Dating Advice, Part 1

by Aaron under Relationships,Single Life

When I was four years old, I had a classmate named Nikki whom I really admired. I had this giant crush, and I guess I thought the feeling was mutual. However, before the greatest affair of our pre-school class could ever come to be, I made a pre-emptive move. When Nikki’s mother showed up one day to pick Nikki up, I walked over and told her “I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t marry your daughter because she isn’t Jewish.” I hope I didn’t offend Nikki or her mother too much, but at an early age, I had an understanding of what I wanted out of a partner.

Fast forward to my early twenties, and I still have a clearly defined picture of what I’m looking for. As far as my life goes, finding a Jewish girl to marry was always the priority. But as a young adult, there are other issues to worry about, like say, a career.

Career paths never worried me growing up. I had some ideas of what I wanted to do, but even leaving undergrad, I wasn’t too worried. Much to the dismay of my parents, I set up one interview before school ended, and if I didn’t get that job the plan was to go into stand-up comedy for a while and work eventually. My parents were delighted that the one interview worked out.

Now, as I study to get my MBA, career is the main focus of my life. I hardly get a chance to log onto JDate, and real life meeting is very limited due to time. However, I did think about dating as I went to an MBA conference last week.

The conference had a number of areas to help work on your resume, as well as elevator pitches, mock interviews, etc. One thing that boggles my mind about all this is how open people are to admitting they need help, and going to get it in terms of career growth. Careers and dating are the two big parts of young adulthood, and yet one is so much more of a taboo topic than the other. “Singles” events are always named otherwise in Dallas, and in order to get real advice on dating one has to do some serious searching. Googling “resume help” is a lot more helpful than googling “dating guidance”.

So why don’t we talk more openly about helping singles get better at what they’re doing? It’s not always a matter of finding the right person; we don’t say to people “that’s okay, you’ll get employed when the right employer accepts you for you”. We know people have to work to sell themselves for a job, doesn’t the same need to be a real conversation for dating? Come back next week for my answer, and in the meantime feel free to discuss in the comments!


Out of Egypt

by Aaron under JBloggers,Relationships,Single Life

In The Ethics of our Fathers, one of the key quotes I took away was to “acquire for yourself a friend.”

I have had pretty substantial friendships since high school ended, deeming most of my friends with a term I invented: “sebester” friends (meaning they were my best friends for a semester or so each while we were in school taking classes and hanging out together). My “sebester” friends lasted often much more than a semester, but often each semester brought me a new and equally great friendship to add to the collection.

When I got out of school and moved back to mainland Dallas, I had a friend from school I hung out with who was great, and then that was pretty much it. As the next year and a half went by, it was just us. I made new friends, but never quite to the level of any of my “sebester” friendships. Then came Moses.

I don’t like to use names in my blog, but Moses has given me permission, and besides, I think it’s important that I point out how obvious the friendship of Moses and Aaron should be. In a year of great things in my life, Moses and I met in October of 2012 during Sukkot. We had a blast getting to know each other, and even finding out my zeyde was friends with his aunt.

Moses has since moved to San Francisco (ladies of SF, keep an eye out, he’s pretty easy to find with a name like Moses), but we are still super close. And with him back this past weekend, it reminded me of some of the great traits of our friendship that I’d like to share. For starters, I always felt comfortable with who I was when I was with Moses, and never felt like he was judging me. With Moses in my vicinity, no one else mattered. We talked about topics that we were guarded about and really helped each other grow.

More than anything, I think Moses helped me figure out a lot about myself. I knew I wanted a girl who could be a friend to me as much as he is, and when I haven’t found that, I’ve moved on. He helped me realize that the real cornerstone to a great relationship is friendship — both with the girl, and with someone who you can be sure can help keep you steady. So to everyone else out there, I hope you can find a Moses, and I hope in doing so you can better find yourself.