Archive for the ‘Judaism’ Category

It’s that time of year again. It is in the air, Halloween.  A few weeks ago, while visiting my parents, I asked each one of them what Halloween was like for them as children.  Their answers were completely different than what I had conjured up in my own mind about each of their childhoods.

My mother was raised as a Conservative Jew. Her father was very observant and did not believe in putting any time and/or energy into holidays that were not strictly Jewish. My mother who grew up in New York City wasn’t allowed to trick-or-treat. She never dressed up, felt the excitement all day at school, or got to look forward to the chocolate bar before bed on Halloween night.

 My father was raised as a Reform Jew and was able to partake in trick-or treating. I always imagine his early years as Leave it to Beaver. He had an older brother, a working father, and a mother who seemed to be able to fix any problem in 22 minutes or less. His Halloween night was spent in costume going door to door collecting money for Unicef. Again, no chocolate bar before hitting the pillow for the night. But, what a concept; spending an evening with friends doing something for someone else. How many of us really, truly do that?

I grew up waiting for the one night of the year to collect as much candy as possible.  My brother and I would compete to see who could get more. It is not easy to admit, but at times I’m still like this. Putting my needs, even if they are just a hankering for a good old-fashioned chocolate bar before someone else’s.

If for just a few minutes a day we were to all do something kind for someone else I believe this world would be a much happier, kinder and gentler place. Think about this next time you go on a date.  Put yourself in the other person’s shoes for just a few moments. If you feel nervous imagine how the other person must feel. It takes a lot of effort to date and to put oneself out there. It makes us vulnerable which can be a scary place to be. Be kind with your dates. Honesty, integrity and helping someone feel more at ease are all signs of great character.  Make these attributes part of who you are and treat people in a manner that you would like to be treated. In essence, collect for Unicef on Halloween night, instead of going out there for as much candy as you can get your hands on. You still get the pleasure of trick-or-treating without gaining an ounce, and you did something good for someone else.  I imagine if we all took the time to do this all of our dates would have much happier endings.

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Dear Gems from Jen,

My best friend of over 10 years recently broke up with her boyfriend of four years. When she called to talk to me about it, she explained that one of the main reasons that they broke up was because she started thinking about what their future together would be like and realized that they had irreconcilable differences when it came to religion and spirituality (namely that he wasn’t Jewish). She went on to tell me that she wanted to be single and see what was out there and maybe find a nice Jewish guy that spoke Hebrew. The conversation got me thinking and I started hoping that I was that guy.

There was a time when we first met that I was in love with her. Nothing ever came of it, but I have loved her as a friend for as long as I’ve known her. She’s smart, has an amazing smile, loves music and there isn’t a woman that I’ve dated since we’ve known each other that I didn’t compare to her in some way or another. I’m getting older and I feel like my window of opportunity is shrinking, but I wonder if it’s worth it.

In my heart, telling her how I feel seems like the right thing to do. I know it’s selfish and I know that she still has feelings for her ex, but I don’t want to live my life regretting not taking that chance. We don’t live in the same city and I’m thinking about visiting soon and telling her what’s on my mind. Do these ‘best friend professes love’ situations ever pan out or am I just a fool in love?

Please help.

Sincerely,
M in Love

Dear M in Love,

I believe that one of the most important components of a relationship is the best friend piece. Now, does that mean this will ultimately work in the way you are hoping? I sure hope so, but I can’t be sure. You have a lot to think about here. Are you willing to risk this friendship if she does not reciprocate your feelings? In my experience, it can become awkward when a friend professes love. When it has happened in my life I usually saw it coming, but for the most part, I haven’t been on the other end of the situation. However, this is my experience and her feelings may be exactly what you are hoping for.

Secondly, if things do go your way, what happens if the relationship does not last? Changing the dynamic of a friendship does tend to change everything. Is your friendship strong enough to bounce back from a romantic relationship if for some reason it does not work out?

Why is it selfish for you to be honest about your feelings? Also consider the timing of your revelation. Perhaps letting her have some more time to move on from her ex might make both of you feel more comfortable. If you chose to tell her how you really feel, don’t wait too long.  The longer you take the more difficult it will become. Most people tend to over analyze the situation, which creates unnecessary anxiety.

