under Date Night
Your body language communicates more than your actual words… by A LOT! 55% vs 7% to be exact, with the remaining 38% of communication coming from your tone of voice. (When people say that more than 90% of communication is nonverbal, that could be referring to the math of 55+38=93%.) So, what does this mean when you’re dating? It means you need to be cognizant of how you’re sitting or standing, your facial expression and what kinds of looks you’re giving, as well as how you’re saying what you’re saying.
If you don’t want the person you’re speaking with to automatically go on the defensive when you say something that could be perceived as offensive, or something that could easily be taken the wrong way, then make sure your arms aren’t crossed across your chest or placed on your hips. Make eye contact and smile so that your eyes give off warmth. Take a few deep breaths before you start speaking and relax your shoulders.
And while you’re at it — think twice about what you’re saying, does it even need to be said? By the way, these tips are also good for giving off an approachable vibe when you’re looking to attract others!
under Date Night
After hosting a HurryDate event last week, I have some advice that all singles who are planning to attend speed dating events should read:
1. Dress to Impress
There was a man there wearing a hat. Really? Just like your JDate profile photo, why on earth would you show up wearing a hat? There were ladies wearing sandals. Not only is it February, but there is nothing sexy about sandals.
2. Be on Time
It’s tough to start the event if all the people aren’t there. Check in and then go grab a drink from the bar.
Nothing says “approachable” better than a smile. That, and don’t cross your arms over your chest.
4. Be Conversation Ready
Most of the questions that can be asked within the five-minute time frame of the speed date are the obvious ones, so be prepared to answer: “What do you do?” and “Where do you live/Where are you from?” And try to answer with easy, one-line answers that you haven’t rehearsed.
5. Don’t Ask: “Why Are You Still Single?”
“Why are you still single?” and “What is your relationship history?” are questions to be saved for a later time. If someone asks you these questions during a speed dating party, then your answers should go like this, respectively: “For the same reason you’re still single, I haven’t met the right person yet” and “I’ve been in some meaningful relationships where I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I want in a mate, and I’d be happy to share that with you on another date.” Then change the topic.
Finally, stick around after and socialize. You may meet another single to attend future single events with you, or you may get to continue talking with someone, like the couple who was still chatting an hour after the event ended last week…
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under Date Night
Body language is important — especially on a date or at a singles event — but when does physical flirting go too far? We all know about making eye contact, looking away, and then making eye contact again (women typically add in a hair flip or twirl for good measure); and then holding the eye contact and adding a smile. But when is it too much?
If you’re constantly licking your lips or biting the corner of your lip, remind yourself that you’re not LL Cool J and put your tongue back in your mouth. The same goes for caressing your fingers down your cleavage or mimicking a growl or a bite. Tone it down. Unless of course your intent is just to hook up because that’s the impression you’re giving off.
There’s a difference between flirting with class and flirting with crass, and it’s not a fine line. It’s a wide, multi-lane highway. You can be obvious about flirting without being over the top.
At some point in your dating career, you will end up with someone who is annoyingly affectionate. Usually you already have an inkling that this person isn’t “The One” — and so everything they do is annoying, but whether it’s a first date or a one-year anniversary, there are people out there who don’t realize their type of affection is anything but loving.
It’s those people who constantly touch you — regardless of if you’re eating, sleeping, in the midst of a fight, talking, walking, crying, getting ready, cooking, you get the point. Affection is (usually) welcome, as long as its the right amount at the right time. Some people don’t like to be touched when they are doing certain things or feeling a certain way and anyone interested in being with you long-term needs to learn to both read your body language and your moods!
A leading body language expert recently said that a woman should sit next to a man — rather than across from him — if she wants him to open up. The expert went on to say a man feels less intimidated and more intimate when the woman is sitting next to him. That would be okay once you’re in a serious relationship and can sit together on the couch, but how does that work when you’re just dating? Are you going to sit next to him in a restaurant and the both of you can either look at a wall, or at the crowd, or strain your necks craning to look towards each other? It doesn’t really make sense. I guess you could always make a list of restaurants which you know have booths and then request to sit there…
Body language is very important, but don’t try to force something because an expert tells you to. Leave the tip above for when you are in a serious relationship and keep to the tried and true body language tips for dating:
- smile a lot
- make eye contact
- play with your hair
- lean in towards him
- don’t cross your arms
- touch his arm or leg for a moment when you laugh or to show concern
While you’re out there searching for your special someone, remind yourself why you want to be one half of a couple and make sure your way of thinking is pure and real. Your reasoning for dating is written across your forehead in plain English whether you like it or not (and can be read between the lines of your profile). If you’re constantly wondering why perfectly eligible singles aren’t jiving with you, then maybe your purpose in dating isn’t genuine and you’re putting off the wrong vibe. Do you want to share your life with someone, grow old with the same someone and start a family with the same someone? Or are you just sick of being the fifth wheel, sick of sitting at the single’s tables and sick of going home to an empty house? Figure it out because you’re going to get whatever it is you put out there.
When you’re not sure about the kind of person you’re looking for and you’re not sure why you’re even out there looking, the doubt and cynicism will be apparent. Women can usually tell when a guy is not done playing the field, when he is still looking to have fun and is not yet ready to look for a wife and settle down. On the flip side, men can also tell when a woman is overly desperate and needy. How men and women react in these situations is something else altogether: some women may want to try and tame a player and some men go for a desperate woman because he may think she’s easy prey. Don’t fall into these categories if you don’t want to attract these types of people. Make sure you know what your target is – a fun time, a serious relationship or whatever it may be – and emote that on your face and in your body language.