Beauty is Only Skin Deep

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Relationships,Single Life

“When you start to really know someone, all his physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in his energy, recognizing the scent of his skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to “own” it. You can love it with your eyes and body, but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, becoming irrelevant.”

-Bestselling author Lisa Unger

We’ve all heard the line “beauty is only skin deep,” but as author Lisa Unger so eloquently writes in the quote above, once we get to know someone beyond the surface, only then can we fall in love with them. Until then it is only lust. Dig a little deeper before you find yourself falling too hard, too fast. You may not like what you find underneath. Or you may discover what true love is once you get past appearances.


Picking Wrong

by Haley Plotnik under Judaism,Relationships,Single Life

Two years ago, when I was at one of the lowest points in my entire life, I started a relationship with a man I’ll call “Ted.” Ted was a good guy in a lot of ways, but he also had a dark side. He wouldn’t ever let me see him in his darkest state. The longer we were together, the more I was scared to break up with him for fear that he wouldn’t be able to handle it. After 9 months together, he told me that he didn’t think we’d last for the long-term. So I said, “Fine. Let’s break up.” I was so relieved he’d been the instigator, even if I swung the axe. Two weeks later, he begged me to take him back, but I couldn’t. As he wallowed in his poor choices, I started feeling more confident in my choices than I’d felt in a long time.

I am historically bad at picking suitable guys to date. About a month after Ted and I broke up, I decided to get a little help picking out men from the peanut gallery. I let people set me up left and right. Most of the time I would rule out guys after the first date for one reason or another, but every now and then, I’d find someone who seemed like a potential keeper. Right when I would start to doubt the new relationship, Ted would contact me. It was like he had a super power. I’d feel guilty, and then I’d shoot my budding relationship in the foot.

I made myself a promise when I broke up with Ted that I would only date someone with better qualifications. I wanted someone who stood head and shoulders above the previous guys I’ve dated, not a repeat of the same old thing.

Fast forward to now: Ted and I have been broken up for 15th months. I’ve dated quite a few guys, only to land on the conclusion that I’ve been somewhat wrong. I fundamentally believe I deserve better treatment than I’ve had in the past. However, the traits I’ve associated with such treatment are totally oversimplified. I guess I thought that dating Jewish would help alleviate some of the alienation I’ve experienced in past relationships. It really hasn’t. I feel more alienated at times, just in ways I’d hadn’t anticipated. I date Jews and non-Jews at current. With Jews I don’t have to subtly screen for anti-Semitism, but I’m not willing to bet all of my chips on Jews just yet either; limiting my opportunities to find happiness with <1% of the US population of males feels about as risky as placing a $5,000 blind bet on a poker hand. What do you think? Am I playing the odds… or I am playing it too safe?


What is Attraction?

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

According to Psychology Today:

“A man, looking at a woman for the first time (or a woman looking at a man) will respond to the way that person stands or sits, the way he or she smiles, or is quiet or animated, the way he/she responds to others, and to the way that person is groomed and dressed. That initial impression determines whether that person seems attractive or not. But the odd thing is that what strikes one person as attractive will seem unattractive to someone else. No one way of appearing will seem attractive to everyone. Not only that, what is attractive, or unattractive, to a particular person at a particular time may seem quite the opposite at another time and place. ”

What this means is that looks don’t matter. How pretty or handsome you are is not all that people take into consideration when they are deciding whether or not to approach you. And just because someone doesn’t approach you at any given time, it isn’t an insult to you. Basically, every instance is different. As long as you exude confidence and happiness, then you have done everything possible to put the odds in your favor of making every opportunity count.


What Makes Someone “Hot”?

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

A blogger from The Times of Israel recently posted an article called “15 Women Hotter Than Bar Refaeli.” It listed women such as Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Prime Minister Golda Meir and comedian Sarah Silverman. The point of the article is to show that what makes a woman “hot” is not just a gorgeous face or a sexy body, but brains and the ability to use them.

Looks are subjective; everyone has their own idea of what is sexy and what (or who) they are attracted to. However, brains, intelligence and ingenuity cannot be faked (at least not for long). You are going to click on someone’s profile because you’re attracted to their profile photo, but you’re going to continue being interested based on what’s beneath — so put more effort into getting to know your prospects before you determine that you are or are not interested.


3 Important Tips to Remember Before the First Date

by Tripp under Online Dating,Single Life

So you’ve been messaging back and forth with that cute punum the past week and you finally set up a date. Maybe you even had a phone call beforehand and got to know each other. The date is set and the place is picked. To help ensure you make it a successful date, I’ve made a list of three essential steps to take:

1) Relax

Don’t go into this thinking he/she will be your future husband or wife. Take it slow. A lot of people get super excited about dates and think “this may be ‘The One.'” If you go into a date with that mindset, then you will set yourself up to lose. Instead, think about this date as another experience you get to have with an interesting person. Heck, you already qualified them for what you’re looking for. Now, enjoy the time together and don’t rush it.

2) Dress The Part

This advice is mostly for the guys here. Dress up! This is a date. Think Friday Night Services. You want to impress your date and look good, right? Put on a decent collared shirt (make sure it fits) and a nice pair of shoes. Women give extra special bonus points to the guys who know how to dress. Girls, I’m sure you got this part handled.

3) Bring the Energy!

Yes, I said to relax, so this might seem a little contradictory. But, dates are about fun! If you aren’t eager to be there, then you will put your date off. Ask them intriguing questions. Tell them your funniest stories (don’t get too crazy). And have fun. When you enjoy the moment, the people around you will enjoy it too. It’s never enough to just show up. Bring your A-game.

