under Single Life
More statistics from the survey by Market Tools, Inc (who interviewed more than 5,000 singles over the age of 21) had to do with if singles are perceived as date-able when they are impacted by today’s economics. This being the “boomerang” generation (meaning many singles, couples, and families are moving back in with their parents after college, between jobs, or as they are starting new careers) means many 20 and 30-somethings refer to their parents as “roommates,” and may also have accrued debt along the way.
So, do these things still mean you’re date-able? Survey says… “Yes!” (with caveats of course).
- 65% of singles would date someone with debt up to $5,000 — although less so with someone who has high student loan debts to pay off
- 49% of singles would date someone who lived at home with their parents
Overall, singles want to date someone who has ambition. If you live at home and have some debt, but have a clear plan to get your life moving forward, then those things can be overlooked and accepted. If you’re in the process of buying your own home for instance, or if you moved home and have some debt at 32-years-old because you decided to pursue your dreams of going to culinary school after studying and working in another field, than that would be another good reason.
Laziness and irresponsibility is not attractive.
Most conversations I have with my mother ultimately lead to her asking for a schedule of any future dates I’ve agreed to go on. Which most of the time, my answer to her is explicitly simple and can be summarized in one of my most infamous and favorite sayings: I don’t have time.
“What do you mean you don’t have time?” She’ll demand, as if having a full-time job, perpetual errands to run, and an overwhelming desire for more sleep isn’t a good enough reason to name drop a phrase like that. “You’re just making excuses…this is your future we are talking about!”
Maybe she is right. Maybe “I don’t have time” is just an excuse for “I really don’t want to do this.”
- Do: Block out one day a week, if possible, for a date. That way when someone asks you out at the start of the week, you’ll have an evening reserved to give them a chance. If your life is off-the-wall busy, block out a few days a month until things begin to slow down.
- Don’t: Put dating on the back burner when a great opportunity to go out with someone or meet someone new comes to the forefront. Give someone a chance and be open to meeting people in the most bizarre places and situations—I’m very much talking about through online dating. Trade “I don’t have time” in for “I’ll give you a chance.”
For more from Jen Glantz here!
under Date Night
What do singles want? An online survey (taken by Market Tools Inc.) of more than 5,000 singles over the age of 21 said the first thing they judge about their date is… teeth. Why teeth? Teeth are an indication of your overall health.
So, make sure you:
- Floss the night before a date so your gums aren’t still swollen the next day
- Brush your teeth right before a date
- Pop a piece of minty gum in your mouth as you approach your date
- Don’t eat or drink anything on your date which will stain your teeth (ie. red wine) or smoke.
Even if you’re a smoker and your date is okay with that, try to not smoke after brushing your teeth until the date is over. You could have crowded teeth or a bad bite, but as long as your teeth are clean and white — and your gums are pink and healthy — then fret not, you will pass judgment.
Of course, you should floss regularly and brush your teeth twice a day and not smoke at all, but we all know that’s not always going to happen!
under Online Dating
So you’ve been messaging back and forth with that cute punum the past week and you finally set up a date. Maybe you even had a phone call beforehand and got to know each other. The date is set and the place is picked. To help ensure you make it a successful date, I’ve made a list of three essential steps to take:
Don’t go into this thinking he/she will be your future husband or wife. Take it slow. A lot of people get super excited about dates and think “this may be ‘The One.’” If you go into a date with that mindset, then you will set yourself up to lose. Instead, think about this date as another experience you get to have with an interesting person. Heck, you already qualified them for what you’re looking for. Now, enjoy the time together and don’t rush it.
2) Dress The Part
This advice is mostly for the guys here. Dress up! This is a date. Think Friday Night Services. You want to impress your date and look good, right? Put on a decent collared shirt (make sure it fits) and a nice pair of shoes. Women give extra special bonus points to the guys who know how to dress. Girls, I’m sure you got this part handled.
