Archive for the ‘JBloggers’ Category

Let’s start with a few quick texting tips for both the ladies and gents:

1. Don’t text to ask someone on a date, especially a first date.
2. Don’t break a date via text, unless you don’t care whether or not you’ll reschedule. If you truly do want to meet the person, call them up. The personal connection and time you take to call shows you care.
3. Text-flirting is good but make sure that you’re comfortable with what you’re texting. In other words, make sure the temperature of your texts matches up with the temperature of your real-life relationship. (More on this in a sec)

A tip for the ladies: don’t send those “three text-long” texts to a guy you’re just starting to date. Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. And gents, texting is good to maintain some rapport but not a complete substitute for picking up the phone and calling her!

Ok, now that we’ve got some basics out of the way. Let’s talk temperature. What does that even mean? Temperature refers to the tone of the text message. Think of a scale of cold – neutral – hot. A text that says something like “hi, whatcha doing?” falls in the neutral category because it’s probably not going to elicit a huge emotional reaction from its recipient. Answering something like “thinking of you” shifts things into a higher temperature — it’s probably going to put a smile on the face of the person reading it.

So here’s what I always say about texting — keep the temperature consistent with your real-life interactions. For example, if you’ve just started seeing someone, you’re probably not at the “hi baby honey shmoopie” stage, so your text messages shouldn’t be. But, that doesn’t mean you need to be cold either. In short, text how you talk. This is good because it’s consistent with your real-life interactions so shouldn’t slow down/weird anyone out.

On the other hand, if everything’s in neutral (shy people unite!) texting is a great way to flirt and raise the temperature. Time for date #2? Text your guy that you’re dying for him to smell your new perfume. Or gents, tell your lady that you need her opinion of your new shirt/pants/tie/whatever because you’re just asking her to check you out. Here’s the catch though: you can’t text-flirt and then not back it up when you get together! Just remember, if they’re flirting with you it’s because they’re into you.

Rule of thumb? If you’re into the person, try to maintain your texting temp, or raise it. Responding to a message like “Hope you’re having a great day! I know I am since we’re going to that great show tonight” with “its fine, thanks” is just a buzzkill!

Got a question? Comment below or send Mel a private e-mail here.

I have decided to implement a new rule henceforth. Here it is: Never tell a girl whom you’re on a date with that you’re a blogger for JDate. This rule applies pretty much only to me, as I am sure the expert bloggers are already happily married. As I ate my non-Subway^® fajitas on another date that was destined to end in sadness, I mentioned, in the smoothest way possible, that not only does JDate have a blog, but that I am a writer for the blog. Though reactions are usually positive, I never really thought that they may be completely fake.

Imagine hearing, while on a date, that the person you’re on a date with writes regularly about dating. The first question that should pop-up into any normal brain would fall along the lines of “Why isn’t this guy married?” The answer to that is simple: I know nothing about dating. So after I told her that I’m a JDate blogger, everything went downhill and climaxed in an awkward text I will have received the next day saying that she’d love to be friends with me.

So what if the guy you’re currently on a date with tells you that he’s a JDate blogger? Do not let him go! He is lonely and sad and needs companionship. He feels weird writing about dating while simultaneously drowning in mediocrity. He has good qualities that might take more than a date for you to realize. He was once on the cover of an international magazine! He did well on the SAT!

I actually am quite happy. I  just would like the camaraderie of a nice girl. Don’t cry for me, I recently received a free computer!

It isn’t easy being a JBlogger.  On average, JBloggers should go out on about two dates per week in order to assess enough material to write two posts per week.  This comes out to 104 dates a year, which would technically make me a prostitute.  Except it would be worse than a prostitute.  It would make me a prostitute who doesn’t get paid.  I don’t even know what that is.  Actually, aside from the fact that I would quickly run out of the money that I never had in the first place, going on two dates per week would be nice.  I would, though, have to figure out how to date on a budget à la Dave Chappelle in Half Baked.  By the second week, I would not be above stealing from blind homeless people.

I haven’t made up dates that never happened in order to have material for the blog.  Instead, I go off topic and talk about politics or my childhood, which are equally inane.  If you would like for me to stop talking about my own childhood, I suggest you volunteer yourself to go out on a date with me.  I will pay for your dinner, and we can split a dessert.  I also promise to contribute one hour of relevant conversation.  After an hour, I usually go off on a tangent which usually ends with me crying.  You must be willing to nurse me while I cry uncontrollably.  I suggest you start watching Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz in order to learn how to quell somebody else’s overflowing emotions.  Really, any program whose title begins with ‘Dr.” would work.

After that, be prepared for me to propose marriage to you.

I do not know how many people read this blog.  When I started writing here, I was told that I would get thousands of readers.  Again, I don’t know how many people read this, but if it’s thousands, then I am not a good writer.  You would think that if thousands of people read this, then the last comment that this blog got wouldn’t have been years ago to a post someone wrote about Jennifer Aniston being Jewish (which she is not).