My next question; if you have always had these feelings why have you held back for all these years? You never know, she could have these same feelings and is waiting for a sign from you. Living life with regrets is really no way to live. I cannot make you any promises, but I don’t want you to look back at this moment years from now and have thoughts of “what if…” Sometimes the risk is worth the potential fall.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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As the Jewish New Year begins, I am left to wonder what is in store. We all make resolutions on January 1, why not on the Jewish New Year as well? I’ve decided my resolution is to spend more time focusing on my dating life.  I know I tend to get busy with work obligations, family and friends, but I do believe I need to make myself a priority.  It always seems something gets in the way. I am no longer going to allow that to happen. I think if we all devoted just a few extra minutes a day to this process we all, at the very least, feel a sense of taking our future into our own hands. What better time than the present?  Not tomorrow, today. This is my time. This is my resolution. Starting now this is my new year!

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God was gracious enough to give us ten commandments years ago – guidelines which serve as a basis by which we can govern ourselves. Unfortunately, he neglected to include the dos and don’ts of dating among that list. Of course it’s no secret that this was done on purpose, something has to serve as holier-than-thou comic relief when the world gets to be too much, and how awesome for us that we’ve been nominated for that job (and no one in their right mind would turn down a job in this ridiculous economy).
So throughout history, guys and gals have endured relationships, often accompanied by several different shades of humility, in order to find “the one” in a world of what, six billion people? This trying task often lured even the purest at heart to indulge in any one of the seven deadly sins, hoping a walk on the wild side would lead them to their significant other.
So in pursuit of Mr. Right, chicks over the years have followed unrealistic guidelines that make fad dieting seem more successful, and for what!? Because someone else says they work? I’m pretty sure my absolute favorite example of this masochistic method is “The Rules” that came out years ago, urging girls to follow guidelines in order to snare someone. Hell, if it were as easy as listening to someone else, Jewish girls would all be married thanks to their I-know-everything Jewish mothers! And I’m pretty sure that book is responsible for directly defiling the eleventh commandment – “Thou shalt not make false promises.”
So what it comes down to is, you do what feels right to you. The vintage among us gals will wait ‘til said boy asks for their number, the more daring darlings will just ask for theirs – and not because that’s what the newest New York Times bestseller list says, but because that’s what feels right for them. When it comes to commanding love and its deadly counterpart lust – there are no guidelines a gal can follow to make sure she meets her match (hence the tragicomedy of said search for HRH’s viewing pleasure – now available on demand for the creator’s convenience).
I have girlfriends that govern their love lives by rules at a 180 degree difference from my own, and it works for us. Of course, here in the City of Angels, anything goes, but that’s the fun in finding “the one” – you get that one puzzle piece that fits – or you just get tired of hammering the wrong one into place after a while. The point being, if Palin would like another list of books to ban – I can go ahead and recommend a few that cause more grief than good. Life without set rules seems so much more fun! And concealed commandment twelve clearly states “thou shalt not heed stupid advice,” and who are we to defy such revelations? After all, Adam and Eve never adhered to such stupidity, and even though they got evicted, they were fairly happy with each other – homeless and all. So ignore the apple, it doesn’t fit in with your Atkins lifestyle anyways. The Rules were meant to be broken.

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Dear Gems from Jen,

I am Conservative both in my Jewish faith and my politics. Why is it that 90% of Jewish women are liberal or left wing? These women will not even SPEAK to a Conservative man. I find it hard to believe that being Conservative makes me a pariah. What’s the deal?

Steve
 
Dear Steve,
 
My first question to you is, who gave you these percentages? I’m not so sure you are looking at all of the possibilities. Are you willing to give a woman who is not as conservative as you in both faith and politics are fair chance? Many relationships have, and do work when one partner holds a different belief system than the other.
 
I believe it opens up the possibility of healthy debates and learning to become more tolerant of other people’s belief systems. I once dated a guy who was much more religious than I, and we spent a great deal of time learning to listen to each other and focusing on what we did have in common.
 
I do understand that beliefs create passion and can at times cause disagreements, if not full-blown arguments, but I’d much rather date someone that I can have an intelligent debate with, rather than dating someone who shares everything I believe.  Where’s the adventure in that?
 