3) Bring the Energy!
Yes, I said to relax, so this might seem a little contradictory. But, dates are about fun! If you aren’t eager to be there, then you will put your date off. Ask them intriguing questions. Tell them your funniest stories (don’t get too crazy). And have fun. When you enjoy the moment, the people around you will enjoy it too. It’s never enough to just show up. Bring your A-game.
Those are the most important tips to having a successful date #1. Follow these three tips and you will be on your way to a successful date #2. That is what you want, isn’t it?
Read more from Tripp here.
under Single Life
Okay so some college basketball player recently and horrifically broke his leg. I’ve broken my leg several times, and though it wasn’t nearly as painful as his must have been, nor was it televised, it still hurt very much. This guy is getting a lot of deserved sympathy. Will he be able to play again? He had a very promising future. I actually have no idea. He could have been the worst player of all time. I have no idea.
I think my point for this new pointless post is that in order to gain sympathy, you have to be really good at something. When I broke my foot in junior high by landing funny on my sandal, the only attention I got was from my friend who laughed at me as I limped back into his apartment and cried. Sports radio stations did not discuss my debilitating injury, nor was I on the front page of cnn.com. However, the next day at school, I did gain some sympathy from some of my female classmates until I noticed them looking at my Hershey’s bar in my hand. I’m not man candy! This chocolate is my last bastion of happiness that I’m desperately clinging to until I can lock myself in my room and glue myself to the television.
This theory remained constant throughout adulthood. Sympathy is only evoked if you have other redeeming qualities, and I can’t always carry around a Hershey’s bar. I’m not made of money. Actually no, that’s completely wrong. Most women have hated me, despite any unfortunate circumstances that have come my way. It wasn’t until I met my fiancée that I realized that sympathy is not a tool to use for self-esteem. Instead it is a mutual thing to help both people realize not just their codependence but also their fusion as a coherent whole.
I have gone broke from a first date more than once. Somehow, going on a date just extracts the paper bills from the inside of my pleather wallet without me realizing what’s happening. Once, a few months ago, going on a date even forced me to overdraw my bank account. Talking about who should pay for a first date should be on the list of topics for the next presidential debate (just kidding), as it warrants much emotion, opinions and even deal-breaking decisions by those who have rules and guidelines tattooed in their minds.
Here’s my breakdown on the payment plan for a first date—this one is targeted to the girls:
- Do: Always offer to contribute on the first date. You both mutually decided to go out and “meet” each other on this awkward rendezvous and it’s only right you offer to shell out the cash for your half of the meal, or your gulp of a full glass of Pinot. You can follow your own rules on dates two through infinity. However, you should use your manners and offer to pay on the first round.
- Don’t: Turn your shoulder on a first date who makes you pay. Yes, it’s lovely to be wined and dined on occasion, but it’s best to consider a first date with someone as a friendly meeting. A “let’s get to know each other—on a surface level and go from there” kind of thing. Don’t be upset or feel as though you’ve been stiffed.
Read more of Jen Glantz here.
There is a language for love and then there’s a language for finding love online—both, I whole-heartedly believe, take trial and error, and countless embarrassingly syntactical mistakes to master. But when learning how to present yourself and tame your feelings for a person you have just scrolled upon online, there is a certain etiquette to foster if you want to rendezvous in the real world.
Just like it took me some time to understand when to use the “Poke” button on Facebook (which is never), it also took me a bit of time to understand when to use and when to respond to messages in my JDate inbox that are “Flirt Messages,” (the standard template of one-liners JDate provides users).
- Do: Send a “Flirt Message” if you want to make someone smile, for a second, to show that you are thinking about them or interested. Follow up with a personal message that showcases a bit of your personality, and above anything else, that you took an extra couple of seconds to browse more than just their selection of glamour shot photos.
