Girls Dig Older Dudes

by JeremySpoke under Online Dating,Single Life

Girls are intimidating enough as it is; please don’t make age another factor of fear.  I, as well as many male JDaters®, have noticed that women typically are only interested in men of their age or older.  For example, if a woman is 24, then she is normally interested in men ages 24-34.  That is a tough break for all of the 23-year-olds that would have been perfect for her; or the 35-year-olds that have gone through realistic-looking facial plastic surgery and look 34, tops.  It’s also not easy for the 18-year-old men that claim to be mature beyond their years (while maintaining the sensibilities of a rugged 19-year-old).

Many times, I find that I am too young for the prospective woman.  For example, if my father and I have both conversed with the same woman on JDate, it’s time to rethink my strategy.  Conversely, if I end up chatting with a girl my little sister’s age, strategy must again be rethought.

Of the two extremes, I am more often too young.  Women in their thirties know exactly what they want and they can cut you down to your core in a three minute conversation.  For example:

Me: Hi

Woman: You are young.  Of what value do you have to me?

Me: Um

Woman: Goodbye

On the other hand, if I am the older one, I instantly feel creepy.  I feel like I shouldn’t be talking to this person, even though she’s only two years younger than I am.  Here’s how a typical conversation with a younger woman goes down:

Me: Hi

Woman: Hi

Me: Is your dad monitoring this conversation?

Woman: What?

Me: Gotta go

Is there not one 27-year-old woman whom I can chat with so it’s not weird?

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Age is Just a Number

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

Upon signing up for an account on JDate you’re asked to choose an age range for your matches. Choosing your age range doesn’t sound like it should be a complicated matter, but alas age isn’t just a number. By choosing a narrow age range you’re systematically eliminating thousands of prospects simply because of age.

Like is attracted to like.  So, someone just out of college is often drawn to someone who is in the same phase in their life, while someone in their late 20’s who is working really hard to get to the top of their field is attracted to other people in a similar stage. The same goes for people in their early 30’s who are beginning to think about starting a family, they’re looking for someone who’s on the same page. That’s why many people end up dating and marrying people around the same age. But selecting a narrow age gap on JDate is not in your favor. If you’re a 28-year-old female and select a maximum age of 32, imagine how many 33-year-olds you’re excluding. Now imagine how many 34-year-olds you’re excluding. And it’s only an age gap of a few years!

When you meet someone at a bar you can only attempt to measure his or her age based on their looks, and possibly their career and maturity, but you were attracted to that person and started getting to know him or her before asking their age. So when it turns out that he or she is a few years younger than your minimum or a couple years older than your maximum, are you going to turn your back? Probably not, so attach that philosophy to your JDate account and broaden your options.

Interestingly, as we get older our preferred age range tends to change. First, it broadens and then it becomes narrower. When you’re approaching your 30’s you tend to only add a few years on each end because for some inexplicable reason age matters.  However, in your mid-30’s the age range widens a bit as other, more important traits take precedence. And as 40 looms in the not too distant future you’re more than willing to add 10 years on each end because you become pickier about other qualities. I actually think the last approach is best – make the age range as broad as possible and use other, more important, traits to narrow down your search.


Younger Men

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Online Dating,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,

Is it ok to date a much younger man? Two women in my office are married to men that are at least ten years their junior. What do you think?

Dear Younger Men,

It all depends upon what you are comfortable with. I know for me I would want to spend my time with someone who understands the cultural references from my generation. However, what works for one person does not necessarily mean it will work for the next person.  The most important part of any relationship is compatibility. If your co-workers are happy and compatible with their husbands then I say more power to them!  As long as the people involved are comfortable, then no, there is nothing wrong with it.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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The Magic Age

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Single Life

What is your magic age? I was speaking with an old friend’s daughter who has been dating the same guy for about 4 years now.  She is about to be 22 and he is approaching 24.  During our conversation she mentioned that 24 is the magic number.  Perplexed, I asked, “What is a magic number and the significance?” She replied, “24 is the age you are supposed to settle down, find a career, own a home, and start planning a family. “ I cannot imagine in my wildest dreams even considering any of those possibilities when I was the ripe old age of 24!  Nope, those thoughts were not even a part of my remote thinking. Now, 30 I must admit was my magic number.  I was supposed to have an established career, husband, and a child on the way, home ownership, and all of the responsibilities that I believed came with adulthood.

