Extreme Profile Makeover — “Deb”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I really want to find someone to share the rest of my life with… or at least someone to share life’s days ahead, one day at a time. I’ve been independent since 1992 — with relationships — but only a select few (as I had a young son). I’ve been camera shy till recently, so I need a full figure photo (which should go in my favor). Plus, I’d like to show my 2 pups: LOVE ME, LOVE MY DOGS.

Can you help?


Dear “Deb,”

Let’s see, where shall we begin? I love your profile photo — and yes, you need additional supporting pictures (as you know). I also like your profile name and how you tie it back into the profile later. The rest I will dissect below:

In My Own Words
I’m going to break this down by section since you answered every section.

  • About Me
    Nice, concise, witty, and complete. Leave as is, aside from one thing: you talk about looking young for your age. Rather than list the exact age people think you are, simply say that people think you’re 20 years younger, and that you often have to show your ID to prove them wrong.
  • My Life and Ambitions
    There are some typos that need to be fixed. Also, I would delete the part about “this New Year” since Rosh Hashanah will come and go, and then you’ll be left with an outdated profile or the need to update again. A timeless account is best. In fact, I’d delete that sentence and the ones following it. What you wrote up until then is good and the rest is redundant.
  • A Brief History of My Life
    The keyword here is brief. Six paragraphs is not brief. I’d eliminate the last part of the first paragraph about your father’s family, as that is awesome information to share on a date. Delete the second, fourth, fifth, and sixth paragraphs. Then condense the first and third and make it cohesive. The cities you’ve lived in and why you moved, when you divorced and your son, your career. The rest either belongs in other categories — which you may have even already covered in those sections — or they should wait to be used on dates.
  • My Perfect First Date/On Our First Date Remind Me to Tell You About
    Both of these are great!
  • The Things I Could Never Live Without
    Also great!
  • My Favorite Books, Movies, etc
    I’d suggest condensing and listing more like this:
    Books: Tony Robbins, 20th Century Classics
    Movies: I’m obsessed with classic films and am quite the trivia buff!
    TV: all Law & Order, Sci-Fi, epic dramas, NO reality TV
  • The Coolest Places I’ve Visited/ For Fun I Like To…
    I don’t think these are necessary. You don’t need to answer all the questions, and since you only have so much time in which to pique the interest of a prospect, you should only keep the ones that add something of substance.
  • On Friday and Saturday Nights
    This is good as is.
  • I’m Looking For/ My Ideal Relationship
    Pick one or the other, you don’t need both.
  • My Past Relationships
    I think you’ve given waaaaay too much information here. We get it: you are friends with your exes, and that’s awesome! Just saying that is enough; you don’t need to go into detail. Leave the first line and delete the rest.
  • You Should Message Me If…
    This is good as is.

Your Details and My Ideal Match are both fine. Make sure you play around with some of those preferences to make sure you’re seeing all your prospects (age range, marital status) and that they know you are open to them as well. You’re 62, but look younger, so a 70-year-old man who looks younger may be a great fit — don’t count him out!

For more advice on revamping your profile, visit HowtoWooaJew.


WWJD — Age Exaggeration

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

You’ve been 39 for a few years according to your JDate profile… or you’re in your early 50s but can easily pass for mid-40s so you calculate a fake birthdate… you do so hoping to attract a more suitable match but fail to recognize that eventually the truth will come out and the probability of ruining whatever relationship you’ve built will increase. What’s a Jew to do? It doesn’t matter how old or young you are or how great you look for your age or that no one ever believes your real age, it is best to be honest and sign up using your true birthdate and then taking some time to explain why your age range is what it is. If you really look that good then maybe it’s self-explanatory. Don’t spend too much time concentrating on it in your profile or in person because it will sound too much like you’re trying to convince or persuade someone to accept you when your sparkling qualities should do that on their own. Do to your age being higher than you may want to admit then you may have to make more of an effort to contact prospects whose age ranges you don’t fall into. Simply let them know that… I know I’m not the typical age of someone you’d normally go for, but I’m young at heart, super active, and luckily have great genes which help me look younger than my years and hopefully you can confirm all of the above yourself when we meet… or something along those lines. Embracing your age when your mind and body are younger is sexy!

Monday Makeovers: Lacking Responses?

by Tamar Caspi under Monday Makeover,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I would greatly appreciate it if you took a look at my profile and gave me some suggestions. I’ve worked with a love mentor for two years and have reworked my profile. I’m an attractive woman, write well and am accomplished. I just don’t understand why I don’t get more hits.

I do all the things that are advised. I’m on JDate regularly and even tweak my profile often. Any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions? I have had some significant relationships (two in particular were with men I met on JDate). I want to meet my last special man!


Dear Lacking Responses,

You have a great screen name and lots of beautiful pictures showing your face very clearly. There are two photos (#6 & #7) which are basically repeats of number #2. I would delete those as they aren’t necessary. Otherwise, you did a great job with the profile photos! I especially like that you included ones with your daughters and grandchildren.

Your “About Me” spiel is very well written and straightforward about what you are offering a companion, and what you hope for in return. I think the second paragraph is bit much and can be overwhelming as you have already revealed plenty in the first paragraph. I would review that first paragraph one more time and see where you can edit it down as it can read as repetitive. You are using different adjectives to describe the same thing and you don’t want to lose the reader’s interest. Once you complete that task, then break it up into two paragraphs once again. Other JDaters should be sure they are not repeating the same ideas in their profile again and again as well!

Most of your other “In My Own Words” elements are concise and well-written. I would condense “The Coolest Places I’ve Visited” because it can come across wrong being that you’ve traveled the world. Plus, you can save this info for more conversation topics when you meet up with other JDaters in person. Something along the lines of “_________ was one of my favorites, but I have many and I’d love to share some of my more adventurous stories with you. I’ve been hiking different National Parks recently and can’t wait to explore our beautiful country with someone special.”

The same goes for “My Ideal Relationship” — condense the descriptiveness. Warmth, intimacy, joy, relationship, companionship, caring, nurturing, compatible, enrich, savor, enjoy, respect, and thrilled. If you read all those words in the span of four sentences, then you would be a bit thrown off as well, right? Trim it.

Finally, you should be proud of how great you look at your age and put your real age. Just as you don’t want to turn off men who make assumptions based on age, you shouldn’t do the same. Increase your maximum age limit a few years and be open to someone 10 years your junior.