Extreme Profile Makeover: “Barry”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

My friend is cute and sweet, but not getting any attention on JDate. Can you take a look at his profile and see what you think?



Dear “friend” of Barry,

You’re right… your friend is cute and does seem sweet! So, let’s see how I can help your, I mean, his profile get more attention.

Let’s start with the photos. I like the main profile picture a lot, but do prefer more of a headshot for this photo rather than one where we can’t see his face (although I can tell that he is indeed cute). The other two photos are just okay, but would be better if there was that clear close-up of his face so that these were the fun complementary photos since they are both kind of dark.

Profile Name
Leaves something to be desired. Very typical “male” profile name of what is likely his last name and some digits. Barry seems to have much more personality than this profile name suggests.

In My Own Words
You know, there’s nothing here I would really change. I like what he had to write, which is why I think the focus needs to be on fixing his profile name and photos to support this. I would add a bit here and there… saying that your history is not “brief” can be seen as a sketchy answer since a 34-year-old should really be able to answer this without writing a book like the 62-year-old JDater who asked for an ‘Extreme Profile Makeover’ last week.

I can deduce by his tidbit about Philly sports teams that he’s likely from there originally — at the very least he can expand upon that and explain how he got to Los Angeles. This can either go in the “About Me” section or “Brief History” section. He also mentions not being able to live without his family, so he can also add which family members he’s close to so that dating prospects can begin to create a connection.

His Details
There are WAY TOO MANY blanks in this section, which only adds to the sketchiness I mentioned before. Too many blanks, unanswered questions, and too short of answers make it seem like the person is not really taking this seriously. Not everything needs to be filled in, but “My Ideal Match” needs more. What are his general preferences for a woman’s age? I suggest 25-35 for a 34-year-old man. Since he has his bachelor’s degree and says he’s established in his career, then he likely wants a woman who also has a minimum of a bachelor’s degree. He says he’s Reform and never goes to temple, so he should add those to the list as well.

Find more profile advice in the book “How to Woo a Jew: The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating” available now!

Extreme Profile Makeover — “Deb”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I really want to find someone to share the rest of my life with… or at least someone to share life’s days ahead, one day at a time. I’ve been independent since 1992 — with relationships — but only a select few (as I had a young son). I’ve been camera shy till recently, so I need a full figure photo (which should go in my favor). Plus, I’d like to show my 2 pups: LOVE ME, LOVE MY DOGS.

Can you help?


Dear “Deb,”

Let’s see, where shall we begin? I love your profile photo — and yes, you need additional supporting pictures (as you know). I also like your profile name and how you tie it back into the profile later. The rest I will dissect below:

In My Own Words
I’m going to break this down by section since you answered every section.

  • About Me
    Nice, concise, witty, and complete. Leave as is, aside from one thing: you talk about looking young for your age. Rather than list the exact age people think you are, simply say that people think you’re 20 years younger, and that you often have to show your ID to prove them wrong.
  • My Life and Ambitions
    There are some typos that need to be fixed. Also, I would delete the part about “this New Year” since Rosh Hashanah will come and go, and then you’ll be left with an outdated profile or the need to update again. A timeless account is best. In fact, I’d delete that sentence and the ones following it. What you wrote up until then is good and the rest is redundant.
  • A Brief History of My Life
    The keyword here is brief. Six paragraphs is not brief. I’d eliminate the last part of the first paragraph about your father’s family, as that is awesome information to share on a date. Delete the second, fourth, fifth, and sixth paragraphs. Then condense the first and third and make it cohesive. The cities you’ve lived in and why you moved, when you divorced and your son, your career. The rest either belongs in other categories — which you may have even already covered in those sections — or they should wait to be used on dates.
  • My Perfect First Date/On Our First Date Remind Me to Tell You About
    Both of these are great!
  • The Things I Could Never Live Without
    Also great!
  • My Favorite Books, Movies, etc
    I’d suggest condensing and listing more like this:
    Books: Tony Robbins, 20th Century Classics
    Movies: I’m obsessed with classic films and am quite the trivia buff!
    TV: all Law & Order, Sci-Fi, epic dramas, NO reality TV
  • The Coolest Places I’ve Visited/ For Fun I Like To…
    I don’t think these are necessary. You don’t need to answer all the questions, and since you only have so much time in which to pique the interest of a prospect, you should only keep the ones that add something of substance.
  • On Friday and Saturday Nights
    This is good as is.
  • I’m Looking For/ My Ideal Relationship
    Pick one or the other, you don’t need both.
  • My Past Relationships
    I think you’ve given waaaaay too much information here. We get it: you are friends with your exes, and that’s awesome! Just saying that is enough; you don’t need to go into detail. Leave the first line and delete the rest.
  • You Should Message Me If…
    This is good as is.

Your Details and My Ideal Match are both fine. Make sure you play around with some of those preferences to make sure you’re seeing all your prospects (age range, marital status) and that they know you are open to them as well. You’re 62, but look younger, so a 70-year-old man who looks younger may be a great fit — don’t count him out!

For more advice on revamping your profile, visit HowtoWooaJew.


Extreme Profile Makeover: “Feeling Invisible”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

What does it take to get noticed? I am pretty secure and confident. I know I have a lot to offer – how can I convey it?

-Feeling Invisible _________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Invisible,

Your profile does convey a secure and confident woman who has a lot to offer, so job well done! That said, there are a few things I can suggest to spice it up and get noticed.

  1. First, you need a better main profile picture. I love all of the photos of you traveling and that you captioned them, but your main photo is fuzzy, and the passion and joy I see in your other photos is not coming through.
  2. You reference visiting your son abroad, perhaps address your divorce and children in one sentence by answering it under “A Brief History of My Life.” You only answer four questions, which is fine, but you are missing some pertinent biographical information about how you came to be this secure, well-rounded woman.
  3. Finally, you leave a lot of questions unanswered along the right hand side of the profile, in the “Her Details” section. It’s easy enough to answer what color eyes and hair you have, as well as custody situation, if you keep kosher, if you drink, and how active you are. You should also answer what you studied or what area you worked in prior to retiring. Otherwise you come across as having a lot to hide, which is not what I think you are trying to do.

I think you’re pretty close to a truly great profile. By adding a great profile picture I think you will be well on your way to getting noticed!

Q & A — A Brief History of My Life

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

How do you answer JDate’s questions without sounding repetitive or cheesy or fake or boring? Let me help you craft personal and inticing answers to both the basic and intimate questions.

“A Brief History of My Life”

“Brief” is the key word here. There are so many other places throughout JDate’s profile which asks about you, so don’t be repetitive. Here are some examples where you can fill in the blank:

-I grew up in __________ with my parent(s) and ## siblings. Graduated from _________ and now live in ___________ where I love my job as a ________________.

-I moved around a lot growing up, living in _____________ , _______________ and _____________ and although my family is now living in _________________ I decided to move  for college to ________________ and have stayed in __________________ ever since.

-I was raised ___________________ (stream of Judaism) and now am _________________ although I still love celebrating the holidays with the traditions set by my parents. I grew up in ___________________ and moved around in my 20s but moved back and have loved exploring the city again as an adult!

Take those type of examples, where you you grew up, how Jewish you are, type of family you have, where you went to school and how you ended up in your current city. Maybe add how you got into your profession. Easy breezy.