Archive for the ‘Online Dating’ Category

Love at First JDate: Say Yes to a Second Date

by JenG under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

I was out the other night with a friend who was telling me she almost said “no” to a second date with her now long-term boyfriend. In fact, she did say no… and then said no again… but eventually his persistence wore off on her and she went out with him again. She told me how scary it is how we think we know someone after just one date, when we really know very little about them.

So here’s my advice:

  • Do: If you are on a first date and there’s nothing going terribly wrong, be open to the idea of a second date. People often get so nervous on a first date that they don’t display their full personality, or even have the chance to really open up and share the details that make them who they are.
  • Don’t: If the first date is really terrible and there are some fundamental differences between the two of you that you don’t think you can get past, it’s okay to not give that person a second chance. There’s no reason to go out with them again if you are going to feel uncomfortable.

Connect with Jen on Twitter: @tthingsilearned


Love at First JDate: How to Be Happy for Friends in Relationships

by JenG under Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

I see this happen quite often. Friends finding their match – whether online or through other friends. It sometimes feels like it’s so easy for them, and yet so hard for everyone else. Either way, when it happens, it’s most important to be happy for them. Here’s how you can work on doing that:

  • Do: Be sure to congratulate them on their new relationship and be happy for them. Even if at first you are overcome with jealousy, that feeling will pass. There’s no reason to explode those jealous feelings on your friends. Keep them to yourself — if possible.
  • Don’t: Feel as though the world around you is moving in a different direction and it’s somehow, someway, easier for everyone else to meet someone. People enter relationships for all different reasons, at all different times in their lives. It’s important that you don’t compare and contrast your life with anyone else.

March Without the Madness

by Aaron under Israel,Judaism,Online Dating,Single Life

As we enter March, so much begins to happen. This year, we’ve got Purim, basketball, and a sequel to 300. Madness is everywhere.

As for me, I’m missing all of it (yes, even that 300 sequel). And I couldn’t be more excited. I’m heading to Israel with the Jewish National Fund and helping to irrigate the Negev desert a little bit.

While I can’t wait to help Israel, what’s more exciting to me is the opportunity to just take some time away (not to mention being in Israel for Purim). It’s good to look away from the madness a bit — to not worry about a bracket, about what you’re going to wear to a party, or how to be part of the next big cultural thing.

I think one thing I’ve heard in common from a lot of people I’ve helped in trying to find someone in Dallas (including myself), is that sometimes an escape is vital. I love watching a city disappear from my sight as I fly away, and I like getting to start fresh somewhere, I think most people do. So it’s been a while since I last mentioned it, but be sure to make March a time to take a look at things and decide what you really want out of your time on JDate and your dating. Take a break from your normal life and see what you can change — Purim especially is a time of joy and finding new things, so if you haven’t been involved in Jewish life, now is a great time.

And if you have been involved? Maybe there’s only so much joy we can get out of one place. If you’re serious about finding something, take some time to book a vacation, make some long distance dates (or just don’t and let it happen), and try something new to make the madness a little more bearable.


Love at First JDate: Post-Valentine’s Day Motivation

by JenG under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating

You made it! You won’t have to deal with the pressure of Valentine’s Day for at least another 364 days. No need to worry about making plans with someone you just started dating, or figuring out how to make it through the day without eating too many cupcakes.

After V-Day, I’m always a bit more motivated to do something about my dating life; jump-starting my online activity and going out on more dates.

  • Do: When you want to start going on more dates, and are more open to meeting someone, schedule a part of your day (whether before work or after work) where you devote a certain amount of time to online dating and messaging people back.
  • Do (Bonus!): Be the first to send a message if you come across a profile that you like and admire. Let your post-VDay motivation make you more confident with making that first move. You’ll likely see better results.

Follow Jen Glantz here: www.twitter.com/tthingsilearned


The Paradox of Choice

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

At the launch of my book, How to Woo a Jew, I was asked by a man if JDate was more of a hindrance to his dating life because of The Paradox of Choice. The Paradox of Choice is a book written by Barry Schwartz; it states that having too many options heightens anxiety and that having less choices will help your chances of achieving success and, therefore, happiness. The man who asked the question wondered if people don’t look at the great prospect in front of them because they think there might be someone better around the corner. Could there be too many fish in the sea?

My answer? No. People should poly-date in order to make sure they are not falling for someone too quickly, and they can make sure they aren’t settling by having options to compare. It’s easy to overlook faults when you don’t have anyone else to consider. It’s easy to convince yourself to accept less when you’re feeling desperate.

A little competition is good, it’s healthy, it keeps people on their game. But you also need to really know what you want — by having your short list of priorities — so that when you do find it, you aren’t doubting yourself and wondering if you could meet someone who meets some items from your longer, more nit-picky, less realistic list.


The Dating Olympics

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

If dating were a sport and you were an Olympic athlete, then would be your competition? The U.S. seems to usually have the highest medal count with Russia and China not far behind, so if you’re going for gold who is in your way?

