Archive for the ‘Single Life’ Category

Goodbye twenty-eleven (finally!), hello 2012. Some of us have made our resolutions, some of us have recycled last year’s, and all of us (hopefully, or that’d just be weird) on this site are still single and looking to find and keep this year’s love.

So what is it that you are doing differently this year to get a different result? Are you still looking in the same places (online or otherwise) and clicking the same profiles of men and women that look the same? Do you find yourself sharing the same stories or details on a first date and then not getting to a second? (Do you see a pattern here!)

When it comes to the dating service I offer, most new clients are shocked at the types of questions I asked to base my matching criteria on. Initially, they just want me to find them the “same person” they’ve recently ended things with or “their type”, but that always changes when I ask – hasn’t that type of person not worked out for you? Try something new.

The same advice to you, my JDaters, try something new.

Have a question? E-mail Mel here.

Let’s just say Kabbalah and the Mayan calendar are correct and the world is going to end this year. Okay, that’s absurd, but let’s say you were to live your life AS IF the world was going to end and you took advantage of each day as if it were your last. What would you do? If I were you, I’d want to fall madly, deeply, in love (I’m lucky enough that I already am, but if I weren’t…). I’d put it all on the line, stop wasting people’s time and tell it like it is. I wouldn’t be afraid to say what I mean and mean what I say. I would blast my status on Facebook and wear a shirt that says “Jewish and Single — Are You My Beshert?” I would seize the day and not stall any longer.

Your world could end at any moment. This isn’t a hypothetical. Log on. Complete your profile. Flirt, Click, Wink, Email, Instant Message, do whatever it takes to let your crushes know that you are interested! Why wait? There really isn’t a good excuse.

I believe that you never truly appreciate anything you have until you either lose it or wake up from that dream where you marry your high school sweetheart and win the lottery. Of course, in reality, you would have to win the lottery first, because, come on. Look at you. Plus, your high school sweetheart is married with two kids and lives in France. You have no chance with somebody in France. You think you’re an ‘advice columnist’ for a dating site, but really you are just hoping that somewhere out there, the perfect person is reading your blog and will contact you once her shrine dedicated to you is finished and all she needs is a lock of your hair so she can pray to you as a deity even though she’s probably Jewish.

In reality, if you’re in a relationship, there’s a good chance that a good part of you wishes you were single. Conversely, if you are single, there’s a definite chance that all of you wants to be in a relationship. You are never satisfied with the status quo. However, once your situation changes, your desires flip and you are equally unsatisfied. The only way to realize how much another person means to you is by losing the person. Of course, a break-up is not the only way to lose a person, but it’s the most convenient to write in this post because the other topics can be more depressing.

Take my ex-girlfriend. No, take her! That wasn’t a joke, please take her. This has nothing to do with this blog post, I just really dislike her and sometimes she pops into my head while I’m doing things like writing, eating, sleeping, fishing, etc.

What I meant to say was that you should step back sometimes and imagine how great it is that you have someone in your life. It doesn’t even have to be someone you’re in a romantic relationship with. It could be a sibling, parent, child, friend, or really anyone. All it takes is one bad dream that you don’t have them anymore, and you’re grateful all of the next day. Pretend you’ve had a terrible nightmare every night in a scenario where you lost this other person. Then you would be grateful for life. Also, you would be scared beyond belief. Nevermind. Don’t do this. Just be happy.

We’ve all had our bad experiences, so how do we not take that feeling with us on our next date? Obviously we need to learn certain lessons, but there’s a difference between knowing not to tell that story about your untreatable rash and not assuming this date is automatically going to fail. Not every date is going to be bad or boring or lacking chemistry. And even when the date is fun and interesting and jiving, it doesn’t mean it’s your Beshert. Give each date his or her own chance; they deserve it just like you do.

Whenever you dump somebody, there is always somebody out there who you would equally reject in exactly the same way.

Remember this the next time you decide to break-up with somebody. Don’t take anybody for granted. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship, or how intense it was. Wow, after reading this it might seem like I just got dumped. Well, I kind of did recently, but I am actually content with life while writing this. Anyway, remember that you are not above anybody. If you ever want to break-up with someone just because you think you’re superior, you should be forced to be with that person for life.

Now, this girl you just dumped. Remember her? Well, there is also another person out there who she will soon dump. She will act as superior to him as you did her. The cycle will continue downward, and also upward.

In this way, after dumping this girl, there is also someone out there who is about to dump you. In a utopian, equal society, you should feel just as much as remorse as this other guy feels depression. Basically, because joy does not exist enough in our world, pain must be doled out extensively and equally to each person.

A native Chicago woman I met recently happened to bemoan that in Los Angeles, not the easiest town for meeting people (unless they’re encased in tons of steel), guys rarely utter the “d” word. No, not “divorced.” “Date.”

Wanna meet for coffee? Fine. Catch a movie? Sure. Go out on a date? Let’s think first. Are we really ready for that kind of commitment?

