Archive for the ‘Online Dating’ Category

Don’t Become Headline News

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating

Over the weekend a woman had to be rescued from a chimney after stalking a man she met online and went on just a couple dates with. Now she’s trending on Facebook and making national news.

This is not the 15 minutes of fame that you want. Do not become this girl. There is internet-stalking (checking out your prospects on social media and Google)… and then there is scary-stalking where you end up in jail after firefighters have to use liquid dish soap to hoist you out of a chimney. This is not a fine line or a gray area, this is an obvious no no, this is straight up crazy.


Making Plans to Make a Point

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

When you’re interested in someone — whether it’s a new prospect on JDate or after a first date or after a few months — making plans is the way to let them know you’re still interested!

People can carry on conversations with lots of prospects online, but it’s only you’ve made plans that you know this one is different. And then after the first date, having plans made immediately for a second date is how you know that there’s enough mutual interest to continue getting to know each other. And once you’ve been dating for awhile, then making plans is assumed.

Whenever a plan isn’t made — regardless of the scenario — is when people begin feeling insecure about where the relationship (or the possibility of one) is going. So if you like someone, make plans to see them again, otherwise you’re just playing games.


Email Etiquette: Jumping the Gun

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

It’s easy to get excited once you start emailing with someone on JDate. You feel as though you’ve already jumped through so many hoops and passed so many tests (think of all the possible prospects out there that you DON’T end up emailing with and you’ll get what I mean). The problem with this excitement is that you don’t actually know the other person, and that anticipation builds with each email, and so do your expectations.

When you don’t get an email response within what you consider a timely manner, don’t freak out! Your match could have a deadline at work, or be tending to a sick family member, or helping a friend with an emergency. And if you catch your correspondent on JDate’s Instant Messenger and they don’t respond, don’t automatically consider it a rejection; you don’t know if they forgot to log out and aren’t even at their computer, or if they don’t have the time to properly respond so they don’t want to engage in conversation. Just send a message saying you’re sorry you missed them on IM and that you hope to catch up soon. Then wait for a reply with an explanation as to why they didn’t IM back. This is why I suggest using JDate’s email to make plans and then meet as soon as possible so there isn’t anything lost in translation.


Mixing Up Your Mileage

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Judaism,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

One of the preferences JDate asks you about is “Located Within” a certain number of miles from your city. If you live in a large city then you can likely select “50 miles” and have many prospects to choose from. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you possibly need to expand your mileage to 100 miles. I strongly suggest you do this, even if you live in a rather large city. A friend of mine in Southern California is engaged to a man in Northern California — which seems far, but is just a short flight away. They make it work, most people wouldn’t have even bothered looking so far away.

On the other hand, if you live in a large city and can’t find anyone worthwhile, perhaps your other preferences are too strict? Are your standards too high? Is there something about you that you could work on to better attract the prospects in your mileage range? You can’t always point the finger at what you consider to be poor prospects, sometimes you have to look at yourself first. Then again, after playing Jewish Geography and finding out that you pretty much know everyone in your immediate area, then you shouldn’t hesitate to extend your parameters and perimeters.


Matters of the Heart

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

When it comes to matters of the heart,  every person will have a different viewpoint. People like to spew all sorts of cliches:

  • “I knew he was ‘The One’ the moment I laid eyes on him, and you should get that feeling too”
  • “Love is blind and doesn’t see color, religion, or money”
  • “Love is easy, and if it’s too hard, then it’s not true love”

Just because one couple had a successful relationship after falling in love at first sight, or being a different race and believing in a different G-D, or never fighting, doesn’t mean that’s how it should be for you. In fact, those couples are the exception — not the rule. When it comes to matters of the heart, there’s only one cliche that counts: follow your heart.


What NOT to Wear

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating,Single Life

I’ve discussed this topic before, but now Reddit readers have come together to make a list of what singles should never wear on a date unless they want to stay single.

