Archive for the ‘Single Life’ Category

Last night, JDate co-hosted a wine tasting event for 30s to 40s age ranges at the 92nd Street Y.  I thought the concept, though not new, was sophisticated and fun.  I was particularly drawn to the red wines, Montepulciano in particular. What does that say? I guess wine in some aspects are like men, many varieties.  I like mine well rounded in personality though fit and toned, understated, mature yet with hints of spice, and undertones of genius and great character. Though I chatted it up with a few people and took some sips, I continue my search for that perfect blend.

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We’ve all had our cases/moments where we thought “this is the One” and heartbreak was soon to follow…and in times of heartbreak, my mom would always say, (you can’t hurry love – actually that was Phil) “It may not seem like it now, but the next bus is around the corner.” And for singletons in NYC, the theory can’t be more true. In the city that never sleeps, there are always new friends to be made. So if you happen to think Mr. Perfect isn’t so perfect anymore, trust me and mom, when I say the next bus is just around the corner.

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Dear Diary,

Going on day thirty-something of current crush and my prey seems to be moving with the speed of a Special Olympics hurdler. You’d think the slow pace would make it easier to pin my target, but no, instead it only serves as a form of torture that I thought they ruled as inhumane back in the Middle Ages. So in a land where I needed an actual translation for “taking things slow,” I found myself in a foreign territory where no amount of transliteration could explain the phrase. You may be thinking, ‘perhaps he’s just not that into you?’ I thought the same until evidence to the contrary had me enrolling in dating 101 faster than the new McLaren goes from 0-60. I feel like a rogue pinball bumping into obstacle after obstacle just trying not to lose. I’m holding steady (as she goes), tiptoeing around the flirtatious comments and wishful sexting, using all the strategy and concentration required for a drunken game of Jenga. The thrill of the chase is exciting, but the actual ability to entangle your prey in a web of ‘happily ever after’ is even more alluring. I guess the ‘happily ever after’ only works if the ‘once upon a time’ has an actual story to go with it though. Snow White bit the apple, and the bite was worth the price, so here’s to wishing, waiting, and hoping that the poison is worth it…

Always,

SweetLo

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I’m at a Springsteen concert (gotta love the classics) with a dear friend of mine. And the House in Madison Square Garden is getting down. I turn and smile at my friend whosedanceresemblesthe Seinfield Elaine dance. However, he calls it the “Tarantula Dance.”  Now if he reads this, my ass is in trouble. Though he shouldn’t be because he is not single. That aside, the dance was so endearing/adorable, yet funny (when your stomach hurts from laughing, funny). But the best of it, knowing you can be your absolute self in front of someone and not worrying.  A friendship or romantic relationship is at its best when you can be that person and they still think you’re amazing. Not that doing the Elaine or Tarantula Dance can be seen as a fault, but I guess you know when you can be absolutely yourself in a relationship and when someone knows your faults/quirkiness/idiosyncrasies and even finds them endearing, then you’ve got something good.

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So I have a friend who I have known since I was 14. I am convinced she has not changed one tiny bit since our teenage years. She is one of those girls who is overly concerned with what everyone else is thinking. Questions like; ‘Do you think he is cute?’ ‘Would you date him?’ ‘Do you think he dresses nicely?’  ‘Do you think he makes enough money?’ Blah, blah, blah.  The list could go on for pages, but I won’t bore you any longer.

 This got me wondering, how important is it to have our dates accepted by our friends and family? Sure, we all want everyone to like our dates, but should that be the criteria? No way! Generally, our friends and family can spot things we are unwilling to see, but they don’t have to date the person, we do. I once made the mistake of telling my life-long friend that it didn’t really matter what I thought, it mattered what she thought. She became paralyzed by this statement. I genuinely feel badly for her, without some sort of approval she cannot date. I guess the moral is no one else has to approve of anyone we choose to date. Forget about what everyone else wants and go with what you want. After all, it is your dating life.

