Dating Without a Baby Daddy

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I am divorced and with a child of my own that I adopted as an infant.  When I meet men they always start asking so many questions about his father (they don’t know he is adopted) and about his upbringing.  What is their motive?  Why do they keep trying to get into my son’s life?  How do I answer them and get them thinking about us and not my son.

Dear Dating Without a Baby Daddy,

Your JDate profile says that you are divorced and that you have a child, so it bears some explanation that the two are not connected. I think you should make mention that you adopted your son as a single mother in the About Me portion of your profile, but also state that you’re looking for someone who is a mate to you first and foremost. Once you meet your dates and they start asking questions, politely say that you want to get to know each other first before bringing your son into the equation. You may get a response such as “well, isn’t your son a part of you?” and that’s a good point. You can answer yes, but don’t get defensive, and then give a quick rundown as to your history and change the subject. Your son, and the decision and process of adoption, are a huge part of your life. Can a guy really get to know you without that information?