The list is pretty thorough, but many suggestions on Reddit didn’t make the final cut… but deserved to! They include such gems like:

  • Floor-length jean skirts
  • A court-mandated ankle bracelet (duh!)
  • Platform flip-flops
  • T-shirts with stupid sayings, or cartoons, or giveaways from sporting events (especially when tucked into slacks or light blue jeans with tennis shoes)
  • Saggy pants
  • And crocs

Do any of these describe your wardrobe?


The End

by Aaron under JDate,Judaism,Online Dating,Rabbi,Relationships,Single Life

I’ve posted about a lot of things in the last year — mostly personal stories and experiences. Maybe you’ve read my blogs as a JDater, hoping to cure your singledom; maybe as a potential user seeing what this site is about; maybe as a friend who saw me post a link on Facebook; or even a friend-of-a-friend who saw me post about what being a girl is like online. Whatever led you here, to these words of mine, thank you for reading.

I’m leaving this blog, though not because I don’t like it. I just think my time here is done. I’m out of frustrations and things to write about dating that I or others haven’t already said. It’s time for someone else to share their insights. I’ve had a really great time writing about my experiences and hope the person who takes my place has a great time, too.

I want to leave you by actually giving you advice for once, though. I have a girlfriend now, which I guess was the point of getting on JDate in the first place. I don’t know what will happen to us in the future, but every day I’ve been with her has made me glad I signed up for a JDate account. We didn’t meet on here (I went through the rabbit hole of Jewish dating and we’ll just call JDate my gateway site), but through my ventures into online/long-distance dating, I found an incredible person who complements my lifestyle perfectly.

Dating this last year since starting to blog has been all over the place for me. It all started with a girl in LA bound for Arkansas, and then me traveling to Long Island for a girl, among a number of dates in between — both in Dallas and elsewhere. But I never tried the same thing twice, I was always looking for what wasn’t working and how I could fix it.

So, in a nutshell, this is my advice — your Bisheret isn’t just waiting for you like a lot of us like to believe. No one is just going to accept you for “who you are,” and that’s a good thing. We should always be looking to improve ourselves, whether it’s our bodies, our communication skills (in a profile or an email), or even our spiritual observance in a way that makes us fulfilled. I’ve taken on a number of journeys in the last year: from getting my MBA to growing Jewishly to finally dating the greatest girl I’ve ever been with in the greatest city I’ve ever lived in. Each journey is special in its own way, and none of them happened because I waited for someone to accept who I was.

That’s not to say  you should change everything about yourself. At the end of the day, I’m still just a Kosher cowboy who likes to smile and make friends. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t change my behaviors in tiny ways that were in my best interest. So I’ll close things where I began; it’s not easy out there, and no piece of advice from me will make it so. But every day, try to better yourself in some way. Let today be the day you sign up for JDate. If you’re on the site already, let today be the day you look up a new piece of advice on social skills (really better than any romantic advice in terms of attracting people), or let it be the day you try looking in a new area of the world for your Bisheret, or even the day you try to enhance your prospects by reaching out to a rabbi or friends. Someone is undoubtedly waiting out there for you, but you will not find each other until you take those steps, each and every day.

I wish each and every one of you the best of luck. Thank you for reading, and I hope your Bisheret and you find each other soon.


Watch It: TV Shows to Start as a Couple

by Aaron under Date Night,Entertainment,JDate,Judaism,News,Online Dating,Relationships

We hear it all the time — this is “the Golden Age of Television.” And while movies used to (and all too often, still do) dominate dating entertainment, TV is becoming a great substitute. Especially when you want a consistent excuse to see each other early on, TV shows can be a great bridge. That being said, sometimes choosing a show you both have an interest in starting can be difficult. Lucky for you, that’s why I’m here. So,here’s a list of shows I recommend watching as a couple:

1. Curb Your Enthusiasm/The Comeback (HBO)

If you like to laugh, enjoy the awkwardness of others, and have access to HBO, these are fun shows to watch together. Curb is especially relatable with other Jews, and The Comeback is similar but with Lisa Kudrow as an aging actress with no self awareness. The Comeback is a show I’m currently watching and it’s great in that not a lot of people have seen it. It’s only got one quick season so it’s a great starter show, and if things work out (or if you fall for Kudrow’s Valerie Cherish character), you can check out the decade-later return slated to air in November for a limited run.

