JBlog^®

All the single ladies — listen up! This is for you. When getting dressed for a first date LESS IS NOT MORE. Dress sexy yet conservatively to show self respect. Skirts and shorts should go to your fingertips when standing. No one wants to flash that triangle of panty (please, please, wear panties) or have to constantly pull down their skirt to cover their cottage cheese (or, if you’re lucky enough not to have cellulite, then to ensure your skirt and not your tushie is touching the chair when you are sitting down). Tops can show some cleavage but there should be no risk of a nip slip and no bust spilling out on the table when you lean over. If you have to constantly adjust your top, pull up or across or down, then don’t wear the top. Your bra should at no point be showing, not the straps or the lace or the seams. If you are showing your legs, then cover your chest and vice-versa. Respecting yourself by respecting your body is sexier than any amount of skin you show.

You have to be good at things to attract somebody. Yeah, you’re good-looking and make a good amount of money, but can you play the ukulele? You probably can’t, and that’s the point. Nobody can play the ukulele. You can be that guy. I’m pretty sure the only living ukulele players are overweight Hawaiians.

Take up a new vocation or hobby. This will be a great conversation topic once the conversation stops and you know an elongated awkward silence is about to begin. You can nip that in the bud by saying, “I collect hair from barber shop floors.” This will momentarily break the oncoming silence, but it will also break any chance you may have had with the lady.

Just be different, in any way you possibly can. She’s already been on at least twenty dates with someone exactly like you. You thought that by dressing nice and taking her someplace unique would earn you points, but she’s already been to that place, and men always wear that exact shirt. Get a new shirt. Your lucky shirt from high school has holes in it, and you’re just now questioning why you ever considered it ‘lucky’.

You know that story of how your parents met? Whether true or not, it always has some sort of odd element missing from every other love story. No mother is going to tell their children that she met their father at a Red Robin after he was five minutes late and requested that they split the check.

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Emily.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tamar,

I’ve called JDate customer service and solicited the advice of some girlfriends, but so far nothing has helped.

I’m a fairly attractive and very smart/fun girl… in real life I get approached by a good number of smart and pretty good-looking guys. Online, however, very few guys message me (and almost none reply to my messages). Plus, all of the ones who do contact me are, frankly, poorly educated, inarticulate, and unattractive.

I don’t mean to be dismissive of these people but I just have the feeling that something is terribly wrong with my profile and is turning the ‘good’ guys off.

I suspect that my profile is too long (and I read that this can indicate desperation), but I put in all those details so that I could attract a like-minded guy. I’m afraid that a shorter and more generic profile will attract people I have nothing in common with.

Can you help me to figure out what’s wrong with my approach?

Thanks in advance.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Emily,

Thanks for writing in and letting me know that you updated your profile already. I agree, your previous one was far too long and this one is much better. Let’s start from the beginning though…

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name isn’t your name although it is a name, so that right there can be confusing. I’m a huge fan of Lucille Ball, so if you’re trying to reference her then at least incorporate a more obvious connection. If it’s some other reference then I’m personally not catching and maybe you want someone who does understand it but then you might end up losing people who aren’t in on the joke even though they don’t know that there’s a joke to get. I wouldn’t judge potentials on whether they do or don’t get your profile name. Of course, it would be very impressive and earn major points if a prospect mentioned the inside joke in his initial email to you but that is just one little connection. I would prefer you had a profile name which described you better.

PHOTOS
You have lots of great photos! Maybe too many though. I love your main photo and the second one with the red background, I also love the fourth one in the white dress and the eighth one in the green dress. The 11th one showing your side profile is super cute too. The others are not preferable to me for a few reasons — I don’t love the idea of alcohol in photos so that eliminates the 6th and 7th photos. The 12th one is just too small (low-resolution) of a photo that it’s a toss away. There are 2 others which have the ame background of the cool and colorful wall but you have enough photos that you don’t need to repeat. I do like the Halloween pic as it shows your fun personality but the third picture, the one in the black lace dress is just okay to me. I think you can do better with a full body pic (in a sexy dress like that one) with your great smile to match. I don’t think the full 12 pics is necessary. Your look is consistent in all 12, so if you just offered 6-8 that would be sufficient.