For the record, none of these things happened, not a single one! I began to think how these beliefs can be detrimental to my friend’s daughter.  I know they were to me, so I can only imagine they must be to other people. I have decided there is no magic number.  Everything in my opinion happens when it is supposed to; when I am ready and not a minute sooner. It has been a hard realization because like most people I want what I want when I want it. However, a few years ago I made the choice to not push ideas that were out of my control.  Once I made this decision things in my life that I worked for began to come to fruition.  I know for some this may sound a bit kooky, but realizing I couldn’t control everything has really helped me to become more at ease with myself and with other people. I let go of the “supposed to” idea and my magic age, which in turn had me ease up on my own expectations of myself and others.

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Age Range

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,

How should I feel at 46 years and eight months, searching for the right woman on JDate? What age range, in your opinion, do you believe I should aim for?

Dear Age Range,

An interesting question…Let me begin by asking you a question; how do you feel being age 46 and eight months? Searching for the right woman does not necessarily have age parameters. It is all about what it is you would like in a partner. Compatibility is what tends to make a relationship. Are you going to be compatible for years to come with a 21-year-old or a 63-year-old? My best guess is probably no. I usually suggest people look for partners who can relate to general childhood memories. If your partner played with Tickle Me Elmo during her childhood, my sense is she is too young for you. Now, don’t be misunderstood, there are always exceptions to rules; however, being able to relate to one another is very important. Aim for what you are comfortable with. Chose someone that you can envision growing old with. It may begin with passion and chemistry, but at the end of a long day it is truly about a best friend and someone who will be there for you no matter the circumstance.

Signed,
Gems from Jen


An Age Old Question

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,

Why do men lie about their age?  I personally would like to date an older man.  In my opinion an older, sophisticated man brings much more to the table offering stability and security, as well as goals met. This leaves much room for the successful development of a relationship. Of course, we all come with different baggage, but for me I would welcome a man ten to fifteen years older than myself. But, why would any woman be interested in starting a relationship being mislead. Why do men lie about their age?

Dear Pam,

I wish I had an answer that explained this mystery to you.  People don’t tell the truth for numerous reasons. I do believe our society tends to put the younger crowd on a pedestal. Getting older is looked upon by many as not attractive. I believe with age comes wisdom and a maturity that is very attractive. Not everyone feels this way though.  I agree, older men tend to bring stability to a relationship, but that does not mean younger men do not bring those same qualities to a relationship. I know, for me personally, I would not want to be misled; a lie is just that, a lie. An honest relationship requires being authentic from the very beginning, some people have a harder time at this than others. Do yourself a favor and make certain you put your age requirements in your profile. This way the men who are interested in getting to know you will not feel as they have to embellish the truth about themselves.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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You are as Young as You Feel: Part Deux

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,

It is so easy to say what you have said about age to the person who asked about dating younger men. IN fact, your response was rather flip..  It seems that men want to meet women who are 10 to 20 years younger than they are.
No matter their age, these men (who are 75+) don’t want to meet women who are 75, but feel like 50, and possibly look like 60…which is a description of my age.  So what to do?  Please help…..

Dear You are as Young as You Feel: Part Deux,

There are many men who desire someone in their own age bracket. This is not to say there aren’t men and women, for that matter, that look for someone younger, but it is not always the case. If you re-read my post you will see that I did state there are people looking for partners in their own age bracket. It is not just about how young you feel or look. Don’t let the title of the post fool you into thinking I believe it is all about how young you feel.  It is about who you are and what it is you are exactly looking for. 

My best suggestion for you is to stop generalizing men. Not all men are looking for younger women.  In fact, after reading your question I called my father who is in his late 60’s. He is retired, but quite active.  He is happily married so I asked him, hypothetically, if he were single what age woman would he prefer to date; a younger woman, a woman his own age, or an older woman. He responded without a moment of hesitation that he would only want to date someone in his age range.  When I pressed him for his reasoning, his response did not surprise me in the least.  He stated, “Younger women are nice to look at, but I want companionship and someone I can relate to.” This is what true relationships are really about. It is not about what you look like, how old you are or feel, it is about being with someone at the end of a long day who loves you unconditionally.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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An Age Old Problem

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,
 
Help! I’m a 43-year-old fantastic, single mom and have been on JDate for five years and I only get hit on by 26-year-olds and 60-year-olds!  What is wrong with my profile??? Everyone I know is beginning to think I’m gay!!! LOL, but really!  What is the problem???
Jill
 
 
Dear Jill,
 
It sounds like your profile might be too general. If you are interested in meeting men that are of a particular age group then by all means state that in your profile. I know it can feel discouraging being hit on by men that you have no interest in meeting, no less dating, so go ahead and make sure you  are very specific with your age preferences. I would also consider sending messages to the men that you are interested in meeting instead of waiting for them to come to you.  This way, you know the age range you are targeting and you are not discouraged by getting attention from men that you believe are too young or too old.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

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