2. Orange is the New Black (Netflix)

While I’m sure this is a heavily viewed show, it’s also very gender neutral and easy to jump into. This was the first show my girlfriend and I watched together, starting with the second season (we’d both seen the first), and it made for great times together, or as a great cap to our dates.

3. Masters of Sex (Showtime)

My current partner-binge is a tough recommendation as we’re only one episode in, but so far we’re enjoying it. It’s sexy and has some fun stuff for everyone watching, plus great performances.

4. Brooklyn Nine-Nine/Parks and Recreation (Hulu/broadcast networks)

While the shows are both in very different places, both star likeable ex-SNL cast members in government roles of some kind, solving problems every week. Both shows are much more than that, however, and are very enjoyable to watch together.

5. Mad Men (AMC/Netflix)

The quintessential unisex drama, whether you’re drawn to it for it’s flashy looks or deep character studies, this show has something for everyone. Just beware it can be a little slow… which makes it all the better for some late-night cuddle sessions.

Fall honorable mention:

Affair on Showtime is supposed to be exciting, and that starts airing soon. We’ll be there for the get-go.

My list is brief, but there’s a lot out there to watch these days. What shows have you and your partner (real or theoretical) been watching or considering watching? At what point do you think people should commit to a series together? Comment below!


Rejection Etiquette

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Is there rejection etiquette? Whether you didn’t enjoy a first date, or after becoming sexually involved, or even after meeting the family… the way in which you decide to break things off changes. However, you cannot use the same approach with the first scenario as you do with the last. So what is the best course of action? Is an official rejection even necessary after just one date? Should you just ignore their calls? Or perhaps a quick text stating, “last night was nice, good luck” would be better. In that case, should you actually answer their call, but turn down the offer for another date?

Obviously the latter is best (and is good karma), but it’s also the bravest choice. All the other circumstances absolutely deserve some kind of communication as to why you are no longer interested in dating. You wouldn’t want to be the person on the other side of a rejection left wondering what happened. It’s not easy; in fact, it totally sucks. Still, honesty is generally the best policy unless it’s going to hurt someone’s feelings even more than the rejection itself. You can always simply say, “My feelings haven’t evolved the way I’d like them to, so I think it’s best we both move on and I give you the opportunity to find someone who will adore you the way you deserve.”

No matter how upset the rejected person becomes, don’t start hurling insults. Apologize again and let them know you wish them the best and move on. This is always easiest on the phone, but if you’ve gotten very serious, then an in-person explanation is more respectful. Just never reject someone via text after the 2nd date!


Dating During Family Functions

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I have been dating a girl I met on JDate for about a month. We are really into each other and spend a lot of time together. I think we are both excited to see where the future takes us. It’s the first time I’ve been into a girl this way in a long time. I’ve even met her family already and we all get along nicely. Here’s my question: her brother and his wife are about to have a baby and I don’t know what is proper protocol in these situations.

Thanks for your help!

_________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Dating During Family Functions,

This is a great question and my answer applies to both simchas (weddings, babies, etc.) as well as sad situations (a death in the family). Let your girlfriend know that you’re there for her and are willing to help out in any way you can, but that you don’t want to be in the way if she’s not comfortable having you there. And don’t be offended if she doesn’t want you there as these can be very intimate family gatherings.

Then again, these are moments where the two of you can forge a deeper bond so hopefully she will accept your support. Offer to be at the house to coordinate food delivery, offer to be the photographer/videographer of the bris/baby-naming, or offer to just be there for her at any time.

My now fiance took my son out of the room to go play when I found out a close friend had died and then babysat my son when I had to go to her funeral. Both of those small acts were incredibly meaningful to me.

Bottom line? Open up and let her know that you care a lot about her and want to celebrate life’s joyful moments as well as the tough ones, together. Tell her that you understand it’s early in the relationship to be included in family functions and that it’s up to her, but that you are there for her.