under Date Night
No, this post is not about going on a bad date — in fact, it’s about going on a good date when you know you’re about to move.
When you have one foot out the door of the city you live in, and are proactively looking to move, then why bother dating in your current city? Would you change your plans if you were to meet someone? If the answer to that question is no, then I suggest waiting until you know where — and when — you’re going to move, and then switching your account to that city with the tagline “I’ll be moving to _______ soon and am looking forward to meeting new people!”
It’s not fair to your dates in your current city to consider you as a serious prospect when you are on the verge of moving away. It’s not fair to yourself, either. This is a good time to do some introspection as you prepare to embark on this new chapter. And while you’re at it, take some time to update your profile to reflect what you want for yourself as you move forward in life.
I keep running into guy friends who tell me they are dating women whom they have no interest in marrying, but are using to pass time and get away from the dating scene. These women are typically not Jewish and much younger than them, and these guys are just having fun… except the women don’t know this. They don’t know they are being used, they don’t know that the men they are falling for won’t marry non-Jews, and they don’t know the men they are with aren’t looking for serious relationships which have a future. These women are all going to get hurt, more so if they find out the truth.
It’s not worth it. And if you believe in karma, then it’s really not worth it. Date casually, but don’t take dating to the next level with someone whom you know you would never marry.
My friend Ari is dating a girl who isn’t Jewish and they’ve started getting serious. He is adamant that he only wants to marry a Jewish girl. So is it fair to Christina to keep dating her? She hasn’t done anything wrong, she’s awesome and they have fun, but he knows there’s something missing. He told her how he felt when they first met, but I think she’s hoping to change his mind. The longer they date, the harder it will be to break it off and the more it will hurt. He says they’re having fun, but she seems to really be into him.
I think it’s selfish of Ari to let it get any deeper when he knows it will never amount to anything. Sure, some couples end up falling in love, even when they told themselves they would never date a non-Jew/a lawyer/a smoker/etc, but if Judaism is one of your top priorities (and I, of course, hope it is), then letting a casual date turn into a relationship isn’t a smart idea. Shiksas have feelings too.
We all come to online dating for different reasons. Some of us are looking for a mere hookup, others are looking to casually date, while others want relationships and more. Whatever the reasons are, each person is entitled to use online dating for whatever purpose they wish.
However, what do you do when you are meeting lots of people, have never made any intentions to commit yet, and an important day comes up?
For example, let’s say your are dating a couple of women casually, and it’s a big holiday. Even though you may have never made any intentions to fully commit, women you are dating will expect you to be around on this day regardless of whether or not you are exclusive yet. This isn’t exactly fair to those of us who are honestly trying to find the one we are looking for while dating various people. They may say they don’t care, but they will.
The only way to avoid these difficulties is to get out of town! Disappear for a day and avoid the unnecessary drama. This will keep you from avoiding any potential bad situations and is the only solution to this dilemma. And remember, you’re not doing anything wrong unless you made your intent to commit clear!