by GemsFromJen 
under
JBloggers,
Relationships
Dear Gems from Jen,
I have been seeing a man for the past six weekends. He prefers to text conversations and rarely calls. If I call him, it is not often that he will pick up the phone. I told him that I was a bit frustrated with texting and the way we were communicating.
His reply “If I am causing you pain then I’ll back off.” I just simply said, “Do you want to call this time?” He replied, “Yes.” However, it’s still text, text and text.
Ouch!
Dear Texting Not Talking,
I completely understand your frustration! In my opinion, there is something missing when texting is the main form of communication. Texting allows our own interpretations to take charge of what is really being said. There really is no substitute for a phone call. If this guy is not willing to communicate in a manner that you feel comfortable with then I agree; you have made the right decision regarding giving this relationship some time. Texting once in awhile is fine, but to have that as the main form of communication equals very little communication. It sounds to me as if he might not be the best match for you. Keep up the search on JDate and make it clear in your profile that communication is of the utmost importance to you. Hope this helps!
Signed,
Gems from Jen
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by GemsFromJen
under
JBloggers,
Relationships
Dear Gems from Jen,
I’ve been communicating with this guy for a little while now through email, text, and Skype and we both really like each other, but neither one of us have done the long-distance thing. Does it really work?
Dear Long Distance,
I do believe a long distance relationship can work if the two people involved make it work. Keep in mind open and honest communication is imperative when dealing with a long-distance relationship. You need to communicate daily. Each person must set aside time each day to speak with the other person. Texts and emails are usually not enough. I always suggest a phone call at the end of the day. Also, time must be made to see each other on a regular basis. If each person puts in the effort long-distance relationships can be successful. Good luck to you!
Signed,
Gems from Jen
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by GemsFromJen
under
JBloggers,
JDate,
Relationships
Dear Gems from Jen,
Background: Briefly, met a nice girl online and we began dating during the first part of the year. I live in Connecticut, she lives in NYC. We had much to talk about and enjoyed each other’s company on our meetings. Soon, I was staying over on weekends. She took me out on my birthday; I took her out of NYC for Valentine’s Day. We went to shows, comedy events, concerts, etc. We never had a cross word, disagreement or argument. Suddenly, just a few days ago, she refuses to talk to me anymore – stone cold. We were on our second month. Nothing was ever spoken directly of being exclusive or anything like that. I think it was still a little early.
So what happened? Why did she cast me off? Is there anything I can do? I really liked this woman and did whatever I could to make our time together great.
Signed,
Lost and Broken
Dear Lost and Broken,
I am so sorry to hear about this. I do know from my own experience how difficult this can be to make sense of. I wish I knew what happened and her reasons behind not speaking to you any longer. I am not going to try and guess what her motivations are, but rather I am going to do my best to look at this from another perspective.
Even though this is probably going to be difficult to read and put into practice, please try. Look at it this way; she is a coward. Obviously something happened and she does not have the courage to explain it to you. Consider yourself lucky. Do you want to be with someone who runs and hides? Do you want to be with someone who does not have a clue about communication? Do you want to be with someone who has the capacity to throw people away? I know I sure wouldn’t. I do understand that you need closure, but give yourself the closure. Make the decision to move forward without her. If she does get in touch, keep in mind these questions I have asked you. If she can do it once, she can do it twice. Give yourself some time to mourn the loss, but don’t dwell on it. It sounds like you are a great catch and there are many women on JDate who would be very grateful to meet someone like you.
Signed,
Gems from Jen
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by Blog Administrator"> Blog Administrator
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JBloggers
If selected, your very own blog will be published regularly on JBlog™ and you’ll receive a free JDate® subscription!
We’re looking for male and female writers with fun and fresh perspectives to share their exciting stories, tips and JDate experiences! If selected, in addition to a free subscription, you’ll get to regularly entertain hundreds of thousands of readers and receive a byline and exposure on JDate!
To become the next JBlogger, all you have to do is submit a 300-word writing sample about dating or a related topic, along with your name, JDate username, email address, phone number and member ID to jblog@jdate.com before April 2, 2010.
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by GemsFromJen
under
JBloggers,
Relationships
Dear Gems from Jen,
I have been seeing someone for over two months. He was flirty and intimate at the beginning. We communicate nearly every day, but only see each other every couple of weeks due to his intense work situation. He has been sick, as well as out of town on business. He is highly complementary and says he has never met anyone like me…and that he is very appreciative of how communicative I am.
He is cautious and has slowed down the physical intimacy and is no longer flirty via email. He says everything in life is timing. He has NOT said that this is not working or that he just wants to be friends…he just talks about timing and being cautious. Building his business back to its former self is his biggest concern at the moment. I believe that we do have the basis for a relationship. How should I proceed with him? It is uncomfortable for me to date since I like him so much, but maybe I should?
Thanks for your help.
Dear Dating and Timing,
It sounds to me as if you are getting mixed messages from this guy. Always keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. Anybody can say anything, but it is the actions that truly count. He has told you everything in life comes down to timing. He has backed off, discussed caution, and turned his focus to work. I understand what it is like to have feelings for someone and not really wanting to date, however this relationship does not sound exclusive at the present moment. There are no guarantees in life. Don’t put all of your hopes onto this particular guy. Enjoy yourself and continue dating. Spending time waiting for him to move forward with you is no way to live. He might surprise you in the future, but in the mean time, consider your wants and needs and don’t settle for someone who isn’t as present in your life as you would like.
Signed,
Gems from Jen
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by GemsFromJen
under
JBloggers,
Relationships
Dear Gems from Jen,
I feel that I’m in need of some advice! I have been seeing a guy for a few months now. He is really lovely and sweet and treats me nicely. My problem is that he doesn’t seem to have much oomph to his personality. He still lives at home in his mid-thirties and doesn’t seem to be passionate about very much.
I have been out with more passionate guys before, but they have ended up treating me like rubbish! I have tried talking to him but I know that you can’t change people. Any advice on what I should do? I want to settle down and be happy but I can’t help feeling that I could “do better.”
Any advice appreciated,
Thanks!
Dear Should I Keep Going,
Sounds like this guy has some good qualities, being treated well is very important. However, living at home in his mid-thirties? What are the circumstances surrounding his living arrangements? It is one thing if he perhaps lost his job and he is trying to get re-established. It is another thing if he has never left the comfort of the nest. If the latter is the case, my suggestion is to think very seriously about who this person is. You say he has little “oomph” and is not a passionate person. Can you see spending your time with someone like this for the long haul? You are right; you cannot change anyone, but yourself. It sounds to me like you have already answered your own question. You believe you can do better, so my guess is, if you stay with this guy you are going to always be looking for something better. Settling down and being happy does not mean you have to take less than you want.
Signed,
Gems from Jen
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by PuraVida2009
under
JBloggers,
Relationships,
Single Life
This is my mantra today, this week, shooting for this month, and so on…It won’t be easy, I’m a planner; the Type A, where itineraries, schedules and plans have a calming effect. Not to say that I’m not an impetuous gal at the same time. John Lennon sang to us in “Beautiful Boy,” that “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” I think forward thinking affects both genders equally in relationships but perhaps it manifests in different ways. The future is filled with enough routines and serious subjects, so skipping over being fun, carefree and living in the moment, hinders us, no? Don’t get me wrong, this won’t be easy for a trained lawyer, but being (and enjoying) in the moment is really ALL we have.
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