Archive for the ‘Online Dating’ Category

Extreme Profile Makeover — “Julie”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hey there!

Could you help me makeover my profile as to attract more people/get more responses?

Thanks!

_______________________________________________________________

Hi Julie,

I’m happy to help. To start, you have a great profile name! Putting an adjective or descriptive phrase before the year you were born is perfect! So, we can skip right to the profile.

     1. PHOTOS

I’ll be honest, this is where you need the most work. You need more than 3 photos, but I would take the time to also get better pictures. The New Year’s hat photo is super cute, but should be moved to the 3rd or 4th slot for your “fun” photo. Have a friend take photos of you with no one else in the picture and no other distracting elements. Make sure there’s good lighting. The second photo of your full body should be swapped out for another. I like that you are confident and that you followed my rules to have a full body pic be the second photo, but I am not a fan of studio photos. At that same photo shoot you schedule with your friend, have him or her take a few full body photos as well. Go outside when there’s not direct sunlight and find a place with rocks or trees or cool architecture and take photos there. Finally, the car pic can be deleted or used as a final, supplementary photo.

     2. IN MY OWN WORDS

You’ve done a nice job with your ABOUT ME answer, although it could be thinned out a bit. I would delete the line which begins, “In my free time…” since that goes under the area titled FOR FUN, I LIKE TO. You can also delete the football line and TV lines (put it under MY FAVORITES…) and that will connect the movies line with the Netflix line, which is cute!

I would also recommend not answering every single question; it can get a bit repetitive. You could also delete MY PERFECT FIRST DATE and either THINGS I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT or THE COOLEST PLACES I’VE VISITED. Answering every single question is overkill. You don’t want to come off as over-zealous and you don’t need to reveal so much. This will leave a few general topics for discussion via email and on your first date!

     3. DETAILS

Most of your details are good, the changes you should make are all under MY IDEAL MATCH. If you are truly looking for a date, then you can leave that in, but I suspect you really want a relationship leading to forever, so delete the less committal options (a date, friend, etc.). The other place to edit is the age range. A 27-year-old woman would typically connect best with a guy just a few years younger and at maximum more than a few years older. I’d suggest expanding your age range from 24-30 to a 10-year range of 24-34. I’d also narrow down some of the streams of Judaism you’d be willing to date.

You’ve got a good start, Julie! You just need to take some awesome photos, edit your “About Me” paragraph, broaden your preferred age range, and then narrow down the relationship type and the religious level you’d be willing to date and I think you’ll find yourself seeing lots of new, “real” prospects.


Love at First JDate: Skip the Chatter

by JenG under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating

I received a message this week from a guy that got straight to the point. Instead of engaging in the get-to-know-you chatter, he directly asked me to meet him out for a drink. While it’s always great to move things along quick with online dating, it was a bit too forward. I wanted to get to know him more, see if we did indeed have anything in common — anything worth spending a few hours in person fleshing out the details.

  • Do: Make it a point to chat before you set up a date. It’s important to know something about the person you’re going to meet in person. It’s risky to go out with anyone without even knowing their basic details if they ask you out in the very first message they send. Thank them for their offer, but ask politely to get to know them first.
  • Don’t: Go meet them in person until you feel comfortable. If they ask you out in the very first message and you don’t feel like it’s right, or you’re questioning if you two would actually get along in person, say no. Ask for more information. Trust your gut and your instincts if they seem overly persistent or something seems wrong. When it comes to dating, the cardinal rule is to do what feels correct.

Follow Jen on Twitter: @tthingsilearned


Extreme Profile Makeover: “Joseph”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating

Dear Tamar,

I have recently become single again after 3 ½ years off the market, and I set up a JDate account. I was wondering if you could take a look at my profile and tell me what you think.  If you could let me know if there are things I should change, things I should add, etc, I would be grateful.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Joseph,

I am quite impressed with your profile. You write well and don’t have any glaringly off-putting statements. You uploaded 11 photos, which show your face, body type and interests quite well — but I do believe posting 11 photos is overkill. Try to eliminate at least 3. I recommend people upload between 6-8 photos covering the five Fs:

  • Face
  • Full Body
  • Fun
  • Family & Friends
  • Final Photos

You’ve covered face, full body, and fun, but you don’t have any pictures of you with any of your loved ones. Try to add something there, even if it’s with your dog. Final photos are there to reinforce the consistency of your appearance, which you have covered well.