There are many women, by the way, that are both Conservative in their politics and faith. You are by no means a pariah.  Don’t let what you believe to be fact become ingrained in your thought process. Just because you believe that 90% of Jewish women are liberal and would never date a guy who is Conservative does not make it true.
 
I have a very dear friend who was raised in a Conservative home. She ended up marrying a Reform Jew and they have made it work. She continues to attend her Conservative synagogue and the two of them have made a home together that encompasses both of their belief systems. The moral of the story is they respect one another and allow each other to be themselves.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

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Photo Date: 1966 Photo by Ken Whitmore - All Rights Reserved, 1978 Ken Whitmore - Image courtesy MPTV.net

In light of the current J.J. Abrams cinematic reboot of the Star Trek franchise, the JFacts team decided to dig a little deeper and see what impact Jewish people have had on this ever-evolving cultural phenomenon. First and foremost, you should know that three members of Star Trek: The Original Series (or TOS in geekier circles) are, in fact, Jewish.

William Shatner as Captain James Tiberius Kirk

Before negotiating the terms of air travel and hotel stays for Priceline.com, Shatner negotiated through space and time as Captain of the USS Enterprise. Born in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, Shatner’s grandparents were Jewish immigrants from Poland and Hungry. Shatner’s grandfather was born Wolf Schattner and later anglicized the family name to Shatner. After the initial 1966-69 run of Star Trek, Shatner reprised the role of James Kirk in seven subsequent Star Trek films,starred as the title role in T.J. Hooker and won an Emmy for his performance as attorney Denny Crane in Boston Legal.

Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock

Leonard Nimoy was born in 1931 in Boston, Massachusetts to Yiddish-speaking Jewish immigrants from Izyaslav, Ukraine. After starring in over 50 television and film roles, Nimoy was cast as Mr. Spock in Star Trek and received three Emmy nominations for playing the complicated half-human, half-Vulcan character. Nimoy would go on to star in seven subsequent Star Trek film adaptations, including 2009’s Star Trek, and directtwo of the films, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock and the most successful of the original film adaptations, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. Nimoy also directed the 1986 hit comedy Three Men and Baby starring Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg.

Walter Koenig as Pavel Checkov

Koenig was born in 1936 in Chicago, Illinois to Jewish immigrants from Russia who upon coming to the United States shortened their last name from Konigsberg to Koenig. Koenig was added to the cast of Star Trek because of his resemblance to The Monkees star Davy Jones, in an attempt to woo a younger audience. The character was also added because of an article in Pravda (the central publication of the Soviet Union), which complained about the lack of Russians in Star Trek. After the run of the initial television series, Koenig rejoined the cast of Star Trek for six subsequent films and was a frequent cast member n the TV series Babylon 5. Koening stood as best men for Trek cast mate George Takei (Sulu) in his highly-publicized 2008 wedding to Brad Altman.

The Vulcan Salute

One of the most famous lines in Star Trek is the Vulcan salutation, “Live long and prosper,” which is usually accompanied by a hand salute with an extended thumb and a v-shape made by spreading the index and ring fingers. This salute was created by Leonard Nimoy on the fly during the filming of the first episode of the second season of Star Trek: The Original Series. Nimoy felt there should be a distinct greeting amongst Vulcans, something akin to a handshake, so he adopted a gesture used in the synagogue he attended as a youth. The Jewish gesture he co-opted for Star Trek was originally a blessing used by the kohanim, whom are genealogical descendents of Jewish priests from the Jerusalem Temple. As the Vulcan salute seeped into pop culture, many incorrectly assumed it was a tip of the hat to the hippie culture that arose around the same time. It was not until much later when Nimoy revealed the secret of the salute, that its Jewish origins were made public.

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On June 6, 2009, when Alysa Stanton, 45, is officially ordained, she’ll create history as the first African American woman to become a rabbi and the first African American rabbi to lead a majority white congregation. In August, Stanton is to begin her new job at Congregation Bayt Shalom in Greenville, NC, a synagogue associated with both the Conservative and Reform movements. Stanton’s ordainment comes at a time when, according to the Institute for Jewish and Community Research, approximately 20% of American Jews are “racially and ethnically diverse by birth…by conversion or adoption.” And, “Approximately 20,000 – 30,000 marriages between Jews and African Americans grew out of the civil rights movement.”

