under Date Night
It’s considered quite chivalrous to make plans for a first date ahead of time, but it’s also risky since you don’t necessarily know the other person’s likes and dislikes (or allergies and aversions). On the other hand, it is fun to be spontaneous on a date, but can seem like you didn’t make any effort, or put any thought into it, and therefore aren’t very interested.
So what’s the best route to take? A combination of the two. Ask your date what their favorite food is (or check their JDate profile!) and make reservations for dinner, but then leave the time afterwards open to decide where to go together for a drink. Or, conversely, have a plan in mind to start the night at a trendy bar for drinks, but then ask your date what to do next if you hit it off and want to continue spending time together.
You can also make reservations at two or three different locations and ask your date to pick one (just be sure to quickly call and cancel the other reservations as a courtesy), that way you show you made an effort, but are also thoughtful and willing to be flexible.
under Date Night
Dating the old-fashioned way is the way to date these days.
Chivalry is being resurrected. What does that mean? It means that men (or the more aggressive half of a same-sex relationship) are preferring to make the phone calls, plan the dates, pick the woman up at her home, pull out her chair, order on her behalf, pay the bill, and take the initiative for another date before leaning in for the first kiss. It’s not that they prefer women who don’t do these things, but most of the single men I’ve spoken with just want to be “The Man,” regardless of who they are dating.
The great thing about “dating the old-fashioned way” is that women can allow men to take these leads without giving up a sense of their independence. A woman can allow a man to “take care of her” simply because it feels good… not because she needs it. These are not gender stereotypes to be looked down upon negatively; each person will have ample opportunity to play whichever role in the relationship they feel natural settling into when that time comes, but until then, if a man wants to wine you and dine you — as many men seem to want to step into the role of doing — then let him.
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Chivalry isn’t dead, but it’s taken different forms.
~opening the car door for you = courteous
~holding open the door to the restaurant = courteous
~cupping your elbow and steering you in a certain direction = questionable
~making the plans for the date = courteous
~ordering for you without asking you if there’s anything you do or don’t like = controlling
~asking you if you need to use the restroom before you leave the restaurant = controlling
~refusing to leave for an event until an hour after it began = controlling
~telling you what to wear, how to style your hair, how to do your makeup = controlling
~reprimanding you for something you posted on Facebook = controlling
~reminding you to call and check in with your parents after a weekend away = courteous
~buying you a toothbrush to keep at his house = courteous
Do you have any other courteous vs. controlling examples?