I have a few friends who are on JDate but use it in an unorthodox way. When they see prospects that aren’t for them but would be perfect for their friend, they write the person and send them that friend’s screen name with the reason why they think they would make a great match. Sometimes the new prospects would have already received emails from JDate that they are a match, sometimes not, but it’s different when it comes from someone’s friend confirming JDate’s algorithm. So if you see someone on JDate who may not be for you but might be perfect for your friend, then make the match. And if your friend isn’t on JDate, then ask permission and then still make the match. Then you get credit for a shidduch (it takes 3 to get to heaven!) and so does JDate!
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
At some point in your dating career, you will end up with someone who is annoyingly affectionate. Usually you already have an inkling that this person isn’t “The One” — and so everything they do is annoying, but whether it’s a first date or a one-year anniversary, there are people out there who don’t realize their type of affection is anything but loving.
It’s those people who constantly touch you — regardless of if you’re eating, sleeping, in the midst of a fight, talking, walking, crying, getting ready, cooking, you get the point. Affection is (usually) welcome, as long as its the right amount at the right time. Some people don’t like to be touched when they are doing certain things or feeling a certain way and anyone interested in being with you long-term needs to learn to both read your body language and your moods!
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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Jason W.”
Hi Jason W.,
You’ve got a great profile and I think a few tweaks will be all you need to help you attract the higher quality woman you are looking for.
Having a profile name composed of your birth year and initials is fine, it’s not massively attention-grabbing but it’s you and it’s unique. No need to change it unless you get some awesome idea which hasn’t been used yet.
You’re cute, I’m not going to lie. The first photo grabs the attention which your profile name lacks. The next 3 are cool because it shows you living life, traveling and having fun. I would add another one or two photos showing you closer up because the last 3 are pictures taken from further away or you’re wearing sunglasses. It’s great to use a photo showing the scenery of where you’ve traveled, but then you need to balance it out with an up close and personal pic.
IN MY OWN WORDS
I appreciate that you’ve answered the questions thoroughly and honestly. Fix a couple of your capitalization typos to perfect your shpiels. My only concern would be this: you are tall, in your early 30s and good looking and with what looks like a really good head on your shoulders. So what’s the problem? Girls may think you are either too perfect or a fraud. Mention something about your midwestern roots and humble upbringing. Add a witty, slightly self-deprecating one-liner. And finally, your life appears pretty complete on paper, so talk about your desire for a partner. Your answers to I’M LOOKING FOR and MY IDEAL RELATIONSHIP seem to ask a lot of intangibles from a woman and may put a lot of pressure on the ladies you go out with. It’s important to have some level of expectation but perfection is not one of them. At the end of the day you want a real person laying next to you in bed, not a resume.
I would delete your annual income. I know you are an entrepreneur and you are proud to be successful, but because you seem so perfect already then stating your income is overboard. It’s just too much. Otherwise I like all the other answers until MY IDEAL MATCH. As a man in his early thirties you should be interested in much more than a Long Term Relationship so select Marriage and Children as well. Then expand your Age Range because it makes no sense that it stops at a few years younger than your age. Your maximum should be at least your own age if not a year or two higher when you’re 33. It’s important that you answer if you would date a woman with children and if you want a woman who wants children. Finally, you have selected every option under Religion and Education and I know that a man who loves pork and shellfish and has a Master’s Degree wouldn’t date a woman who only graduated high school and is Orthodox.
Being perfect is not what women are looking for, so make sure you’re being real and you will attract a real woman too. Good Luck!
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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Carly.”
I’m surprised your profile is so popular what with the lack of photos and completed profile, alas, you haven’t found anyone you like yet so I think a little profile makeover is just what you need.
I like that your personality is in your profile name — I like 2 have fun 2! — but since the arrangement of the letters and numbers was already taken the name loses some of the originality and excitement with the added jumble of letters and numbers at the end. If you can change up the name a bit to make it unique then it would be better.
Two photos. Oy. Not a fan. And the first one has you wearing sunglasses. Double oy. Love that you’re in a bikini (hot!) but unfortunately the thumbnail doesn’t show the full photo. When you choose your main profile photo you have to take into consideration the “zoom factor” because the entire photo doesn’t show up. This means I need a reason to click on your profile to see the photo in all its glory. This photo is a great supplemental photo as it shows your body and your outdoorsy-ness, but you need more of a headshot for the main photo. Your second photo, with your son, is super cute and is a keeper, you just need at least 2 more, if not 4, photos.
IN MY OWN WORDS
Every single one of your answers is short. Too short. And you don’t use capitalization or punctuation. Not good. The lack of effort is apparent. What you say is nice, it just all needs to be expanded upon. I do appreciate that you don’t mention your divorce because I strongly advise divorcees to wait as long as possible before discussing what caused the demise of their marriage. I would however mention your son somewhere even if it’s just to say that you love being a Mom, but want a partner to enjoy the adult things in life.