- Don’t: Use it as a cop out and send someone a “Flirt message” over writing your own personal note to them. Remember, your first message to someone doesn’t have to be a novel of questions or a five-paragraph essay. It can be a simple remark about something that caught your eye about them on their profile. Your chances will skyrocket that someone will respond back to a personal message over a standard template message.
Read more of Jen Glantz here.
under Date Night
Does it matter where you go on a first date? Will you judge someone negatively for choosing an inexpensive restaurant, or will you think more highly of someone for choosing a pricey restaurant? The cost of the food shouldn’t matter, but rather the quality of the restaurant (plus the initiative your date took in choosing the restaurant) and the originality of the venue.
I love The Cheesecake Factory as much as the next person, but it’s not where I’d want to go on a first date. A fabulous hole-in-the-wall sushi spot is awesome, even if the bill ends up being under $50. And just because a guy takes you to an expensive restaurant on your first date does not mean that’s the type of dates you will always go on.
First dates are an opportunity to impress you, so people tend to pull out all the stops. Don’t be upset when the dates don’t continue to be so fancy… it’s not the cost that matters, but the quality of the person you’re sitting across from.
under Date Night
For all of us 9-5’ers (but really, 9-whenever we are able to swim our way out of the piles of to-do lists that overcrowd our desk and go home), weeknights are a precious time where we are able to garner up just enough energy to plop our tushes down on the couch and fall asleep to the rumbles from the television.
Going out on dates on a weeknight have become a challenge for my exhausted, over-worked self. Just recently, I was enjoying myself on a date when I could feel my head slowly tilting to the side, longing to gracefully fall onto my plush pillow. If ever there was a time to say, “It’s not you, it’s me,” this would have been it.
I’ve found it equally as awkward as it is difficult to find the right way to end a date and call it night without making it seem like you’re uninterested, or trying to cover up mid-sentence yawns. Here’s some ways to do it.
- Do: Be perfectly upfront and honest. Say you have to wake up super early for work, as I’m sure they do as well, and explain how it’s getting a bit late. Throw in a bit of laughter and say something like, “I can’t believe we’ve been chatting for 3 hours already!” Be bold and tell them you’d love to continue this conversation, or this date, another night—maybe even on the weekend.
- Don’t: Be rude and cut them off mid-sentence and say you have to get going or stage a fake escape by having one of your friends send you an “I need your help ASAP” text message. I’m guilty of doing this once in my life and I ended up looking like a pathetic fool.
Read more from Jen Glantz at www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com
under Online Dating
No one wants to get their heart broken, and likewise, no one wants to intentionally break anyone’s heart. That’s why many of us decide that when it’s not quite working with someone, when the stars just aren’t lining up, instead of getting fireworks in our belly, we get indigestion — it’s easy for us to tip toe around the brutally honest truth and try to hide our true feelings behind polite one-liners that we hope will do the dirty work for us:
- It’s not you, it’s me.
- I’m terribly busy and this really isn’t a good time.
- I’ve started really, seriously, seeing someone else.
The only thing worse than throwing one of these sentences onto a person you don’t want to see again is having them not get the hint. There’s no trick when it comes to figuring out if someone is not interested in you, it’s just being able to accept the truth. Follow their words, but ultimately trust your gut.
Do: Follow up with someone you enjoyed going out with on a date. See how they are throughout the week, then ask them if they’d like to go out again. If you are feeling unsure whether or not someone would like to see you again… or you are getting too many wish-washy responses from them, pick up on their signs and swallow their constant “I can’t” as an indication that, unfortunately, they are not feeling this (Don’t fret, there are plenty of other people out there that will have goo goo eyes for you)!
Don’t: Be overly persistent or pushy with your follow-ups. Don’t sign off your text messages or emails with “Please go out with me one more time, I promise you’ll be impressed” or threaten them with a “I won’t give up on asking you out.” If you’re feeling that you are the only one who is excited to see you again, don’t force it. Bow out gracefully and search for someone else who will be your true match.