The only other thing I would add is a one-liner about your divorce. Simply say “I was married at a young age for a short time and learned a lot about what I want in a partner,” or something along those lines. You don’t need to go into detail on JDate, or on a first date, but you should address it briefly and get it out of the way as women will wonder.

Your age range of 24-34 for a 31-year-old is perfect. I recommend a 10-year range and a woman any younger than 24 will likely have a disconnect with you since you’re already a professional with life experience who is looking to settle down. If you aren’t finding enough women who fit your preferences, then try expanding your area by looking in nearby cities and possibly being open to dating a woman with a child or a woman who is shorter or taller than your saved preference.

Good luck!

 

Buy Tamar’s new book How To Woo A Jew: The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating on Amazon or in bookstores now!


Love at First JDate: Update & Upgrade Your Picture

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating

I’ve had a profile up on JDate for over a year. In that time, I have not changed my photos or refreshed my profile. That’s not good at all. Who we are and how we look changes quicker than we think — and it’s best to have our profiles match who we are right now.

  • Do: Post photos that were taken in the last 6-9 months. Ones that are clear and, if possible, of just you. It can be hard for a person to understand who you are — and it can get unnecessarily confusing — if you post pictures with a bunch of people in them.
  • Don’t: Post just one photo. Try to post between 3-5. If you don’t have any recent photos – take some on your computer or ask a friend to take a photo of you. This will enhance your profile and give it a fresh look.

Read more Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com.


Polar Vortex Lovin’

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

A common joke when it’s freezing outside is that there’s going to be a baby boom nine months later. But the other boom that occurs in frigid temperatures is with online dating — both with an increase of members logging on and new members creating accounts.

Think about it, the boom in online dating makes sense: If you can’t leave the house and are relegated to socialize with the people within your home (if any), you will soon start socializing via your phone, and then eventually via the computer. Sooner or later, you will happen upon online dating.

Preexisting members will find themselves playing around with their search preferences, expanding and narrowing different categories, and getting excited to see new faces pop up. Newbies will sign up and spend time crafting their profile and being astounded at the prospects at their fingertips, and then kicking themselves for waiting so long to sign up. So why wait for the next wicked weather event?


Love at First JDate: New Year, New Profile

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

2014 has side-stepped into your life and pressed the reset button. Everyone always says, “New year, new you.” The same should absolutely apply to your dating profile. I made my first-ever JDate profile last January and haven’t updated it since. While most of the information still remains true (my love for pizza and paperbacks), it’s time that I give writing my ‘about me’ another try and posting more updated photos.

  • Do: Change at least three things on your profile. The easiest and more beneficial things to change are your photos, your bio, and maybe one or two things you’re looking for in a match. Every year brings new experiences. Draw from some you had last year to help you articulate what you’re looking for this year.
  • Don’t: Delete the whole thing. There’s no need to! Plus, if you do that, you may be a bit overwhelmed. Use it as an outline or a skeleton and work on improving it from there.

Read more Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com


Putting Your Ego on Blast

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Writing a JDate profile dictates that you need to self-promote, whether you are humble or cocky. You need to find your ego and exploit it for the sake of describing who you are to potential suitors. Too short of an “About Me” paragraph and JDaters may think you aren’t really into the process. Too long of an answer and potentials can get overwhelmed. There’s a happy medium of describing who you are with the right words and in the best way possible without being long-winded.

Wallflowers will have a difficult time with writing about themselves as shyness doesn’t translate well on paper. Being humble is a great trait, but why would I contact you if you’re too reserved to tell me about yourself? Don’t be embarrassed to say what achievements you’ve had in life thus far, or what your dreams are, or why someone should contact you. But if you’ve got a laundry list of reasons about why you’re the best thing since sliced bread… then you may need someone to edit on your behalf.


Is This Bad for Me?

by Aaron under Online Dating,Single Life

Sunday nights have never been easy for me. An ex once told me I might have a light case of Sunday night depression, which is apparently common among people as Sunday is a daunting day (especially when your last two Sundays have been right before holidays from work). Last Sunday was especially rough on my psyche, as I finished watching an episode of Star Trek and felt the nothingness sink in. No more NFL games for the day, no more LinkedIn promoting of myself to get a job up north, and nothing to advance my day any further (it felt like).

