you wake-up versus when you go out (not to mention the photos in your JDate profile) then don’t be surprised when your date’s eyes bulge out of his head as he bolts for the door!

This article is an example of what I’m talking about. You need to look vaguely like your profile photos when you’re not wearing any makeup. Most men will say they prefer a woman in their natural state or closely related. If you take an hour to apply your contouring makeup to give off the impression of a thin nose, high cheekbones, and a rounded chin, then you may want to take a makeup course in how to tone it down while still feeling good about how you look.

It’s fun to get all ferputzed once in a while, just be careful if you pack on the product when you’re dating. The more you see your new flame (which would be a good thing!), the harder it will be to keep up your makeup routine 24/7.


Manners Reminder

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

I have heard SO MANY awful stories about dates with bad manners that I was compelled to write yet another post about manners — not only on a first date, but for the first few months of a new relationship.

  • Boogers — If you feel that a nose nugget is loose and tickling you, then excuse yourself to go to the restroom to dig it out. Sounds funny I know, but there is no reason that you should pick your nose in front of your date.
  • Farts — Sometimes you can’t hold it. I get it. We are all human. If you’re successful at passing gas quietly then you can probably ignore a stench the first time or pretend that one stinky one is from the passing waiter, but you only get one. Once you know your flatulence is foul then excuse yourself to the restroom to see if you can avoid another nose-wrinkling scenario.
  • Belching — Sometimes a burp escapes before you can stop it. Just excuse yourself and move on or say something along the lines of “compliments to the chef,” but don’t worry about it again. If you feel a burp coming then try and stifle it. Keeping some antacids on hand is always a good idea, especially if dinner is taking place at a restaurant that serves food which include garlic, onion, or other belch-inducing ingredients.

Those are just the top few social miscues that keep coming up (pardon the pun) lately. It’s a good idea to practice preparation and avoidance before and during a date by checking yourself (and your bodily functions) before leaving the house, and by not eating or drinking anything that could create a reaction.


The Curse of the Analytical Thinker

by Haley Plotnik under Date Night,Single Life

The other day, I braved my bathing suit fears and went to the pool at my new apartment complex. I was looking around. Some guys were handsome, some were clearly married or age inappropriate, and some were too obnoxious to warrant a second glance. Back in Arkansas, almost every guy at my complex fell into the third category, so I was relieved for some eye candy rather than eye rolling.

While lying outside, enjoying the warmth of early summer sunshine, I had an epiphany: almost none of the two dozen first dates I’ve been on in the last few years have resulted in a second date.

I made a list, of course, of my dating history. This doesn’t count men who failed pre-screening. There are over 24 guys on the list… some of them I couldn’t even remember names. I struggled for 10 minutes to come up with names, only to realize I didn’t know them, so I gave them descriptors. They went something like this:

  • Effeminate guy at Mexican restaurant
  • Law school mama’s boy
  • Hipster grad student
  • Boring guy with great hair

Then my head was flooded with questions.

Am I not being picky enough in pre-screening dates? Am I being too picky on the actual date? I tried to focus on the guys who were interested in seeing me again… Sometimes it’s just highly evident and mutual that we’re not a match. But that hasn’t been the case many of the times.

The other day, I read an article claiming that most of the time, dates 1-3 aren’t indicative of your relationship because:

  1. You’re on your best behavior
  2. You’re so concerned about presenting yourself that you forget to analyze the traits and behaviors of your date
  3. You want the other person to like you and forget you have to like them too

I tend to be somewhat the opposite. The engineer in me gets highly analytical, and while I take the time to engage in conversation and enjoy the food or activity of the date, my mind is constantly taking data measurements. No wonder I rarely feel sparks! There’s zero romance in a date when all you’re doing is checking boxes in your head. My new goal is to try to just enjoy the guy’s company. I’m not going to ignore red flags, but I also know that by date 3, if a guy makes it that far, I have enough of a sense of their character to decide to proceed with caution or cut them loose.


Making Introductions

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

We’ve all been there. You’re out with someone you’re newly dating, it’s not a full-on committed relationship yet, and you run into someone who you used to date, and still have feelings for, or you run into someone you’d typically be interested in dating had you not met while with your date!

So, how do you make introductions without burning either bridge? Simple: don’t include titles. Say hello, introduce the person you’re with to the person you’ve run into by first name only, and don’t get flirty. Respect yourself by being respectful to your date. You can always send a quick email, text or Facebook message later that day letting the person you ran into know that it was nice seeing them.


OCD Dating

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

What happens when you date someone who has an addictive personality? What level of obsessiveness can you put up with in your life? Alcohol and/or drugs are an easy limit to set… someone who can’t live without one or both of those is probably not someone you want to date. But what about when it comes to sports, or music, or exercise? None of these types of addictions is unhealthy, but they can definitely be annoying.

When your dinner plans revolve around the NBA playoffs (or worse yet, the regular season schedule!), then you may not want to be with someone who is so into sports. If your date’s life revolves around any one hobby or interest, then you may need someone who is more balanced. There’s not a cut and dry way to know what that looks like before a first date, but you can usually tell after a few hours of getting to know someone.


Stay-at-Home Summer Movies

by Aaron under Date Night,Entertainment,Online Dating,Single Life

As summer movie season is upon us, the natural inclination is to drown our girlfriends in comic book lore and respectively take boyfriends to go see Legally Blonde 6. Not a lot of happiness comes out of that from my experience (just go with your same-interest friends!), but there are definitely some fun movies for everyone, with a little romantic spark to boost. So with that in mind, I’d like to give you some of my recommendations for your next stay-at-home movie night:

  • Before Sunrise/Before Sunset: Any girl I’ve ever dated knows these are the best romance movies known to man. As a grown man, I still tear up nearly every time I watch either one, but I love every second. The movies are literally just two people exploring two European cities (Vienna in Sunrise, Paris in Sunset), but what an experience. And they’re pretty short, so if either of you disagrees with my recommendation, at least it’s over quickly.
  • Definitely, Maybe: While Ryan Reynolds is rarely an actor I recommend, this is one of those fun romantic comedies that keeps everyone happy.

Okay, so it turns out I only have two (three depending on if you count the Before movies as separate) really romantic movies, but if you’re looking for more missed hits to watch on DVD/across the internet with your significant other, here are some other non-romances you may have missed:

  • Six Degrees of Separation: Who doesn’t love Will Smith? There’s a bit of romance here, but mostly the movie just asks the question “just who the heck is this guy?” A fun air of mystery makes it a fun watch for everyone.
  • Hamlet 2: I feel like this is a very special under-appreciated movie, and I highly recommend it for everyone (ladies will love Jesus’s sexy abs, but everyone will enjoy the fun of a sequel to Hamlet).
  • The Scream Movies: Horror is a special bonding experience, and no horror series is more lightweight, fun, and well-done than the Scream movies. The whole series isn’t perfect, but if you want to be scared in a way that won’t force you to keep the lights on, this is the way to do it.

So that’s my mini-movie corner, feel free to post your stay at home recommendations in the comments!