Dear Gems from Jen,

I have been seeing a man for the past six weekends. He prefers to text conversations and rarely calls. If I call him, it is not often that he will pick up the phone. I told him that I was a bit frustrated with texting and the way we were communicating.

His reply “If I am causing you pain then I’ll back off.” I just simply said, “Do you want to call this time?” He replied, “Yes.” However, it’s still text, text and text.

Ouch!

Dear Texting Not Talking,

I completely understand your frustration! In my opinion, there is something missing when texting is the main form of communication. Texting allows our own interpretations to take charge of what is really being said. There really is no substitute for a phone call. If this guy is not willing to communicate in a manner that you feel comfortable with then I agree; you have made the right decision regarding giving this relationship some time. Texting once in awhile is fine, but to have that as the main form of communication equals very little communication. It sounds to me as if he might not be the best match for you. Keep up the search on JDate and make it clear in your profile that communication is of the utmost importance to you. Hope this helps!

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Jen,

I feel obligated to call after a first date even if I do not want to continue dating the person. What do you recommend I say in such a situation? Do I say “I enjoyed meeting you but I think we should be friends”? Sometimes, I don’t even want to call, but I hear that women don’t like that. Maybe they really don’t want to hear from me again. What do the experts recommend in this situation?

Dear Obligation,

I completely understand your confusion regarding this dilemma. Calling is the polite thing to do. However, I believe you should be honest before the first date even ends.  If you are truly not interested, then do not let your date believe there might be more dates to follow. I do recognize that it is an uncomfortable thing to do, but honesty is the best policy here. Put yourself in your date’s shoes.  Would you want to sit around waiting for a call looking forward to a second date and that time never comes? I know I sure wouldn’t.

Now, with that said, if you did say you were going to call, then call. However, when you make that call be sure to let the woman know you enjoyed meeting her, but you are not interested in pursuing anything more. It takes real courage to let someone down gently and honestly. But, it is the right thing to do. I cannot tell you how many letters I have received on this topic.  The difference was most of these people have been ignored rather than treated with honesty. I’m glad to see there are people like you!

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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