Match Me Up

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I used to receive “matches” in my inbox but I canceled the feature because I have never, ever gotten a single response from any of the matches sent to me. I actually have stopped sending messages to men and instead just respond to messages sent to me. Why don’t men answer?

Dear Match Me Up,

The matches JDate sends are merely recommendations made by a computer based on certain commonalities. In theory, it could work to create a shidduch, but you need to put in the work yourself to find the men whom you think would be a good match. It sounds like you’ve done that and are still not having much luck and are getting frustrated. Take a deep breath. We’ve all gone through this, men and women alike!

As a woman myself, I also used to only respond to men’s emails because I was trying to think of it as getting picked up on in a bar. Every once in a while I would send an email to a guy who really caught my eye, just as I would make the first move on a guy in person (i.e. my now-husband) when I simply couldn’t help it. I don’t think this is a bad way to JDate but you still need to be active via signing on every day, unblocking your views, sending Flirts, widening your preferences and using the Click!® feature. And when a guy really catches your eye and you can’t stop wondering about him, then take the initiative and send him an email.

Finally, have a brutally honest friend review and edit some of your past emails (or even send them my way if you don’t mind me using them as examples). You may not realize how you’re coming across in an email and a simple tweak could mean a huge difference!


Older & Active

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I am a healthy 77-year-old divorced dentist.  I’m looking for a nice Jewish lady who is into the outdoors and would enjoy some (limited) hiking, camping, fishing and skiing.  It seems like most Jewish women are not into those activities.  On the offish chance I do find someone that enjoys these activities, she is usually in her late 50′s or early 60′s but they  don’t want to go out with me because they say the age difference is too great.  So what am I supposed to do, lie about my age?  What do you suggest?

Dear Older & Active,

Your letter made me laugh, not because it’s an odd question but because I’m one of those women who’s not into the whole camping and fishing thing. But the good news is that I know a lot of women who are! I’m not sure how many of them are in your age range, but I’m positive there are some out there.  My advice would be to broaden your area as wide as possible –160 miles from your zip code. In addition, broaden your age range as far as you think is realistic – maybe 62 to 80? Next, be as flexible as possible regarding denomination, marital status, education and height. I say this not only because of your age but because you feel so strongly about an outdoorsy woman that the other stuff shouldn’t really matter. Don’t lie about your age, but you should make it clear in your profile that you’re young at heart, active and looking for someone to enjoy the great outdoors with.

The great thing about JDate is you can use the “Search” function to do a keyword search to find the women in your area and surrounding areas who enjoy the same things as you. Don’t type more than one or two keywords at a time or you’ll eliminate a lot of great prospects. Lastly, be open to introducing your hobbies to a woman who may enjoy skiing but has never been fishing and would be willing to sit in the boat with you, or a woman who enjoys a day hike but doesn’t ski and is willing to try the bunny slope or sit by a fire in the cabin. And make sure you’re willing to try new things, as well! Good luck!