Archive for the ‘JDate’ Category

Love at First JDate: Skip the Chatter

by JenG under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating

I received a message this week from a guy that got straight to the point. Instead of engaging in the get-to-know-you chatter, he directly asked me to meet him out for a drink. While it’s always great to move things along quick with online dating, it was a bit too forward. I wanted to get to know him more, see if we did indeed have anything in common — anything worth spending a few hours in person fleshing out the details.

  • Do: Make it a point to chat before you set up a date. It’s important to know something about the person you’re going to meet in person. It’s risky to go out with anyone without even knowing their basic details if they ask you out in the very first message they send. Thank them for their offer, but ask politely to get to know them first.
  • Don’t: Go meet them in person until you feel comfortable. If they ask you out in the very first message and you don’t feel like it’s right, or you’re questioning if you two would actually get along in person, say no. Ask for more information. Trust your gut and your instincts if they seem overly persistent or something seems wrong. When it comes to dating, the cardinal rule is to do what feels correct.

Follow Jen on Twitter: @tthingsilearned


How High is Your Wall?

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Single Life

Everyone has a wall up when dating (and if not, you should!), but there’s a difference between being careful to not reveal too much too soon and having your heart guarded by the U.S. Army Reserves.

On a first date, whether you met on JDate or not, keep it to the basics: where you grew up, where you studied, and where you work. You can also cover a VERY brief recap of your relationship history (divorced, widowed, children), where you’ve traveled, what your hobbies include, and more general topics like such. Your wall should keep you from revealing more than that in order to safeguard your heart. If you get into your sob story or discuss other intimate topics — and then never hear from your date again — you’ll be crushed that you opened yourself up to someone who is basically a stranger. Wait until something develops first. In the meantime, find commonalities and build on them, revealing a bit at a time so that your date knows that you’re interested and interesting.


Extreme Profile Makeover: “Joseph”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating

Dear Tamar,

I have recently become single again after 3 ½ years off the market, and I set up a JDate account. I was wondering if you could take a look at my profile and tell me what you think.  If you could let me know if there are things I should change, things I should add, etc, I would be grateful.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Joseph,

I am quite impressed with your profile. You write well and don’t have any glaringly off-putting statements. You uploaded 11 photos, which show your face, body type and interests quite well — but I do believe posting 11 photos is overkill. Try to eliminate at least 3. I recommend people upload between 6-8 photos covering the five Fs:

  • Face
  • Full Body
  • Fun
  • Family & Friends
  • Final Photos

You’ve covered face, full body, and fun, but you don’t have any pictures of you with any of your loved ones. Try to add something there, even if it’s with your dog. Final photos are there to reinforce the consistency of your appearance, which you have covered well.

The only other thing I would add is a one-liner about your divorce. Simply say “I was married at a young age for a short time and learned a lot about what I want in a partner,” or something along those lines. You don’t need to go into detail on JDate, or on a first date, but you should address it briefly and get it out of the way as women will wonder.

Your age range of 24-34 for a 31-year-old is perfect. I recommend a 10-year range and a woman any younger than 24 will likely have a disconnect with you since you’re already a professional with life experience who is looking to settle down. If you aren’t finding enough women who fit your preferences, then try expanding your area by looking in nearby cities and possibly being open to dating a woman with a child or a woman who is shorter or taller than your saved preference.

Good luck!

 

Buy Tamar’s new book How To Woo A Jew: The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating on Amazon or in bookstores now!


Love at First JDate: Update & Upgrade Your Picture

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating

I’ve had a profile up on JDate for over a year. In that time, I have not changed my photos or refreshed my profile. That’s not good at all. Who we are and how we look changes quicker than we think — and it’s best to have our profiles match who we are right now.

  • Do: Post photos that were taken in the last 6-9 months. Ones that are clear and, if possible, of just you. It can be hard for a person to understand who you are — and it can get unnecessarily confusing — if you post pictures with a bunch of people in them.
  • Don’t: Post just one photo. Try to post between 3-5. If you don’t have any recent photos – take some on your computer or ask a friend to take a photo of you. This will enhance your profile and give it a fresh look.

Read more Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com.


Polar Vortex Lovin’

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

A common joke when it’s freezing outside is that there’s going to be a baby boom nine months later. But the other boom that occurs in frigid temperatures is with online dating — both with an increase of members logging on and new members creating accounts.

Think about it, the boom in online dating makes sense: If you can’t leave the house and are relegated to socialize with the people within your home (if any), you will soon start socializing via your phone, and then eventually via the computer. Sooner or later, you will happen upon online dating.

Preexisting members will find themselves playing around with their search preferences, expanding and narrowing different categories, and getting excited to see new faces pop up. Newbies will sign up and spend time crafting their profile and being astounded at the prospects at their fingertips, and then kicking themselves for waiting so long to sign up. So why wait for the next wicked weather event?


Love at First JDate: New Year, New Profile

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

2014 has side-stepped into your life and pressed the reset button. Everyone always says, “New year, new you.” The same should absolutely apply to your dating profile. I made my first-ever JDate profile last January and haven’t updated it since. While most of the information still remains true (my love for pizza and paperbacks), it’s time that I give writing my ‘about me’ another try and posting more updated photos.

  • Do: Change at least three things on your profile. The easiest and more beneficial things to change are your photos, your bio, and maybe one or two things you’re looking for in a match. Every year brings new experiences. Draw from some you had last year to help you articulate what you’re looking for this year.
  • Don’t: Delete the whole thing. There’s no need to! Plus, if you do that, you may be a bit overwhelmed. Use it as an outline or a skeleton and work on improving it from there.

