Archive for the ‘Online Dating’ Category

JDate asks you a question: what have you learned from your past relationships, or, simply “My Past Relationships”? It’s a tricky question but you’ve got to answer it. For the most part, the Jewish community is small, so even though you may not personally know a JDater, you may know who they’re talking about in that paragraph.

Stating that you now know that you don’t want someone who is ‘a spoiled, trust fund brat’ or a ‘pompous, egomaniac, even if he is a doctor’ will actually make you look bad, not better. You’re talking badly about an ex rather than showing what you learned about yourself. Not only does it make you look immature, but it’s gossip and it’s ugly. Use this opportunity to talk about how you have grown and the person you want to be instead.

One of my all-time favorite movies was Being There. Chauncey Gardiner, played brilliantly by the late Peter Sellers, uttered simplistic ramblings in which his worshipers mistakenly read great value. In other words, less is sometimes more. Take the JDate profiles that have yet to be filled out.

My favorite books, movies, TV shows, music and food: (not answered yet) Wow! We have so much in common. My favorite books, movies, TV shows, music and food haven’t been answered yet either!

For fun, I like to… (not answered yet) I too find it fun not answering a questionnaire that asks me what I like doing for fun!

You should definitely message me if you… (not answered yet)

I haven’t answered you yet, so I should definitely message you. And when we go out, remind me to remind you to tell me your story about “not answered yet.”

It’s one of my life’s ambitions not answered yet.

We’ve all had our bad experiences, so how do we not take that feeling with us on our next date? Obviously we need to learn certain lessons, but there’s a difference between knowing not to tell that story about your untreatable rash and not assuming this date is automatically going to fail. Not every date is going to be bad or boring or lacking chemistry. And even when the date is fun and interesting and jiving, it doesn’t mean it’s your Beshert. Give each date his or her own chance; they deserve it just like you do.

A native Chicago woman I met recently happened to bemoan that in Los Angeles, not the easiest town for meeting people (unless they’re encased in tons of steel), guys rarely utter the “d” word. No, not “divorced.” “Date.”

Wanna meet for coffee? Fine. Catch a movie? Sure. Go out on a date? Let’s think first. Are we really ready for that kind of commitment?

Before we rename JDate JHang, maybe it’s time to reexamine our phobias about dating. For most of us, the date that will live in infamy isn’t just Pearl Harbor Day. Most of them eventually end on a less than mutually blissful note. Otherwise, we wouldn’t still be looking. Maybe we’re reluctant to assign the lost opportunities of past dates to future ones. But, before we neuter the term into oblivion, let’s make a date to start treating “date” with the respect it deserves. Interested in her? Ask her out on a date. Not interested in him? Tell him, “No. But, let’s catch a movie.”

Okay. I’ll hit the theater near me. You hit the one near you.

Two days in the rest room.  Are you okay? … That’s good… So where were we? … Oh yeah, I was asking what you do…

If you sell real estate … Challenging times these days, huh? …

If you elaborate, I’ll show you my listening skills. If you sounded annoyed with my follow-up, I’ll try to make a joke … If this doesn’t work out and you set me up with a friend, can I call you a “charming fixer-upper?”

If you give me a rim shot … Listen, it was nice meeting you. Not really, but I figure we might as well cut our losses.

If you start apologizing for being in a crummy mood, and that it has nothing to do with me … That’s okay. Is everything all right?

If you relay something traumatic, I’ll feel embarrassed and try to make amends for prematurely ending our “date.” But if you go on to describe the small annoyances in your day, I’ll pretend I’m listening as I mentally rehearse how to convincingly slip in the “It was nice meeting you” kiss-off.

So what do you like to do for fun? …

If you say, “I love the sun,” I’ll try to hide my preference for cloudy skies. If you say, “The usual: Movies, restaurants, traveling,” I’ll say, “Me too,” meaning I like “the usual” too, which could be different from your usual, but you don’t have to know that yet. That is, till my keyboard just opened its big mouth.

Been watching the debates? …

If you ask, “What’s with Ron Paul’s right eyebrow?” I’ll laugh, and go … “Yeah, it looks like it became unglued.” If you say, “Romney never looks unglued,” I’ll go … “If it were his eyebrow, he’d flip-flop between his right and his left.”

If you laugh, I’ll laugh and think, this is fun. This is what dating should be!

If you ask who I’m voting for … Chelsea Clinton in 2024. After I don’t vote for Jeb Bush in 2016 and 2020.

If you laugh again, I’m asking you out. If you give me a rim shot … Listen, it was nice meeting you.

