Archive for the ‘Online Dating’ Category

The Ick Factor

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating,Single Life

When you don’t like your date, you don’t just not like your date… but you see every little flaw and every little tick and every little everything that bothers you.

It’s called the Ick Factor. Once someone bugs you, then you see all the things about them that wouldn’t have normally bothered you. When you don’t like someone, then you will either look for things wrong with them or things will just pop out and annoy you to no end. When you know someone is wrong for you, then you will notice and get icked out by the way they talk, laugh, chew, walk, sit, stand, and basically, exist. Those things wouldn’t bother you if you liked the person.

Realize that this is normal, this is not a match, maintain your dignity, and — after the date — thank the other person for a nice time and move on. Don’t try to see if the ick factor will go away — it won’t.


Email Expiration Date

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

How long is too long to wait before responding to a JDate email? Ideally you would respond within 48 hours — the same amount of time that is acceptable when you’ve received digits from someone who you met at a bar or elsewhere. If there’s a reason that you can’t get in touch earlier, then apologize for the delay and make sure you sweeten the pot by responding with a charming email.

It happens sometimes. Perhaps they were considering another JDater and wanted to give him or her a chance, and thus ignored their inbox until they were available. This is the usual reason why people don’t respond right away and it’s perfectly acceptable. That said, don’t actually ask whether that’s the reason; simply respond that it’s okay, ask your match how they are doing, and then let the conversation go from there. If that response takes a lengthy amount of time again, then you may simply be communicating with a flake or a player. If they reply right away, however, and it’s an engaging email, then let the delay go and move forward.

Timing is everything with dating. Are you going to give up on someone because of a few weeks?


Love at First JDate: Be Happy With What You Have… Or Change

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Sometimes when I’m walking to work in the morning, I see couples holding hands and women pushing their babies around in a stroller, and I can’t help but be jealous. And as I just blew out 26 candles on my most recent birthday cake, I started to wonder if any of that is ever going to happen for me. No matter how many times I tell myself to relax or be happy with my current situation, I start to get nervous as I question if I’m doing this whole “dating” thing wrong. Should I be trying harder? Should I be going on more second or third dates with people I don’t see any potential with in the long run? Should I focus all my free time on browsing through JDate and messaging back strangers in email conversations that could potentially go nowhere?

  • Do: If you are feeling like you are lost or down about being single, take a moment to figure out why or what is making you feel that way. Then, channel that energy into doing something about it. Spend a few more minutes each day browsing JDate, messaging people, and responding to emails.
  • Don’t: Get down when you see others around you in a relationship. Jealousy won’t catapult you ahead or push you in a positive direction. Instead, compliment others and let them know how much you appreciate seeing them happy and wish that for yourself.

Say hello to Jen Glantz @tthingsilearned


Flirting or Fun?

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

There is a fine line between being fun and being flirtatious when you have just met someone and you’re in the beginning stages of getting to know one another. Texting will only make this distinction more difficult, so try to stay away from SMS for as long as possible.

After a good first date, you want to let your match know you had a good time without moving too far too fast. So, pick up the phone to tell them how much fun you had, engage in a little small talk, and then make plans for a second date. Make sure your voice is warm and you’re engaging by smiling when you’re talking. Also, be sure to make the call in a location where you are not stressed (i.e. at work or in front of people). Don’t venture into the gray area of talking about wanting to “continue a good night kiss” or “looking forward to seeing your sexy self” because that sounds like your intentions are not serious.

Build on the momentum of a great first date by calling the next day to make plans as soon as possible.


Over-Sharing

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating,Single Life

There are certain things that are not to be shared on a first date. If it has to do with sex, drugs, or any other illicit activity, then hold off… maybe forever. Lots of things fall under the sex category, including nudity, number of partners, pornography, strippers and so on. Anything along those lines should be considered over-sharing. Drugs include both the prescription kind as well as the illegal kind. No one needs to know about that on a first date! Money, why past relationships ended, and anything having to do with drama can wait for another date.

First date topics should start with continuing the email conversations you began, which usually address your commonalities. Just let it flow naturally from there. If you find the rapport waning, then revert to asking questions from the JDate profile. “Remind me again where you went to school/where you grew up/what you do for a living/how many siblings you have?” Those are always easy ways to get the conversation going again.


Have You Met…

by Aaron under Date Night,JDate,Judaism,Online Dating,Single Life

As we near an important time in our heritage, the holiday of Passover, the time comes around for us to think about new beginnings. Nisan is the first month on the Jewish calendar, and it represents spring and reinvention. If Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are our judgment, Passover is the time to really create a new you.

The one thing we underestimate however is just how difficult it is for any one person to do that alone. I know I constantly try to improve my social abilities and other areas of my life, but almost none of those are possible in a world where I am 100% responsible. Sometimes I don’t feel like making plans, sometimes I need expert advice from outside my knowledge base, and sometimes I simply wouldn’t do things like skydiving or volunteering in Israel completely alone.

As we begin our new year, I’ll draw from something that just ended to explain a bit better. One of my favorite parts of the show How I Met Your Mother was the awesome game of “have you met Ted?”. As Barney Stinson introduced Ted Mosby to women neither party knew, the ice was broken just a little bit by the two people having some vague reason to talk.