Read more Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com


Putting Your Ego on Blast

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Writing a JDate profile dictates that you need to self-promote, whether you are humble or cocky. You need to find your ego and exploit it for the sake of describing who you are to potential suitors. Too short of an “About Me” paragraph and JDaters may think you aren’t really into the process. Too long of an answer and potentials can get overwhelmed. There’s a happy medium of describing who you are with the right words and in the best way possible without being long-winded.

Wallflowers will have a difficult time with writing about themselves as shyness doesn’t translate well on paper. Being humble is a great trait, but why would I contact you if you’re too reserved to tell me about yourself? Don’t be embarrassed to say what achievements you’ve had in life thus far, or what your dreams are, or why someone should contact you. But if you’ve got a laundry list of reasons about why you’re the best thing since sliced bread… then you may need someone to edit on your behalf.


Missed Opportunity?

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I dropped my JDate membership just before (or maybe just after) receiving an invitation from a potential match. Anyway, I just reinstated my membership and read a previously unopened letter from 10 months ago. I viewed the woman’s profile and liked it. Unfortunately, her last check-in was the day she sent the letter to me. I emailed a response, but what’s the chances she’ll even know she has mail on JDate?

-Missed Opportunity

_____________________________________________________________

 

Dear Missed Opportunity,

Unless the object of your affection joins JDate again, the chances are that she won’t see that email. If she hasn’t logged in at all in the past 10 months, then it seems that you did indeed miss an opportunity. She may be in a relationship by now, or she could have taken a break (like you did) and may be rejoining JDate again soon. Either way, you now have even more motivation to stay active on JDate because you will either find someone else or the previous potential suitor will sign back in.

JDate, and dating in general, is a numbers game. You’re going to have missed opportunities, unanswered emails, and email exchanges that lead nowhere. You may also experience several first dates that never result in a second date, and even one or two long-term serious relationships before you meet your Beshert. If you keep at it though, the odds are in your favor.

In the meantime, stay active on JDate by viewing profiles, clicking on Secret Admirer, sending emails and going on dates. Maybe one day that missed opportunity will reappear and you will fall head over heels in love! Or maybe her inactiveness saved you from what could have been a terrible waste of time… and will ultimately lead you to your Beshert!

Pre-order your copy of “How To Woo A Jew — The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating” now!


Love at First JDate: My Mom on JDate For Me

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

A few months ago, after getting sick of hearing the constant nagging from my mom over why I’m not meeting anyone on JDate, I finally gave in. I gave her the username and password to my JDate account and let her explore for a few hours. I had imagined this moment to be awful and embarrassing, but what I found was that her perspective and judgments on who the good candidates were was very englightning. If you’re going to have a parent or a dear friend take over your accounts, here are some do’s and don’ts.

 

  • Do: Set a time limit. Tell them this won’t be a recurring event, but if they’d like to go on for an afternoon (under your supervision) that’s okay. Set rules beforehand and make sure you’re comfortable with them either messaging people for you or answering messages.

 

  • Don’t: Let them take over your account without your consent. Be sure that you have a say in who they are messaging and be even more sure they are not setting up dates or messaging back and forth with people for you. After they see someone they think is a good match, they should let you take over from there.

 

Read more Jen Glantz here or on Twitter: @tthingsilearned.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “David S.” (Part 2)

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off JDate for a while; I’ve never had much success in attracting positive responses, either from women contacting me or responding to my emails. I’ve always had my theories as to why, but if it’s really what I’m saying in my profile, or my pictures, I need a little advice.

Thanks!

____________________________________________________________________

Hi David S.,

In Part 1 of this series, we analyzed your JDate profile, which I thought was pretty good!  Now we will delve into your email correspondence to figure out where things may be going astray in your efforts to find your Beshert.

You previously sent me a version of the following back-and-forth email with a JDate prospect which led nowhere (some specifics were deleted by me either for privacy or brevity):

 

Email #1

Hi there,

Can I just tell you that you have seriously beautiful eyes? Wow.

How are you? …. A snow day is a good opportunity to catch up on those cheesy TV shows. What sort of cheese are you into?So as I mentioned in my profile, I think sense of humor can be a great indicator of compatibility, and it sounds like we both have a similar, sarcastic, witty thing happening. It’s a start, right? :)

 
Email #2

Hi Dave,

Thanks for writing… Are you sticking around [town] or heading somewhere warm?I’ll be around… catching up on those cheesy shows. I watch… How about you?Talk to you soon.

 
Email #3

…I wish I were going some place warm!…   But I’m sticking around too. What is your reality TV of choice? What are you excited to do most over the holidays?

Talk soon.

 

 

Tamar’s Synopsis

Your first email to the prospect was great. You started off with a compliment, and then moved on to a commonality, which said a bit about yourself as well and asked a question. She responded by continuing the commonality conversation and answering your question and then asking you a few questions in return, which shows that she read your email and is interested in learning more about you. Here’s the problem: your final email didn’t answer both her questions. You answered the first about not leaving town due to the cold, but you didn’t tell her what cheesy shows you were watching. You did ask a follow-up question (which was good), but rather than continue the conversation via email you should have asked her out. Email #3 should have gone more like this:

“…I wish I were going some place warm! … But I’m sticking around too. Since we are both going to be in town, I’d love to take you out. Since we are talking about cheesy TV shows, how about the cool new fondue place uptown? Let me know, we can either firm up the plans via email or send me your number if you feel comfortable doing so and I’ll call you to figure out when we’re both free next week.”

Do you see the difference? Your email was more of a pen-pal discussion. You were having first date conversation via JDate email rather than being confident and aggressive and getting that date on the calendar. She showed interest in her response to you — so take that momentum and act on it!