IN MY OWN WORDS
You’ve written some really eloquent paragraphs so I’m going to be pretty nit-picky with you. Under ABOUT ME, get rid of the word “boyfriend” and just keep that sentence to “friends.” In the last paragraph I would also remove the following: the part about books and about movies. I love a great book and indie flick too but you mention it a number of times throughout the entire profile (and of course it’s asked further down under MY FAVORITES) so this would be a good place to delete and shorten the response, including the last cutesy exclamation. Instead put something like “If you like any or all of these things too then maybe we’ll have more fun doing them together!” With MY LIFE AND AMBITIONS saying that you want to find someone you “really love” is, for lack of a better word, weird. Of course you should really love the man you marry! That’s a given. Alas, I get what you mean. Instead say “I hope my husband and I are passionately in love for the next 60 years” and then add in the rest of the sentence. I love your answer to MY PERFECT FIRST DATE and I think the remainder of your responses are all solid. You could shorten and tweak I’M LOOKING FOR as it is, literally, a tall order. I too had a height requirement but you can narrow that down yourself, you don’t necessarily need to say it in your profile as that may give a guy the wrong impression about your priorities when I know you truly prefer someone who is intellectual and cultural above everything else.

MY DETAILS
Your details all look pretty solid and reasonable. I applaud you for selecting a minimum age range a few years below your age and a maximum age range 10 years above. This is the perfect range. You do seem like the type of person who would be fine meeting someone who ended up being an “activity partner” but that’s not what you’re on JDate looking for, so there’s no problem with eliminating activity partner, friend and a date from the list of what you’re looking for.

I think you’re well on your way and your most recent trend of great guys writing to you will continue. If you want me to review some of your initial emails or responses, feel free to email me some examples. Good luck!

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Robin.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Tamar,

Could you please view my profile and critique it? I know I need a new username, but have not been satisfied with any yet. I do not want to be too cutesy. Should it be random or more personal?

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Robin,

PROFILE NAME
I see that you added a new username but I’m confused that you used a name that’s neither your first nor last name (that I’m aware of). You’re a hot, smart mom so try and create a name which reflects that. Even if you do use your first name, adding a bunch of random numbers to the end is not gonna cut it. There’s the obvious “RockinRobin” or, if you want to use Lawren(ce?) then there’s plenty of alliteration with the letter L, including the work “love” which you can play with.

PHOTOS
Your photos are quite nice. They show your youthfulness, your fun side and your body shape. I don’t love the last photo of you pointing at a photo, it’s definitely the weakest photo in the bunch. And the one in the blue dress is stunning but you look older there than you do in all the other photos. You don’t need to delete, but I would move it to the end and then add another photo or two.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I always tell people not to write things in their paragraphs which will have to be updated. Like “Daniel” who wrote about his newborn nephew — well, that little baby is going to be a toddler soon enough and Daniel will have to update his profile, rather he should have put just “my new nephew.” Or “Michael” who talks about being in the real estate industry 10 years — next year will be 11 years and so on, rather he should say he’s been in real estate “since 2003″ or “since graduating college in 2003″ and so on. What I’m getting to is that for your daughters, you should just say “teenage daughters” or “young daughters” or something to that effect. Same goes for referencing anything pop culture, such as this year’s Oscar contenders. It’s okay to say that, simply reword it to say “all of 2012′s Oscar contenders.” Of course, I hope JDate helps you find your Beshert before next year’s Oscars, but just in case not…

You list your activities which are all sporty but then make a comment about “believe it or not” referencing your love of sports. If you were being witty, I unfortunately didn’t get it. If you were being serious, then why wouldn’t a person believe it when you have so many active hobbies?

DETAILS
I think you answered all of the questions in this category pretty well aside from your IDEAL MATCH’s education. As someone with a law degree, I’m sure you prefer a man who has some higher level of education. Also, I would possibly venture a year or two older in your maximum age range. I know you are very youthful and active, but so are many 70-year-olds. Also, answer “What I Do” under BACKGROUND as many people have law degrees and work in the legal field but without specifying it appears that you’re being purposefully vague.

