As I was perusing the JDate profiles one moniker grabbed my attention from a handsome gentleman AKA Lets Grow Old Together…. Although premature in his intention in his late thirties, I couldn’t agree with him more. Granted, as a singleton in NYC I enjoy the social opportunities that I am afforded. Though as uncool as it may sound, a party once in awhile is fine, but I prefer going to bed by 11:00 and waking up early. I prefer outside activities during the day verses bar activities. A double date, dinner party with a mad game of Taboo and a great bottle of wine sounds wonderful. Spending the afternoon picnicking in Central Park, catching up on reading, and watching the row boats equals a perfect day. I’m so over the bar scene. I guess the ritual ground hound day’s life with my partner and dog, sounds pretty exciting to me. For me, there is a warmth and happy content consistency that comes from the notion of routine and Growing Old Together.
Growing up in Miami, I am used to HEAT and I love it…especially the Miami Heat. Summer is a close second to my favorite season, fall. It’s still warm with crisp evening air, leaves turn, football and Halloween…all good stuff. I digress. As I was running in Central Park this gorgeous summer morning, I felt so thankful (a season in advance of Thanksgiving) – sure I would love to have a family and I would love to put my single days behind me, absolutely, without question. But there is a lot of joy that lies in the journey, the process and getting to know yourself that is best achieved during those morning jogs.
#45 Jogging in Central Park or any Park
As friends and I were listening to the Philharmonic in Central Park last night, we discussed the elusive world of chemistry. There are at least three types of chemistry as it relates to the Internet dating world. Email chemistry, phone chemistry and in-person chemistry. The all too frustrating part is more often than not, only one exists. Years ago, I set up a girlfriend with my then boyfriend’s friend. Before even meeting, Jodi and Ken spoke every night for hours for two weeks straight on the phone.The euphoria most people crave with a new potential was apparent. She prematurely believed that based on their phone conversations this could be it. Finally, the fateful day came when they had their first date…and let’s say their last date. The physical attraction was fine, but the in-person chemistry was off, inexplicable and different from their countless hours on the phone. I was bewildered, what could be so different? But time and time again I hear the same thing. All I know is I am not a phone person, particularly when I don’t know the person. The phone is used to convey something of immediate share worthiness and to set up plans. Hours on the phone is not really my style. My friends and I concluded, if you meet someone on JDate, try to arrange the in-person meeting as soon as possible and limit the phone and email banter until after that initial meeting. Use that time for a mani-pedi which is guaranteed to last a week.
#46 Tall skim caramel macchiato – enough said.
Although there’s been a lot of June rainfall for us New Yorkers up to this point, the sun showed itself some on Sunday. Even though most of the locals clear the city during the weekends for the Hamptons and Fire Island (ala “summer hours” – a new phenomenon to me – law firm administrators please take note and implement immediately), personally, I think that is when the City is the BEST. Hanging at Bethesda Fountain in Central Park…a row boat in the Park really can’t get much more romantic, as long as it’s with someone you want to be on the boat with (and not drown)…drinks at the Boat House…can it get any more perfect? NYC not crowded as locals head out of town…priceless.
Every year, various publications come out with their lists of best cities to be single in…undoubtedly NYC always makes the grade.
This week/weekend I’m in DC working and visiting. Having lived in DC for over 12 years, I have a great love and appreciation for the “town.” DC is a dichotomy of a transient melting pot focused on the political industry and a southern town. As I was sleeping in my spacious house in the burbs compared to my shoebox off of Central Park, the quiet became a little eerie…with no activity, doorman, bodega around the corner, I contemplated what the best city for singles truly is.
As the eternal romantic, I think you can meet your beshert on a plane. Since I have no flights scheduled, I’ll put that aside for now. Despite the complaints I have heard, I’m convinced there is no better place than NYC for no other reason than the number of people you encounter everyday in this walking city. And without question, there is never enough time to attend all the fun events or try the hottest new restaurant, while meeting your future “who knows”.
Even if some of my girlfriends who have lived in NYC for years are frustrated by the scene, I’m still the eternal optimist and think there is no better city to be single in. I guess I now adopted a New York State of Mind.
As the girls and I were sunbathing in Sheeps Meadow this past weekend in Central Park (with thousands of other folks “you may know” on facebook) a friend relayed a story of a guy who approached her at a party and asked, “Do girls like good or bad boys?” Her well-balanced answer: “Girls like interesting good guys.”
For all the single guys who are looking for a commitment, trust me, good guys do finish first. Admittedly, in my twenties, my standard response was I’m looking for a guy “with edge.” My mom continuously asked me what this “edge” actually meant? Looking back, “edge” equated to my lack of knowledge and self awareness of what I needed in a life partner in my twenties. There comes a time, usually in a lady’s thirties where “edge” is trumped by the desire to find a superhero aka a “good egg.” And, although bad boys may be fun for that Vegas vacation story, they are not usually the keepers.
Like Marvel or DC, I’m convinced Good traditionally trumps Evil and the “good guy” IS the hot commodity.
The weather this Saturday is predicted to be 80 degrees and finally reflecting of Spring – a serious “yippee” for us New Yorkers hibernating in our caves because we feel the winter has been never-ending. Along with this heat comes the extra bounce in our strides as the crowds fill Central Park, smiles are passed to strangers, outdoor neighborhood fairs pop up, and women are seen sporting shorter skirts and tanned skin. Hearts are filled with the promise of renewal and possibility of new romances. There are so many fun things to experience in the city. Will it be sun bathing in Sheep’s Meadow or a walking wine tour? Still yet to be determined…but either way, anticipate a new bounce in my step.
If you are a single 30-something, there is no question that there have been at least a couple false starts and hopes crushed in your lifetime so far. Since you end up with one partner (except maybe in some parts of Utah), what happens to the other false beginnings? Since you have decided a romantic future is not in the cards, now what? Is it possible that exes really can develop a genuine, platonic friendship?
I spent a couple of hours frolicking in Central Park this weekend with a recent ex who I see maybe twice a year as he lives on the West coast. Without fail, when we have a reunion, our connection is easy and natural, even after months apart. As I recognize it is a rarity, I am left feeling truly blessed to have this comfort of familiarity that comes from knowing someone so well and the subsequent connection.
It seems to me, that in most former relationships, you respected and valued your ex’s character and other redeeming qualities (besides the physical). Assuming the relationship was honest, communicative and both parties understood the reasoning behind the demise of the romantic portion, why can’t the platonic connection supersede? Although I believe the underlying attraction never completely fades, why can’t both parties genuinely say, ‘Since you are not going to end up with me, I want you to be happy and find that happiness with someone else,’ and mean it? I think a friendship is not only possible, but can turn out to be stronger than you imagined, filled with selfless love.