under Date Night
When you’re planning a first date the biggest question is whether or not to commit to a meal versus just meeting for drinks. Well, I have the perfect solution! Make plans to meet at a restaurant that has a bar… and make reservations for dinner at that restaurant about an hour after you are to meet. If there is chemistry and conversation during the drink portion and you’re interested in getting to know your date more, then go ahead and follow the hostess to your table. If you don’t want to continue the date, then thank your date for his or her time and leave.
That said: you must check-in with the hostess ahead of time and let the restaurant know that the reservation is contingent upon the date going well and that you may end up canceling. Arrange a gesture or look that you will give the hostess if you want them to come and get you when it’s time, or not. (Or you can also walk-in without a reservation and if you are enjoying your time at the bar then go over to the hostess stand to ask for a table. If the wait is too long and you still want to stay, then order food to the bar.)
It may sound like a big hassle, but it solves a lot of issues about how to plan a date when you aren’t sure if you’re going to like the other person. You want options and you want to eliminate awkwardness. If you’re unsure when the time comes to go to your table, then take the plunge and sit down for dinner — sometimes people have nerves and the transition to the next stage of the date should help.
You can set people up on a blind date or you can invite them both to the same place at the same time and casually introduce them. I had a successful shidduch recently with telling 2 friends about each other and having them meet alone at a coffee house, but the next shidduch I have in mind is going to be done a different way. I don’t want them to feel the pressure or the awkwardness, so instead I’m having a get-together and inviting them as well as some of their respective friends. I want them to feel comfortable and at ease. They know about each other and are interested in meeting each other, so I just need to make it easy. Some people need to be put in a 1-on-1 situation for an assortment of reasons (either they’re too easily distracted, or they won’t put themselves out there, or they’ll depend on their friends too much, etc), but others need a buffer. So when you’re looking to do a set-up, or if someone says they have a shidduch for you, then determine what kind of introduction you want to make by taking into consideration the personalities of the two people involved in the set-up.
under Date Night
I had an eventful dermatologist visit last week. I was inspired by the cutest elderly couple who have been married 70 years and still beaming with happiness. The Dr.’s Assistant also engaged in the “I can’t believe you are single” conversation. Really, how is one supposed to answer this? This awkwardness was followed by her asking if she could set me up with a cute, nice, smart, Dr. What is a girl to do? My response, “Sure, why not?” I’m single and open to meeting new people. I figure if the set-up is not the right match for me, I’ll simply recycle, and introduce him to my friends (isn’t being green trendy). I think we get used to shopping for relationships online, so a blind date actually feels a little strange because I’m at a disadvantage with a lack of information. But generally speaking, I feel confident if someone is going through the effort of introducing two folks, at a minimum the folks involved are usually good people. And who can’t use a new friend…
under Date Night
I just simply do not take photos that do me justice, flatter me or show that I am really a very attractive woman. So, I joined JDate without a photo and have had a few responses but no dates. What do I do?
Dear JDate Blind Date,
The answer is simple: you need to, no, you must, have photos. No one is going on JDate for a blind date. Regardless of your attractiveness factor, everyone can take a few decent photos even if you’re the least photogenic person in the world. Oftentimes, by the way, it’s not your lack of presence in front of the camera but the photographer. I would recommend you do something for yourself and for your dating life — spend the money to hire a professional photographer to take pictures of you — headshots, candids, full body poses, etc. Not only will you then have photos to use for JDate, but in 20 years you’ll be happy you have photos to look back on that you actually like and that actually look like you. Think about it this way — would you spend time getting to know a guy who didn’t have photos but promised you that he was good looking? Probably not. So gather your friends around to help with hair, make-up and wardrobe and go enjoy being a supermodel for a day! You deserve it and so does your dating life! Good luck!
under Date Night
Before a blind date I find there is always a smidge of hopeful optimism and nervousness. I find myself wondering, ‘Can this be the beginning..is this the One.. ?’ Then I refocus myself on enjoying the journey and getting to know the new possibilities that cross my path. Hair, makeup, outfit, check. In some instances the optimism is either affirmed or quickly dismissed as you walk through the door, smile and start engaging (or struggling) with conversation. It is an easy going chemistry. The “Aha” instinct becomes clear in most cases rather quickly. Though many of the times the optimistic air is let out of the balloon, this process is still worth sticking to. For no other reason as the many times as I have heard “it will happen when you least expect it,” Romeo has yet gotten past my doorman, knocked on my apartment door as I veg on the couch in my pjs with a glass of pinot noir. Therefore I choose the alternative, having my pinot outside my apartment, meeting new friends and embracing the freedom and opportunities that come with being a singleton.
#43 A shout to the women: Steak Houses…Time and time again that is where all my guy friends tend to congregate for some purpose or another.