What do you want to change about yourself, your life, and what are you waiting for to finally make those changes? A friend of mine was ready to buy a home but was waiting for her boyfriend to ask her to move in. Another friend wanted to chop 16 inches off her hair but couldn’t forget the ex who told her that men like women with their hair long. One guy I know desperately wants to change his career, but his girlfriend doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Then there are the people I know who want to be in a relationship but aren’t willing to admit they need to change some things about themselves — to grow up and mature — even though they know deep down inside they need to change those things to become a better person on the inside.
Why should we wait for someone else to either change our lives for us or to keep us complacent? So what if my friend buys a condo just for her boyfriend to ask her to marry him the next day? She can lease the place for a few years. If my friend wants to donate her hair to locks of love and then meets a guy who loves long hair, well guess what?, it will grow back. If that guy doesn’t do what he’s passionate about for a living, he will resent his girlfriend forever, so either she supports him, or he needs to move on. Finally, it’s really difficult to look inside and see the things you need to change about yourself, but wouldn’t you rather figure them out for yourself than have someone else point them out to you? And wouldn’t you rather do the work while you’re single rather than in a relationship? And don’t you see how you’ll probably attract your Beshert once you’ve bettered yourself?
Change. It is a comin’.
under Online Dating
Most times when we meet someone online, we will find ourselves thinking something along the lines of, “Well, I really like the person, I just wish they were…” Fill in the blank.
If only this person had one or two qualities that were different they would be the ideal person, and we could live happily ever after.
Which begs the question, can you ever really change a person? Can a bad boy be turned straight? Can a cheater be turned faithful? Can a serial dater find monagomy?
Opinions may differ greatly on this subject. Many will argue that our true personalities are molded when we are still young children. Others will swear to the changes they have seen in their significant others.
Is this just wishful thinking, or can we truly change? If so, dating women online sure would be a lot easier, so tell me your secret!
When is changing yourself to please/impress another crossing a line? This topic has resonated with me over the last month because a very good friend is doing everything in her power to impress someone she has dated on a few occasions.
She called me last night and we spoke at lengths about this new guy. Don’t get me wrong– he seems like a nice enough man and treats her well, but his belief system is much different from hers. She is beginning to change her political, religious, and dare I say her moral beliefs after hanging out with him.
I was stunned to learn about her latest revelations and the more I listened, the more surprised I became. I know better than to give any kind of advice without being asked, but this one was difficult for me. After 20 minutes of listening to her ramble on about her new stances, she finally asked me what I thought. Trying to be tactful, (which by the way was nearly impossible) I asked her to share with me if changing her core beliefs was comfortable for her. Believe me, I got an earful after that question, oy vey did I ever!
Her defensiveness only proved to me that these changes were to impress someone else. They were not for her. This got me thinking-how many times have I done this? This is not to say that I haven’t participated in events which held no true interest for me. I have, numerous times. I’ve gone to football games, karaoke, trade shows, etc with dates. Compromise is one thing, but changing who I am as a person is not an option. My only hope is that my friend discovers this before it is too late.