If you read this blog, and you are not the parents of any of the bloggers, please let us know, because we are losing faith that anything we write is being read.  It’s almost as if I am writing to myself.  My mom said I should change my blogging picture, but I am pretty sure that I look similar in any picture of myself.  In fact, any picture taken of me over the past seven years looks strikingly similarly like myself.

If you are reading this, please go to my JDate profile and let me know.  You don’t even have to be a girl.  If I receive an anonymous flirt that is obviously from someone that doesn’t have a subscription and says something like “How is it that you haven’t been snatched up yet?” I will be perfectly happy.  I will let the other JDate Bloggers know of any encounters that I make with the rest of the world.

All of the bloggers on here are extremely talented and passionate about what they say.  From the dating experts, who actually do get readers, to the simple JDaters® that are fortunate enough to write on this site, we are all just looking for some kind of contact.  We often spill our souls to strangers in the vain hope that somebody has had a shared or similar experience.  If I knew that one person read what I wrote, and it made them laugh or cry, or even feel angry, vengeful, or cynical, I would be extremely happy.  Shower in the sequence of sorrows that is my life.

I just had the most amazing idea.  What would happen if JDate, and social networks and singles websites in general, gave people the worst impression of each member?  For example, instead of posting four of the most flattering pictures of yourself, you would post the absolute worst four pictures of yourself that you can find.  This may be difficult for models, but then why would models be on dating sites in the first place?  I know that the discrepancy between your profile pics and your actual self can be frustrating.  You are nervous before meeting people because you feel that your pictures don’t accurately convey your physical qualities.  It can be equally frustrating when you go out with someone whom you thought looked completely different.  You don’t want to be rude, but it is somewhat aggravating.

This can all be eliminated.  Under the ‘Physical Info’, for example, say that you are at least five inches shorter than you really are.  Under “My perfect first date,’ say something like your “perfect first date involves fast food and movies at your parents’ house.”  Be sure to mention that you do not have a car.  Under ‘My past relationships,’ mention that all of your past relationships have involved imaginary dates with your fourth grade teacher and outings with your Cabbage Patch Kid/Teletubby (depending on your age group.)  Say that your ‘Ideal Match’ is a chain smoking drunk who is 20 to 25 years older than you with a degree from an unknown college.

Now, you have nothing to worry about.  First, you can be sure that your potential date is just as good looking or better in real life.  Second, you can be sure that your date will not be disappointed in any of your attributes.  Then you can build from there.  The sky is the limit when you are a 60 year old, fat chain smoker with little to no education or personal hygiene!

There’s a saying.  Here’s how this saying goes: Men will eventually want to sleep with any female they have.  I have found this to be true, with two exceptions.  So I guess I have found this to be untrue.  Either way, listen to me, or you’re going to lose friends.  Maybe you won’t.  What do I know; I’m writing this alone on a queen-sized bed.

I joined JDate and I was so good at being single that I was hired to write about being single.  Now I’m single, and I write about being single, and that subsequently makes me sadder about being single.  I am far from being one of the relationship experts on this site.  They probably get paid/laid.

The last paragraph was independent of anything that I said or will say in this post.  I don’t know why I’m leaving it there.  Anyway, if you are a man and are thinking of rooming with a female, don’t.  One of two things will happen. 1, you will end up sleeping with her and will eventually break up and it will become impossible to live together.  Or, 2, you will grow to hate each other because platonic friends of the opposite sex are not meant to cohabitate.  I have lived with a female twice and they both ended in disaster.

The first time, I was in college.  My four best friends and I decided to rent a duplex.  One of these friends was/is a girl.  Within a month, she was having panic attacks and stress-induced hallucinations involving clean living quarters that never materialized.  Guys are ne’er-do-wells and women are hygienic.  That’s what happens when I use the thesaurus function on Microsoft Word to look for better alternatives to ‘slobs’ and ‘clean.’  So my first experience living with a girl was a disaster.  It lasted only a year, which is good, because I might not have my best friend if it was any longer.

My second experience living with a girl is currently in its final stage.  She is a friend from high school and prominent member of Prom Disaster ’02.  I don’t think I have to explain that one.  We all remember what happened.  So we have lived together for about two years now and my flaws are crystallizing in her mind with time.  It’s just not working, so I’m moving out next week.

If you are female, and have successfully lived platonically with a male for an extended period of time, and it’s going well, it’s really not.  He wants to sleep with you.  My two platonic female roommates were very pretty, but we weren’t attracted to each other, so I was able to dodge the sex bullet.

As a blogger for JDate I certainly have no problems expressing my opinions on the virtues of online dating. During the time that I’ve been on the site I have benefitted greatly from how it provides a forum to meet people and get to know each other, as well as making dating easier for people who are very busy or don’t thrive in the bar scene. In addition to those reasons, and others I’ve talked about in past blogs, I can honestly say that I’ve had a very good experience with online dating. Even though I was already sold on the online dating experience, recently I discovered yet another reason why it is such a great option for me.