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In an effort to ditch the guys I know I shouldn’t want, but tend to get anyways, I started looking for potential dates in places other than the usual Hollyweird hotspots. What I failed to notice, since apparently it’s been five years since I’ve had a crush and not a crash, was that most of the great guys are always right in front of you. Now, I’m totally against the available “meat” (& greet) market available at the gym. I’m more of a get in, get out, go home kind of girl (insert obvious that’s what he said joke), so I failed to notice that the cardio wasn’t the only thing making my heart race. Instead of the obvious five second once-over that you get along with any cocktail and club cover, the flirty faux friendships formed at any fitness joint are cause for something that has an expiration date beyond that of a one night fling thing. So, take the cardio from the elliptical to a post-work-out wind-down that serves as motivation to stay in sleek shape.

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So when does that initial, likely random, first date turn into something less random and more familiar?  When does the relationship start feeling as if you’re with someone who should have always been there…?

ON the first date you had a good time, a great time, a pleasant time. You go on a second and third date, but yet you’re not yet convinced as you begin to dip your feet into the potentially rough riptides.  You are in the ocean taking a step further in as each date passes, but the question is, are you being brought back to the sandy shore because of other options in the dating pool, or maybe because it just doesn’t feel quite right and the waves are pushing you back?

Or

Is it something that sticks with you even if you are not quite sure if you can explain it?  Even if it’s based on nothing more than a feeling, it’s still something you feel you should “tread” out.  So you hang out where you toes barely touch and you tread water content with seeing where this swim can take you. Will you encounter a tsunami with waves that will crash and burn or will it be a calm excursion that brings you deeply intertwined in a calm that you never experienced.

Many of us have our one-hit wonders that bring us back to shore, BUT in the event there is that connection that is worth treading for,  hold on to it for dear life because waves like that don’t come around too often. Some might even say it is an illusion, so enjoy the ride.

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My favorite holiday is right around the corner, the one where you get to dress up and masquerade around Hollyweird dressed as a completely different person. A free pass given to every girl dressed with skirts so short there’s no point to wearing them at all, and guys can gawk without being even remotely discreet about it. But aside from all the carnal couture and faux freaks that scatter throughout the city, the holiday entitles you to be whoever you want for one night of debauchery in lieu of another night of the normalcy we all know and abhor. So don your most shocking American Apparel and stalk the streets in something sinfully sweet, because the expiration date on this fantastic free-for-all ends promptly twenty-four hours after the start of All Hallow’s Eve. So find a trick, or a treat, or if you’re lucky – you’ll get to enjoy both.

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Watching a friend go through a bad break up is like a train wreck – it’s terrible but you can’t seem to look away. So what do you do when your crush turns into a crash? Good question. The simple solution is to pimp the victim out in the hopes that a distraction will help them move on quickly from the scene of the accident. Of course, residual effects will inevitably surface and suddenly they are screaming in pain from a delayed reaction to the pain of the accident. So perhaps the hit-it-and-quit-it method is not the best way to go. There’s of course the eat-yourself-to-sanity method, but given the uncertainty of the timeline you may jeopardize your chances of any future flame by packing on the pounds. My favorite method is the “work furiously at the gym” scenario; however the elliptical can have you feeling like a hamster on a wheel in no time. So have a drink and dive right back into the deep end, there’s no time like the present. Most importantly, breathe and be there for your friends and help them through the post-traumatic-stress ordeal. You could be the next one to crash and burn.

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Tonight is my first game on a tennis league which I am very excited about. I have come to love tennis more and more as the years pass. I like the consistency and the strategy once you graduate to an intermediate player. Unfortunately though, the league is made up of mostly women and two guys (both of whom I adore as friends)…Go figure.  Therefore, this probably will not benefit my dating life…BUT, then again, who knows who will be on the court next to me. If lady serendipity is on my side, I may have to “accidently” aim some balls at the other court. Whoops. Please don’t tell. It will be our secret.

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