The Plight of Monica Lewinsky

by Aaron under Israel,Judaism,Relationships,Single Life

Listening to the radio this last week, I was surprised to hear a name being talked about that I hadn’t heard in a long time. That name, as the title spoils, was Monica Lewinsky. Without me even writing anything else about the story, I’m sure you already know what they talked about.

And that’s the big problem: poor Monica Lewinsky can’t escape her stupid scandal no matter how hard she tries. The story talked about how she can’t get jobs, she can’t date easily, and, in general, any mention of her name (as demonstrated above) draws an instant connotation. In short, Monica Lewinsky, now age 40, seems doomed as long as she carries her name.

The easy answer, I suppose, is to change her name. It’s not like people would recognize her on the regular all these years later. Although she may illicit a familiar vibe just by seeing her. She could just become that woman who reminds people of… Monica Lewinsky.

You’re probably thinking, “this is the weirdest dating-related blog ever — who cares about Monica Lewinsky?” Well, for one, I feel bad for the poor lady. Heck, she may even be on JDate with us! But more than that, I feel like her story is a great hyperbole for how stuck we are in ourselves, and an awesome inspiration for how we can endure our reputations.

Reinvention is something a good number of us aim for regularly, especially those of us in our twenties and thirties. Reinvention is easier said than done, however. “A tiger doesn’t change it’s stripes!” people will tell you, and then we settle into our old ways. We can change our habits one by one and slowly change, but more than that, we can choose to change.

While eating hamburgers together, one of my rabbis and I talked about changing when we moved. I was expressing excitement at who I would begin life in New York as, he talked about when he first moved to Israel. What I really enjoyed about his story was his take on the month of Adar. He said before he went to Israel, he thought dancing around and being joyous during services for a month was bogus, and it drove him crazy he couldn’t get into it. When he got to Israel, he realized no one knew him as the guy who hated Adar, and he suddenly became very excited to celebrate the entire month. He set himself to be the guy who loves Adar, and it happened.

You don’t have to move to change, however. Sure, it’s definitely easier, but sometimes it can be as simple as just choosing internally to do something. My rabbi could just as easily have decided to be happy at home during Adar, and maybe people would have been surprised, but it would have quickly become normal.

So why Monica Lewinsky? More than anything, I wanted to make a point, and the rabbi story solidifies it. We get so wrapped up in who everyone thinks we are. We think everyone associates us with a certain story, a certain trait, a certain something we don’t control. Maybe Monica Lewinsky has a lot of publicity to deal with, but chances are your reputation is much less widespread than that. You can be anyone you want; all you have to do is choose that it’s what you want. Maybe it’s being the happy guy, or just the girl in the blue dress, but either way, only you get to choose.


Love at First JDate: Be Happy With What You Have… Or Change

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Sometimes when I’m walking to work in the morning, I see couples holding hands and women pushing their babies around in a stroller, and I can’t help but be jealous. And as I just blew out 26 candles on my most recent birthday cake, I started to wonder if any of that is ever going to happen for me. No matter how many times I tell myself to relax or be happy with my current situation, I start to get nervous as I question if I’m doing this whole “dating” thing wrong. Should I be trying harder? Should I be going on more second or third dates with people I don’t see any potential with in the long run? Should I focus all my free time on browsing through JDate and messaging back strangers in email conversations that could potentially go nowhere?

  • Do: If you are feeling like you are lost or down about being single, take a moment to figure out why or what is making you feel that way. Then, channel that energy into doing something about it. Spend a few more minutes each day browsing JDate, messaging people, and responding to emails.
  • Don’t: Get down when you see others around you in a relationship. Jealousy won’t catapult you ahead or push you in a positive direction. Instead, compliment others and let them know how much you appreciate seeing them happy and wish that for yourself.

Say hello to Jen Glantz @tthingsilearned


Electives

by Aaron under JBloggers,Judaism,Online Dating,Single Life

As my semester nears its end, I get to do that joyous thing we all love to do in school: choose classes for the next semester. For once I am in the first group to register for classes, but it is still daunting. In the spirit of relating most of my dating blogs to business school lessons, I thought about the electives I’ve chosen to take in the last year of my personal life.

For starters, I decided to leave my job in retail management. This decision initially stemmed from my unhappiness in the job, but ultimately came to be meaningful in taking me back to my favorite part of life, learning. I love being a student more now than ever, and value every second I get to spend learning new, exciting things about the world of business.