Last week our team embarked on a week and a half long road trip (for those of you who don’t know, I’m a college basketball coach) to play games in Utah, California and Texas. In past seasons I would have completely disregarded my social life and been forced to focus solely on my job since it’s difficult to meet women on the road. However, since I can meet women online no matter where I am, on this current road trip I have continued to be active online emailing and chatting with women I am interested in.

Furthermore I have continued to try to make plans for when we get back from our trip so, in actuality, because of online dating, I have continued to be able to try to meet women in spite on my being across the country for work. Just like when I talk to women while sitting on my couch at home in Chicago there’s no guarantee that I’ll go out with anyone I talk with while I’m on the road, but at least I am continuing to be social and trying to date. As someone who is constantly trying to achieve a balance between their personal and professional life, I am grateful for online dating since it has once again provided with me the opportunity to continue that pursuit where in the past I would have conceded all my focus and energy toward my job.

It’s a crying shame that there are so many JDaters® offering nothing in the way of description in their profiles. You’re going to have to be a genuine hottie to get away with a skeleton profile. Since the average person is average looking, sprucing up one’s text is crucial to getting noticed.

As far as the “About Me” section is concerned, a short list of worn out adjectives will not suffice. Don’t be as vague as a fortune cookie. Declaring an affinity for having fun is gratuitous and tautological. Show instead of tell of your possession of a comedic talent. Do not presume that people care for more information upon request without giving them a reason to care.

Not everyone strings words together admirably, but a JDate profile does not need to be a literary tour-de-force. If you’re shy about talking about yourself, take a simple and straightforward approach. Questions to consider to help you get started: What kind of relationship are you looking to enter? What do you do on weekends? What are your friends like? What would your friends say about you if testifying on your behalf? Have you ever achieved anything notable you can discuss here without seeming egotistical? Why are you on JDate?

Now go forth my single brethren and make a JDate blogger proud.

I really don’t like the term ‘pet peeve’.  That’s a big pet peeve of mine.  According to dictionary.com, another term for ‘pet peeve’ is ‘personal bugbear.’  Now that is awesome!  Seriously, how did pet peeve win over personal bugbear?  I guess it was a personal bugbear of someone when people refer to a pet peeve as a personal bugbear.

Anyway, I don’t have very many personal bugbears, but I do have a few.  And one is that I feel very uncomfortable around people whose pets are larger than they are.  This is just a smack in the face to the history and evolution of the human race.  Humans are the dominant species on this planet.  We are smarter, more evolved, and, let’s face it, larger than many other carbon-based life forms that we have trained as our docile pets.  Do you know why, for example, that elephants don’t make good pets?  It’s because they’re enormous.  Baby elephants could eat children if they wanted to.  Perhaps some do.

So by the time I finally found her apartment, her giant bulldog greeted me at the door before I could even see her.  She had to yell at the dog, make the dog go into the other room, and then close the door to that room before I could shake her hand.  Yeah, I feel weird about hugging someone that I meet for the first time because maybe that’s not their thing.  So I shook her tiny hand.  The date was nice, but for some reason, I couldn’t get the fact that her dog was bigger than she was out of my head.  I could not go out with her again.  Wait, why am I still single?

It is very common for women to dismiss all men as being afraid of commitment.  It seems they use this reasoning whenever they want to diagnose any problem they see in men.  If a guy doesn’t want to take a morning jog at seven a.m., he’s afraid of commitment. If a guy doesn’t want to go department store shopping for the better part of a weekend, he’s afraid of commitment.  If a guy has been dating a women for ten years, and still won’t propose, he’s afraid of commitment.  Okay, I concede on that one.

I may not speak for all men.  I may not be speaking for many men.  I may be speaking only for myself.  I don’t see anything wrong or scary with spending the rest of your life with the woman that you love.  I don’t even see anything wrong with spending the rest of your life with the woman that you tolerate.  Seriously, dating is hard.  The constant fear of rejection and the relentless pursuit of self-perfection gets tiring.  They can wear on you until you become irrationally afraid of weekends and of any restaurants that have valet parking.  Sometimes, we just want it to be over.  I am very much looking forward to becoming fat and apathetic about life.  Complacency is my ultimate life goal.

Though I don’t think I am afraid of commitment, I know for sure that I am scared of crazy women.  I think that if a woman becomes so sure that any man she dates is scared of settling down, she may work herself up so much that she can come off as insane.  If I’m on a date, for example, and the woman starts asking me how many kids I want before our bread arrives, I get scared.  This is not because I don’t eventually want kids.  This is because we have literally known each other for five minutes and I spent all week obsessively getting ready for this dinner.  Right now, I am completely committed to making this dinner as pleasurable as possible for the both of us.  You can’t just skip to us having kids.  Right now, I’m too focused on trying to figure out how to fill the next two hours with inane small talk to produce another life with you.