by GemsFromJen 
under
JDate,
Relationships
Dear Gems from Jen,
Riding a bike. It’s been nine years and I thought I was finally going to be off this site forever. He was a real charmer, gave great lip service and I was a fool to let him slide when his words didn’t match his actions.. I guess it’s easy when you’re told what you want to hear, “You’re 99% perfect for me” and “The right one.” I wanted a stable situation and long-term happiness, one where I wasn’t one isn’t “all that” in the morning and “too needy” by nightfall.
I fell into another abusive relationship, I started having doubts in February…He broke my heart.
I tell myself this time it’s over for good. I’m even back on JDate, yet my heart still wants to be with him because I know all the good there is in him (his past wounds are still too much for him to conquer).
What’s wrong with me? Why would I hang onto a man who is probably nothing more than a bad drug addiction.
I know each day it’ll get better. Just how is it that an intelligent girl (as I am) can be such a fool when it comes to men?
Really down right now.
Dear Bike Rider,
Sometimes our fantasies outweigh our realities. I know how difficult this can be. Our minds keep playing over and over the good qualities and we tend to block out the negative qualities. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not a fool; you are human and just let the wrong guy in. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had this experience. You fell into a trap that many of us have fallen into. When someone seems too good to be true, they usually are. Charm and seduction are hard qualities to let go of. Sometimes it is better to be ruled by our heads rather than our hearts. It sounds as if you know what is best for you and it is not this guy. Give yourself time to learn the lessons you need to learn from this relationship. It’s alright to feel the way you are feeling. Take comfort in knowing it will not be like this forever. Sometimes we have to experience the bad to recognize the good, so when the right person does come along we are ready and grateful.
Signed,
Gems from Jen
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by GemsFromJen
under
JBloggers,
JDate,
Online Dating
Dear Gems from Jen,
A while ago, I received the most wonderful Flirt from an American guy. Unfortunately, I pointed out that I’m in Australia (Sydney) and I never got a reply to my message. How and what do I say in a message to get him to reply to me? He’s probably married by now, but I would like to connect with him.
Dear Distance,
Responding to Flirts is part of the fun when using JDate; however, connecting with someone who lives across the globe can be incredibly difficult. Once this guy realized you lived across an ocean my best guess is he went back to his search.
With that said, go ahead and message him again. You have nothing to lose. At the very least the two of you could become email friends. Let him know you found him interesting and you realize there is a great distance between the two of you, but you would be curious to find out more. If he does not respond then keep on searching. Your best bet is to look at profiles in your geographical area if you are serious about entering into a long-term relationship. Good luck and keep me posted.
Signed,
Gems from Jen
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by GemsFromJen
under
Date Night,
JBloggers,
JDate,
Online Dating
Dear Gems from Jen,
Honestly, I find the blind online dating thing to be a little bit overwhelming. Normally, when you meet someone with whom you want to go out with, you come to that decision after a series of meetings, but on JDate the process is much more accelerated.
Each time that I’ve gone out on a date it’s been with a woman who I corresponded with over a few e-mails and who I find attractive from our e-mails and her photos. Each time, the conversation is good – smiling, laughing, no awkward silences – but the end is a bit of mystery. I hardly know the woman, but I want to see her again. If this were someone who I finally asked out after a period of getting to know her, I would definitely kiss her. But in this situation – where we’ve logged only two hours of face time together – I’m a bit perplexed. Do I kiss her? Do we hug? Do I make plans to get together again?
Is this a common reaction to first dates from other JDaters? What do I do? Thanks.
Dear First Date Confusion,
I definitely understand your confusion! Online dating is not the same as meeting in the outside world. However, things can and do progress naturally if the two people involved allow it to. It sounds as if your dates aren’t lasting long enough. Try having dates that last an entire evening. This way you can be sure if you are truly interested.
If you want to see someone again why not just ask her? Kissing and/or hugging at the end of a first date, whether it happens from a JDate meeting or an outside meeting is up to each person and how he/she is feeling. How would you handle it if you met without JDate? Go with your gut and make the decision based on how you are feeling. Don’t rush things, and let what happens come naturally. Think of it this way; meeting online can be a rushed process, but use the first date as just that, a first date.
Signed,
Gems from Jen
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