under Date Night
JDaters are not shy about sharing their opinions — and the strongest and most popular one I get is about age. Check out a few of the emails I’ve received:
“I, at age 57, have had mostly older people (by 10 years) reach out to me. Even when I expressed that was too old because it was a different generation, a man lied and said he was 67. When I met him, he admitted to being 77. Don’t people ( I know women lie too) realize that once a lie is admitted you can’t start a relationship with trust?”
“Tamar have you checked out the wishes of many men who qualify as one foot in the grave and one foot in a nursing home? Somehow I think these men have not looked in a mirror for at least forty years. When I see a 76-year-old gentleman looking for a woman 20-40, it gets me very nervous. The problem is these men have an overinflated idea of their looks and an underinflated idea of their age.”
I will advise this until I’m blue in the face: don’t lie about your age if you are serious about meeting someone because they will find out your real age eventually — so why fib about it to begin with? Just like the first JDater above wrote, starting off with a lie is not a great way to build a successful relationship. That said, your preferred age range is just as important.
A ten-year gap is a general rule of thumb, but of course there are exceptions to that. If you are looking for someone more than twenty years older or younger than you, then I strongly encourage you to rethink what it is you are truly looking for in a partner and in a relationship.
under Date Night
Apparently there’s this new “trend” of men lying about their age! And not just by a year or two, but by four or five years! Even one year is bad, but putting yourself in a different bracket (late 30s vs early 30s) is inexcusable and unforgivable. What’s the point? If you meet someone you like, you’re just going to have to come clean eventually… and then what is she going to think of you knowing that you lied?!
A woman won’t care how old you are if you are a quality guy, but she will care if you aren’t honest! There’s no reason to fudge about your age; be confident that your personality and character will outshine your age.
I listed my correct age when I filled out my JDate profile, but I see that many men only want to meet women who are younger than them. I don’t see why women should have to “settle” for much older men while men date much younger women. Perhaps I should have lied about my age in filling my profile. Any suggestions?
Dear Age UN-Listed,
I don’t endorse lying about your age (or much else) but I get this question time and time again from women in their 30’s to women in their 80’s. I know it’s a problem and it has been for centuries… and it’s not fair. If you were to meet a man at a party then he wouldn’t know your age until he asked, but on JDate it’s not only one of the first things he sees but he can actually set his search preferences in such a way to eliminate women his own age!
So this is my advice to you — put your true age and then search for the men you are interested in. Look at their profiles and they will see that you did so. Send a flirt and even a message letting him know that although you may not fall into his preferred age range that you hope he’ll take a look.
And my advice to the men — age discrimination will only make you miss out on lots of fabulous women. Broaden your horizons and consider women even a couple of years older than you. It can’t hurt, right?