Those are the most important tips to having a successful date #1. Follow these three tips and you will be on your way to a successful date #2. That is what you want, isn’t it?

Read more from Tripp here.


Nice Guys Needn’t Apply?

by AndyCowan under Relationships,Single Life

Women say they’re looking for a nice guy. But is nice too boring? Do nice guys finish first in the dating world? Or do they need to toss a little danger into the mix? You’ve heard of the expression, smart women/foolish choices. Is that because, a la Groucho and Woody, these ladies are less interested in being a member of a club (nice guy) that would have them as a member?

Over the long haul of a relationship, “nice” rules. But to get women interested enough to commit to that relationship in the beginning, I will now periodically be dangerous.

Should we watch a video back at my place, I won’t stop nuking the popcorn until I hear the very last pop.

It’s a start.


Skewed View

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

When you view page after page after page of prospects on JDate, you can start to develop a skewed view of what’s (or who’s) hot and not. Some JDaters® may look attractive in comparison to others, when alone in real life you may think differently. Other JDaters may stop looking good because you’ve just spent too much time scanning and are going plum-crazy-blind and need a break from looking at the computer screen. Make sure you take your time checking out your prospects, and if it means sleeping on it then do so. Fresh eyes= fresh perspective.


Are good girls a turn off?

by jpompey under Relationships

In some of my other blog entries I discussed the fact that men are highly attracted to bad girls for various reasons.

However, does this mean that on the flip side, being a good girl is actually a turn off?

When I think of good girls, on the one hand I see a smiling happy couple, a beautiful house, a long lasting relationship with kids playing on the front lawn.

Then there is the dark side of me that sees someone that is uptight, never lets me do what I want, tries to always be perfect, and when it comes to one on one time, well…

Let’s keep this G Rated shall we? ;)

The truth is, I more often see a good girl as something somewhat desirable, but lacking everything I truly want.

Where is the balance?  Is it possible to have a girlfriend that is good girl half the week and bad-ass come weekend?!  How about a beautiful, sexy woman, that is full of tattoos, is up for anything, but is a saint underneath it all?

Maybe I’m just never happy, but I want both!


Pretty Predicament

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Which is more important – looks or personality? Would you rather spend the rest of your life with someone who is smart as a whip, a great conversationalist and well-read but not particularly gorgeous or someone who is beautiful and has an amazing body but spends most of her time discussing the latest celebrity gossip. So is it brains or beauty?

Obviously we each strive to find our Beshert whom we are attracted to both physically and mentally, but if I had to choose one, I think I’d prefer the former. I’d rather be able to have scintillating conversation for the rest of my life. Not only do looks fade, but they can only get you so far. Do you want to roll over in bed in 50 years and see a wrinkled has-been (or worse, someone overly-nipped-and tucked) and talk about Kim Kardashian or do you want to see someone that you’ve grown to be attracted to and can discuss politics, current events, philosophy and so on?

Of course we strive to find the best of both worlds – someone who enjoys watching trashy television together after unwinding from a long day of work and also enjoys a good-natured debate about next year’s Presidential election.

When I first spotted my husband across the bar I was struck by his stature, his smile and his eyes. But it was the four hours of conversation after that which sealed the deal. We couldn’t stop talking – both about things we agreed upon and things which we respectfully agreed to disagree upon. I liked that he was the right-leaning moderate to my left-leaning moderate views. I liked that he was educated, worldly, sociable, and of course could make me laugh. He wasn’t just a pretty face.

When you’re out there dating you need to keep in mind that pretty isn’t the most important thing. You may initially be drawn to the most attractive person online or at the bar, but try to gauge what else they have to offer, otherwise it will seem like you’re having a date with a pretty painting, and you’ll soon be bored out of your mind. Needless to say, something about the person needs to make you want to get to know more about them, right? You can’t “see” substance, which is why you have to give everyone a chance and get to know them before discounting them.

Attraction can grow and it can diminish so make sure you’re contributing to a stable, steady growth in your relationships, and not responsible for it taking a nosedive. If you notice your date’s eyes roving or just a stream of “uh-hum’s” coming from their end of the conversation or if you keep going on first dates that never turn into seconds, try to see what you can change about yourself to stimulate your situation. Obviously you’re not going to know if you’re boring, but try to be aware of your date’s perspective of you. It doesn’t matter what you look like, but it does matter what comes out of your mouth. Read up on the news; make sure you’re up to date on the latest in your hobbies and interests; learn weird and interesting tidbits that you can share to create conversation. Do what you can to up your attractiveness quotient through other channels outside of your appearance.


October Dating Advice – A Secret Attraction Building Technique

by jpompey under Relationships,Single Life

What would you say if I told you that you could cause women to feel high levels of attraction towards you without even doing anything?

Would you be interested?

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret that most people don’t know about.

The human body is a complicated thing.  We are constantly releasing hormones and chemicals that cause us to feel and experience different things that are beyond our control.  And with that said, one of the things that we can’t control are feelings of attraction.

Attraction is something that men and women just feel.  We feel it mostly when we see something visual.  Women feel it for ten reasons that have nothing to do with looks.

With that said, one way to make women feel attraction is by scaring them.  When women are frightened it releases many of the same hormones that cause attraction.  And while we don’t want to scare them in the, I’m a creepy online dater way, we can find many fun activities that will provide our dates with a scare during October.  Stay tuned to future blog entries for some great ideas.