Then, probably the second biggest thing is my religiousness. I started keeping Kosher for the most part in the last year, getting rid of milk and meat combinations, then all treif meat, and ideally going fully Kosher when I move to New York in the coming year (which I am hoping to do for my internship, and am open to job offers if readers have them!). I wrap tefillin every morning that isn’t Shabbat, and I am almost Shomer Shabbos (hindered by driving distance to my current shuls, but another situation I intend to fix by next year). I feel prouder of my involvement in my religion, and truly feel like I’ve seen myself grow.

Lastly, there’s my dating life. In the last year I’ve opened myself up to a lot of different things. Different girls than I’d normally date, sometimes in different cities than I’d ever dated (or lived) in. And I can say hands down, this year has been the best year of my dating life ever. I think a lot of it stems from the previous two areas of my life, areas that have allowed me to feel more whole than I ever have. I come across as more open to anything now, and truly love the adventures my life has taken me on.

So those are my electives for the year. I’m sure next year will bring a very different set, and that’s great. Whatever your choices are, or have been, there is no one else signing up before you, either, and now is the time to start picking your electives, too.


Change It Is A Comin’

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships,Single Life

What do you want to change about yourself, your life, and what are you waiting for to finally make those changes? A friend of mine was ready to buy a home but was waiting for her boyfriend to ask her to move in. Another friend wanted to chop 16 inches off her hair but couldn’t forget the ex who told her that men like women with their hair long. One guy I know desperately wants to change his career, but his girlfriend doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Then there are the people I know who want to be in a relationship but aren’t willing to admit they need to change some things about themselves — to grow up and mature — even though they know deep down inside they need to change those things to become a better person on the inside.

Why should we wait for someone else to either change our lives for us or to keep us complacent? So what if my friend buys a condo just for her boyfriend to ask her to marry him the next day? She can lease the place for a few years. If my friend wants to donate her hair to locks of love and then meets a guy who loves long hair, well guess what?, it will grow back. If that guy doesn’t do what he’s passionate about for a living, he will resent his girlfriend forever, so either she supports him, or he needs to move on. Finally, it’s really difficult to look inside and see the things you need to change about yourself, but wouldn’t you rather figure them out for yourself than have someone else point them out to you? And wouldn’t you rather do the work while you’re single rather than in a relationship? And don’t you see how you’ll probably attract your Beshert once you’ve bettered yourself?

Change. It is a comin’.


Can we really change a person?

by jpompey under Online Dating

Most times when we meet someone online, we will find ourselves thinking something along the lines of, “Well, I really like the person, I just wish they were…”  Fill in the blank.

If only this person had one or two qualities that were different they would be the ideal person, and we could live happily ever after.

Which begs the question, can you ever really change  a person?  Can a bad boy be turned straight?  Can a cheater be turned faithful?  Can a serial dater find monagomy?

Opinions may differ greatly on this subject.  Many will argue that our true personalities are molded when we are still young children.  Others will swear to the changes they have seen in their significant others.

Is this just wishful thinking, or can we truly change?  If so, dating women online sure would be a lot easier, so tell me your secret!

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Change?

by GemsFromJen under Relationships,Single Life

When is changing yourself to please/impress another crossing a line? This topic has resonated with me over the last month because a very good friend is doing everything in her power to impress someone she has dated on a few occasions. 
 
She called me last night and we spoke at lengths about this new guy. Don’t get me wrong– he seems like a nice enough man and treats her well, but his belief system is much different from hers. She is beginning to change her political, religious, and dare I say her moral beliefs after hanging out with him.
 
I was stunned to learn about her latest revelations and the more I listened, the more surprised I became. I know better than to give any kind of advice without being asked, but this one was difficult for me. After 20 minutes of listening to her ramble on about her new stances, she finally asked me what I thought. Trying to be tactful, (which by the way was nearly impossible) I asked her to share with me if changing her core beliefs was comfortable for her. Believe me, I got an earful after that question, oy vey did I ever!
 
Her defensiveness only proved to me that these changes were to impress someone else.  They were not for her.  This got me thinking-how many times have I done this? This is not to say that I haven’t participated in events which held no true interest for me.  I have, numerous times.  I’ve gone to football games, karaoke, trade shows, etc with dates. Compromise is one thing, but changing who I am as a person is not an option. My only hope is that my friend discovers this before it is too late.

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