You have a solid profile and I think you’re on your way. Your age will throw people off since you both look youthful and have teenage daughters, so I’m glad you selected a younger than expected age range minimum. I’m also glad you’re a good writer whose profile seems to reflect your personality well as an upbeat lady!

After going out on a first date with a guy, that mid-devouring a plate of nachos, I realized there was absolutely no future with, I was overwhelmingly surprised to get a voicemail from him just two days later. Instead of asking me out on another date, he told me that unfortunately he doesn’t see this going any further and would love to remain friends. Though we didn’t click relationship wise, I admired his courage, his honesty and his class for picking up the phone and breaking up with me (post a rough first date).

Do: Let someone know as soon as you can that you’re not interested in going out with them. Leading someone on just delays the inevitable. The least you can do is set them free from your charming chains and allow them to go out in the world and cling on to someone else who is better suited to sort through their baggage than you are. If you have the courage, give them a phone call or do it in person—It’s a difficult, yet well respected move. If you find yourself shaking in your boots, a simple polite text will suffice—and give them bragging rights of calling you a coward for a few weeks to come.

Don’t: Post it on their Facebook wall, tweet it to them in 140 characters, snap a photo of you smooching someone else and tag them on Instagram. Don’t ignore their calls and messages. Be a champ and pull the Band Aid keeping the relationship together off.

Read more from Jen Glantz, here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com

A recent story about a one night stand which spilled into Boston’s recent citywide lockdown and prevented an early morning walk of shame made me think about hooking up on the first date. After you’ve taken the time (and money) to sign up for JDate and complete your profile, then connect with someone and plan a first date, you have to decide what to do when you hit it off so much that you kinda, well, wanna hook-up. Should you?

It’s quite the predicament when you have awesome chemistry but are just on the first date and want to have a second date but, on one hand, are not sure if hooking up will forfeit your chances for a second date or, on the other hand, if not hooking up will forfeit your chances for a second date. There’s no right answer.

But there are signs to look for to make sure that the chemistry isn’t faked by your date just to hook-up: is your date agreeing with everything you say and has he been very affectionate from the beginning of the date even before you really knew how you felt? If your date is offering lots of compliments and yet still making you feel as though if you don’t hook up with him (or her, girls got game too!) then you won’t get a second date? If you are ever made to feel like a second date hinges upon a hook-up then that’s your sign to bail.

If the date feels very genuine then go ahead and follow your instincts but I strongly advise to keep the hook-up PG-13 lest you end up coming across as someone lesser than who you’ve said you are. Is a make-out session warranted when you really like someone? Sure. But keep your clothes on and respect your date by leaving their clothes on.

Everyone is going to get burned at some point by this predicament. If you choose not to hook-up because you like the person so much that you don’t want to ruin it that you therefore send the wrong signals. Or you hook-up thinking it’s going to lead to a second date and never hear from the prospect again. Or hooking up and letting it go too far that you end up being a one night stand. These are unfortunate parts of dating, but don’t take it personally just learn from it and try to read the signs next time so you can better trust your instincts.

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Naomi.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Tamar!

I just renewed my membership and am really hoping for success this time around. I started to update my profile and think I could use some help. Any suggestions on what’s working/not working at the moment? My profile name is a combination of my first and middle name, but I’m not locked down – should I consider something else? Also, what are your thoughts on my ‘own words?’ I’ll take any tips to help mold my profile into one that will attract some genuine attention.

Many thanks!

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Naomi,

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name isn’t bad but it’s not as awesome as you are. There’s no way one would know that it’s a combination of your first and middle names plus there’s some random digits added at the end so it’s really kinda boring… and you’re not! Try something more like this: GetToKnowNaomi, DontSayNoToNaomi, or NaomiInNewEngland. Spunk it up a little bit!

