I will never understand what it’s like to be a single 40-year-old woman (because even if G-D forbid I am single, I would be a divorced 40-year-old single mother, and that’s not the same). I can try to sympathize, but when I’m talking to acquaintances who are in that position there never seems to be the right thing to say.
I recently ran into an old family friend named Beth and I asked her if she was available for being set-up. Her reply? “Don’t bother, I’m going to be alone forever.” She wasn’t looking for pity, that was simply how she felt and she was speaking her mind. I was sad for Beth and I told her I would still keep her in mind, but the conversation stayed with me. She seemed so resigned to being single and had no faith left in love. Because I am 10 years her senior and married with a child I would never get it.
The problem is, that attitude is going to get Beth no where and in fact will turn away friends too. I know it’s tough to be single. If it was tough to be single at 27, I can only try to imagine how tough it is at 40. But never give up hope that you will find your Beshert.
My JDating® friend Miriam just met a guy who is approaching 40 and has never been in a serious, long-term relationship that was headed for marriage. I found it highly suspect that someone with so many years of dating under his belt had never been engaged, or lived with someone. I understand that some people were busy and invested in their career. I have sympathy for people who didn’t realize they were being too picky until it was too late. I have empathy for people who simply weren’t ready until they were over the hill.
But I question the person’s willingness to compromise and be compatible with others. Most of the men and women I know who are still single and in their 40s are beyond stubborn and not willing to change anything in their life anymore because they have become too self-sufficient and independent. They are so used to being alone that they can’t seem to share their life in order to make a relationship work.
Every single – no matter their age – needs to be open-minded, willing and flexible. There is not one relationship – friendship, marriage or otherwise – that is successful without compromising. Both participants have to be prepared to meet in the middle. I know plenty of 30-year-olds who are just as stuck in their ways, but luckily for them they still have time to learn and adjust before their biological clock starts ticking in overdrive.
Hi GemsfromJen ~
I am a single Jewish man in my early 40′s, and I have a question for you.
How will I know when I have finally met the one person meant for me?
I have dated many women, been married once, continue to date, and I have met some very interesting and nice women, but there always seems to be something missing.
When will I know, I mean truly know that I have finally met the girl for me? Will skyrockets go off in my head like in the movies, will there be a joy I feel with her like I have never felt before, will it be in the way we kiss or make love, will it be an overwhelming feeling of devotion, or will it just be a click and I will know she is the one? And what if I feel she’s the one but she feels I am NOT the one?
Maybe for everyone it is a little different, but I was hoping you could maybe give me a little heads-up on what to look for.
Thank you Jen, I really appreciate the service you provide. Keep up the good work for us JDaters!
I have had this question presented to me more times than I can count. I have two very direct and to the point answers for you. You will know she is the one when you close your eyes and can imagine her sitting with you when you are both old and gray. You will know when you can’t envision any aspect of your life without her. The good, the bad and the ugly. It’s really that simple.
For the second part of your question, if she feels you are not the one and you believe she is, you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that she is not the one. Relationships are two way streets and both of you need to be traveling on the same highway, or the relationship will not be successful.
I hope this helps you in your search!
Gems from Jen