Extreme Profile Makeover — “Julie”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hey there!

Could you help me makeover my profile as to attract more people/get more responses?

Thanks!

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Hi Julie,

I’m happy to help. To start, you have a great profile name! Putting an adjective or descriptive phrase before the year you were born is perfect! So, we can skip right to the profile.

     1. PHOTOS

I’ll be honest, this is where you need the most work. You need more than 3 photos, but I would take the time to also get better pictures. The New Year’s hat photo is super cute, but should be moved to the 3rd or 4th slot for your “fun” photo. Have a friend take photos of you with no one else in the picture and no other distracting elements. Make sure there’s good lighting. The second photo of your full body should be swapped out for another. I like that you are confident and that you followed my rules to have a full body pic be the second photo, but I am not a fan of studio photos. At that same photo shoot you schedule with your friend, have him or her take a few full body photos as well. Go outside when there’s not direct sunlight and find a place with rocks or trees or cool architecture and take photos there. Finally, the car pic can be deleted or used as a final, supplementary photo.

     2. IN MY OWN WORDS

You’ve done a nice job with your ABOUT ME answer, although it could be thinned out a bit. I would delete the line which begins, “In my free time…” since that goes under the area titled FOR FUN, I LIKE TO. You can also delete the football line and TV lines (put it under MY FAVORITES…) and that will connect the movies line with the Netflix line, which is cute!

I would also recommend not answering every single question; it can get a bit repetitive. You could also delete MY PERFECT FIRST DATE and either THINGS I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT or THE COOLEST PLACES I’VE VISITED. Answering every single question is overkill. You don’t want to come off as over-zealous and you don’t need to reveal so much. This will leave a few general topics for discussion via email and on your first date!

     3. DETAILS

Most of your details are good, the changes you should make are all under MY IDEAL MATCH. If you are truly looking for a date, then you can leave that in, but I suspect you really want a relationship leading to forever, so delete the less committal options (a date, friend, etc.). The other place to edit is the age range. A 27-year-old woman would typically connect best with a guy just a few years younger and at maximum more than a few years older. I’d suggest expanding your age range from 24-30 to a 10-year range of 24-34. I’d also narrow down some of the streams of Judaism you’d be willing to date.

You’ve got a good start, Julie! You just need to take some awesome photos, edit your “About Me” paragraph, broaden your preferred age range, and then narrow down the relationship type and the religious level you’d be willing to date and I think you’ll find yourself seeing lots of new, “real” prospects.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “David S.” (Part 1)

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off JDate for a while; I’ve never had much success in attracting positive responses, either from women contacting me or responding to my emails. I’ve always had my theories as to why, but if it’s really what I’m saying in my profile, or my pictures, I need a little advice.

Thanks!

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Hi David S.,

I’m going to start with your profile review in Part 1 and then review your emails in Part 2.

I am actually quite impressed with your profile. The pictures are nice, your paragraphs are well-written and interesting, and you seem like a great catch! That means we need to see what your preferences are to determine if you are going after the wrong type of woman.

Although you’re a young-looking 41-year-old, your age range ends at 41 — and being that you’re in your early 40s, I believe you need to expand your max age to abut 43. Your minimum age range of 32 is correct in following my advice, but since you are young looking and active, I’d lower it a bit to 30. Adding two years to both sides of the age range spectrum will widen your pool of prospects. You can do the same to your height requirements and your geographic boundaries.

Additionally, I don’t see much about your family in your profile and I think it’s important to include some tidbits, whether it be in an additional photograph (with description) and/or a line in “About Me” and “A Brief History of My Life.” If this topic is a contentious one then try to find some positive memory from your childhood and include that.

Since there doesn’t seem to be too many issues with your profile, I’m going delve into the email samples you’ve supplied in part 2 of this series (which posts tomorrow) in order to see where any other issues may lie!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Daniel R.”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating

Hello Tamar,

I have rewritten my profile many times, and I am not sure why people don’t respond to me or even message me. I am heavier than I am now in some of my pictures, but I am not sure how to write that. I could use a lot of help redoing my profile. Any help you can provide is greatly appreciated.

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Hi Daniel,

In looking at your profile and pictures, I think you fall into the common trap of providing too much information and writing in ways that make sense in your head — as you would say it — but that don’t necessarily read smoothly.

In regards to your weight gain, update your photos to show how you look now. If you don’t have photos, then take them. In the meantime, you don’t have to specifically address the weight gain, but you do need to change your body type as it states “average/medium build” when you are larger than that. But this is where you give too much information as your exact weight isn’t necessary. I don’t recommend that anyone complete their exact weight as stating your build and providing accurate pictures along with your height is enough. There are two photos of you with another guy (who I assume is your brother), please add descriptions to your photos and specify which guy you are in the photo, as you and your brother look alike.