Oddly enough, this season of The Bachelor on ABC got me thinking about this metaphor. There are always group dates on the show, and contestants have to do things to make themselves stand out from the pack. As awful as it sounds, they have to compete for the Bachelor’s — or Bachelorette’s — attention. Some contestants receive negative attention by drinking too much and soon get disqualified. Others make sure to always sit next to the Bachelor or Bachelorette, touching the star of the show discreetly on their arm or leg, smiling and making eye contact, and ultimately creating opportunities to get one-on-one time. These contestants are playing the game masterfully, particularly when it all comes across naturally.

This is a lesson one must learn for both the screen — on JDate — as well as in person — at a mixer or a bar. What are you going to do to stand out and to retain the attention of your prospect while still maintaining self-respect? Confidence is the overlying theme, whether you’re an Olympic athlete or a single who is ready to mingle. Either way, you need to exude confidence in your main profile photo, your About Me paragraph, and when meeting someone in person. It doesn’t matter what you look like, it matters how you carry yourself.


Confirming Your Date

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating

You got matched up on JDate, exchanged a few emails, had a 10-minute phone call to make plans, and then, as the day approaches, what do you do? You need to confirm your date!

I am no fan of texting, but you should send a text at the very least to simply say, “Looking forward to seeing you tonight!” You should also send that text at least six hours prior to the date. If you need to exchange any more information than that — as in the time or place — then, call. Pick up the phone at least six hours in advance, if not the night before, to solidify the plans. Some people will have to make arrangements for childcare, or getting primped, and it is a show of common courtesy to assure them the date is on and to let them in on the plans.

Buy Tamar’s new book How to Woo a Jew, on sale now!


Just Do It

by Aaron under Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

*This is a guest blog written by Jeff, a friend of JBlogger Aaron

As a result of the constant procrastinating and constant internal topic struggle in my head, I thought no better a topic than taking action. I told Aaron I was interested in writing a guest blog several months ago, but had produced bubkiss.  I’m willing to go out on a limb and take a chance generally, but I was not always this way, and in dating it can cost you plenty. I’d like a minute to talk about quitting, quitting coming up with excuses for not being more social (romantically or otherwise) and just taking a chance. If you can’t tell by now, I’m not a writer; but I am half-Jewish and an effective dater. If this does not impress you, feel free to stop reading now, but my point is to say “Yes” to more things.

I justified the whole process of failing to date; it was only years later that I realized it was irrational fear that was preventing me from asking out a girl I liked, or making a move when the time was right. What was I afraid of? I might have been rejected, or G-d forbid embarrassed. Growing up is progressively understanding yourself by trial and error. I know who I am and am not shaken by women not reciprocating my romantic interests.

Some meaningful relationships of mine have begun with someone I had my doubts about. It was through these relationships that I realized the kind of qualities I was looking for and what to avoid (in a partner and a relationship). After all, most of us are looking for love, and like other men who date a lot, I get lumped in as a “player,” when in reality I’m just looking to stop looking.

I don’t recommend putting on blinders completely, but reconsider the situation where you were on the fence. What is important, is stepping out of your comfort zone — if nothing more than to understand where your comfort zone really ends. A wise friend would tell anyone with a problem (be it alcoholism, mental illness or a something petty) to simply “Stop It!” So if you are lonely and single, stop it! If you want to get different results, you need to do something different.


Updating Your Profile

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating

While perusing various JDate profiles, I have found a few update tips that are good lessons for all JDaters® to learn.

  1. Don’t be time specific. If you say “I’m moving to [city] in November,” except now it’s December, you will eventually just have to go back and update it. Better to say “I’m new to [city]” — even if you aren’t moving until next week. Same goes for discussing your 5-year-old kid/niece/dog, because in 12 months that kid/niece/dog will be a year older and you’ll have to update. No need to state the age at all!
  2. Try to avoid cliches. Or at least poke fun at yourself for using them before elaborating to make your point.
  3. Don’t overdo the photos. Having 12 photo options doesn’t mean you need to use them all, especially if you’re not using them smartly. Edit. Eliminate repetitive photos of yourself wearing sunglasses, holding a wine glass, or posing with your dog.
  4. Don’t “Select All.” Narrow down your preferences in the Ideal Match section. You’re not fooling anyone when you select that you’re looking for “a friend” — you’re on JDate after all! And it’s not realistic to choose that you’re looking for both a Non-Practicing Jew and an Orthodox Jew.

Whether you edit often or haven’t touched your profile since you created it, follow the above tips to make sure your profile isn’t dated and is always doing a fair job of representing you.

Buy Tamar’s new book How to Woo a Jew, on sale now!

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Love at First JDate: Don’t Leave Me Hanging

by JenG under Date Night,Online Dating,Single Life

I recently experienced something very annoying in the realm of dating. After enjoying a fun, lively, and conversation-filled first date, the guy turned into my loyal pen pal. Instead of asking me out for a second date or hinting at making arrangements for plans in the future, he just talked and talked and talked about the mundane banalities of his day. I was left feeling a bit confused. Was this boy interested in dating me? Or was he just interested in having someone to chat with – over text – and never again to see in person?

  • Do: Be sure to follow up post-date with conversation — and an indication that you had fun and you’d like to see them again. However, don’t jump from first date to pen pals. Meaning don’t talk and talk and talk over text or the phone without making plans to see each other again.
  • Don’t: Let weeks pass without making plans for a new date. Conversations will start to drag on and then eventually fizzle out.