Dear Tamar,

I am 59 but look about 50. The problem is men my age want younger women. I work out, have had a good facelift and I’m used to younger men chasing me. What should I do?

Dear Sexy at (Almost) Sixty,

It won’t hurt for you to select a wide age range on JDate and allow the men to know you are open to dating younger if they are interested. Based on the description of your appearance, I think you would benefit greatly from JDate events geared to the older crowd. That way men can hit on you based on your appearance not your age. At the same time, don’t be ashamed of your age — give the men an opportunity to be impressed with how young you look!

Dear Tamar,

I’m 59 and my wife died about a year and a half ago. It seems like every other day I get another JDate Match sent to me of women who are between the age of 35 and 40. Some are pretty attractive! I just keep thinking that if I express interest in any one of them, I’ll come off as some creepy, lecherous, old guy.  Help me out here- is this just in my head or is it just outright creepy?

Dear Creep or Compatible,

I appreciate your concern for not wanting to come off as a creep. There is quite a difference in life experience between a 59-year-old widow and a 35-year-old single. JDate matches are sent to you based off of the preferences you both set, so if you want to find out about women a few years older than you, you need to change your age range settings. Once you do that, you need to check the preferences of the matches you’re receiving by scrolling down to the bottom of their profiles to see if you fit into their age range and marital status choices. There must be something you have in common which is why you got the match sent to you, but both of you having a dog and living in the same zip code does not a shidduch make. If you do find that you have many commonalities then it won’t hurt to send an email saying both that you seem to have a lot in common and that you hope you’re not coming off as overachieving (try not to use the word “creep” in a first email). The worst that will happen is that you won’t hear back. Good Luck!

Dear Tamar,

I am 70 years young, full of pep and in excellent health. I feel like I’m 40! But that seems to limit my dating partners. The people I’ve noticed on JDate are old enough to be my mother and I’m not looking for that. I was 12 years older than my wife until she passed away but I don’t know if I will ever have any chance of meeting someone 12 years younger at this point.

Dear Pep in my Step,

I believe age is a state of mind and that is what obviously keeps you young at heart. That said, I don’t think it’s fair to judge a book by its cover. Some of the women your age may be just as young at heart as you are but you need to give them a chance in order to figure that out. At the same time, I think it’s quite realistic for you to have an age range preference as young as 55 and as high as 75. Your active lifestyle needs to be expressed obviously yet eloquently in your profile — you don’t want to come off as egotistical but you also want to be clear that you want someone just as active as you are. An active older gentleman such as you is a hot commodity, and I don’t think you’ll have any problems. Just be open to giving women a chance no matter how old they are or how old they look. Good Luck!

A few years ago I dated a guy about five years older than me. When the relationship ended, I was stunned to see him step out with a woman five years older than he. That’s when I realized I was competing with women ten years my junior for the same men. Not a comforting thought.

This realization opened my eyes to a number of things. First, the guys on JDate are selecting a much wider age range than I had assumed. Men are far more open to dating women both much younger as well as much older than they are. Second, women tend to have much stricter standards and that calculates to more women per capita, an equation that makes an already tough dating scene seem impossible. It also made me realize that I don’t want to still be single ten years from now dating guys that are also dating girls ten years younger than I. If it bothers me as the younger woman in the scenario, I can’t even begin to imagine how perturbed the older women are.

I decided that women need to take a page from the men’s handbook and increase their age range preference. Of course you need to feel comfortable, but there’s no reason not to date a guy a year or two younger or, even, up to ten years older. If you feel old enough to be a guy’s mother or young enough to be his daughter, then maybe you’ve gone too far. Simply increase your age range a little bit in each direction in order to increase your chances at meeting your beshert. Good Luck!

Dear Tamar,

I am a widow, 83 years old, slender, active, attractive and independent.  I am sad because I lost the love of my life and fear I will never find anyone else who is open to pursuing the art of love and living as much as I do. I am uncomfortable telling my age, except to my doctor and other confidants, because I believe there is such a stigma attached to this number.  Any advice?

Dear 83 Years Young,

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I read your email. My Grandmother, who is 81, tells people she is 36, not because she expects them to believe her (although she does look amazing), but because to her age is a state of mind and saying she’s 36 keeps her feeling young and healthy. At the same time though, once my Grandmother had her 80th birthday she began telling people her real age because she was proud of it and knew she looked darn good! So I see it both ways. Since you’re looking for people around your same age to spend the rest of your life with, “pursuing the art of love and living,” I don’t think JDate is the place to be lying about your age. Embrace it and you will attract men who are also active and independent. Make sure your age range preference shows what ages you’d be realistically interested in meeting and do your homework as well — use the search function to find men around your age who have similar interests. Good Luck!

Upon signing up for an account on JDate you’re asked to choose an age range for your matches. Choosing your age range doesn’t sound like it should be a complicated matter, but alas age isn’t just a number. By choosing a narrow age range you’re systematically eliminating thousands of prospects simply because of age.

Like is attracted to like.  So, someone just out of college is often drawn to someone who is in the same phase in their life, while someone in their late 20’s who is working really hard to get to the top of their field is attracted to other people in a similar stage. The same goes for people in their early 30’s who are beginning to think about starting a family, they’re looking for someone who’s on the same page. That’s why many people end up dating and marrying people around the same age. But selecting a narrow age gap on JDate is not in your favor. If you’re a 28-year-old female and select a maximum age of 32, imagine how many 33-year-olds you’re excluding. Now imagine how many 34-year-olds you’re excluding. And it’s only an age gap of a few years!

When you meet someone at a bar you can only attempt to measure his or her age based on their looks, and possibly their career and maturity, but you were attracted to that person and started getting to know him or her before asking their age. So when it turns out that he or she is a few years younger than your minimum or a couple years older than your maximum, are you going to turn your back? Probably not, so attach that philosophy to your JDate account and broaden your options.

Interestingly, as we get older our preferred age range tends to change. First, it broadens and then it becomes narrower. When you’re approaching your 30’s you tend to only add a few years on each end because for some inexplicable reason age matters.  However, in your mid-30’s the age range widens a bit as other, more important traits take precedence. And as 40 looms in the not too distant future you’re more than willing to add 10 years on each end because you become pickier about other qualities. I actually think the last approach is best – make the age range as broad as possible and use other, more important, traits to narrow down your search.