I find it interesting that you didn’t answer all of the DETAILS but you completed the MY IDEAL MATCH thoroughly. You obviously know what you want but you need to give up some of your personal information too. It’s not just putting the time and energy into completing your profile but it also seems that you have a wall up. The information JDate asks is not too imposing, it’s information you would exchange on a first date and just as you want a specific man, he wants to know what you do for a living and what kind of custody you have of your son. Additionally, I find your age range to be too narrow. As a 39-year-old who is active and likes to have fun, you should expand your age range to include men as young as 35 and as “old” as 47. Otherwise, I think your criteria is good.
You are very close to having a great profile just put some effort into completing it. Good Luck!
You know when you start off the day feeling great, and then someone rains on your parade, and instead of brushing it off and putting a smile on your face and continuing on with your day you let the nastiness bleed into your entire day and domino effect until the date you were excited about is suddenly not looking too promising anymore.
Aside from the fact that you let someone or something ruin your entire day, you are now about to let that same negativity affect your first interaction with a stranger whom you are interested in romantically. Does it feel good to sometimes take your stress out on the nameless, faceless customer service representative on the phone whom you will never meet nor speak to again? Sure. It’s wrong, but sure, it feels good for that instant. This date doesn’t have to be an instant though. Don’t let your ugly attitude stop there from being a second date.
You have to put things into perspective. Are you going to allow one bad run-in ruin what could be your first date… and last? You have got to shake off any negativity before you enter into a date. Adjust your attitude. Since you hope to spend your life being happy, then why not exude the happiness you want in your life while on a date. You don’t want to spend a first date bonding over the bad. Just because it’s still a form of bonding doesn’t mean you can build a relationship on it.
The act of smiling sends positive signals to your brain that you’re happy and can change your attitude. Doing some yoga breathing, taking a shower, having a tough workout, or venting to your best friend are all things you can do prior to a date so that you aren’t bringing the bad attitude with you.
The scariest thing a person can say when they are in a bizarrely terrible and wrong situation is, “Well, I’m staying in it because I’m scared I’ll never find better.” There’s often comfort in chaos but there’s certainly not happiness. If you find yourself in this type of situation and can admit you’re still dating someone ONLY because you don’t think you’ll ever find someone else, you may want to remember a few things:
- Do: Believe that you are a special and terrific gem. There are things about you that are beautiful and magnificent, things that if you suddenly forget your mother and even your grandmother will take less than 10 seconds to remind you of. If the person you’re with can’t acknowledge these traits or make you feel wildly amazing about yourself, why be with them? Always be confident enough to understand what you have to offer this world and never settle for someone who can’t see these things clearly.
- Don’t: Doubt your gut. If your gut is feeling all mushy, like it’s experiencing never ending acid reflex, take that as a strong indication that it’s filtering the true feelings of your heart. Have the courage to walk away from situations and people that no longer respect you. You will find someone else.
Read more of Jen Glantz here.
This weekend is one of those Hallmark holidays we all can’t help but celebrate because, well, we all have a Mom in a way, shape or form. And now many daters are either Moms themselves or you could be dating a Mom or you could be dating the future Mother of your children. So how do you mark the day in the most respectful manner possible?
For starters, give honor to the woman from whom you were birthed whether that means making reservations for brunch, visiting a grave-site, sending flowers across the country, or saying a prayer of thanks to your egg donor and/or surrogate.
Next, if you have a child or children, honor their Mother even if you are no longer together by sending her flowers as well. She is, and will always be, the Mother of your child. If you are currently in a relationship, this will also serve to show your new significant other your level of maturity in handling things with your ex moving forward.
If you are in a relationship with someone with children, make sure to discuss with her first if it is okay to make plans with her kids in her honor. I’m sure there won’t be a problem, but it’s a matter of respect to ask her first. Then make plans with her kids to make Mother’s Day special and help her kids accomplish the day they want to give her (breakfast in bed, making a gift, etc.) then at some point, maybe after the kids are in bed, give her a little gift of your own — something small — to let her know that you think she is a great Mom. Remember, this is the kids’ day, not your day, so your task is to assist them in their ideas.
And if you’re in a serious relationship with the woman you hope will be the Mother of your future children, then why not just tell her that? Say something romantic like: “I can’t wait to celebrate you and the amazing mother I know you will be one day in the future.” Only say this line if you have already proposed or are about to propose, otherwise you will send the girl running as fast as possible in the opposite direction!
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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Stacy.”
Your profile name is super cute! Love that you incorporated the city you come from as well as the city you live in. Using your hometown or current city along with your name or another descriptive word about you is a great way to create a unique profile name. And I also like how you provided some detail in your ABOUT ME describing how your character was formed from both your hometown and your current city.