PHOTOS
Love your photos! There are plenty to choose from and you exude confidence and consistency in each one. I would reorder them though and make it the following: keep the first there as your main photo, then make the last one of you dancing second, make the fourth one of your super close-up third, the full length in the dress should go fourth, sitting in the cool chair fifth, the orange top sixth and the one with the wine bottle last. That one is a cute picture but I don’t think it’s a great idea to have alcohol in a picture so close to the front.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I really like your “ABOUT ME” — I truly feel like I know your personality so I want to applaud you for one of the more well-written essays I’ve ever read. Therefore, I’m going to be nit-picky. Add a period after the word “dream” in the first line. Perhaps eliminate segments here and there which are repeated later in your other answers in order to make the essay a bit less lengthy. Next, fix the grammar in the beginning of your answer to “ON FRIDAY AND SATURDAY NIGHTS I TYPICALLY…”

DETAILS
Answer the questions about your IDEAL MATCH wanting kids, as that is an important question. Extend your age range a few years. Since you’re almost 30 you should start creeping past the mid-30s range and into the late-30s range.

I’m glad you decided to give JDate another chance as I think you will do quite well here this time around. Welcome back! Not sure how long you’re going to last though… but for only the best reasons!

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Simon.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tamar, 

I’ve been a JDate member for about 3 years now, made numerous changes to my profile, but nothing seems to happen.

Could you please take a look at my profile and tell me what I’m doing wrong? I have absolutely no clue.  

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Simon,

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name is great — simple and straight to the point. Using your first name and pairing it with your birth year is a very easy way to create a unique profile name.

PHOTOS
Soooo…. your photos. They are so different from one to the next that I haven’t the faintest idea what you truly look like. The first one, a close-up, is sweet and the third one is great because it’s a full body shot and shows your height. I don’t know the timing of between the first and third and which is more recent but the third one makes you seem more slender and fit than any of the others. If that’s how you currently look then you need to immediately eliminate the second photo. You’re a big guy and that’s great — it’s hard to find a tall Jew! But the way you’re positioned in the second photo makes you look heavy. Now, my problem is that your face and hair look different from the first to the third photo which is why you need at the very least 2 more photos to show that your hair can be any length at any time in between haircuts. Yes, that sounds obvious, but people are making flash decisions and you don’t want anyone to question the age of your photos or the consistency of your look. Since your first and third photos are now the only two photos and both are posed, I would recommend you ask friends or family to start taking candid photos while engaged in a hobby or hanging out.

IN MY OWN WORDS
“ABOUT ME” is far longer than I prefer. You tend to be repetitive in places so I suggest reading it again and deleting any sentences which basically say the same thing you already said. I understand using different words to help get a point across, but “treating a woman right” can only be said so many times before it actually starts to come across as disingenuous. I love that you talk about the fact that you love life and mention some of the things you like to do. Specifically, I would delete the last line of the second paragraph as well as the third paragraph. Less is more in this case.

“MY LIFE AND AMBITIONS” should be a bit more detailed in the fact that you are still studying. So perhaps add: “My goal is to graduate with a degree in … and then find a well-paying job in a career path I am passionate about all the while having a loving woman and family by my side.” This way, finding a job doesn’t sound like you’re unemployed but rather still in school, which is the truth.

I’ll be very blunt with you, “MY IDEAL RELATIONSHIP” is cheesy. I know that you are a romantic guy and that you are just being yourself and trying to express your sweet side, but it’s just not coming across the way you might think in this answer. You’ve already been very clear about how you respect women and treat them as such. You need to find a way to explain yourself in a less expected way. Here’s an idea: “My perfect relationship  is one in which we laugh a lot and, when we fight (because all couples fight at some point), we go back to laughing as soon as possible. I’m an affectionate guy and want a woman who shares that characteristic and whose hand I’ll still be holding when we’re old and wrinkled.” See how that got your statement across in a more genuine way?

DETAILS
I would delete the following: your weight (being honest in your “body style” is enough of an answer) and annual income (you are in college and say so, that’s plenty explanation as to the fact that you probably have an income lower than that of a typical person with a college degree working a full-time job). I would edit the following: age range should only be a minimum of 21 since you are in your mid-twenties and you should tighten the reigns on other items in “IDEAL MATCH” as it seems as though you selected everything under marital status/religion/education/smoking/drinking. I know you want to see who is out there and to spread as wide a net as possible, but are you honestly ready to marry a widowed, Hassidic, smoker who frequently drinks and only has an elementary level education? Doubtful.