What caused this feeling? I think it’s actually pretty easy to pinpoint. First of all, I spent the entire day doing nothing really. I did get some job leads, watched a movie, and went to dinner with family and friends, but for some reason I just felt empty. And of course there was the main thing I did — leave my browser open on dating websites.

In the coming weeks I plan on starting my own business for online dating coaching, and have thus immersed myself this week in as many online dating websites as possible. Unfortunately, doing so has made it feel like I’m getting nowhere with women (which really isn’t true, I’m doing just fine, but so many options with less than stellar response rates can feel that way sometimes). Especially sitting with JDate open today, sending messages every few hours and not getting as many responses as I’d like.

This isn’t to say if you go on JDate, you’re going to feel disappointment. Quite the opposite. Some of the greatest women I’ve dated have been from JDate or are frequent users. One of my favorite things to do is log in and hear the chat buzz from an old flame as we catch up in the most unorthodox of ways, while waiting for others to view us and we give each other feedback on messages and our profiles.

But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. The best thing to do is not to wait for the chats and messages to come in, but instead to start making your own actions the focus of your own happiness. I’ve been reading a great book called The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, and one of the main points it makes is not to let others determine your opinion of yourself and instead make yourself satisfied by doing the things you think are important.

So as time for sleep approached this Sunday, I suddenly got the urge to do some things. I write a journal every day, and after examining my entirely selfish day, decided to write some thank you notes to friends for birthday gifts and work on some projects for my nearly-completed winter internship. The fact of the matter comes down to this: you can wait for someone else to show up to make you happy and get dragged down in the process, or you can be pro-active in the areas of your life you can control, and the happiness will follow. What will you choose?


Missed Opportunity?

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I dropped my JDate membership just before (or maybe just after) receiving an invitation from a potential match. Anyway, I just reinstated my membership and read a previously unopened letter from 10 months ago. I viewed the woman’s profile and liked it. Unfortunately, her last check-in was the day she sent the letter to me. I emailed a response, but what’s the chances she’ll even know she has mail on JDate?

-Missed Opportunity

_____________________________________________________________

 

Dear Missed Opportunity,

Unless the object of your affection joins JDate again, the chances are that she won’t see that email. If she hasn’t logged in at all in the past 10 months, then it seems that you did indeed miss an opportunity. She may be in a relationship by now, or she could have taken a break (like you did) and may be rejoining JDate again soon. Either way, you now have even more motivation to stay active on JDate because you will either find someone else or the previous potential suitor will sign back in.

JDate, and dating in general, is a numbers game. You’re going to have missed opportunities, unanswered emails, and email exchanges that lead nowhere. You may also experience several first dates that never result in a second date, and even one or two long-term serious relationships before you meet your Beshert. If you keep at it though, the odds are in your favor.

In the meantime, stay active on JDate by viewing profiles, clicking on Secret Admirer, sending emails and going on dates. Maybe one day that missed opportunity will reappear and you will fall head over heels in love! Or maybe her inactiveness saved you from what could have been a terrible waste of time… and will ultimately lead you to your Beshert!

Pre-order your copy of “How To Woo A Jew — The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating” now!


Old-Fashioned is the New Fad

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Online Dating,Single Life

Dating the old-fashioned way is the way to date these days.

Chivalry is being resurrected. What does that mean? It means that men (or the more aggressive half of a same-sex relationship) are preferring to make the phone calls, plan the dates, pick the woman up at her home, pull out her chair, order on her behalf, pay the bill, and take the initiative for another date before leaning in for the first kiss. It’s not that they prefer women who don’t do these things, but most of the single men I’ve spoken with just want to be “The Man,” regardless of who they are dating.

The great thing about “dating the old-fashioned way” is that women can allow men to take these leads without giving up a sense of their independence. A woman can allow a man to “take care of her” simply because it feels good… not because she needs it. These are not gender stereotypes to be looked down upon negatively; each person will have ample opportunity to play whichever role in the relationship they feel natural settling into when that time comes, but until then, if a man wants to wine you and dine you — as many men seem to want to step into the role of doing — then let him.

Pre-order “How To Woo A Jew — The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating” on Amazon now!