Proofread your paragraphs; there are many typos. However, the paragraph under “A Brief History of My Life” is where you seem to get too detailed — saying you have your MBA is great, but from where is not necessary at this point — that is the information you want to save for the first date! You mention a few of the same things twice in answering different questions, for instance your dream job and hanging out with friends. Not all questions need to be answered. If you find yourself repeating, then determine if you actually need to answer both questions.

I would also narrow down what you’re looking for under “Your Ideal Match” and remember to expand your age range as you age.

Otherwise, keep being active, send Flirts, click “Yes, No or Maybe” under Secret Admirer and send short but sweet emails to women whom you find to be strong matches.


WWJD — Age Exaggeration

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

You’ve been 39 for a few years according to your JDate profile… or you’re in your early 50s but can easily pass for mid-40s so you calculate a fake birthdate… you do so hoping to attract a more suitable match but fail to recognize that eventually the truth will come out and the probability of ruining whatever relationship you’ve built will increase. What’s a Jew to do? It doesn’t matter how old or young you are or how great you look for your age or that no one ever believes your real age, it is best to be honest and sign up using your true birthdate and then taking some time to explain why your age range is what it is. If you really look that good then maybe it’s self-explanatory. Don’t spend too much time concentrating on it in your profile or in person because it will sound too much like you’re trying to convince or persuade someone to accept you when your sparkling qualities should do that on their own. Do to your age being higher than you may want to admit then you may have to make more of an effort to contact prospects whose age ranges you don’t fall into. Simply let them know that… I know I’m not the typical age of someone you’d normally go for, but I’m young at heart, super active, and luckily have great genes which help me look younger than my years and hopefully you can confirm all of the above yourself when we meet… or something along those lines. Embracing your age when your mind and body are younger is sexy!


Creepy Photo Question

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Basically, I’ve recently “Secretly Admired” about 12 guys, and no one admired me back. Since I am not particularly ugly, and still (relatively) young, it occurred to me I might have committed some gross mistake with my profile. Are the pictures I posted inadvertently creepy? Is there something else?

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Dear Creepy Photos,

First, you are nowhere near just “not particularly ugly” and in fact are quite pretty! Own it!

And no, your photos aren’t creepy at all, but I would change the order around. The first 2 with that pretty dress are both taken at an awkward angle which makes it look like the dress is falling off and you’re about to expose your breast! I would just delete those. Regardless though, I really love the 3rd photo close-up in the white shirt as your main profile pic and the 4th photo with your chin resting on your hand as your 2nd pic. The photo of you blowing out your birthday candles is very cute but the one of you posing in the Alps is kind of stiff. I’d take a new full length photo for the 4th photo.

I would lower your preferred age range to find more prospects. Starting with a man 5 years older than you and only having an eight year age gap is not going to produce many results. Expand your age range to at least include your own age and go up from there.


Attracting the Kind of Man I Want

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I am a 59-year-old woman who is in great shape — as well as beautiful, inside and out. I am told I look about 45 years old. I want a successful man who is healthy in body and mind and really wants his life partner. I want someone either a little younger or just a little older than me. How can I meet the kind of man I want? What’s holding me back? Maybe it is my profile?

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It’s tough to look so good when you are in the middle of your life, huh? I know many 50-60 year olds who are in a similar predicament whose age gets in the way of finding someone who is on their level. At 59-years-young you should list your age range on your JDate profile as 50-65 years old. You should make sure your photos back-up your claim of being in great shape and beautiful on the outside and make sure your “In My Own Words” paragraphs show the beautiful on the inside part. You will also have luck meeting someone doing the activities which keep you in such great shape, keep your Magen David necklace on to send a clear message of who you are and what you want. Make sure you let friends know that you are looking and since they know you and therefore know who would make a good match for you. And to answer your question, nothing is holding you back! You just happen to look awesome for your age! Don’t see it as a setback because your attitude needs to match your appearance.

 


Monday Makeover: Is It Fate or Timing?

by Tamar Caspi under Monday Makeover,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I’ve signed up for JDate to put myself out there again to find a partnership that will lead to marriage and children (and hopefully last a lifetime)! I’ve been somewhat active on the site for the past month, and have sent a number of messages to folks, but have not received responses from anyone. That could just be fate, or timing; but I have to also consider the possibility that I’m not presenting myself in an optimal fashion! Please help.

-Is it Fate or Timing?

 

Dear Is it Fate or Timing?,

I’m happy to help. Sometimes not hearing back from a prospect is fate — she just wasn’t meant for you. Other times it is timing — don’t give up. Tweak your profile with my advice and hopefully fate and timing will align. Let’s get started:

  •  Photos:

You’ve got three great pictures, but you could use a 4th one that is also not a professional photo to show consistency and reality. The order is great, keep the candid color photo as your profile photo.