Stanton was born in Cleveland, Ohio and was raised as a Pentecostal Christian, but believes that even at an early age she was, “a seeker.” She converted to Judaism during college in 1987, and after attending Lancaster University in England and receiving a Master of Education degree from Colorado State University in 1992, she then studied Torah at the HUC-JIR campuses in Jerusalem and in Cincinnati, Ohio. When asked if she was born Jewish, Stanton usually replies, “Yes. But not to a Jewish womb.”

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You want to know why they have four glasses of wine at the Seder? I’ll tell you. Because after cooking that ridiculous meal all day, four glasses is the only thing that can bring a girl back to sanity. So, let me take you on a guided journey through my day– how lucky for you!

10:00 a.m.- Go to Trader Joes.
10:10 a.m. – Nearly face a head on cart collision in the produce section checking out a guy.
10:11 a.m. – Decide hot guys should not be allowed to shop for groceries before I’ve had my morning caffeine fix. Blame hot guy for my lack of coordination.
11:00 a.m. – Get to my grandmother’s to assume the role as the domestic goddess (that) I am.
11:11 a.m.- Finally find a vintage apron that matches my outfit and decide I’m officially ready to start cooking. I am the best thing since chopped liver. The Millionaire Matchmaker would totally agree.
11:42 a.m. – Decide chopping eggs makes me want a martini– heavy on the vodka, hold everything else.
11:59 a.m. – It has become evident that I will not be eating chopped egg, or other egg like products again in my life. Ever.
12:17 p.m. – Clearly I have earned a lunch break. Clearly. By this point my lunch could come in a grey goose bottle and I would be happy. I also enjoy my last carb concentrated meal.
12:20 p.m.- Bid a tearful goodbye to bread, and all bread-like products. I whisper rest in peace and forget these simple carbohydrates and the special place they hold in my heart. I also console myself by thinking of the fab five pounds I will be losing in the week to come.
12:52 p.m. – Start peeling potatoes.
12:56 p.m.- Manage to slice off almost an entire nail with my potato peeler.
12:57 p.m. – Start dialing 9-1-1 and then realize I might actually live. I am emotionally damaged and will probably suffer from PTSD for years to come, but I will live.
1:20 p.m. – Put a lame looking kosher-for-passover-which-means-it-tastes-nasty kugel in the oven.
1:28 p.m.- Reminded by my grandmother, armed with several four letter words, that wax paper is not oven proof.
1:29 p.m. – Take kugel out and rescue it from the grips of aforementioned evil wax paper.
1:30 p.m.- Realize oven mitts are, in fact, there for a reason.
1:31 p.m.- Stare down the oven. I won.
1:52 p.m.- Stir some concoction on the stove top; put cover back on pot.
2:08 p.m.- Pot bubbles over. Get in a fight with the stove.
2:09 p.m. – Lose fight with stove.
2:20 p.m.- Ask my grandmother if it is time for the first glass of wine yet. She says no.
2:52 p.m.- Decide G-d had it easy because all he had to do was split the Red Sea.
3:14 p.m. – Am no longer allowed near stove or oven.
3:42 p.m.- Attempt to make sure the brisket is awesome and is oh so worthy of Paris Hilton’s “that’s hot.”
3:44 p.m. – Am no longer allowed near sharp objects or any and all kitchen appliances.
4:00 p.m.- Wandering the desert for forty years with no kitchen in sight has never sounded so good.
4:15 p.m. – Completely exhiled from the kitchen. My apron has been retracted. I take comfort in the fact that my frilly apron does not match anyone else’s ensemble. I am now laughing at all the fashion slaves who only have time to make unleavened bread, and not coordinate outfits.
4:30 p.m.- Steal Elijah’s glass of wine. He didn’t have to spend all day in the kitchen.
5:00 p.m.- Eagerly await Seder and more importantly, dinner. Because clearly, I helped.

Chag Pesach Sameach! If Elijah is looking for his wine, tell him giving it to someone who REALLY needs it is a mitzvah.

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