under Date Night
You’re only as stupid as you act. If you act stupid on a first date then don’t be surprised when there isn’t a second date. Acting stupid includes getting drunk, being too sexual, revealing too much, complaining and/or boasting about money, among other things. Act yourself, but act appropriately. No one wants to have to drive you home because you’re too drunk to drive, no one wants to have to continuously slap your hand off their thigh, or listen to you discuss your family drama, or feel guilty about ordering an appetizer AND an entree. They may want to have a drink with you, give you a kiss goodnight, bond over the generic Jewish mother jokes or discuss the low interest rates. First dates are not for the same discussions you have with your best friend or your therapist. You’ll have enough time once you’re married to act dumb.
Conversely, beauty is as beauty does. You’re only as beautiful as you act. The most beautiful person in the world with nothing between the ears loses their luster pretty darn quickly.
The moral? Put a smile on your face and don’t act a fool. You’ve gotta start somewhere!
When you’re on a first date, really try not to over-do it. Don’t arrive overly done up, you know: loads of eyeshadow and hairspray, too much cologne, etc. Don’t over indulge: don’t shovel food into your mouth or drink too much alcohol. Don’t over share: the only thing worse than a boring date is a date who appalls you with their stories. No, I don’t find your scent, your drunkenness or your pathetic story about your ex cheating on you for three years attractive. I know you’re trying to impress me and maybe you’re nervous, but slow your roll.
I’m 5 foot 6, and I always wear heels making me closer to 5’10”, so when I was single and on JDate I made my preference for men 6 feet or taller. I knew I was systematically eliminating thousands of great men (especially since Jewish men are not exactly known for their height), but I couldn’t bear the thought of wearing flats the rest of my life so that my man would always be taller than I. Stupid right? But everyone had their physical “thing” — be it height, weight, eyes, smile — you know, the one make or break trait you think you can’t live without. Height was my one thing and the only thing I was insistent on physically; it was what I needed for attraction. I kept trying to date guys under 6 feet, but it didn’t work. It wasn’t always only because of height of course, but it was always a part of it. If there’s one physical trait or personality trait that you just can’t live without, then don’t, but be willing to compromise on everything else. My husband is 6’2″, but he was also a smoker until recently, and I never in a million years thought I would marry a smoker! Which was more important to me? Height won. And I got to keep my heels.
I admit it, I judge people by their appearances. I try to stop myself because it’s an ugly habit, but sometimes it gets the best of me. I look at people who I know are single and I think of ways in which they could better their appearances in the hopes of meeting someone. Even if that person isn’t the typical “pretty,” he or she is someone’s type. Everyone is someone’s type. That said, you should look your best YOU. Spend the money to invest in good makeup and spend the time to learn to apply it and apply daily. Spend the money to invest in a good beard trimmer and spend the time to learn to line up your neck and do it every few days. Get contact lenses, highlights, braces, etc just so you can look the best you can for you. Will someone be attracted to you with no make-up or shaggy hair? Sure. But why depend on that. Instead, take action to put the odds in your favor.
You have to be ready to find love at any time in any place. That means having your make-up done, hair brushed and clothes fitting at all times. It could be a contact coming in for a business meeting in your office — so make sure you’re always put together in a well-fitting suit. It could a new guy in your workout class — so make sure your workout clothes are, um, supportive. It could be a new neighbor in the elevator — so wear cute sweats at all times. Just because you’re meeting your boys at the local dive to watch football doesn’t mean you shouldn’t change out of the shirt you wore to bed. Meeting your girls for Happy Hour after work? Remember to pack some items in the morning so you can freshen up first. You have to make the effort. Every time you leave the house is an opportunity. Make sure you capitalize on each one!
Today I would like to discuss infusing attraction builders into the stories that you tell during your online pick-ups.
If you have been following my blog over the course of the year you are probably well aware that there are many different ways that you can build attraction in online dating through the profiles you write, the messages you send and the pictures you take. Well, telling stories in your online pick-up or during your dates is no different and should be infused with plenty of attraction builders as well.
Telling stories should not be told merely to entertain. They should be used to reveal aspects of yourself that you not only want the opposite sex to know, but that will build attraction at the same time.
For example, in recent discussions I mentioned how creating high social value for yourself builds attraction levels with your potential date. Incorporate these principles into the story you are telling. If you were on vacation last month and were comped a V.I.P. room or had a connection with the owner of a bar, slide these examples of high social value into your story. If your job has high status in society or perks that society values, find a way to subtly mention that as part of your story.
Building social value is just one of ten ways to build attraction. There are so many ways to use these attraction builders in the stories you tell to your advantage. Be sure to do so and reap the benefits. This is critical to achieving high success.