under Date Night
You are driving home with an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach. You are mentally visualizing the date you just had, trying to undo all of the mistakes that can never be undone. ”I should have held the door for her. I also should have listened to her when she was talking about her sick grandmother instead of just nodding in agreement. I shouldn’t have suggested she pay for dinner.” You just had a bad date and it feels terrible. Don’t worry, your bad date is nothing compared to the conditions that people have to deal with every day in North Korea.
under Date Night
You’re on the worst date of your life. That is complete hyperbole but let’s just say that you are on a date that isn’t going well. You don’t know your date very well, but you do know that you know her (or him) well enough to hate her. You have a strong dislike for the woman across from you, and have lost your appetite. You are dreading the next hour of your precious, short life. You have exhausted all options. You tried small-talk, but she is unresponsive to your winning banter. There is only one way out.
In my experience, I have found that a fun way to make the dinner bearable is to just go for crazy. You don’t have to be loud or obnoxious. I mean you can be obnoxious if you want, but you really don’t have to put that much effort into it. You could be the guy that never talks. Just don’t talk at all for like twenty minutes. Or you could be the guy with a weird collection. Talk frenetically about how you have devoted the past fifteen years of your life to accumulating socks. You have completely shut out the rest of the world. You have a room in your house, the Shrine of Socks, which is completely full of socks. You always wear at least two layers of socks because you love how it absorbs pressure and sweat. Your dream is to open a sock store called Between the Foot and the Shoe, as well as its successor, The Sock Shack. You joined a political cause to pass a law that says that makes it illegal to practice karate and gymnastics barefoot. You have every episode of Rowan & Martin’s Laugh In on DVD. You haven’t been outside of your house for ten years.
Or you could be a crazy conspiracy theorist. Tell your date that you are convinced that the waiter is trying to poison the two of you; when the water comes, splash it onto the floor. When the bread comes, threaten the server with the bread knife. When the steak comes…well…eat it. No reason to waste delicious steak.