  • In Your Own Words:

In the “About Me” section I would delete your last paragraph. It supplies too much information and yet are all great conversation pieces for the first few dates with someone new.  Under “A Brief History of My Life” I would condense the information and delete the line “back in… for good!” since you also say you are willing to relocate. Maybe something more like: “Born in Northern California and raised in Southern California, I attended UCLA for undergrad and went east for law school in Boston before returning to the best, er, west coast. I love to go back to New England often and even became a loyal Red Sox fan, but Cali is where my heart is.” And with the “What I’m Looking For” section, try to describe the woman you’re looking for using words you won’t read on anyone else’s profile. Maybe try using either the first half or the second half of the paragraph, but both combined is a bit redundant and long-winded.

  • Preferences:

Make sure to answer all the questions, especially if you are “Willing to Relocate.” And I know you want to find a woman to have a family with, but I would increase your maximum age by a few years and for a few reasons. First, you don’t want to come off as misogynistic by capping the age of the women too young even though your intent has to do with fertility and second, you don’t want to eliminate some great women by just one or two years because plenty of women are having children into their 40s.

Hope this helps and good luck!


Off and On JDate with an Updated Profile

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off JDate for several years, making sure to update my profile every now and again.

A few months ago, I signed up for a six-month subscription once again and reactivated my profile from the year before. I changed my essays and updated a few of my photos, but have received so little attention. Am I doing something wrong?

Even the emails I send out to guys (which I know are read) get no response! I have no idea if I am on the right track with my profile — or if there is something terribly uninteresting about it.

Additionally, all the matches I get are always the same people that I have either messaged, or I am sure I am not interested in. I changed my search criteria a little bit, but it didn’t change much. This is so discouraging and I am not sure what to do.

 

Dear Off and On,

After checking out your profile I have a few notes. First, your profile name is great! It shows you are both fun and creative. I like that you have multiple photos, I would only suggest that you have someone take clearer and more close-up photos of your face with great lighting — and I would have you look straight on to the lens! Then I would reorder the pictures and put the last three photos after the close-up. They show your personality and will bring a smile to the face of your prospects because, again, your fun side is shining through.

I really like your “About Me” and other paragraphs. I would go through and double-check your spelling and grammar — it’s not an uncommon error I find, and it’s also not a “make-or-break,” but it is nice to have a comprehensive profile.

I would try to spice up the section about what you like to do on the weekends… don’t lie of course, but try to show your adventurous side here by talking about what you WOULD do with the right person (jump in the car spontaneously to visit that restaurant you just saw on “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives” in a neighboring state) or what you HAVE done (a progressive dinner with friends hitting up New York’s best restaurants for one course at a time) and not what you do the other 75% of the time.

Finally, in your preferences, I would widen the age range. Honestly, I don’t think that in your mid-to-late 20′s you would date someone three years younger (although I do appreciate the openness to doing so). I would bring your bottom range to a year below your age and your upper range to eight years above your age. 27-36 is a much more realistic range for you than 25-32.

Expand your search criteria for location as well since you are from one state and live in a neighboring state, there’s no reason to not include a wide radius! And don’t be afraid to take a new look at guys who you remember from a few years ago because, just as you have grown and changed, so have they.

I hope these tips help, and good luck finding your Beshert!


Age UN-Listed

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I listed my correct age when I filled out my JDate profile, but I see that many men only want to meet women who are younger than them.  I don’t see why women should have to “settle” for much older men while men date much younger women.  Perhaps I should have lied about my age in filling my profile. Any suggestions?

Dear Age UN-Listed,

I don’t endorse lying about your age (or much else) but I get this question time and time again from women in their 30′s to women in their 80′s. I know it’s a problem and it has been for centuries… and it’s not fair. If you were to meet a man at a party then he wouldn’t know your age until he asked, but on JDate it’s not only one of the first things he sees but he can actually set his search preferences in such a way to eliminate women his own age!

So this is my advice to you — put your true age and then search for the men you are interested in. Look at their profiles and they will see that you did so. Send a flirt and even a message letting him know that although you may not fall into his preferred age range that you hope he’ll take a look.

And my advice to the men — age discrimination will only make you miss out on lots of fabulous women. Broaden your horizons and consider women even a couple of years older than you. It can’t hurt, right?


Am I Too Old To Date?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Hi, I’m a very young 59-year-old woman who is separated with 1 child. My soon-to-be ex-husband is 7 years younger than me but now I want to date someone my own age. The problem is all the men my age want younger women and even though everyone tells me I look great, they don’t even respond. The older men are too old-fashioned, some don’t even use a cell phone, don’t text, and their tastes are not a match among other things.  What can I do to overcome my age and date men from my own generation?

Dear Am I Too Old To Date?

Well, you’re definitely not too old to date at 59! Dating a man your own age may take some getting used to though because anyone nearing 60 is going to seem old compared to your ex. I would set your age range from 49-64 (ten years younger and 5 years older) and make sure your youthfulness is obvious in your photos and in your About Me paragraph (but you don’t need to be as obvious as to actually write “I look and act young” – anyone can write that, so prove it instead). And don’t be so quick to judge a guy by his age, just as you don’t want to be judged by your age. Since your divorce isn’t yet finalized, don’t get too stressed out that you haven’t met anyone right.this.moment – give yourself a little time, it will happen.