Finally, double check your paragraphs as I saw a few typos here and there (a misuse of a semi-colon under “I’M LOOKING FOR…” and a lack of end-quotes under “YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY MESSAGE ME IF YOU…” both of which are quite distracting. Other than that, I think with the changes you will see things start to happen!

1. Neil Diamond Sings for Boston

Neil Diamond wanted to do his part to help after the tragedy in Boston over the past week, so the Jewish singer expressed his support through a song at the Boston Red Sox game Saturday night.

Diamond lifted the spirits of Boston residents with a surprise performance of “Sweet Caroline,” the team’s unofficial anthem. Diamond hoped to bring a bright moment to the city’s residents who have been struggling with tragedy after the Boston Marathon bombings one week ago today.

2. Al Michaels Arrested for Alleged DUI

Sportscaster Al Michaels was arrested on suspicion of DUI Friday night, according to Santa Monica police.

The Jewish play-by-play announcer for NBC’s Sunday Night Football was allegedly just over the legal limit and booked for DUI .08 or greater. He was ordered to appear in court on June 26.

Unfortunately, Al Michaels wasn’t the only celeb arrested on suspicion of DUI this weekend. Both 3 Doors Down bassist Todd Harrell and CAA agent (and Reese Witherspoon’s husband) Jim Toth were also arrested in two separate DUI incidents. Witherspoon was with Toth when he was arrested; the actress was briefly jailed as well for disorderly conduct.

3. Jamie-Lynn Sigler is One Hot Mama

Jamie-Lynn Sigler is making the baby bump one of the hottest accessories in Hollywood. The Jewish actress showed up at the “What a Pair!” benefit concert in Santa Monica last week wearing a sexy sequined Pamella Roland gown with sheer sleeves and a plunging neckline.

Sigler is having a son with her fiancé, baseball player Cutter Dykstra. The 31-year-old actress Tweeted a thanks to all of her fans who sent congratulatory messages when she first announced the baby news, saying, “Thank you to everyone for all the sweet messages. We are so excited to be able to share the news of this incredible blessing. !”

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Steve.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Steve,

PROFILE NAME
Alright, alright, your profile name (ie. your name with a little added attitude) is smart and yes, a little cocky in a funny way. Women do like confidence and your profile name exudes that confidence by exposing your humorous side. Continue the funnies in your paragraphs as the initial thrill of your profile name kind of dissipates as one reads your words.

PHOTOS
Great photos! Shows you’re well-rounded, well-travelled, active and fun. Only possible addition I would suggest is one with grandparents or nieces and nephews to also show your family side.

IN MY OWN WORDS
To continue what I was saying above, your profile name sets a standard of expected attitude — that being fun and witty — and I strongly suggest continuing that style throughout your paragraphs. You do so in MY PERFECT FIRST DATE and THE THINGS I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT but ABOUT ME needs some of that humor too. You mention many exotic locales in THE COOLEST PLACES I’VE VISITED but you also call yourself “down-to-earth” in ABOUT ME so therefore you need to explain more about why traveling is important to you or how you’ve managed to visit such awesome places so women can connect to you better. Also, talk about your family and where you grew up and how you got to where you live now. Prospective dates need to feel a kinship with you.

DETAILS
A few notes here: answer the SMOKING question — people care if you’re a smoker or not — and adjust your AGE RANGE from 20-30 to 21-33 — a 20-year-old, although 10 years younger than you which is my normal preferred range is not appropriate for a 30-year-old, she can’t even go to a bar with you! I really prefer 23-33 for you, but a wider age range is better than a wrong one. Because of all the traveling you’ve done and the established career you have, I believe you would connect to a woman a few years older than you.

Finally, I know residents in Toronto and possibly even in Ontario will know where you live and where you grew up, but you may want to try a bit broader and actually put Toronto as where you live and then be more specific in ABOUT ME, as that will attract more women and then allow you to pare down your preferences from there.