They say 1 in 5 relationships start online, but I think it’s more when it comes to the Jewish community. I know way too many couples who met on JDate® to believe that it’s only 20%. It’s gotta be way more at this point, when you start counting from Generation X and onward (ie. the ones who are both technologically savvy and who were also the ones single when JDate began). I have more than a few cousins and know more friends than I count who met on JDate. If I actually did the math, I’m almost positive it would be more than 20%. But still, I like the publicity of the general statistic because it normalizes online dating. Guess what? Online dating IS normal! If you’re Jewish, single and not on JDate, then what are you waiting for?

What happens when you schedule a date with a girl via JDate and you see her in a social setting before the scheduled date? You only know what she looks like from her profile pictures. You had big plans to devote a lot of time and energy to prepare yourself before you allow her to see you. You were going to set aside five hours to doing nothing but showering and layering on deodorant, Axe® body spray, and more deodorant.

Now, you’re thrust into a situation you did not see coming. All you have to do is make sure she doesn’t see you and get out as quickly as you can. Of course, she looks in your direction at the exact moment you are awkwardly staring at her to make sure she isn’t about to turn around. Damn.

First, you smile back casually and hope she doesn’t recognize you. Second, you can tell she recognizes you because she smiles and waves and strangers don’t do that in real life unless you’re in Utah. You now have to acknowledge her and somehow convince her that you look this crappy all the time. You don’t want to get close, to her, though, because you just ran a mile in order to ironically look better before you met her. What do you do?

I’ll tell you what I did last week. I pretended that I had a sudden, intense pain in my stomach, walked quickly to the bathroom, and stayed there for at least half an hour.

Where would we be without JDate? Forced to meet people in normal everyday situations. Yeah, like that’s gonna happen. Speaking of abnormal situations, available women by the thousands, listen up! What are you doing right now? I know it’s kind of sudden, but this being a brand spanking New Year, I was wondering if you’d like to have coffee sometime. Like this second. Go ahead, pour yourself a cup of coffee. Okay, to appreciably up my odds of connecting with at least one of you out there, I’m about to turn this into an interactive virtual mass date.

Hi… I’m Andy… What’s your name? … Say your name … Nice name …

If your name is Andi, I’ll wait for you to chuckle. If you’re Andi, and you’re not chuckling, note to self: Might not share sense of humor wavelength.

Re: your name … Be sure to thank your parents for me.

If you say, “Will do,” we’re moving on. If you say, “I don’t speak to my parents”… We have a lot in common. I don’t speak to your parents either.

If you chuckle, note to self: She may have parent issues, but she seems nice.

If you gave me a rim shot, note to self: Anything sounds moronic with a rim shot. E=MC2 sounds moronic with a rim shot.

Where are you from? … Say town … I always wanted to visit there …

If you said Buffalo or Pacoima, I’ll wait for you to stop chuckling at my ironic retort. If you’re not chuckling, see sense of humor caveat.

So, what do you do? …

If you’re a doctor, lawyer, or teacher … That must be very rewarding.

If you work at a supermarket checkout aisle … Does counting to ten at the ten items or less counter make you less angry? Not that you sound angry. It was just a joke.

The restroom? Well, you know where your own restroom is. I’ll see you when you get back.

Part 2 on Thursday.

Nearly all my single girlfriends are on JDate and that means they often meet the same guy. They each have their type so it’s not usually a problem, plus they are all understanding if one of them hits it off with a guy they had gone on a date with or were interested in. Very rarely is there an issue. Except when there is.

One of my girlfriends starting dating a guy she met on JDate and although the new relationship was slowly progressing, she certainly didn’t have any claim to him. Unfortunately there was a party he went to where, unbeknownst to him, he met her girlfriends and flirted with one of them. It happens, the community is small and there was no way for any of them to know. Where do the loyalties lie?

People often like to ask, for example, “What did people do before the internet?” I’ll tell you what they did. They led perfectly rewarding lives. They ate at the dinner table. They stalked crushes only in their minds and also in trees, which, as a bonus, allowed them to not be so overweight that they have to shop for groceries using a computer because if they tried to walk to their car, their legs would rub together so much it would start a fire and kill them.

Of course, things were never as ideal as they seemed in retrospect. People still murdered other people, and sometimes their pets. People also had to meet members of the opposite, or same, sex out in the real life world. Yet people still got together. Babies were still born. Is dating better now because of online dating, or is it just more convenient? Dating is now equated with ordering a pizza or paying taxes. Maybe in another twenty years, online dating will be used on a format equated with using the bathroom or sleeping. I don’t even know what that means. It’s the future. Anything can happen.

Online dating has been beneficial for me, though. I have met nice ladies based on information I was able to review beforehand. This removes the need for pointless small-talk. However, pointless small-talk is very much needed on dates with people you don’t like. However again, online dating already has helped to get rid of undesirable dates. In conclusion, online dating has made dating better. I’ll let you know after Wednesday night if I still believe this sentiment.