I’m totally loving your profile photo — you look like Amanda Seyfried and that’s hot! — and I appreciate you providing 7 photos. You look different, older perhaps, in photo 2 at the castle and in photo 7 in the classic car. I like both photos, but I would delete them for a few reasons: for starters, you look different and it’s not consistent; they are from the same event so your hair and clothes are the same; and it’s obvious you are in a wedding which can sometimes freak a guy out because he thinks you have weddings on the brain (save these pictures for when you’re getting serious with a guy and you want to show him pics of your family’s simchas. You also look different in the pic where you’re going to a Yankees game — do you have bangs now or not? If you don’t have bangs, then delete this pic. If you do have bangs then you need to update the other 4 photos to reflect that.
IN MY OWN WORDS
I like what you’ve said so far in ABOUT ME but it’s too short of a shpiel. Also, I’d delete the request for photos because it makes you seem like all you care about is what a guy looks like when I’m sure (I hope) that’s not the case — rather, just reply to a guy’s email by asking for his photo. After removing that line, you only have what basically accounts to one line left and therefore you need to talk a bit more about yourself. Who comprises your family? Why did your family move back and forth between your hometown and your current city? Where did you go to school and what do you do now? Give people some more tidbits of information to entice them to want to contact you. MY LIFE AND AMBITIONS is written well, but along with the lack of information in MY DETAILS, it leaves one wondering what exactly you do for a living which you’re so passionate about. The rest of your answers are solid, although I would perhaps answer a few more questions but with the changes I suggested above you will have a solid profile.
So much here is blank that guys will think you are trying to hide something. Some of the answers are easy enough: are you willing to relocate? Do you keep kosher? Do you drink? Do you smoke? Do you have a pet? How active are you? Where’d you grow up? What ethnicity are you? What languages do you speak? What do you do for a living? And everything under “MY IDEAL MATCH.”
From your photos you will receive a large quantity of messages but without all this information, they probably won’t be of high quality. Complete your profile and you will see a change. Those guys who don’t have profile photos won’t have to be asked for a photo because they will either have a completed profile or they will automatically provide them to you in effort to impress you.
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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Lindsay.”
Thanks for writing in. I think you’ve got a really good basis for your profile thus far!
Your profile name is great: I assume the play on your name is your nickname joined with your middle or last name. I think that’s a cute and unique profile name and at least gives your name without divulging too much personal information. It’s never a good idea, for safety’s sake, to use your entire first and last name.
Your photos are nice and show consistency. You have your close-ups and your full lengths. I suggest adding a description under the 2 with other people in it, it’s obvious one is your grandmother or someone else special to you but the last one, although really hot, has 2 dark-haired beauties in it and you should be very clear that you are on the left with your friend so-and-so. And since you talk about your passion for traveling a lot, I suggest adding one more photo of you (I think 6 photos is a good amount to prove what you look like and that it’s you and not a scammer) with the background of a beautiful city!
IN MY OWN WORDS
ABOUT ME is well written, but long. The sentences you mention in other areas (family and background under A BRIEF HISTORY OF MY LIFE, some of your passions under MY FAVORITES) can be deleted from here in order to reduce the length and minimize repetition. I would delete the first few sentences and start with the paragraph that says “I’m a kind person” and then jump back to “I studied abroad in Spain”. Delete the part about your careers since you mention it again under MY LIFE & AMBITIONS. I love how you ended this section as it shows a sense of humor and welcomes responses, so just update the word count. The rest of the sections are well written but need to be updated to reflect the recent changes I suggested above (in BRIEF HISTORY delete the part saying “I mentioned earlier” and you can add your college and siblings back in there).
Everything you selected and filled out in this category looks good. My only change would be to lower the minimum age range to at least 30. You are 32 so a mature 30-year-old shouldn’t be out of the question. Otherwise, having your maximum age range as 10 years above is perfect as is!
I think you’re very much on the right path and judging by the number of “likes” for each of your sections I think the men agree! Good luck!
Though I spend the majority of my time during the day at the computer, especially writing emails, when it comes to remembering to answer messages on JDate I’m simply the worst. Sometimes I won’t write someone back, who genuinely intrigues me, for over 2 weeks. It’s a tendency of a forgetful mind that has me reading a lovely message, smiling, and then quickly being distracted into doing something else.
Do: Answer your messages as soon as you feel like it. Don’t even bother trying to engage in some “I have to wait 24 hours to respond game.” It’s responding to someone, not getting proposed to. There’s no harm in responding quickly and if they find that to be “unattractive” and like a girl they can “chase”, well then move on. That’s just bizarrely bogus and there’s no time for a person like that.
Don’t: Try not to wait an extended long period of time to write back to messages. Keep the conversation flowing and interesting. It’s also very easy to lose a conversation in an overcrowded inbox. Either keep a list of people you enjoy messaging somewhere else to remember to follow up, or respond once you have opened the message to ensure you won’t forget.
Read more of Jen Glantz here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com