Before we rename JDate JHang, maybe it’s time to reexamine our phobias about dating. For most of us, the date that will live in infamy isn’t just Pearl Harbor Day. Most of them eventually end on a less than mutually blissful note. Otherwise, we wouldn’t still be looking. Maybe we’re reluctant to assign the lost opportunities of past dates to future ones. But, before we neuter the term into oblivion, let’s make a date to start treating “date” with the respect it deserves. Interested in her? Ask her out on a date. Not interested in him? Tell him, “No. But, let’s catch a movie.”

Okay. I’ll hit the theater near me. You hit the one near you.

You’re all dressed up and about to walk out the door when your date calls and cancels. You’re super bummed, not just because you got bailed on, but because you don’t want to miss the new restaurant/hot band/comedy show you were scheduled to go to. Why not go by yourself? Don’t let someone else ruin your night! Plaster a smile on that face and go! Why should you stay in and mope because someone else is sick/a jerk/rude? In fact, since you’re looking all hot and sexy, plus you’ve got that smile plastered on your face and you’re confident in your alone-ness, you will probably attract new people. And don’t look at your cell phone the entire time! Enjoy your surroundings (food, music, laughter) and while you’re people watching, maybe strike up a conversation. You never know who you’ll meet!

The longer you wait to snap out of your funk, the harder it’s going to be to get back into the dating scene. Your dating skills will get rusty and your attitude – which just recovered – will turn negative once again. Sometimes you have to take a step back, everyone does, but don’t stay out of the game for too long. You don’t want to get to the point where you are dreading going to events because you assume it’s going to be the same old-same old. You’ve skipped a few, now jump back in! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you’re not going to meet your Beshert sitting at home on your couch every night. But, of course, some nights are okay because you’ll be logged on to JDate, right?

Nirvana has only reached icon status because Kurt Cobain died before he lived long enough to become the villain. If he were alive today, Nirvana would be on a level equal to that of Pearl Jam. Their newer material would be largely irrelevant, save for maybe a cover song and another acoustic one. Cobain would be seen as an old man desperately clinging to what he may have been two decades ago.

For this metaphor to work, you are going to have to excuse the fact that I just wanted to say how much I dislike Nirvana, and it really has nothing to do with anything else I have or ever will write. However, I think that my ‘Nirvana’ example relates directly to the following point. If you want to tell a longtime friend that you have feelings for her, be sure to do it in person, because otherwise what are you doing?

Don’t wait until you are so deep into the friend zone that the exit door has been locked ever since seven years ago when she finally decided to hold your hand at the movies and you let go of her and awkwardly slapped her in the face. If you don’t tell her soon after first meeting, the absolute worst thing you could possibly do would probably fall under the category of slapping her in the face, or really anywhere.

What I’m trying to say is do not ever slap women, even jokingly.

Also! If you have been too scared to tell a good friend that you have feelings for her, and you’re already in the friend zone, and you have to tell her how you feel, do it in person. Do not do it via anonymous email. First, and most importantly, if you send an anonymous email to somebody, there is a good chance that either they will think it is spam and not read it, or their email provider will automatically categorize it as such. However, if you do send an anonymous love letter, when signing up for your new phony email address, be sure to not fill out your actual name under where it says ‘Name’. The reason for this warning should be obvious, and I really wish I had thought about that before I sent it.

So my ‘anonymous’ email turned out to be very nonymous. For all of the reasons described above, I have not yet heard back.

Two days in the rest room.  Are you okay? … That’s good… So where were we? … Oh yeah, I was asking what you do…

If you sell real estate … Challenging times these days, huh? …

If you elaborate, I’ll show you my listening skills. If you sounded annoyed with my follow-up, I’ll try to make a joke … If this doesn’t work out and you set me up with a friend, can I call you a “charming fixer-upper?”

If you give me a rim shot … Listen, it was nice meeting you. Not really, but I figure we might as well cut our losses.

If you start apologizing for being in a crummy mood, and that it has nothing to do with me … That’s okay. Is everything all right?

If you relay something traumatic, I’ll feel embarrassed and try to make amends for prematurely ending our “date.” But if you go on to describe the small annoyances in your day, I’ll pretend I’m listening as I mentally rehearse how to convincingly slip in the “It was nice meeting you” kiss-off.

So what do you like to do for fun? …

If you say, “I love the sun,” I’ll try to hide my preference for cloudy skies. If you say, “The usual: Movies, restaurants, traveling,” I’ll say, “Me too,” meaning I like “the usual” too, which could be different from your usual, but you don’t have to know that yet. That is, till my keyboard just opened its big mouth.

Been watching the debates? …

If you ask, “What’s with Ron Paul’s right eyebrow?” I’ll laugh, and go … “Yeah, it looks like it became unglued.” If you say, “Romney never looks unglued,” I’ll go … “If it were his eyebrow, he’d flip-flop between his right and his left.”

If you laugh, I’ll laugh and think, this is fun. This is what dating should be!

If you ask who I’m voting for … Chelsea Clinton in 2024. After I don’t vote for Jeb Bush in 2016 and 2020.

If you laugh again, I’m asking you out. If you give me a rim shot … Listen, it was nice meeting you.