With Steve Jobs’ recent passing, we have lost one of the great icons in American history.  As far as I am concerned, no man has ever been a more efficient CEO or built a more prestigous, pristine company in American history.

With that said, perhaps we can take away a few of the qualities that made him so successful and apply them to the online dating world.

1.  Be selective.

Steve Jobs was never afraid to be extremely selective in the way he built his empire.  His strongest ability was the ability to say no and just focus on a few select products and services.  The same should go for you.  You don’t have to meet every woman or guy you talk to online.  Be selective!

2.  Say a lot in a little.

Steve Jobs coined the phrase, “1,000 songs in your pocket” when introducing the IPod®.  This was a genius slogan that said everything in a sweet, compressed phrase.  Apply this to your emails.  Saying a lot while saying a little can go a long way!  Same goes for your profiles.  Learning how to market yourself is a great skill.

When all is said and done, we can learn a lot from the great Steve Jobs in all walks of life.   Never forget the legend who was Steve Jobs and allow his legacy to live on.

Many people that struggle with online dating continue to struggle for long periods of time. 

They mainly struggle for one of two reasons.  Either they continue to make the same mistakes over and over again and refuse to seek help, or they are seeking online dating help from the wrong people.

The only way to improve something that is broken is to fix it by learning the correct way to fix the problem.   If you don’t take the time to learn, things will not change. 

However, some people attempt to learn online dating advice, only to find themselves struggling the same as they were before, if not more.

This is because most people who provide online dating advice are writing things that sound good in theory, but either have little real world value, or they are only writing articles because it is their job and they need to fill a deadline.

My recommendation is to learn from the best.  Find people you know that have been highly successful.  Research people who are acclaimed with positive feedback from people whom have used their systems and ideas.

 Learning from the best is the only way to get better.  So weed out all that online dating advice and start making some genuine progress.

What would you say if I told you that you could cause women to feel high levels of attraction towards you without even doing anything?

Would you be interested?

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret that most people don’t know about.

The human body is a complicated thing.  We are constantly releasing hormones and chemicals that cause us to feel and experience different things that are beyond our control.  And with that said, one of the things that we can’t control are feelings of attraction.

Attraction is something that men and women just feel.  We feel it mostly when we see something visual.  Women feel it for ten reasons that have nothing to do with looks.

With that said, one way to make women feel attraction is by scaring them.  When women are frightened it releases many of the same hormones that cause attraction.  And while we don’t want to scare them in the, I’m a creepy online dater way, we can find many fun activities that will provide our dates with a scare during October.  Stay tuned to future blog entries for some great ideas.

Dear Tamar,

I’m ready to meet someone special and after a long period of self reflection, I’ve refreshed my JDate profile to try again.  My profile is packed with information and the best photos I have of myself. I’ve even recruited my good female friends, who know me well, to check my profile and make suggestions to show myself in the best light. My messages to other members are personalized, upbeat and I try my best to refer to something I find interesting in their profile, but I’m still getting almost no responses. It’s becoming discouraging and as my confidence is fragile, I’m losing heart fast. What else can I do to make a positive impact and encourage others to reply? I’d really appreciate some advice. Thanks.

Dear Back in the Game,

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things and have the right motivation, but patience and not letting rejection get the best of you are important traits to have in the dating game. You are getting some responses, so it’s not like your efforts are going unnoticed, but there are some things you need to be made aware of. For starters, if a JDate member is not a paid member that means she cannot access her mail and therefore, has no idea that you contacted her to begin with. Secondly, reassess your approach — are you coming on too strong too quickly? Did you repeatedly view, Flirt, Click!, Hot List, etc. before sending an email? Try using that approach first as it is similar to hitting on a girl at a bar (eye contact, smile, waiting for the hair flip, etc). Don’t give up hope and don’t stop trying — yes, you will get rejected but the more you try the better your odds will be at finding your beshert. Good luck!

This morning I had “blunch” (breakfast that ran into lunch) with an ex who has become one of my most favorite friends. Yes, it does happen on occasion.  As I relayed my dating stories and expectations that I have for those I date (which by the way, I think are basic common courtesy expectations), his response was, “Get over it or date someone from the South, then.”  Be prepared to teach some. His point was that my courtship expectations (calling versus texting and the other blunders) aren’t deal breakers and can be taught through communicating with your partner.  Perhaps.  But more importantly and insightfully – he said, “Why don’t you focus on what your date needs to make him feel safe and want to invest in you emotionally?”  Hmmm…I guess all too often maybe we forget to see things from the other person’s perspective and give off the wrong signals as we are only focused on our date meeting our own expectations. Admittedly, all too often I’m quick to say “done, he didn’t do yada yada…”  I guess my next date gets to benefit from my ex’s advice and my new experiment…Let me think about him and his perspective…(rather than just I). “I” think if we all did this perhaps there would be less frustrated singles and more happy couples.  Things that make you want to go hmmm.

Based on my last blog entry, I thought it would be a good idea to elaborate on communicating via the old fashioned device some of us may remember–the phone.

Once the first date has concluded, people tend to either freeze or move too quickly. There are ways in which both behaviors can be turned around altogether. If you would rather not see the person again, just move on and let them know you are not interested.  On the other hand, if your time together was memorable and you are interested in a second date, here are some basic guidelines:

•         Wait 48 hours and then call.  Thank your date for your time together and let him/her know what a great time you had.  This leaves the door open for a second date. Mystery and suspense keep us hooked, that is why I recommend 48 hours, but do not leave your potential date waiting too long.  I have found that when people wait too long to call, the other person believes they must not be interested and moves on to the next person waiting for a date. I can remember many nights sitting by my phone and thinking, ‘Is he going to call?’  When he would finally call, my interest had already waned. I no longer wanted to continue something with someone who didn’t have the common courtesy to pick up a phone after spending an entire evening with me.

•         Keep the conversation short, but do not rush. I know this reads as an oxy-moron, but getting to the point and securing a second date is the goal. Know what it is you would like to gain from the conversation and if that goal has been achieved, end the conversation and continue on with your usual routine.

•         If you told the person you would call, then by all means call. Even if your intention is not to pursue anything further.  Let them down gently, but also do not allow yourself to be talked into something that you are not interested in pursuing because of the guilt you might be experiencing. 

•         I’m always asked, “What if he/she does not answer?” Leave a message. If you do not get a return phone call within 24 hours leave another message.  Sometimes things happen that prevent people from getting their messages.  My suggestion is to leave no more than two messages. If the person does not return your phone call after a second message, move on.  Who wants to be dating someone who doesn’t have the common courtesy to at least return a phone call?

•         Lastly, smile while you have the phone conversation, even if you are feeling anxious. This comes across to the person on the other end of the line.  Surprisingly, smiling can help to quiet our anxieties, and can be a confidence booster.