For the sake of being a decent person, that probably isn’t the best method of helping your friends meet people. But what I would suggest for your coming year, whether you are single or otherwise, is to help others a bit more in the realm of dating. As anyone reading this blog can probably attest to, it’s not easy out there alone. The good news is, we all know different people, and in an age where you have dating apps that let you click “yes” or “no” through masses of people, a personal touch is always nice. Try to think of two people who might work together in your life, or even easier, bring someone around who may be new to the rest of your social circle. It’s not easy out there, but if we all suit up to help each other, everyone stands to have a legendary year.

Have a very happy Pesach everyone, and feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments!


Love at First JDate: Writing a Friend’s Profile

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

We can all agree, writing about yourself is often a challenging and frightening task. When I was applying for jobs, I had such a hard time summarizing who I was in a one-page cover letter. When I then had to try to put together an online dating profile, I found that challenge pop up and slap me across the face once again. Sometimes it’s best to write your profile with a friend that you trust.

  • Do: Have a friend come over and help you co-write your online dating profile. A friend that knows you well may be able to pull out some personality traits that you may gloss over.
  • Don’t: Have them write it 100% for you. It should still have your voice and your unique touches to it. A friend should be there to compliment the process – not take over!

Get to know Jen Glantz on Twitter: @tthingsilearned


To Thine Own Self Be True

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

What do you do when you meet someone on JDate who has selected “Never” under the “Drinking Category” when you like your glass of wine or bottle of beer at night?

How do you handle flirting with a non-smoker when you love your cigarettes?

What’s your initial reaction when you receive a message from a cute vegetarian, but you pride yourself on being a carnivore?

You have to be true to yourself, and you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not when you’re looking for “forever.” Don’t hesitate to order a drink on your date just because he or she doesn’t imbibe, unless of course they are in AA and then you need to discuss how they feel about it first. If you never plan on quitting smoking, but your date is disgusted by the scent of cigarettes, then you might not want to light up, but you also need to make it clear that you don’t plan on stopping until you feel like it (quitting for someone else never works). Eating out with someone with differing eating habits shouldn’t be a problem, but be respectful of their choices when ordering on their behalf or cooking at home.

Some differences are good, others are a dealbreaker. Again, as long as you’re keeping it real and respectful, then there’s no reason it couldn’t work.


The Narrative

by Aaron under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

As I interview for summer internships, there is one thing that consistently keeps me confident: the flow of my resume. While I was pretty unsure about my resume for a while (I only have two years of working experience), through a lot of practice, I have learned to make it read like a great drama that I had planned all along rather than a tragedy.

The idea that one of my senior classmates explained to me early on in my MBA classes was that every good resume reads like a crafted story with a purpose. This is relevant not just in your job, but also in your personal life, on dating sites and beyond. No one else has lived your life, so it is in your control what you tell and what you highlight.

I’m not saying everyone needs to be a Don Draper and make up who they are, but not everything is going to be a high in your life. What’s interesting about the mentality of creating a cohesive story is that you can easily turn negatives into positives. For example, I left a job in retail management last summer, never planning to return to retail. However, when I began the job hunt, I realized working in the corporate office of a retailer would be great with my experience, and I learned to pitch various parts of my job to any company I went to — retailer or not. My “on the floor” experience would be vital for any position within a retailer as it showed I understood the business. And as I applied to non-retailing companies, I highlighted the skills from my retail job to whatever the job posting was — everything can always fit, if you mold the story properly.

Luckily, dating is pretty free form — there’s no industries or specific jobs, just genders and traits you’re looking for in a partner. When I last re-did my JDate profile, I had just come back from an amazing experience volunteering in Israel and wanted to highlight my desire to give back and find someone else to explore the world with me. That is definitely not all there is to me, but I do like to travel and want someone with a kind heart, so that is the story my current profile tells, and my pictures back it up. So whatever you do, don’t worry too much about covering every base with your profile, should you choose to redo it, but tell a good story.

No matter how hard you try, the true you can never show up 100% in a small dating profile, but you can make the story sound nice enough. Whatever’s left, you can fill in with a message to those who fit what you’re looking for. But no matter what, don’t underestimate people’s desire for a good story, and make sure the narrative you make flows through your entire online persona and beyond.


Love at First JDate: Say Yes to a Second Date

by JenG under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

I was out the other night with a friend who was telling me she almost said “no” to a second date with her now long-term boyfriend. In fact, she did say no… and then said no again… but eventually his persistence wore off on her and she went out with him again. She told me how scary it is how we think we know someone after just one date, when we really know very little about them.

So here’s my advice:

  • Do: If you are on a first date and there’s nothing going terribly wrong, be open to the idea of a second date. People often get so nervous on a first date that they don’t display their full personality, or even have the chance to really open up and share the details that make them who they are.
  • Don’t: If the first date is really terrible and there are some fundamental differences between the two of you that you don’t think you can get past, it’s okay to not give that person a second chance. There’s no reason to go out with them again if you are going to feel uncomfortable.

Connect with Jen on Twitter: @tthingsilearned